Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The End of the Innocence

Have you ever had a revelation? I know that whore Oprah calls it an a-ha moment, and I think that sounds retarded and stupid.

i think Oprah not only thinks she is as close to God Himself here on Earth, but I think she is a douche bag...but thats all another post people.

I think revelation sounds more grown up...more astute if you will.

Things have been running through my hallow head the last couple of months, and well, I have pondered many a thing..

Pondering is something I like to do. It tends to make me feel even shitter then I already do. Because when you ponder, your thinking about things that are not happening, or you want to happen or things you wish you could change.

When I ponder its normally because I am stressed to the max and I am needing to change an aspect of something..What?..I never know..

Its just something I try to figure out.

Its almost a feeling of despair...only not..

Now people will say..

you have three beautiful healthy kids, a very nice home, a good man who dresses like a fuddy duddy, but still good, great friends...blah blah freakin blah..

sure, I have those things..BUT...I can still sit around and wallow in my own self pitty. Because not only am I human, but I also no there is more to me then those things. I was me before I had kids, a poorly dressed fella, my own home..all that..

The only thing I know for certain is me. Its the only thing that does not puzzle me...because hell, I programmed it all.

I have known me for almost 33 years now. I know how I work. I know all the ins and outs of me.

And I know im not happy right now and I have so many things on mind that I want to unload in a poopy diaper refinery.

But I cant...because there is no such thing.

I don't know if its the fact this fucking state only has nice weather for 3 weeks out of the year, or that I cant seem to find many sain people here..

Take for instance this woman who lives behind me...She lives BEHIND my house, down about 3 houses. There are not many trees so beyond my backyard is all open space..

This woman, who obviously has never had an a-ha moment, has these cats. I am not sure how many, but enough, lets just leave it at that.

She puts her damn cats on leashes and walks them around. Now this isn't the odd thing, or the thing that pisses me off. I mean its weird to walk your cat on a leash, I don't care what you say...BUT that's not it.

She will take her cats, sometimes a couple at a time and walk them to the her neighbors yard so they can shit or piddle. She will even go on their deck, grab a lawn chair and sit..

She also brings her cats way over to my side, sits her chubby ass on the wall in my backyard and lets her cats frolic in my yard...

I kindly told her two years ago to keep her God forsaken cats out of my yard..

Kindly, I swear to GOD...

yet, she does it.

One day last summer she was sitting on my wall with her f-ing cats in my yard and I decided this would be a good time to let my dog out.

My dog decided one of her cats would make a nice rag doll..

Mind you, my dog is the size of an over weight cat..

I then told her that this was my yard, my property and I had asked her to keep her felines off my property, because frankly I was not sure why she did not let them in her yard. She has a nice yard , even has a chain link fence in the back..

But see, this lady is stupid. Stupid people bother me.

I just saw her moments ago in the neighbors yard sitting on their lawn chair while her cats are doing God knows what in their yard..

This is what I mean, people here in this state are just way to unstable for me taste.

But let me get back to my point...

I was pondering right? I cant recall, damnit, see I get side tracked and forget where I was or what my name is..

Anyway, I'm stressing out a bit.

Ya see, I think the hubs and I are ready for a change. I think he is ready to move on. I don't think he is happy at his current profession.

I think we are both kinda tired of the weather here...tired of everything here..

The school sytem is all fuckered up in this city.

There are more losers, then not.

I feel out numbered by butter-faces and summer-teeth people.


We are pondering selling our house and uprooting.

after he finds employment of course...

I think he wants to become a teacher...

this is what he went to college for, has a Bachelor's Degree in Science and Math...yet he is a project engineer whom works in the twin cities...and we do its a drive.

Which would mean a substantial drop in our income, but when I'm done with school, I will be making enough to make up the difference.

I already know I can transfer my hours to another beauty college once I get going..

Its just a big decision to make.

Hence why I am pondering things...

There are a few other things bothering me, but frankly, those are none of your business. And it would make for poor blogging material. Trust me.

Was this another rant? if it was my apologies to you and yours..I'm having a very stressful period right now...

And stress and me are no longer friends.

It effects me in bad ways..

Plus side, one week from today I leave for my concert...

Its the only thing getting me thru right now..otherwise I would be on the roof with a bottle of vodka.

Well im pretty sure Oprah is on..Gotta get my church lesson for the week, God is speaking thru her im sure of it.

.I mean she is sure of it.


Simply Scarlet said...

Don't underestimate what a bottle of Vodka on the roof can do for you. Is there room on your roof for one more? Two maybe? Anyone else interested in joining Flip Flop on the roof?

Good thing you don't live in Florida; some people still don't have their roofs completely fixed from the 2005 hurricanes! Now that's sad.

