Friday, November 17, 2006

Dust in the wind......

Well I gave Boo a penguin. I knew I had some stuffed ones here in the hive. I even found a Christmas one. I walk up to her and told her I finally got her penguin. She was happy. I take it out from behind my back and give it to her. She looks at it briefly and then does this to it.

Yup, tosses it under the table. She then informs me this indeed is not the penguin she wanted. She wanted a baby, not a toy.

She drives a hard bargain. Gosh my floor looks dusty...Crap, I wish I had not seen that up close..Gee wizzers.

Now she keeps insisting I call her Minnie. I was calling her poopy pants, just to tick her off. And she would scream that her name is not poopy pants, its Minnie.

I told her I had not known her name was Minnie, as I thought it was Boo. But my memory is shotty from all the drugs I did in the 60's so I believed her.

those of you trying to do the math, in the 60's I woulda been about -10 years old.
We are getting ready to head out for our trip to the homeland. I am suspecting at least 2 kids will be severly beaten or limping by the time we get there. And in even worse shape on the way home. I figure it will give Butch another reason to tell all his friends why his mom hates him.

If he is going to hate me for teaching him things that are useful such as not talking to strangers, not doing any under age drinking, not to shave before you actually have stubble on your face, or don't take candy from babies. He might as well hate me for things such as, but not limited too

making him kick puppies
make him sell shit door to door
Beating the crap out of him on a 16 hour drive cross the Midwest
Let him only take one potty break per 100 miles

That will give him more ammunition for telling people how I hate him.

don't tell them I make u go to Sunday school and church every week. Don't tell them I make you do your homework. Don't tell them I make you wear clean clothes and shower on a bi-weekly basis. Don't tell them I make you cut your hair. Don't tell them I wont let you eat candy for supper. Don't tell them I wont let you ride a bike with no helmet on. Don't tell them I pack your lunch for you daily, cuz otherwise u would go hungry, because holy shit, you don't eat normal food. Don't tell them how I have let you go nearly 10 years on a diet of your choice. Don't tell them how I made you go to feeding therapy when u were in first grade. Because for shits sake, u would go days without eating and hotdamn your blood sugar was getting low.

don't tell anyone any of this. Also don't mention the fact I let you go on the internet. Because child rapers hang out there.


This is the whore who has herpes in her eyes..

Sure she looks all sweet and cuddly. But she must be sharing her kibble with the wrong crowd. Spreading her tuna round a-bout. Putting her eyes in places they don't belong....Like my dogs ass.

I did tell her that even though she may not be having an outbreak, she can still spread herpes to anyone at any time..
I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving. I wont post again till probably Monday or Tuesday the 27th or something like that. Don't worry, or miss me..I will be with you in spirit.

Sorry I am not leaving you with a better post. I have to be to work at midnight tonight. Normally at midnight I like to be doing one of the following, but not limited too

* watching infomercials
*painting my toenails
* combing my hair
*telling one the of the bees to shut the hell up and go to sleep
* surf the internet
* channel surf
*check out the back of my eyelids

Have a good one.

I just told Boo to come here, and she told me " I told you, I am Minnie"

I told her your not Minnie your poopy pants.

Then she said " well if u say so momma"

Bee Real


aatank said...

Have a safe trip to the homeland. Make sure to pack your ear plugs for the ride, it makes it much quieter. Look for my dad at the wedding, he'll be there with his dancing shoes on.

I love when kids are mouthy and start telling their mothers off. or maybe it just the fact that knowing it's not just my kids that do this.

Blazer1234 said...

Hope you have a safe trip, and fun trip. Maybe you can pawn your kids off on a relative who is blinded by their cuteness for a few hours. ;)

And I'm glad to see your floor is just as dirty as mine.

Kendra Lynn said...

I'm tellin' gotta get one that LOOKS real! I just sent you a card will be waiting when you get home.
Don't worry..I'm not stalking you.
Have a fun safe trip.


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well I will look forward to seeing your dad..hehee..

well if ur girls decide to change thier names let me know..cuz this is the first kid who has changed thier name on me:)

its not dirty anymore, that scared me straight:)

I just knew u were gonna stalk me;)

well its the only one I could find, i thought it would make due..I was sadly mistaken;)

The Kept Woman said...

Enjoy the ride...bwhahahahahahaha...OK, forget enjoying it, just try not to kill the children...

See ya on the other side...

