Tuesday, August 05, 2008

scenes from an Italian Restraunt

The other day while it was so steaming hot outside, I sat outside and wondered what it would be like to visit the sun. I mean I know its like a flaming fire ball, and I'm not saying I want to visit the sun, but I do know some folks I wouldn't mind sending there.

I'm just sayin..

I am trying to prepare my tots for the impending doom of school starting. Sure they have until next month before they go, but its still something you need to start preparing for weeks in advance.

I have to prepare myself as well. I have been enjoying the steadfast routine of doing nothing.

No lunches to pack, no clothes to get out, no homework to look over...

I rather enjoy these moments.

I am a self proclaimed lazy bitch....anything that requires any sort of effort I frown upon. And I openly admit this to anyone..

Sure during the summer I still have to make breakfast, lunch and supper..however, I can do it on my time...

And my time, is just the right time.

I am in the process of starting the school shopping. God I hate school shopping.

Long trips to the mall, fitting rooms, complaining...this shit bugs me.

My tots have expensive taste in clothing and shoe apparel. Which is ok with me, because I don't want them going to school looking like dirty hippies.

I volunteer at the tots schools when I can, and you would be surprised the number of kids in school that have not put a brush through the hair or have on dirty, stained clothes.

This makes me sick inside.

It does not take that much time to brush your tots hair or to do a load of laundry..

I'm just sayin..

Anyway, what I was saying is, I am sad the impending end of summer is upon us, but I'm very excited about them leaving all day long.

Get your backpack and get the hell to the damn bus stop..

~

Hubs has been gone for a day..he went to Cleveland..

On business..

Or what I call..a paid vacation.

That upsets him when I say that..But really it is.

You get a nice quiet plane ride, a nice quiet 5 star hotel room, a nice quiet shower..

thats a damn vacation people.

When he returns tonight he wants to bake.

Sometimes I wonder if my missing ovary is embedded in his nutsack.

I have many theories on how it got there too..

But thats for next time.

~

I'm covering a lot of ground today, not sure I will be back this week....so keep paying attention..

The Boy has a girl who fancies him....she sent over a love note 4 him yesterday.

I went and busted her knee caps.

I have to keep reminding myself he will be in middle school this year.

He is thisclose to moving out...I mean soon he will be a teen...then soon after he will be gone...

Not that I want him gone, but I'm looking 4ward to the day when they all leave.

He wants to live in an apartment in Manhattan.

So in order to get him adjusted to the size of pad he can get for say 2 million dollars, I have been keeping him locked in the laundry room so he can get use to living in tight quarters....And to me, thats given him extra space..

trust me on this.

I'm just sayin..

~

Also, I wonder why if my remarks offend some, why they keep coming back..

Hello out there...

get a clue..

Maybe they are unaware I know they are coming. Maybe they think they can just sneak over and i wont know.

But I do know.

I know your IP address, I know other blogs you go to from here, I know how long you stay here, I know everything.

Im just sayin..

~

My good Blogger pal Jamie Dawn is sending me some cross necklaces she made. I bought one for each of my girls and one for me.

I will show you when I get them..

~

Oh, and a heads up for those who keep track..I might go to walmart and buy some pencils and a gallon of milk....

Then again, maybe I wont..

Just like to keep ya'll guessin...


Oh and in case your wondering, the wind is blowing so my dish is acting like she needs a good anal cleansing.

Now I think im going to go stab something or find a small animal to go kick.


34 comments:

Diva said...

You kill me. I had to take a moment to keep from pissing my pants when you asay "Sometimes I wonder if my missing ovary is embedded in his nutsack".

Flip Flop Momma said...

Diva,
Glad u are dry;)

Fantastagirl said...

LMAO - I read you all the time - I just don't comment - but you know that - today though I had to tell you - I spit my dt coke all over the monitor - "Sometimes I wonder if my missing ovary is embedded in his nutsack".... Thanks!

And I'm all about the kids looking decent for school - breaks my heart to see other kids sent in jeans with holes in the knees, stains and tangles for hair.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Fantstagirl,
Bless your heart...

Now go clean your mess up;)

1 plus twins said...

omg you crack me up!!!

school starts monday for my boys and although i dread the homework shit, the lunch packing shit etc i am ready for them to at school cuz right now i get home from work and they are at each others throats.

as far as wondering how it feels to live on the sun come visit me, i am sure it is the closest thing to being there cuz it is f-ing hot here!!!!!

Southern Sage said...

lol@ wants to bake.
Now every traveling family knows it is obligatory relations night the night right before leaving on a trip and the night you return from a trip.
Also if you just ain't gona be up for it tel him to bring home 1/2 of that bottle of lotion they leave in the hotel room, you know for self shake and bake.
just sayin!

you and this wal-mart thing!
your gonna haveta let it go!
and the stalkers!
ay yi yi!

lisabella said...

I have always said that packing the lunch box is my least favorite parental duty. Seriously. I hate it.
And because I'm a kindergarten teacher I have seen of my share of hygienically challenged kids, sad thing is, it's totally not their fault. Kills me.

The Woman said...

Yeah I'm with ya, I know several people I would like to send to the sun too.
my kids start on the 15th of this month

Flip Flop Momma said...

1pt,
school starts Monday?...holy shit..

your so lucky.

Sage,
wont be much relations goin on with oven mits on;)

Lisabella,
I know, packing lunches sucks..

Some parents need to get off their asses and comb their tots hair, that just bugs the shite outta me too.

Woman,
lets have a sun sending party;)

Bella said...

