Thursday, August 14, 2008

Lets Get Rocked...

Somethings have come up over the last couple days that I feel I need to vent and spew all over my website, cause really, thats why I have one..

So people out there can read it and say to themselves...

self, I'm not going to do myself in today because this whack job needs my help, I would rather see her go first..

I'm here for the people.

Anyway, I am still leaving Saturday morning around 6 am for Iowa...Because frankly, this is the only thing getting me thru right now.

This post may get a tad bit lengthy, its gonna have a lot of girth, it may also contain bits of stagnant and pungent odors.

My first complaint is for the neighbors to stop yelling "Koda" all day and all night thru out the hood.

Put your damn dog on a leash before I get the pepper spray out...

You would not have to call your dog at all hours if u killed it.

I'm just sayin..

My trip to Mt Rushmore may be put to a stop.

No NO, not because I have broke any laws....


It seems The Boy has band camp starting next week.

Hello douche bags, its STILL summer vacation...damnit..

And The Boy is going to play the Trombone...he needs all the band camping he can get I guess.

Yes I said band camp, get your giggles out for Christ sake so we can get along with this..

Ya done?..


Ok, my mother calls me crying last night..I don't do well with people and tears and emotions and stuff.

My brain is more hard wired to be that of a stealth robot. We have no emotions, but we get shit done..

I guess her sister called her to inform her that their "mother" is not doing well and that if she wanted to see her before the big one hit, she might wanna head on a jet plane.

Let me give you a little back story on my ole...granny...

DO u know I cant even say that out loud? I have never called her that or ever said that out loud..EVER.

In my life I have only had one set of grandparents...And one died last summer and the one is doing well driving me crazy telling me about how it makes her nervous to drive in cars with her 80 year old friends because well, they don't drive so well anymore..cause they are 80!

Mind you she is going to be 81....but she would rather take a bus then drive with other old ladies..

Anyway...this woman who is technically my grandmother is some piece of work.

In my 33 years of life I have seen her not more then a handful of times.

No Xmas gifts, no birthday calls, she wouldn't come to my wedding, no calls when I had babies of my nothing. And you all know how I like to get shit...

When I was a couple days old, my mom had to go back in the hospital for a week because she came down with an infection of some sort..

And my dad not being the hands on baby man, I was left with my real grandparents.

One day while I was napping nicely at grandma and grandpa's...that woman came to the door and asked them if she could take me for a while.

Being I was brand new and still had that new car smell, who wouldn't want to see a new baby?

So my grandma being the nice lady she is, and not thinking anything bad would happen, let that woman take me for the day.

Now this could be where some of my issues stem from. I cant say for sure as I don't recall any of it..

But this is what happen to me.

This woman took me from my nice grandmothers arms and into a cardboard box..

Yup..I said a box.

Little ole me was laying in a box on the floor of the back seat of this woman's car..

Wanna know where she took me?

I know your just dying to know.

She took me bar hopping along the lake shore...


I am not sure how I was found or what happen after that, but this woman and my aunt took me bar hopping.

Not only were they driving with a week old lassie in the back..I was in a fucking box.

And they were drunk.

Now thats my kinda granny...

Last month my mothers sister was diagnosed with cancer. She was told it was spread thru her whole entire body.

The woman called my mom to tell her that the sister was getting what she deserved and she hoped her death was painful and agonizing.

This is the kind of monster we are dealing with.

The woman will then call my aunt telling her how much she loves her and blah blah...

Fucking psycho she is..

My mom said she does not want to go see her.

Her childhood was filled with beatings..

Both her parents were nurses...My grandfather..(puke puke) was once the Director of Nurses at the homeland hospital...So they were well educated peeps.

The woman was a psych nurse for 20 years....which to this day blows my ever loving mind..

Once when my mother got cut on a piece of glass, her dad sewed her cut up..

with fishing line..and no numbing shot.

I can sort of see why she does not want to go.

But I do.

I want to go see her...and just smother her with a card board box.

I want to spit on her grave and then let my dog take a healthy one on it.

Some of you wont understand this, some of you will...

I just feel the need to let it all tell her what a horrible person she is, and that she is getting what SHE deserves.

I want to claw her eyes out, I want to put a kink in her catheter.

This woman has brought nothing but misery to anyone or anything she has touched.

Not many people can make that claim, but she can.

I realize this is not what a normal Christian gal would say.

But I'm not normal. Some might argue im not Christian, to that I say

fuck you...

I think my mother should go, mainly for her sisters..

They live in New Mexico and since they live there, they will have to deal with everything...and I think she should go to be there for them.

They all went thru this horrid childhood together, so I think they should all bury it together.

So we may be driving there..

With my tots...

a 21 hour drive.