I hope you feel better knowing you're not alone in the way you think. Good luck w/ whatever it is you decide to do.

Dame Wonder said...

neighbors can be real fuckin nightmares! one of our neighbors had this big ugly ass dog that used to come on our property and pee on our deck! we threatened to call the police and it stopped. the world is filled with waaayyy too many crackpots like your cat lady.

life is about finding what makes you happy. if that means a change of scenery, then go for it. btw, when i'm feeling unhappy about myself or my life, oprah is the last person i want to listen to. i'm just saying.

Flip Flop Momma said...

yes there is room..Please come join me...

agreed, too many crackpots and too much fuckin Oprah...all that is never a good thing..

gina said...

Why doesn't she let her cats in HER yard? Because cat piss stinks EVEN in yards. I know this because back when I was a city girl- my neighbor had just 4 stray cats that he made it his project to feed. And those Fu**ers STUNK up MY backyard with pee and crap. To the point I couldn't let my kids use MY backyard. HMPH. Moving helped. :)

just_tammy said...

Have you and your neighbors gathered up her cats' offerings and returned them to her? I have a friend whose neighbor allowed her dog to poop on the sidewalk right in front of her gate. She started returning it nicely packaged to the lady's front door step since being polite got her nowhere. Lady called the cops on her! Cops laughed at Doris' tale and ticketed the lady. We still crack up about the lady who ended up getting herself in trouble.

Sorry you are in such a funk. I can really relate since I'm in about the same boat. Can't quite put my finger on what's wrong...

Can't stand Oprah!!! She is so out of touch with reality.

So Not The Bradys said...

Ahh, Oprah. I used to like her. Now she annoys the crap outta me. Instead of a-ha moments, I like to have epiphanies. Makes me sound so much more refined than I actually am. heh

I'm tempted to say welcome to the 30s. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and didn't have a bug up my ass about something, and it has NOTHING to do with my kids or my husband.

Being a stay-at-home mom/freelance writer/house bitch can be a great thing, but it can also be a great big emotionally/socially debilitating thing, too. I geared up for that mid-life crisis thing probably 3 or 4 years until it hit full-throttle.

But I don't despair because I think once you stop caring, or stop not wanting better, not wanting change, get where I'm going with this? You sort of become stagnate. Though those moments of wanting change, but not knowing exactly what to do are quite depressing, not being able to put your finger on it, it's also growth. Once you resolve to being "content," I think life becomes boring.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Well, she has not brought them to my yard since i let my dog out that time...BUT she does gallop thru the nighborhood with them..I dont get it..and it does stink..I had a tomcat at my last house, just an outside cat...and u could tell where he pissed..

well im happy to hear that I am not the only poor soul who has had to deal with this..although dog poop is much worse..

we need to be De-Funk-afied:)

Not the Brady's,
yeah the 30's kinda suck ass right now...I guess life begins at 50, or so I have been told..

I agree with what u mean on the dispair...its like u know me so well...u said what i was thinking..

1 plus twins said...

i am back from the dead so i will be catching up soon with you and what is going on. if it makes you feel better i have been pondering for the last 3 yrs. i still have no answers but am in the same boat as you. i had hoped the move out here would have helped but for me it has made it worse!!! i just know something has to give cuz i am not happy at all!!!! hopefully you and i will figure it all out soon.

Tom said...

Bossy, I've lived in IL,HI,MA,MN,PA,MI and now far upstate NY and soon OH, and you'll always run into brain dead people. The grass ain't me. Besides I hope You and OCG are there this autumn so I can do or witness karoke...and at 47 years old, I still surprise myself. If it's better work etc, then that's something. I would love to live in Spartanburg/Greenville a few years...maybe we'll be neighbors?

Cliff said...

So, does this mean you aren't ready to buy your cemetary plot in that town?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Well, I did not want to move here in the first place...SO its always been hell for me here...Anywhere would be better then me..Glad ur back:)

I aint looking for greener grass, just a climate change..

Pale Girl dont do karaoke dude...she cant carry a tune if I were to put it in a paper bag for her.

im buying one next to u and the Mrs..

Patti said...

So Mr Shaky is leaving the ministry to become a teacher? I can see him in that role.
Hey change can be good and at least it's something you BOTH want.

themuttprincess said...

Oh, hun. I can assure you that I have never met anyone that walks their cats into other people's yard. I think it is because you live in the middle of no-where! Here in the Cities we have NORMAL people, I swear!!!!

Good luck on whatever you decide to do!!!

aatank said...

I'll come drink Vodka on your roof with you and when we are done we can throw the empty bottles at the cats in your yard.

