Monday, November 06, 2006

Die hard the hunter

So indeed I did not come down with a rampid case of head lice, scabies or any type of Asian/bird/poultry flu. I worked my full 12 hour shift Saturday and my full 8 hour shift Sunday. But it does leave me with one humorous tale to tell..I know how u like that.

Late Sunday afternoon the Police brought in a gentleman who had just been in our custody not too long ago..He was brought in for something, and he was drunk. I threw him in a holding cell and he said he was thirsty. So being the nice officer I am I get a nice big plastic cup and fill it with some nice cold h2o for my lil inmate. I unlock his cell and tell him to walk over and get it. He looks at my cup I am offering, and that is not enough. He does not want that he needs a quart of water.

""a quart you say?...hmm...Not gonna happen my friend, not gonna happen"

So I slam his door shut and leave the thirsty drunk there to just be...Well thirsty I guess.

After we were done with evening meds I go and check on him. He tells he he needs to go to the bathroom, so I open his cell and escort him to the potty. He asks me if it would be ok if he puts his head under the faucet to get a drink, because he needed a quart of water to quench his drunk ass thirst..

After he gets out of the potty he walks over to me and this is what he says..And I do quote..

"you know, Jesse Ventura is a close personal friend of mine, and if he would show up with a thimble full of water for me, I would take the thimble and stir it with his fucking brains, then I would kick him....No one just offers me a thimble full of water when I need a quart. I swear even if Jesse Ventura offered me a thimble full of water I would take it, and stir his fucking brains with it, then I would fucking kick him.."

For those of you who aren't clear on who Jesse is, he was a professional wrestler who was indeed the governor of this crappy state a few years back..And the close personal friend of this drunk asscracker.

This is what I deal with. Sometimes getting paid a lot of money per hour to deal with people like that isn't worth it. This indeed was not the case....

I tried my hardest to keep from laughing, he was so serious. As of 9 pm he was still in the holding cell awaiting booking. I am sure he will get Jesse on the phone and tell him how long he had to wait to get in his own cozy cell..Poor lil fella.


My lil Boo is loving her new bed. She looks so little sleeping in it.

The other night me and Mr Shaky were sitting on the couch and she is standing close by and she is petting our little kitten. I asked her if the kitty was cute. She said it was. Then she asked me why the kitty was cute. I told her because God made her cute.

Then she says..

"momma, God is my frwend"

I then say ," yes God is your friend, your right."

she smiles and is so proud of herself for saying that God is her friend.

My mom comes over and I say to Boo " tell grandma who your friend is"

" God is my frwend, God likes me...And the kitty too..God is my frwend, I like God"

All I can say, is at least she has a friend, unlike her dang mother who begs people on the internet to be her friend.DAMN what a damn loser I am.

Hey internet, I am friendless. Do u feel sorry for me? Hey I have big boobs, does that help?...Yes...No..?

I make a mean turkey(meat)loaf.....Does that matter?

I can also whip up a good grilled cheese sandwich...

Oh speaking of food, I am now on a ..No carb, no fiber, no liquid, no meat, no protein, no sugar and no salt diet.

I can eat grass seed, small amounts of muddy rain water and I can chew on kibble but I cant swallow it.

I am taking my dress in to be altered in one week for the wedding I am in. And it aint looking good. Not looking good at all.

Well I am gonna go sit and wait for the dish net work people to come and give me my vh-1 classic.

if I get cranky over the next few weeks, its because I am most likely all bound up from lack of nourishment. But it will pass. Or I will die. Either way, it will work out in your best interest.

Bee Real


jsull said...

i won best looking!!!!!!!!
well first posting anyway
I dont know about being your friend but you did birth my son and I have offered to be your drinking buddy!!!!
Friends are much to clingy and stuff.
glad ur triple shift is over, glad boo is gods fwend and glad the cat is in your house and not mine!!

Cliff Morrow said...

Well,good luck on the grass seed diet. You had me rolling on the floor with this one.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

so were did u win this best looking at?..

right now I need a drinking buddy more then a where ya at?


I really need God to be my do u get a hold of him, do ya know?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I aim to please;)

cracker said...

well i thought i had won best looking but I had just won first to comment.
I did get asked, at the poker table by a dude if I was Tim Mcgraw friday night, the chick across the table said no hes more of a man than Tim Mcgraw!!!!!
Im in ummmmmm either arkansas or oklahoma, hmmmmm I aint sure. A long assed way from the cheese head state

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

occording to my stats your in Arkansas...

um, I am far away from the cheese state too...thank God we are both NOT there..

oh, Ur much better looking then Phil Mgraw, oh I mean Tim Mgraw;)

jsull said...