Karin said...

As we all know my great parenting skills besides the fact that I have yet to become a parent, I will offer this advice: Drug the kids. No car ride with children is pleasant unless they are all asleep, so drug them.

Have a greaqt thanksgiving and wedding and family togetherness. If you make it back in one piece we will be here to congratulate you.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

just for that, I am dropping them off at your place on the way there, and may not pick them up on the way back:)

and and the other side? I gonna die?..or are u...i am u have a preimation?

well for having no kids, u do give pretty sound advice..;)

Jerry said...

Just think of the exercise you'll get swatting the kids from the front seat while you're driving. Well, your right arm will get a workout anyways.

Be safe!

Choppzs said...

Damn, you make me laugh!!

Have a good trip back to the Homeland, maybe we will bypass you at some point and time. Although we'd never know it, but hey, it's worth a thought.

And don't feel bad. I love to torture my kids by repeatedly saying things to them, or calling them names like Poopy Pants too. It's so much fun to rile them up.

Happy Thanksgiving, and try not to harm the kids to much!

JUST A MOM said...

Have a safe trip and enjoy yourself,, yep I will be here waiting for when you get back.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

thank you ..i wont be driving as much as shaky, so there gonan be slapped from all sides;)


if u see a blue dogde caravan with MN plates, dont side swip us..or i will have to come out and kick your ass..hehe

have a good trip..

Just a mom,
thank you, the wedding should be fun and I hope I dont have to kill anyone will away:)

JD's Rose said...

I'm with Karin on this one... drug the kids!

Good luck.

Hails said...

Okay I may have a solution for your penguin problem. I saw them recently in target.

Dunno if over there they have released the movie Happy Feet (probably been and gone 12 mths ago knowing how far behind us aussies are!) Anyhoo, they have this talking dancing penguins and they look gorgeous. They are currently $50AUS but hell i have no idea what the price is over there. I say go see if they have them. Check out and look at our catalogue, they are in there at the moment (you will need to check like by sunday coz they change it every week)

Hope this helps!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

for only being a mom for a few short minths, u got it all figured out, and I am proud of u:)

yup we have the movie happy feet coming out..only prob is, she has told me she does not want a toy..she is beyong the age of trying to fool only serves to piss her off:)


just_tammy said...

You are sooo stinkin funny!!! Whatever are we all going to do while you are partying at the wedding and all that good stuff?!

On the penguin thing, supposedly the KC zoo and others around here allow you to 'adopt' an animal. If your zoo has penguins, just take her and tell her one of the babies is hers but has to stay there. Let her name it, but don't bother telling the zoo and then it will be no charge. Just a thought...hmmm, don't have too many of those any more...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

not sure how ur gonna get by without me, I should give u my dads phone number so u can call:)

well the adopting one may work, but she will expcet it to live with us at some point;)

Neurotic1 said...

Okay enough of the poopy pants- my mom used to call me poopy bella-I was and am scarred for life! Have fun in the homeland! My parents used to threaten to pull the car over on long trips but we always knew they wouldn't because it would just take that much longer to get there! Get those slappers ready. Or at least take Pat to drown out the noise!

The Great Quotes said...

Cool cat

cathouse teri said...

Yes, my mother (the expert) will tell you... dimetapp and a flyswatter does the trick.

I did a lot of driving with my kids when they were small. It was only a twelve hour drive which I split up into two days. I'm no dummy. Took a long time for me to et that sense knocked into me. (this was driving sans a man, which is much better, btw) It became almost a joke that the kids would say something to me and I'd reply, "That's nice honey, now go to sleep." No matter what time it was. I wanted them asleep! :)

Seriously, they did a great job. We stopped every two hours to get out, stretch our legs and go pee... um... this probably all means nothing to you, cause you may not even read this before you go. AND you probably have it in mind to drive the sixteen hours in one day, which makes everyone want to kill or be killed. :)

HUGS ~ enjoy your trip ~

Seriously, you need one of us to send Minniebob-Poopypants a letter from momma penguin saying that she cannot give her one of her babies, but she can have a picture and write letters to her... AND have a cuddly one to snuggle with, but it will make baby penguin cry if she throws it under the table. Hehehe

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

so ur momma called u poopy pants?..ok I love ur mom now:) Pat will be coming, I need to drown out the wiggles and other various shit that will be playing in MY van.

ok, thank you..

she has herpes..yeehaw.

