Last Christmas

This time next week I will be well on my way to the homeland to watch the mis fortune that is the annual Farm Implement Parade.

I am not going to the homeland just for this purpose, I am also going to throw my gee-tar in the back and show her the world. It will be her first road trip.

She is very excited.

I might also stop by and see my next of kin...that being my father and grandmother, oh and my 29 year old step mom..

Should be a grand ole time..

I will be using my new GPS unit to navigate my way thru the rocky roads of the USA.

Thanks dad.

~
Me being a jack of all trades..ok I use to do hair I mean, have decided I am going to cut my daughters hair.

Now if any of you have ever paid any attention to my baby, you will have seen her hair comes to her genetil area.

My rule is once hair interferes with the elastic band in your Dora undies, its hi time to give it a trim.

So that is what I intend to do..

I intend to stop her Dora undies from becoming a trap for her ponytail

Damn kids...

~

And if you wonder why said child is in speech therapy..

Here ya go..

Have a good weekend, and I will see ya back here same time next week..

ok, not sure what the hell I mean by that...

Women

So, my shiny new guitar sits erect in a corner...I am at loss as to what to do with it. I have a little thing I am working on, a framed collection of stuff I have..Autographs, ticket stubs, pics..stuff like that I am going to be displaying. I even found the ticket to my very first Lepp show back in circa 1988..I was all of 13 years old..



Aw, those were the days..



I am going to get a pic of me wearing my Lepp Union Jack shirt holding my gee-tar soon...Its gonna make ya'll giggle I am sure.



~



The other night Mr Shaky and The Boy went on some sort of outing so I got the girls and I some Pizza Hut..I only nibble on bread sticks as I don't much care for their pizza.



I grabbed a stick, dipped it in the sauce and proceeded to chew to my hearts content. Then took the remainder of stick and dipped it again.



yes double dipping...



My oldest daughter whom has locks golden as beer says to her momma..



momma,double dipping is gross, and I am not eating the sauce NO more



If that poor girl realized she entered this world via my vaginal canal, I don't think she would be bitching about me double dipping.

Guitar hero...

ring ring, ring ring..







"hello, this is Betty, can I help u find something?"







"yes, can you tell me if you have the special edition guitar from Def Leppard?"







"hmm, not sure, let me transfer you to the toy dept."







"..whoa whoa, this is NOT a toy honey, I said its a guitar"







" yes, but its a toy, right"







" your kidding me with this shit right.?...its not a toy, its a guitar..you know, it has six strings, an amp, makes music, la la la..a guitar"







"Let me transfer you to toys"







" WAIT, no...its NOT a toy...put thru to electronics for Gods sake"







"Electronics, can I help u find something?"







" yes yes...do u have the guitar from Def Leppard, the limited edition one"







" yup, we have two, and we are only getting two, and we can not hold them, as they are a limited edition item."







"you suck"








So me and hubby make a B line for Target......hoping they still had some..





Kinda disappointing when we got there...

For someone else..





Then there was one..



*
*
*
*












Not sure what I am going to do with it, hell I don't even know how to put the strap on..

Just gonna sit it in my corner and gaze at it lovingly, till the day I die..

Amen.

Someone is getting lucky tonight..


Hell yeah bitches..

all i want for chirstmas

I will be getting my first x-mas present by weeks end. My dad informed me they sent me an early x-mas gift. I am so giddy I can hardly contain myself..

Not only am I looking forward to the gift, but I am also looking forward to the very handsome delivery guy...I mean..holy shit.

Really, a prefect specimen he is...

Nice arms.

Nice Face.

It appears he has nice abs, I mean from what I see with my xray vision.

So I am waiting patiently...for both.

~

When I got out my holiday crap, I came across some X-mas cards from my grandma and grandpa...made me sad..I will not ever in this lifetime get a card with grandpa's name on it.

sonofabitch.

~

As I was fiddling around my favorite website, I saw this...

This is a special , limited edition guitar put out by you guessed it..Def Leppard.

