Friday, June 09, 2006

Fins

Dear Target Corporation

Minneapolis , MN

To Whom it may concern..Or not,
I have been a faithful employee to you for all of 3 months. I have stood countless hours at my post, not moving, while my legs ached and begged for mercy and while my bladder used curse words at me while I piddled down my leg. Because holy crap, you cant leave your post unless scabby says so..

I am just informing you that I am dying of a terminal illness. One I most likely contracted while working there. Its called Targeritise. Very rare. You can take your Medicare job and less than desirable pay and shove it up your corporate CEO's as%..

But let me leave you with some helpful hints that might make you turn more of a profit, because I know you mugs must not earn a descent living because you pay the others peanuts..

Now these tips are free of charge, I am doing this out of the kindness of my own bowels..mmkay.

1. Customers don't like being asked every 5 seconds " can I help you find something?" I had more than one ask me " do I look like I am lost?"...It makes the customers feel like they are retards..People, under normal circumstances don't like feeling like a retard.

2. You need to stop pushing the credit card.. When Guests come to spend some of their hard earned money at Target to by some TP for their Bunghole, they don't need their cashier asking if they would like to go into debt farther by applying for one of your cards..

(this was something I refused to do..I did not ask ONE person to apply for a card because it made me mad as hell when I would be asked while I shopped...But each target has goal, they want us to go into debt...Why? Don't know..But they do...Don't apply for any dept store cards, because they can raise the rates at anytime..And plus I was watching on Oprahs debt Diet that they are scams...So PLEASE don't ever apply for one..)

3. You need to make it a policy that when the "guests" try on clothes in the fitting room, they have to put the clothes back where they found them..Because for petes sake I have to work till 11 pm to make sure the size 8's are all in a row. And you don't pay me enough to care if they are..mmkay?

4.When you work a 6 hour shift, we need more than one pissing break. I would like to see you Mr CEO stand on your feet at the jewelry Boat with nothing to do, and try and hold your urine in. Of course we only have one break to quench our pallet anyway, so maybe your thinking we should not need to piss more than once...

5. I think all employees should get free food at Food Avenue. Its the least you can do to make up for your wages..Or at least free drinks while we are working..

6.when we on the sales floor have our evening huddle, we could care less what the goal for the day for credit cards is...WE WORK ON THE SALES FLOOR>>WE DON'T CASHIER...And we could care less if we are meeting our total sales goal for the day as well...And don't treat us like pre schoolers and ask what we do in case of a code red..We run you morans..We run..While I grab all the free shit I can..

7.Oh and here is my final tip...Please in the winter months in the states that are cold..Like most of the dang states..Don't stop selling your hats and mittens in January, because holy crap I have to have blogger friends send my kids hats and mitten's because you suck.

and in the summer don't start putting your summer clothes on clearance in may its not summer yet FOOLS .Soon the mittens will out huh?


Ok, take all this to heart MR CEO. While you sitting on the pot taking your daily half hour dump and the real folks who run target are bustin their humps for the money they DON'T make, just remember that your clock could stop anyday. Walmart could take over everything and you could be standing at the jewelry boat over there with out a pissing break....And when that time comes, I am gonna come to the store and put all the the sizes where they should not be and mess up all the tables so your there till midnight folding them..Course I don't think walmart practice neat tables or zoning of any kind, so you might be lucky there..

In closing I am giving you my two week notice...And no, I do not want to come back for seasonal help....Are you freaking insane?

Any questions or comments, don't bother they will end up in the trash anyway, save yourself a damn stamp..

With highest regards and the deepest love,
Bossy Britches.

And no, I wont become your VP....I am taking some time off from the retail world, I am going to travel the world, see the sites. I wont get far cuz you only paid me about 99cents an hour after gas....

Have a wonderful day and a pleasant weekend. I am sure you don't work weekends. You spend them at your beach home on Lake Minnetonka in your 4 million dollar home next to Prince's purple mansion...But have a sip of your cosmopolitan your sipping on the dock of your yacht....cuz your a big fat wuss and that is a wuss drink..So suck it..

Bee Real

33 comments:

Kendra Lynn said...

I must say...that was a GREAT letter! You go, girl!

Kendra :)

Peggy said...

darn I wanted to be firsties! going to target and put all the sizes in different places and bug the jewelry lady with a million questions and then go poop in toys before asking the sales clerk to semll my armpits and see they are ripe yet! LOL Glad you are leaving and can't wait to read about your new job adventure.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

kendra,
well thank you my lady:)

peggy,
well you can do all that as long as you do it after I am gone..my last day is the 22..you have free reign after that..and trust me, i will have lots of matrial with my new goverment job;)

Fantastagirl said...

Have fun at the new job! I hope you like it!

Mike said...

Atta girl!!! I loved this post.

Mrs. Diamond said...

Well they really can't give you free drinks from the food place because then they'd HAVE to give you more potty breaks. Get it?

Gette said...

Mrs. Diamond already went where I was goin'...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

fantastagirl,
thank you mam..

mike,
thank you, and thank you agian sir;)

mrs d,
yes, i beilve that is the theory behind it..haha

gette,
great minds think alike huh?..and I am blogrolling you..i just have not been able to do it today because blogger has been a bad boy today..

Jerry said...

Bossy,
As luck would have it, I visited both Target and Wal-Mart this evening. Returned something at Target, in and out 5 minutes. Bought $4.10 worth of goods at third-world Wal-Mart. Took a half hour to get through the self-scan line. Wal-Mart blows!

I'm so glad you left that place that made you so miserable. But I must confess: I *heart* Target!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jerry,
i heart target too...i just dont like working for them, but I will still contuine to shop there, even without my discount;)

Bumbling Bav said...