So I can spit on a grave and have damn good meal after the funeral.

One good thing about funerals is the food afterwards..

That would almost be worth the drive.

This bitch likes to eat.


Lisa said...

I can't get over the box. She was a freakin' nurse and she put you in a box???
I tried so hard not to chuckle reading this, I really reallly did. Who am I to laugh as you're spilling your true feelings out for all the world to see, but you have such a way of telling a story.
As for "granny" what goes around comes around. She'll get hers in her next life. Karma's a bitch.

Humincat said...

Wow. Glad to see I'm not the only one with nutjobs in the family genes....
I have a SIL that I love to pieces that thinks along these same lines, very loyal, very dirty when crossed. No wonder I love ya so. (kinda 'fraid not to..LOL!)

Flip Flop Momma said...

go ahead and giggle, it is giggle worthy when your looking from the outside..haha

aww..glad im not the only one with crazy family memebers..

and I love ya right back;)

Anonymous said...

oh my God I haven't stopped laughing. Can I tell you a secret? When I was 11 my 'father' asked me to drive him home cause he took ME bar hopping. I don't know how we got there but we DID!! It was then I knew I was destined to stay the fuck away from my sperm and uterus donor. They are both screwed up people in the worst way. And Im a good Catholic by the way. And you're a bigger person than I am 'cause I would have told my mom not to go or developed some illness to keep her from going and give her an excuse to stay behind. Amen.

catscratch said...

Can anybody say EVIL WHORE MONGER... who acts that way??

I hope you piss on her grave and the dog spits right behind it.

Big T's family is full of nutters. They are always fighting now, I dare think what they might do if one starts on that slow train of death.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Mrs K,
wow, driving your drunk parents around at 11..thats just building memories;)

damn..glad my mothers fam is not the only nut jobs;)

trust me, if I do go...I will do more then piss and spit on it..

she is a horriable woman..I mean U dont even know the half of it.

Anonymous said...

Well i read it twice and cant decide if you like or dislike your grand ma???
try to be more clear next time please

Tom said...

Go, be there only for your Mom. Don't see the old woman, but be there for family.
I was gonna say that the ultimate revenge would be to cover her with kindness, it would be revenge, but maybe from what you wrote she wouldn't see the irony in it. Behind you 100% whatever you do.



Flip Flop Momma said...

I will be more clear next time, I appologize;)

she would not get the irony, plus she is not even in her right mind I guess...just had a stroke or something and keeps telling my aunt to stop dressing her in my aunts clothes..

I find it rather amusing.

DavenPort, I know u from the forum? Your not stalking me are u?..haha

I dont know about an after party, but we can make our own;)

I got the 5star and going to the pre show party..

its gonna be SWEET Nibblets..

So Not The Bradys said...

You know some of what I went through, so I thoroughly understand. Some say that living well is the best revenge, but that someone wouldn't necessarily be me.

And there you go with the *girth* again. We need to find some that is all it's cracked up to be.

You should walk in with a large appliance box and a fifth of tequila, and ask her if she wants to go for a ride.

But you know, back in the day, carseats weren't a requirement. You could lay your kid on the dirty, rusting floorboards of an old pick up truck and no one would have cared. They also made travel-sized cocktail kits that you could mix yourself up a martini while you were driving along the highway. It set right down in the glovebox flap...remember some gloveboxes used to have rings to hold drinks, right? Your beer was always handy.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I seats were not required in those days...and drinking and driving was A OKAY..

its a wonder any of us raised in the 70's made it out alive..

I love me some Girth...when its handled properly;)

just_tammy said...

I know I understand...

Anonymous said...

ok cool
well get someone to take some pics of the grave p'n!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

u know I do...

well...if there is de-facing, I will be sure to make it a kodak moment!

Anonymous said...

Hhhhmmmm , I can honestly say I would never want to piss you off !LMAO
There are some twisted people in this world ,Karma is a comin! I wonder about the cardboard box , will that be the type she will be in ? (wink)
we all have uh different people in our families but that Misses need a little chlorine in her gene pool !LOL

Hope you can let it go , for "YOU" , rough stuff runs deep , Hope your Mom can heal with her Sisters .

Careful driving , you never know who has a kid in a box in the back !!! damn that dont even sound right !!!



MamaMichelsBabies said...

A frickin box?

That beats my sperm donor taking me out when I was 2 for halloween and coming back with me drunker than all hell and smashing the car into the tree. Being a smart two I fell asleep on the floor I'm told and didn't get a scratch. That was the last time for 15 years that I saw him.

A damn box.

And um, SO GLAD I don't live in the same town as you, I'd think you were talking about my assinine self with the dog. My Mastiffs name is Koda. But he's to lazy to go anywhere.