Its only being sold at Target, and we all know how much of a Target whore I am.

Its only 199.00...but u need to buy it with your Target Redcard in order to be entered into the contest.

WIN A GUITAR LESSON FROM PHIL LONDON WITH TARGET (posted 11.25)
Holders of the Target REDcard can now win a trip to London when they use their card to buy a Def Leppard-styled Lyon by Washburn guitar at Target stores for $199! The guitar, which would make a great Christmas gift for future rock stars, comes with a certificate of authenticity signed by Phil Collen. Buying the guitar enters you for a chance to win 2 premium-class flight tickets to London, limo service and 2 nights at a luxury hotel -- but the greatest part of the prize is that it includes a private guitar lesson by Phil Collen! For more information about the contest and 19 other exclusives in Target's "WOW OR NEVER" special, check your Target circular or go to http://wow.target.com/.





Now mind you, I have never wanted a guitar, nor have I ever held one..I am more of a lead singer..drummer kinda gal, like Don Henley..or even Phil Collens.



( and Phil Collen and Phil Collens are two different people...phil collens is in Genesis, Phil Collen from Lepps..are we clear?)



Mind you I have never held a drum stick either...but I just know I would so rock at it..



Anyway, I am stewing because I do not have a Target card...I am against the use of credit cards and crap such as that. If you don't have the dough to buy it out of your checking account, you cant afford to buy it..



So all my cards have dust on them....



But I am willing to call the ole MIL, whom just retired out of Target...I know she has a Redcard...



hello, mother in law.



Its a limited edition rocking guitar with 6 strings, a solid, um, formation, comes complete with an certificate of Authtenticty, gets me entered in a contest, and the big bonus, it wont shoot my eye out.



damn...



I want that damn guitar more then I want to eat dinner...

Wrap up

Well, lets see...Turkey Day was good...I ate a lot, my pants wont zip no more, so I just don't bother wearing pants now.

Here is a pic of some shit.....I mean food..

Here is my world famous pumpkin pie...

This is my papoose...her name is Morning Rose

Yea so, that's Thanksgiving...

~

Over the weekend the hubby and I did the event that causes more fighting then anything..

After nearly 13 years of being tied down, I mean married...we fight about this every year..

Not about money, raising kids, religion, politics, driving over the speed limit, and whether or not it is a good night to make whoopee...

Is the hanging of the greens...

The lights, we always fight over the damn, freaking, stupid ass lights...

I want to take them, and make a nice tight decorative necklace for him..

I don't, but I wanna.

Here is our tree.

So, yea...thats that....We are all still alive...

But men are stupid when it comes to Christmas decorations and lighting...

So if your a man, don't even bother...you wont hang it right, your wont string it right..you might as well go eat worms and die.

~

Here is some proof Shaky went kareoking with me a few weeks ago.

There are some of me and OCG...we call her mumbles cause she doesn't sing, she just likes to stand there and take my glory.

~

This coming from a nice Christian family...this coming from a child whom is 4 and has been going to Sunday school since she was an embryo..

The hubby asked Boo who Jesus's Mom was..

she said

"well Lucy...Duh"..

Amen and seasons greetings

Giving Thanks..Flip Flop Style

I had a post here, but then decided to scrap it, as this will likely be my only post this week as I have shit to do...Like go turkey huntin, skin it, stuff it..u know, the usual stuff.

I thought I would list things I am thankful for along with pics to coincide with some of them...

* I am thankful it has not snowed yet...Yes it is a big deal, and it is something to be thankful for...

* I am thankful my son is the teachers project, it gives me something to blog about.

* I am thankful my kids are small, cause I kinda like this..

Granted I will love it when I can sit in the tub with out Dora's hand going up my ass.

* I am thankful the ole hubby has been able to put up with me for the last 15+ years and nearly 13 years of marriage. He is one lucky asshat..

* I am thankful I got to see my grandpa before he died. I am thankful I got to tell him I loved him, I am thankful he got to tell me he loved me, I am thankful I got to hold his hand as he took his last breath...