Is it not stupid that we have to start purchasing mittens in August! Dumbasses!

My Badder baby had a tooth pulled last week... she SLEPT while they yanked. She did not even wake up! I am not kidding. She had the cotton crap in her mouth for 30 minutes and then had icecream and yogart for the rest of the day. No problems!

Today she had 2 fillings! Again thanks to the gas she slept and woke up in a better mood then when she first arrived!

I have spent just under $2000 at the dentist in the last month in a half (just on the kids). thank goodness hubbys boss will give us back the first $2100... cause I have not even started going and hubby needs work as well. Maybe I should join Walmart hell, cause staying home pays JACK!!!

Jamie Dawn said...

Good riddance, Target! LOVE the letter.

Having to hold your pee like that is a sueable offense.
If I agree to be your lawyer, I get 40% of the settlement. If we make enough, we can both buy southern estates and wear flowing dresses and drink sweet iced tea and sit on our porches. Yipppeee!

pack of 2 said...

So...ya quit then? LOL!

Welcome to customer service;)

I hope you bought a bunch of stuff with your discount b4 you quit.

Have fun at the new job.

Shangie

Granny said...

And could they please stop putting out the Halloween costumes on July 5th?

Cliff Morrow said...

So, are you saying you didn't like the job?
But can't you get a 20% discount on that roll of toilet paper if you take an extra 20 minutes to fill out that card ap??

Kelly said...

I love your letter! You crack me up :)

Jewl said...

I have worked Retail and as a waitress... I can not ever do it again as I might either kill the people I work for or the customers... The customers are the worst... I hate people, did I mention that? Okay, not people, just dumb, mean, think the world revolves around them customers who I don't give a Fn Shit about!
Ahhhh... I hope you feel better getting that out!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

bav,
wow, thts alot to shell out..dang, i had to pay 19 bucks..haha..thankfully my kids have not ever had to have fillings, they get thier good teeth from me;)..blondie bee had to have some baby teeth pulled to make room for her big ones, my baby has a tiny mouth..so says the dentsist, he has not heard her yap her jaws obviously..

jamie,
start drawing up the paper work..

shangie,
yes I gave them my two week notcise yesterday...and it feels good knowing i only go back twice..feels damn good ladies;)

granny,
can I get anohter amen!!

cliff,
20?...oh no my friend it is 10..20 i might stay;)

kelly,
i thought you would like that!

jewel,
i dont hink i could ge tpaid enough to wait on people and acctually have to be nice to them..I am not a people person either..we suck!! haha

The Blog Whore said...

Whew...

Feel better now?

Marel Lecone said...

And, maybe they could add a little liquor to the those free drinks. :) I'm pretty close to quitting retail too. Talk to you later.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

blog whore,
not really..haha

marel,
retail sucks...adn a little liqour would go a long way;)

just_tammy said...

Let's see if your blog likes me yet! After this many days of problems, I'm getting an even bigger complex - not a good thing!

The letter wasn't very specific. Do you think you could state it a little clearer so the big bad store understands how you really feel?!

Have a great weekend!

Michele_3 said...

Thunder only happens when its raining
Players only love you when theyr'e playing
Say... women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... youll know-

I LOVE THIS SONG!
thanks for always entertaining me with music when I come to your blog-LOL!

Anyway- Loved the post-
C-ya Target!
except when you have to go shopping right? Big fan of shopping there too-
keep forgetting to tell you- awhile back ago my sister worked at Target for 1 week- she hated it-she said they treat theiremployees like crap..(As u know)
Take care :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

tammy,
i told blogger to be leary of you..not sure how you got thru today:)
hmm, not sure I want to get any more specific..haha

michele,
that song rocks doesnt it?..it reminds me of a summer when iw a slittle and we were at the lake..

well target doesnt treat us like crap persay..they just expcet too much out of us for what they pay..i dont know about the front end and cashiering, but the slaes floor team..well I had to beg for breaks and sometimes went a whole shift witout one cause I could never get a hold of anyone..and they make you carry walkies so you can beg for a break..they can take their walkie talkies and shove em..

d said...

Oh Bossy, that was so damn funny. Now I have pee trickling down my leg.

My favourite part is what to do in a code red. Run and grab all the free shit I can. OMG.

I think you should totally send something like this, it'd be interesting to see how they respond.

p.s. You have been TAGGED! Visit my blog for the details.

~Deb said...

Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!!!!!

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Felecia said...

Right here and now I make a vow to be much much much nicer to anybody working in retail (not that I'm currently rude or anything) but you've enlightened me to the point of wanting to hop over the counter and give you folks a neck rub or something!

I think Mr. CEO will get the point:)

Tee said...

Amen on the hats and mittens! So, leaving retail? It's like you're born again. LOL. Run, Bossy, run!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

d,
sorry i made you piddle on yourself;) ok I will be over soon to see what you have tagged me with..I havent been tagged in so long..gosh;)

deb,
thank, thank you very much;)

felcia,
well if your gonna be handing out neck rubs I might stay a wee bit longer;)

tee,
I am running..runnin like the wind:)

Wethyb said...

Way go go girl! You tell those mother hummers!!! And, yes, I hated trying to promote the damn store credit cards too...and asking the whole "do you need help?" questions. Stupid retail stores!

Badoozie said...

oh my goodness sakes. someone has made our bossy very angry. a good dose of kick butt in a can should do the trick. try it

novaks8 said...

haha

you crack me UP~!

I still love Target though.

God, can you imagine if it were a letter to WAL MART?

eeeek

Meow said...

That's the best resignation letter I have ever read ... well done.
Good luck with the new job.
Take care, Meow