Flip Flop Momma said...

wow...I almost think yours tops mine.

Well this damn Koda is a smaller dog that resembels an oreo cookie..

I just wanna kill his owners.

Flip Flop Momma said...


I missed u, sorry..

My mothers family's genes come from doneky anus I think.

I sure hope I dont see a baby in a box, or i might have to adopt the sonofabitch

Haphazardkat said...

well hell. yer just tradin locations for the "badland" trip is all! I'm feelin you on the "spit on granny's grave" thing. Some people come into this world with the evil chip on their shoulder and love to spread it around.
It will be good to finally put her to rest and let your Momma start to heal without that looming over her--
Have a blast at your concert, Chickie--do some head bangin and devil horn finger signs for me.

Haphazardkat said...

oh and...
hehehehehhee..."band camp"


Flip Flop Momma said...

well my mom does not want to go till she is dead...then she wants to only go 4 the shear reason to have a drink with the siblings after she is 6 FT under.

She was moved from the hosptial to a nursing home 2day..she is only in her 70's

she just needs to go away.


there i said it again..

sweets said...

she sounds like a seriously fucked up individual ((hugs)) girlfriend ;)

band camp? seriously? mwhhhhhhhhahahhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahaha you americans are so silly hehe
well we love you anyway ok?!

Scarlet said...

OMG! A baby in a box! What the hell were they thinking??! I just about cried reading this. It's so sad, twisted and wrong.

It's good to know that you and your mom have a good relationship. You guys overcame all the evil bs. That's awesome!

metalmom said...

Well that about explains EVERYTHING!!

Pack the kids up and go. Do what ya gotta do. Get it all out or it will follow you forever.

Besides, there's a lot of pretty scenery between you and New Mexico.And I hear you can camp there too!

IamDerby said...

you are not alone in nut job family members. i have some crazy ass people in family tree as well. of course if you went to their funerals you would have thought they all hung the f'ing moon, but thats funerals for ya.

catrina said...

it may not be Christian thinking, but it's HUMAN thinking! I was divorced from hubby #1 30 years ago. But when I see his mother (and I use that term very loosely)in the obituaries in our local paper, I WILL go to the showing. I want to make sure that bitch is dead once and for all. So, I'm with ya on this. Whatever you do, TAKE PICTURES!

Brooke said...

Good luck on your travels. There are many messed up families out there mine included. When I read ur story today made my heart drop that someone would treat you that way! So will get whats coming to her.

Monogram Queen said...

Honey no one should judge you because they haven't walked in your shoes (or rode in your box) so I just hope your Mother finds peace somehow.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Thanks 4 the comments guys..

I would respond indivaully like nomral, but i just realized ALL my slutty shirts need to be washed..and well, i dont have a dryer so this means I need to hang them outside;)

Need to get packed, im leave at 0600 hours saturday morning.

Thanks 4 everything peeps..

U mean a lot 2 me..

behave while im gone rocking..

cathouse teri said...

I believe I've got a box to bring. I'd love to help you go visit this granny (I choked on that word, because that's what my grandbaby calls me and I don't think this creature deserves the title. So from here on out, she will be referred to as fuckface.)

Give me a call. I promise I won't cry.

The Egel Nest said...

Nobody turns tragedy into comedy better than you...and maybe Shakespeare...but you for sure sis!

The Egel Nest

Foster Communications said...

A little bit of family goes a looooonnnngggg way!!!

Have a good time in Iowa, rocker chick!

Shannon said...

You should go, it will be some sort of closure for all of the fucked up memories you had. Also it will help your mom, so if nothing else, go for her.

The Doozie said...

She totally has an orange traffic cone reserving her spot in hell.

I wouldn't waste my time on her old carcass, unless of course you are packing her in a box to send to me in order that I might use her to induct my new community crematorium?

Janell said...

Wow, granny really was a nasty piece of work. I feel bad that you and your mom had to deal with all that crap.
You are so right when you say "they should bury their horrible childhood together." You're a genius.

CMB said...

Wow, I have never heard of a grandmother acting that way. I totally see where you are coming from. I do agree that your Mom should help her siblings, but as for you - just say good riddens.

Yarn Tails said...

My sisters and I have agreed already, that when that time comes for the thing that gave birth to me dies we are not even going to spit on her grave. There is some people out there in the world that should not have kids at all. Your "granny" and the thing that gave birth to me sounds like those who should not have.

Sorry for being a little bitchy, but I know and understand. Hope goes well for your mom and she is ok.

JoeinVegas said...

You can always do the old Irish tradition, of pouring a bottle of good booze on the grave. Of course they cycle it through their kidneys first (why waste it?)