* I am thankful for my mom...she can be a handful sometimes, but she sure is a swell ole gal..

* I am thankful for my dad, although I don't talk to him as much as mom...I know if I were to be thrown in jail, he would be the first to bail me out...

*I am thankful for what few damn friends I have..Although I make fun of them on a daily basis, give them shit, and don't let them share the mic on karaoke night, I still love them all.

* I am thankful that some nights I don't have to cook dinner, cause they can at the kibble from the cat bowl..

* I am thankful I have three kids, I am thankful for the stretch marks, the weight gain, the stress, the report cards, the chaos that three kids brings..

*I am thankful for Def Leppard...When I have a shitty day, I can toss a CD in and instantly wanna rock...I still proceed with the shitty day, but at least the music is loud.

I took that pic this summer at the Detroit show...I am also thankful I can afford to buy good seats, thankful I have met them, and thankful the world tour of 2008 will start in the next 4 months...

* I am thankful for Prince...Thankful he did not come and sue me for my tattoo and me putting him on youtube...Because of he would of come to my house, chances are he would of fallen in love and I wold of had to run away with him...then the kids and hubby would often heart broken, and we cant have that.

* I am thankful for karaoke...because it kicks ass, and I fucking rock at it...I am thankful I can pretend to be a rock star, when indeed I am not and never will be..

* I am thankful for my family....

even the ones who are no longer here, but my heart breaks for daily..

Oh and if your on my X-mas card list....u will be seeing this..

*I am thankful for bloggers, if not for you guys, I would be writing this shit for my own pure enjoyment...I heart u guys..every last one of ya..

* I am thankful Weight Watchers, cause after seeing these pics, I see I need to drop a good 50 pounds...sonofabitch.

Happy Thanksgiving, and here is a video, the kids are saying what they are Thankful for...

I don't believe mom was mentioned.

Ingrates.

damn

I know I had made mention the previous post would be the last till Thursday, well, I need to vent so screw off. But this will be my last post of the week..


So I went to conferences Tuesday night. The Boy's teacher has told me that my son is her project for the year. Appears she thinks he is a troubled tot. I guess he lays his head on the desk and cries...

WTF?

And when she asks him why, he will tell her he is sad because his grandpa died.

WTF times two..

When she asks him when he died, he says three years ago..

WTF times 10.

Now MY grandpa died in July, which was not only totally devastating to me but also something I am still having issues getting over..

Now the boy was very close to him as well, and I know he was very sad when he died, but for him to cry in the middle of class because his 88 year old great grandfather passed away in July, well I find that troubling..

And if this boy is a project for anyone, its me.

What teacher tells a parent that their child is their project.

If she needs a project, this bitch will buy her a model fucking airplane.

And then she was having us make math goals for him, because frankly, the kid was born with my math gene, which is virtually non existent....she said what she said he wanted him to achieve and we were like..

yup..that sounds good..

and then she said..

well at least I know I want him to achieve these goals. anyway..

This whole conference with her I was thinking

WTF 99% of the time..

So to all u teachers, or former teachers....have u ever had a student you told the parents was your project?

I can see having a student whom you want to see excel and you kind of take them under your wing....but to tell the parents that their kid is "your project"..kinda pissed me the fuck off.

sorry for the profanity, but I am mad...so get over it...and thanks in advance.


Then on to Blondie's conference...Her teacher does not need or want a project, because she did not mention that to us..

Which means she still has both her eyes.

She said she was doing wonderfully academically, is a very nice child and she enjoys her very much.

She did tell us one worry we might have is the boys...I guess all the boys love my baby girl...

So I am sending her to an all girls school starting ASAP.


~

Oh and the boys teacher also said a student told the boy his mother was an alcoholic, and he started crying..

Which to me is totally funny, as I am not a drinker...I mean once in a while on the weekends I am doing my singing, I may have some brew, but not every time...

So which means whomever the kid that told him this, one of their parents is obviously an alcoholic as well, because they must see me up there..

