Friday, April 11, 2008

I cant tell you why

So my baby boy came home from 5th grade today and informed me he had some sort of Growth and Development class at the school where they forced my baby to hear about the grotesque anatomy of not only the male body, but the female as well.

This is big news.

I remember when we had these movies and classes..

Only thing I can remember about the male movie was them showing a boy standing by his locker with a boner in his pants..and that if we saw things of this nature we should not tease because it was something they can not control.

From 5th grade onto 12th grade I always watched for boners in the hallway...

Anyhoo enough about me...I asked him what he learned about the girls.

He was blushing and said he didn't want to say.

So I forced it out of him and you know what he said..

you mean you want me to tell you about breast size?

holy shit no....please don't talk to your mom with the huge rack about breast size...thanks for the bonding son.

Then he went on to say that he learned about sperm and eggs making bratz and then they start growing in the girls uterus.

Then the baby is taken out by surgical scissors.

come again...did they not teach my boy about the wonder of the vagina?

I did not ask anymore, as my heart was starting to give out..I already know one day he will wake up like this..

Then to top off the sex talk, we are under a Winter Storm Warning and could get about a foot of snow by Saturday morning.

If anything puts me in suicidal tendencies, its this.

it was just 55 outside yesterday.

I cant take it anymore. I am the flip flop momma, not the snow boot momma.

Anyway, this is my trauma for today..

Nothing like talking breast size with the 11 year tot...its priceless.

Try it.


Neurotic1 said...

Scary- penis talk,vagina talk, uggh.. you mean there will come a day.

Hell, my son wants to wear my bra around all day.

Do you think I should worry? :)

Flip Flop Momma said...

I would worry....


all kids love bras...that can fit all sorts of shi in those cups..

Wethyb said...

Oh boy--nothing like that kind of talk with the kiddies. I'm not looking forward to that.

metalmom said...

Let me whisper this into your ear...JUST DON'T TELL!!

*I asked Son1 what "tossed salad" was. Did you know it has nothing to do with lettuce???*

just_tammy said...

Didn't you have to sign a permission slip? I know I did so we did our 'talk' before any damage could be done. Definitely didn't discuss bra sizes with either one. My boo who is 16 is waiting to really need one. Still training her girls!

I saw the weather report about your snow storm. I just put my car in the garage in case the quarter size hail shows up. I think the weather is messed up all over. My sister in California said they have been having freezing temps and should be in the 90's this weekend. Bet you'd rather be there instead of under several feet of snow...

Trukindog said...

Umm let's not gloss over this HUGE RACK thing, is there photographic evidence perhaps video?

Oh wait...the kid and sex ed., they didn't teach him anything about the Honeypot? What kind of sex ed. is that for crying out loud! :-)

Flip Flop Momma said...

yup, u just wait honey..

let him think its a salad..

no permission needed...I never heard of that..but i would singed away, because i sure as hell aint talkin to him nout it..

the freezing rain is pouring down like hell..

ask anyone here...they will verify the rack-ige..ha

Simply Scarlet said...

OMG! I couldn't get my daughter to tell me one thing about her sex ed class. Not one thing! I think she thinks she might shock me. Like I don't know what goes where. LOL

Anyway, that is one ugly hairy-ass creature. Let's hope our boys never look like that!

Nikki said...

Hey there I have never visited your blog and I have can't figure out why, it is hilarious!! I have a 4th grade boy and it looks like I have something to look forward to haha!! very funny post! :)N

aatank said...

Is that when they get to learn the truth. My hubs told my DH you get preggers by taking a pill, and you just go to the hospital to pick them up.

I can't wait for the day she finds out he's lied to her.

I'm tired of the weather too, and of my furnace running...which is costing me more money. I think $4000 to heat my house this winter was enough.

Shannon said...

Oh lord, I have been dreading this day with my son too! You need to come down here, our high for today is 79 degrees.

Patti said...

Oh I dread the sex talks but I pray I will be open with my girl.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I had to threaten him to get him to talk...thats how I roll.

my prayeres are with u for when the talk does happen...thanks 4 stopping.

I am just glad the schools take it upon themselves to do our job...Because if it was left up to me, I would not be able to say a dang word..

Its been costing me 350 bucks a month for heat...we have eletric heat...its our city bill with water included...but our water is never over 35 bucks...fucking electricty..who needs it anyway

im gonna kidney punch u for telling me that...

good luck:-)

Tom said...

Snow showers here overnight too...where NY VT and Quebec meet up. Still no buds on the trees.
Back when I was his age in 1971, if all that sex talk was brought up, the teacher would have been laughed out of the classroom!

Yippeeskip said...

Ok what the hell is a "tossed salad?" I should totally know this one.

Flip Flop Momma said...

they just cancelled in a bad mood now.

well...(anal licking)

yeah....nice huh....

CMB said...