Cathouse teri,
well we divide the trip into two days. We drove stright thru once, and only once, becuase I still remeber the whinning and smells of that trip and it haunts me to this day..

and I am seroiusly going to write up a letter. I am gonna find some cool santa paper and write it up on the compter and put it in a fancy enlope, I am even going to go as far as yo mail it to my own damn house...

~Deb said...

Boo sounds like me when my girlfriend hands me a gift that wasn't what I asked for. Hmm... we may be related somehow!

Scary thought fer ya huh?

Have a safe trip!

Laura Elizabeth said...

Threw the penguin on the floor... oh dear. I was all set to call the zoo and have them ship Boo the silly blue-footed penguin named Elvis... but now I don't know. If she's mean to her nice Momma who gave her a penguin...

Lemme guess... Minnie as in Minnie Mouse? Disney, Pixar, they are all EVIL! Instruments of the DEVIL who are out to destroy all children!

Yes, I'm channelling my recently deceased Grandmother. Sadly, the older I get the more I realize she was right. About everything.

About the whorecat: did you see the pictures of the Brazilian cat who has had puppies? Bee grateful your cat only has herpes.

Speaking of Bee's: it's illegal to kill bee's on long cross-country journies. I think you can poke them with sticks and sing off-key to keep them inline and quiet. Have a safe, and sane, trip. Happy Wedding and Thanksgiving!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

maybe she can be Boo real momma:)

ur a crack up..yes its minie mouse. I happen to agree with the staement that disney is a rorm of satan. but hell if satan can keep her quiet for an hour, so be it.

well I will take a stick and poke them a bit, what about gassing them? is that illegal?

Laura Elizabeth said...

Yes, gassing them is also illegal.

The stick works because you can tell the po-leece that it's your husband's fishing pole.

Or, the kids brought the stick into the car and you were just chucking out the window. You're really sorry for littering, officer, but better that than the dear, darling wee ones hurting each other with the nasty ole'stick. And, NO! Of course I wasn't poking them with it!

Singing off-key is really the best: leaves no marks and in the US torture is now legal! Have Mr. Shaky buy earplugs before you leave.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

u are a wise woman, need to write a book on how to prpoer beat the kids withouth acctually touching them:)

oh and me singing off key is a daily event here...they have learned to tune me out years ago..


Brandy said...

Gotta love them Kids!! Your Boo is one smart lady. My teenage daughter tells me at least once a week she hates me.

Have a safe trip home and know the joy you share with us will be missed dearly!! LOL

Have a wonderful Thansgiving!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

crap...i am sick..

i cant breath, my head hurts, my nose wont stop running clear liquid from it, my face is hot, and i wanna die..

ok that bout sums it all up.

Neurotic1 said...

Take some airborne. That stuff seems to help a little! If you don't have any of that then take those tampons from the concert and put them in your nose. Those should help with the running! Hope you get feelin' better!

Krystal said...

You were ten in the 60's?'re not that old.

Vaccum your damn floors, woman.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well as a matter of fact i was told to by some zinc today..which i belive is the same thing as airborne..thanks for tip..and my nostrils arent that big, unless I use the "light flow ones"

no I said I was -10..meaning negative ten...I was born in the mid 70' nope I am not that old:)

Fantastagirl said...

Have a great trip to the homeland - and the ear plugs are excellent advice - or else duct tape for their mouths... oh wait DHS would probably have a fit - scratch that - stick with the ear plugs.

Yah know Boo is going to tell everyone her name is not Boo - but poopie pants! lol

Fantastagirl said...

oh yeah - your kitchen floor looks like mine - so don't feel bad!

Michele_3 said...

Have a safe trip!
And I wish you and the family a Happy Thanksgiving if i don't read you before then!

Twisted Cinderella said...

Great post! Thanks for the smile today. have a safe trip and a wonderful weekend!

dakotablueeyes said...

Kids really know what they want don't they grrrr I bought Keith a dozer with a scoop yesterday, little hot wheel type toy but apparently its not a LODER whatever that is but it was wrong. KIDS!!!

Baye said...

A BETTER POST? You had me cracking up the whole time, it was a great post. Happy Holidays. Stay real!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

duct tape and ear plugs are a must in the husehold:)

thank you and I hope u have a great holiday too;)

twisted Cinderella,
thank you, glad u liked that..have a great holiday and weekend;)

kids r to picky, that means they dont know what they want therfore they get nothing..


haha..well I am glad I didnt disapoint u. Not sure I have seen u here before, so thank you..and i hope u have a great holiday as well:)

Jamie Dawn said...