But I don't drink but rarely...I mean I am at the bar a lot, but only for the singing...not for the boozing..

When I asked him about it, he denies anyone told him that..

And I find it funny out of all the things she could of told us, she had to make sure a student made fun of him because his mom was an alcoholic.




oh and Boo is convinced she left her flashlight in my tummy when she was in there..and wants me to get it out..

I am heading to an AA meeting now..

All I ever want to get is Slang

I had to have a plumber come over Monday. It seemed we had tree roots growing in our laundry room drain again and fecal matter from the occupants of said home was being nicely distributed on my laundry room floor. So the man came and snaked out my pipes and I paid him 85 bucks.





I was so happy that no more crap would get on my laundry room floor that I signed the bastard's check with hearts when I dotted the I's...





I love you plumber man....I can now safely flush shit down my shitter..amen to you son..





May Gods fruits be blessed upon you in this holiday season.





Lets rejoice now.





~





I have conferences Tuesday with The Boy and Blondie. See they got their report cards Friday. My Blondie faired all A's..she kicks some major Second Grade ass. The Boy on the other hand, well he got a B in spelling, so he sure as shit can spell..





Grounded.





This is how I assume the said meetings will go..





BLONDIE





Teacher: she is a very smart girl





ME:Check





Teacher: She is a very polite girl





ME:Check





Teacher: She likes to read and do math





ME: check





Teacher: She looks like Meg Ryan





Me:check





Me: dont let any boys look at her or speak to her or I will kill u and the boys.





Teacher: Check





THE BOY





Teacher: we need to talk





ME: check





Teacher: He likes to draw





ME: Check





Teacher: He does not turn in his homework and he seems sad





ME: check





Teacher: He sucks at math





ME: no shit





ME: instead of telling me to send him to school early so u can help him with his math, why don't u actually help the little bastard instead of having him staple papers for you...asshat..





Teacher:Check








Here are my happy little tards....they made this fort in the basement...














See, just by looking at them u can tell they are special..







Here is a video of them dancing to Def Leppard....they were madder then wet hens when they could not do Lepps...



so...here it is..

Here is a cute pic of Boo and the babysitter...which is OCG daughter...

anyway, I will be back on Thursday for my last post of the week..cause I am busy and I have shit to do..

Ta Ta

life o the party

Well I had a pretty uneventful weekend. Some things did happen worth mentioning, and I will get to that..



Friday I was sick all day with a damn headache. I layed on the couch with my eyes shut all day. I let Boo run the house. I had her run to the party store to get me some brew and smokes....and she didn't even complain..



ok, really I DO NOT smoke, so she did not get those...



By nightfall my head had subsided and OCG, Shaky and myself went out.



We went to do some karaoke, and your never going to guess what happen.



Shaky sang with me.



Guess what we sang?



Summer Nights from Grease...



hell yes....



He and I sang a few songs that night...



The owner of the karaoke business...(not the normal people) invited me and OCG to her sons reception in a neighboring town next Saturday...she said..



"free beer and karaoke"



We were all like..



huh?..free?..huh?..where?..when?....what time should we be there?...u said free right?



The OCG asked if there would be any hot guys there. She looked at her, looked at Shaky and said.



"well, I don't think your husband would want you looking for hot guys"



I just stood there laughing my ass off.



I said..



um, he belongs to me mam



Such as life I suppose...





~



So I made a video.....Shaky said he was going to have NO part of this one..



I made a music video.



The kids, some dance moves and a Prince song...



Although in the background you can hear me botching the song....I am putting it on youtube crossing my fingers I get sued...



Hell yeah....



For your viewing pleasure..



its the entire song, so its kinda lengthy.....



So Prince and his cohorts can come find me....I will be wearing Prince perfume and have clean hair, breath mints....you no, just in case

So he can come knocking on my door with a supena in hand, and I will take him, drag him in my house, toss him to the floor and start giving him a lap dance..

a horizontal lap dance, if u know what I mean..