OMG! Once again, I am making a scene at work. LOVE the boner in the hallway line. Your boy is growing up - real quick!

Flip Flop Momma said...

u might know it as rimming...

its gross, thats all I can say...I mean..eww...

Flip Flop Momma said...

growing too fast for my liking..

well thats true, I always was looking for one..haha

Dame Wonder said...

yeah, glad i'm past all this. i remember trying to keep a poker face when my girls and i had some discussions. it's nice that they felt comfortable enuf to tell me everything. but it wasn't always easy to hear.

1 plus twins said...

oh my we have gone thru some of the same things here. my oldest isin 5th grade too and this year they introduced a bit but next year is the full on sex ed classes!! i am not prepared at all. i have been telling my hubby to talk to him but my hubby is putting it off. i just want him to learn from us and not the kids at school like i did. you are getting a winter storm warning, man that sucks!! you are right we need a vacation/break from life with no kids and no hubbys. just beach, sun and drinks and for a few months!!! lol

IamDerby said...

omg too funny. I about died when my 7 yo asked just how do you get pregnant anyway. And she was not satisfied until she got all the information. I dont think I have ever been so uncomfortable in my entire life LOL!

Thinking Sage said...

you were a boner watcher???
I didn't see those movies I don't reckon.

Anonymous said...

aatank- my girls learned from a very young age you stay NOT pregnant by taking a pill. :) Well, that and not having sex until you married and at least 30. ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

sex really is nothing but trouble..

sex talk is just way too much for me..well depending on who im talkin too..ha

they cancelled school..winter is never gonna end..

5th grade is just a tough grade..I think this was there whole shabang, cause they had one last year, but it only went over boys..this year was the mother load..

my 4 year old keeps thinking she is going to just wake up pregant..

im going with that.

im still a boner watcher to this very day.

ha..very true...

So Not The Bradys said...

We started watching those movies in fourth grade. But in sixth grade, they showed the girl movie to the boys, and vice versa. Thankfully, they did it on a Friday just before it was time to go home so we had the weekend to get over what we'd just seen.

Did you get the little "Growing Up and Liking It" booklets that had some bizarre letters going back and forth between three friends?
They talked about wearing bras and getting their feminine hygiene product "starter kits."

There's the one we got in fourth grade.

Midwest weather sucks. It's 70 right now. Tomorrow, the high is going to be 44. What a cruel joke.

Choppzs said...

That picture made me vomit in my mouth!

Gross! lol

I could not read the whole post as that man kept creeping back into my thoughts and I had to get off there right away!

Sorry! lol

Humincat said...

Oh, come on! That is just nasty! He doesn't even have to wear clothes! And when I (a MUCH! younger generation!! HAHAHA) went to school, the baggier the jeans, the better, so, yeah, I just recently have noticed ANYTHING is in a man's pants. Well, I just recently started looking at least....I'm a new boner watcher. And I wish Bras were interesting to Babygirl, cause she wont stop wearing my thongs like necklaces...CLEAN ones from the drawer, but still nasty. And wow. Salad anyone? HAHAHAHA!

cathouse teri said...

You are too funny. That picture made me laugh out loud! In my office!

When my daughter was twelve, I tried to bring up the topic of menstruation. I wanted her to know that some changes may come up soon (she had avoided this talk for a good year or two up to now) and she totally needed to know about it! I had her cornered this time, so she had no choice. I rambled on and on about how a girls body changes and stuff. She was gazing out the window, just waiting for me to shut up so she could go. At one point I said something like, "I am sure boys go through something, too, I'm just not real sure what it is exactly." This is when she looked at me for the first time. Looked straight at me, with a complete stone face, and said, "Well, I certainly hope I never have to hear about it!"

That was the end of the conversation. Hee hee.

Flip Flop Momma said...

NOT the Bradys,
we got maxi pads at our movie..hehe..and deodarant...

the boy got deaodarnt too...

made me vomit too.

I swear, since I have been on boner watch voer the last 23 years...I have lots;)

I dread having to tell the girls about peroids..

I just want to pass on b4 then.

cathouse teri said...

I think it's odd that they didn't send home a notice that they were going to edumacate your children on "body parts" and stuff! :)

I learned about the period thing from my friends. Just tell your girls to ask them.

Groovy Mom said...

Do you know how bad it would suck to be that hairy? I can't even imagine. It would be unbearable. I'm getting all sweaty and itchy just thinking about it. :::shudders:::

Freak Magnet said...

GENTLE GOD! I cannot even imagine being with a man that hairy! WOW. At the great risk of offending some wonderful woman that loves a man like this, I must say, "Someone feed that boy a banana!"

Yippeeskip said...

I do know it as rimming-it's all the rage with the boys here-me not so much.

catscratch diva said...

Oh girl.. I've been preaching about sex since my oldest was around 9... the evils of sex, that is. I don't know how exactly I would have handled talking to a young lad about it though...