I dont kno phil
i dunno where u be either cept ur where its cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!
right after I posted I got up and checked the hotel fone, I am in Ark.
its deader than hell here
I went to eat, they close at 10 here evidently
I ordered a beer the dude said sir I have already done last call you would have 5 minutes to drink it if I bring it and we arent taking food orders anymore.
% minutes i say
yes sir
bring me 3 then
have a nice night!

Tutu said...

Let me know if the diet works--I still need to lose my baby weight. I've held on to it for 25 years and it is time to go now.

just_tammy said...

How many times do I have to ask for the stinkin application to apply to be your friend?! I ask and ask and all you do is complain about no one wanting to be your friend! Oh, I am no one! I get it now...

So much more to say but I'll send an e-mail to save space on the blog. Actually, I'll be amazed if your blog will even want this little note! Even your blog wants nothing to do with me!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well, did u slam them beers down in the time allotted?..I bet u drank them on the sheets wearing only ur birthday suit. am I right?

I will let you know how it goes..I am not thinking i will be very succusful. and 25 years is way to long to hol don to baby fat, I say we go and get some lipo and a boob lift..r u with me?

I sent u my application u didnt get it?..damnit..

well ur already my friend, so need to fill it out:)

Kendra Lynn said...

Hmmm..sounds like a crazy weekend!
As I type, I hear my kids talking to the tv screen...guess who they are talking to? were loca Mexicana! I think Dora gets more stupid every day.


Brandy said...

Glad you made it through you shifts this weekend. Some people are such dumbasses... It still amazes me the things drunks will say!!

I will go on the starving diet with ya. I need to lose some serious pounds here!!

~Deb said...

Grilled cheese and big boobs---I'm your friend for life baby!

That guy sounds creepy. Why couldn't you have given him a bigger cup or a few cups to quench his drunk ass? Just askin'. LOL

Anyway, I would have been more scared to bring him to the bathroom. Don't you guys have a toilet in the cell? I thought they did. Hmm. Might be a good idea!

Jewl said...

I am such a good friend that I actually got sick for you! See, you really do have friends!
Good luck with the diet. I will eat all the crap that you can't have....

The Blog Whore said...

How many grass seeds are in a serving?

'Cause you know, I'd like a double portion.

Blazer1234 said...

I bet your drunk friend and his big-wig friend, Jesse, don't even know how much a quart is.

Don't worry, I'm sure Boo will share God with you. Just tell her you need a fwend, too.

Did your Boo tell you that too much grass seed might make your tummy hurt? I'm sure you're going to look fabulous in your dress. Don't fret it. And you better allow yourself to eat some cake at the wedding. Chow down!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Dora is some crazy stuff..turn it off..I am warning u;)

the starving diet os working out wonderful..then again I did eat today..damnit.

well he was in a holding holding cell has a potty but there was someone in it..he was out in "dry holding" which there is no potty cuz its "dry holding"..u follow me?..

ok grilled cheese and boobs is all it takes, that was easy;)

sorry u got sick, but I really needed it..cuzI ened up working, and I hate working:)

Blog whore,
i figure I could eat a whole bad per day..might start crapping out grass seedleing though..

I am sure she would tell me, if in facct she knew about my diet..

and I highly doubt this loser has even been in the same room as ole jesse, but then again, I have been wrong beofore!

Neurotic1 said...

Don't you just hate bridesmaid dresses. I had to go get fitted for one yesterday for a wedding in March in MI. Who cares about the dress- I may just need my parka and hat! Or maybe I can bring leg warmers back into style. Good luck with the new diet- I need to get back on WW.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

its not that I hate bridesmaid dresses..I just hate being measured and crap for ANYTHING..I hate seieng how big I am..

I am posting a pic of my dress in tommorws post along with my shoes I just bought..stay tuned:)

js said...

nah i made him bring them!!!
And i drank them
and he STFU too
then I went to Arbys and ate
then I stopped for the 6 pack that I consumed while unclothed in the hotel!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

u didnt get arbys sauce on the sheets did u?

crack said...

nah sugar surely you know id never ever leave anything that was edible!