~

Me and OCF are going on road trip next month, we are heading to the homeland..We decided to drive instead of fly, cause we are retarded that way.

It would be really awesome if someone would get me one of them fancy GPS gadgets before I go.

I am really bad at following maps or directions of any kind..

Mr Shaky though, wont buy one...

His idea of getting me a gift would be..

silky soft matching undergarments with lots of lace

High heeled boots

chokers

and a vacuum..

so, I am looking outside the parameter of the house for that gift.

I red lacey bra and undies is not going to get me to Michigan in one piece..

The boots, well maybe...

Only the Good Die Young

I found out today that it is definatly a malginant tumor and I will be starting radiation and chemo in the next couple of days, as well as brain surgery.

I have a very good feeling about all of this all. Mike on the other hand is scared shitless. I told him only the good die young, and that means I will be around for many,many years. He on the other hand is more at risk of an early death than me because well, he is good...HAHA!

I can dish out whatever is given to me so please don't worry about me one bit.

Just keep us in your prayers and all we be good.

Love you all.

dont forget me when Im gone

I am just sick about this writers strike...This means instead of watching good quality programing at night, I am gonna have to talk to Shaky now...or heck he is gonna think this is going to be the perfect time to make whoppie..

damn....curse u writers...Why cant those late night people write their own shit...

Do u know what this mean?

Say hello to reruns people....and Flip flop Momma HATES reruns..

This is near and dear to me, this topic....for reason I will not go into...but I am pulling for them....

Go get em....

~

As I am looking out my window, I see something very troubling..

snow...

mind u, its only flurries, but most of u know I suffer from that seasonal disorder.

When its cold, snowy, cloudy, I become a very unpleasant person.

And for those of you who thought I was unpleasant during sunny, warm weather...

well your in for a real treat.

~

If u missed the review my kids gave of The Bee Movie, well u didn't miss much, but its below this..

For my next video I am going to have a session dedicated to singing with the bees..I can not get video easily of the whole karaoke thing...so this will have to do...We are gonna sing kid songs...

So keep your panties on and wait for that..

~

Here are some pics from the last few weeks....I am having a bad day and don't feel much like writing about anything worth while, so this will have to do..

ok that's it....must go.

Dont worry, Bee happy

I took the Bees to see a movie over the weekend...

The Bee Movie

Here is their review of said movie...

Enjoy....

Hello I love u wont u tell me your name

Ok, what the hell? Am I the only one who can not control how big my print is on here? I mean holy shit, I can barely read it as I am typing it....sonofabitch...this is wrong...not cool blogger, not cool at all.

Anyway, get your magnifying glasses on and enter a journey of peril despair with me.

I carved pumpkins with my kids the other day and it seems two of the three are very capable of carving their own, so I only had to carve one....Not cool again.

Who ever invented those childproof carving knives, ought to be slain....

I love carving...guess I better become a plastic surgeon now..shit.

Here are the pumpkins with the kids beside the ones they carved...oh and Boo would not let me carve hers the way I wanted, I had to follow HER damn outline...which was two teeny tiny bug eyes and a mouth that ran up the side...sonofabitch yet again.

OK, now after I posted the pic the button to change the size of my print has returned...Thank you Jesus my Lord and Savior..Amen,

Ok, now here are the kids all dressed up..Don't ask what any of them are, as I just live here..

I have wrote about the men I see wearing there trousers below the belly bulge and wondered why they thought this was a good practice for fashion. Well now I see it on women more them ever..

There are a lot of women whom I think are pregnant,because thats the only time we wear our trousers below the belly and it be acceptable in society...I mean if your not carrying some chub in the middle..but the women around here don't care they look knocked up...they wear all their pants below their belly chub and the belly kinda just flares around..Not cool...Please, keep your belly chub under your waist band of your Levi's as that's what God made the waist band for chums..

Over the last few days my diet has consisted of miniature Tootsie rolls, peanut butter kisses and skittles..

I feel sick....

I am growing my tum so I can wear my pants with the waist band below my gut...Apparently its all the rage.