I used to love school shopping. But I suppose if I was the one paying for the shopping trips, I wouldn't enjoy it so much.

Wendy said...

I'm pretty sure my ex had a pair of ovaries of his own. I will be interested to hear your theories on how they came to rest in the sac.

I like my little guy to be the best dressed kiddo in school but there better not be any love notes coming this way. I may have to call you to come bust some caps down here in corn country!

Monogram Queen said...

Your title is an old Billy Joel song... did you know that?

Hey business trips are paid vacations. I know this.

You crack me up with your picking on poor Mr. Shakey!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Bella,
yeah...paying 4 it sucks.

Wendy,
u just wait till the love notes start..u just wait,

Patti,
yup I know...all my titles are from songs..goodness girl;)

C, there is proof they are vacations;)

hehe

Scarlet said...

I know what you mean about the summer. My whole routine is off and the kids get restless. It's time to get them around other kids for a good 6-7 hours and have them learn something instead of what SpongeBob or some Nickelodeon kid says. Only two more weeks to go...

I'm w/ Diva on the ovary/nutsack comment. You just spring this stuff out sometimes when I'm taking a sip of coffee or wine and I mess my pants that way...I haven't had to change my undies yet...but one day I'm sure you'll make me go there! :)

just_tammy said...

You so need to put warnings out there for some of us so we don't fall off our chairs laughing til we cry. That was the best line ever and you know which one! Definitely the title of your next book!

I'm already dreading the start of school and have been since my Boo starts next Wednesday. She needed a few odds and ends since she quit growing at 12. Yes, someday you'll be able to do the same and then you'll have a few coins to rub together. Oh, yeah, you won't since they need other stuff which just seems to get more and more expensive.

I should send my Dish guy over. He managed to get that sucker working out in the woods with clouds overhead. Don't ask me how long it will last...Also, don't ever ask me to take it down since he had to hide like a mile of extra cable all around the house to get to the stupid box in the basement. We can never leave this house...ever!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tiff,
I know...if I see one more episode of spongebob, things are gonna fly.

I dont ever wanna hear that I made a mess on your trousers..

:)

Tam,
well send the dish guy here...cause in the middle of Nancy Grace tonight the damn thing decided not to work...just in and out...good enough 4 me not to be able to tell what the hell is goin on with that mom who killed her baby tot..

sonsabitches..

doozie said...

I love Neil Diamond

Flip Flop Momma said...

Dooze,
"love on the rocks, aint no big surprise"

Southern Sage said...

relations are quicker and easier!

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Ovary in his nutsack? My eldest inmate is wondering what I'm laughing at.

I'm so confused as to the comment irritation. But i'm generally confused anyway, so I'm not doing any worse then I was before I read the post.

I start doing the back to school shopping in June when no other parent is thinking about it, because I hate crowds of people going for the same crap I am. I always end up dealing with that one chick that has anger issues and I got the last item in the store that we both needed. Frickin fun times.

Ad I'm writing a book here... dang. Sorry.

Tom said...

Bossy, I'm in Cleveland right now first day in the Cleveland office....where is hubs in CLE? I'll take him for a beer!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Sage,
dont worry, I got that all taken care of;)

Mama,
I start buying things like socks and underwear in june...but the good sales happen in Aug, so I wait 4 the clothes till then..

But im gonna start my X-mas shopping after im done with the school..I like to be on top of things;)

Tom,
hes home now..

Foster Communications said...

You crack me the hell up!!! My sister was just bitching because her husband went on a "business trip" to the Corona facility. I need a trip like that!! But that part about your ovary in his nutsack? Freakin priceless!

Bradley's Mom said...

Oh FF!

You just slay me. I needed a good laugh this morning, and of course, I knew I would find it here!

I hope you have a restful, LAZY day! Just what the doctor ordered!

I have to work, but I'm trying not to work too hard.

xoxo
Linda

Southern Sage said...

I'm thinking the oven mitt thing might be ummmmmmm

CMB said...

This will be David's first year at school. Kindergarten! YIKES! Exciting, but scary for him and I.

IamDerby said...

ah the joy of the tots heading back to school, the only thing that screws it up for me is I have to go back too! damn job! My kids are on year round so they go back in one week! Me, I get until Labor Day.

So Not The Bradys said...

When you figure out how the ovary migrated to your husband's marble bag let me know. Until then, I imagine I can spare an ovary and I'm going to try to will it my husband's way. I could go for some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and way less belching, farting, and scratching.

Shannon said...

Haha, I had to run to Walmart for odds and ends today before we go on vacation. By the end of the trip I was SOOOOO wishing school had already started. Ours go back August the 25th, and preschool starts on September the 3rd. Can't wait!!!

So Not The Bradys said...

I also forgot to mention. Our CVS has a manager's special going right now. Taped on a table up by the cash register was a sign, "Only $9.99. Manager's Special."

On the table - those freakin' aqua globe things.

Doug Bagley said...

had a student once who had maggettes (is that spelled correctly?) in her lunch. That was truly sad.

Gette said...

maggots. Ew.

I have to go to school with them this year. Oy.

doozie said...

I don't remember making the comment that I made here, or reading this post. There is a possibility that I might need to be hospitalized

sweets said...

"Sometimes I wonder if my missing ovary is embedded in his nutsack..." mwhahahahhahahhahha :)

all schools in South Africa (pvt or public) wear school uniforms... and standard black shoes... i know it must sound very alien to you but trust me... cheap and there is no fuss :)