Hello, dear Bossy Blog Buddy!
It's good to know that Boo is running the show around there. That is as it should be, and if she says she is Minnie, then she IS Minnie.
We are set to finally move in to our house over the Thanksgiving weekend. So, I'm not sure if I will be cooking here or there for the holiday feast, but we will surely have a feast no matter where we are on Thursday.
I hope your holiday is warm and full of calories.
Please don't beat your kids to death, at least let them survive the holidays. :)
Thanks for checking in on me. Life is an unsettled mess still, but it will smooth out before too long.
We will get settled in, and my college semester ends on Dec. 11th. Praise Jesus!!
I will get back to posting and blogging more consistently after that.
Your cat is a HO, HO, HO!!!
Love ya! Take care and have a great Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

That cat is so pretty...even if she is a tramp:)

Have a great turkey day!!!


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I was begining to worry about you..I sure hope moving into your new house goes smoothly..Hope you guys have a wonderful holiday and I cant wait to see pics of the house..

now does it come colpete with that porch we fantasize about?

the lady is tramp Shelly:)

Hope u and angie have a great holida, I have been missing you girls:)

Amanda said...

I soooooo love reading your blog it always makes me laugh even when i feel miserable. Have a great thanksgiving!

Tutu said...

You have so much to comment on I dont' know where to start. I love your posts--they always make me laugh. My youngest at 3 years old had to be called Dorothy for several months after dressing like her for Halloween.
I am for the drugs--and a dvd player in the car. Maybe watch the penguin movie? It is out yet?

1 plus twins said...

i hope you have a safe and wonderful thanksgiving. if it makes you feel any better my 9 yr old thinks i hate him too!! cracks me up every time he "thinks" he has it so rough!! lol i was lost on the penguin thing cuz i haven't been around cuz i have been so busy so i will have to go read some more posts. they have the one from the movie happy feet at build a bear!!!

Miss 1999 said...

I hope ya'll have a safe trip... Try not to enjoy TOO many infomericals at work. I worked graveyard for awhile, too, so I know ALL about the infomercials *L*

Meow said...

Have a safe trip, Bossy. Try not to get a crick in your neck from turning around to swat the kids all the time ... it can really put your neck out !!
Your cat is a cutie ... hope she doesn't share her herpes with you !!! Just don't share her kitty litter, will you !!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Take care, Meow

Claire said...

Best of luck in the homeland! And happy Thanksgiving!


deni said...

Boo is too smart to fool her with a toy penquin. LOL

Have a safe trip and a Happy Thanksgiving.

Badoozie said...

only one person out of all these retards caught the math problem....that you weren't born until the 70's geesh, they're all so busy kissing your ass....but not me. nope i shoot straight from the hip. right square between the eyeballs, thats right, i shoot kids with airsoft pistols, go ahead, tell the cps people..i am one.

so, i bet dollars to donuts you post before that date you gave, because you're freakin addicted to the computer, i know because i am too.

Nerdine said...

I want a penguin too!!

Although I'd probably be happier if I got a stuffed one. The real ones are messy!

Oh - and I'm back btw..

have a great Thanksgiving!

LittleJen said...

Have a safe trip, when I go away I have to seperate mine and they still manage to shit me up the
Best of luck for your road trip and your holiday.
Have a drink for me.

Mrs. Diamond said...

just stopping by to wish you a happy thanksgiving!! :)

JD's Rose said...

Hello? Bossy?

Bossy's gone *poof*

Merry weekend Bossy!


LZ Blogger said...

Bossy! ~ Hope you have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING weekend!!! ~ jb///

The Blog Whore said...


I miss Bossy

Crashdummie said...

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. You'd better, cuz you sure have been missed.


Princess said...

Hi Bossy!!!!! I am finally back on the net! I have missed coming here. Your just so damn funny!

I hope you had a great thanksgiving (we dont celebrate it here, but im sure it was crazy fun)

I hope you guys all have an awesome time to homeland! :D Yay! Roadtrip! ;)

AND i hope your feeling better!


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

just checking in...its saturday morning and I am eating my cereal. yippie for me..

n a bit blondie and i are off to get our hair done..hope u guys are well...see tards in a few days:)