I really dislike the lemons life gives us and we have to try to make something sweet out of it. Good luck with all of your pondering and the up coming choices you have to make.

If hubs is ready for a change take him shopping. I got my hubs to grow out his hair a little and it is amazing how much younger he looks. He also just cleaned out his closet and got rid of all of the 90's plaid shirts. So, just buy him new things to feel new and refreshed again.

c said...

You all should move to TN for sure. Our schools suck now and some good teachers are always welcome, but mine will only be in school another year and have thus suffered shitty teachers for many moons...
Anyway, that would give us both a karaoke/vodka drinkin buddy! And our husbands would get along famously as they could talk about their Mr. Rogers type sweaters all day long.

Foster Communications said...

Vodka has medicinal and magical powers. I think Oprah must have shoved some up her hoo hah.....

JoeInVegas said...

We are vastly short of teachers in Vegas. Houses are cheap (well, half the price of California houses) but the school system is crap for students (probably due to lack of teachers) and it is rather warm in the summer. You would have to put up with sunshine and no snow in the winter though.

Flip Flop Momma said...

well he made the choice a while ago to forgo that for now, because with his job he does not have much time to concentrate on the classes..

so..we are thinking we need a change..of some sort.

dont they shoot people there though?..hehe

come on, I got the bottle in the freezer..but get here soon, we are suppose to get a shit load of snow between thursday and sat..about a foot.

I fucking hate spring storms.

I will leave him here and do the shopping myself.

dont tempt me

yes it does work that way doest it:)

your tempting me AND teasing me...shame on u

metalmom said...

1-take pictures of the offending neighbor and her nasty cats and show them to all the neighbors. Then show them to the police. They are a health hazard.
2-think long and hard before switching jobs and homes! The economy isn't very condusive to success right now.
3-I'd love to join you for a drink, but I am still recovering from Monday and it's not pretty!!

IamDerby said...

Wow thats a lot of pondering (and a crazy ass cat lady to boot) Might I recommend California as a new home if you really like good weather (however if you hate crazy people, liberals (and I means super liberal) and nuts you might not like here). Nevada is ugly as hell but they do have some nice weather. Teaching is always a good job. (Its the job I have) Its a great job except for the lousy pay and all the politics.

Groovy Mom said...

You outta move here. Of course, we get almost no sun. That sucks. One week from tomorrow I fly out to your state.

Jamie Dawn said...

Ponder away, dearie. It means you're a thinker instead of a numb minded dodo. Just don't dwell on all the bad stuff all the time and forget about the good stuff.
I know you won't.
A move sounds like it might be very good for you and your family. I'd probably be dead already if I lived in that cold weather territory like you do. I am highly allergic to the cold. I am a wuss.
Good teachers are needed in Arkansas. We have teachers here, but many of them are idiots. Well, it seems that way since the teens I know are idiots and have not learned much in this school system which leads me to believe that the teachers suck.
That cat lady neighbor of yours has a major screw loose. You might want to round up her precious cats, kill them humanely, then make hats and lampshades from their hides.
Chin up and dwell on that upcoming concert!!

Gette said...

Unfortunately, the Teach for America program is done for this year, or that might be a good way for Shaky to go (to bypass more schooling). It's really hard to get a teaching job on a waiver these days, unless you check out Teach NOLA or somewhere really desperate. Otherwise he's probably looking at a couple more years in school for the Ed part of a teaching degree; sounds like his content is all wrapped up nicely. Some places are offering that stuff online, finally.
OK, now that I've written a novel, I'll go away and shut up.

cathouse teri said...

You need to come spend some time at the Cathouse.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I do have pics of her somewhere, I think I posted them on here long ago..We are by no means planning on moving anytime soon...

Calf kinda freaks me out..haha

I was half thinking I would until u said no sun..ha

can I come live with u?

I am gonna have him check into stuff...I know in MI only thing he needed to complete was his student teaching..because he already had his degree.

Im on my way.

CMB said...

Are you a virgo? You sound A LOT like me. Everyday I want to move and start over. I keep thinking that anyplace but 'here' is better. Just last week I was looking at shore homes. Yes the commute would SUCK but - I'd be AT THE BEACH! Then I think, why NJ beach where you can only go 3 of the 12 months? We should head south. FL or TX or even GA. I ponder these things EVERY day. I am glad I am in good company.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Im a Taurus, my birthday is very SOON:)

I think people are getting burned out from the bad ecomony, never having money, gloomy weather...

I think lots of us are like this right now..

MamaMichelsBabies said...

I'd leave that chicks cat poop on her front step with a note from the neighborhood that said to keep her furballs shit in her yard. That's just rude. And yeah... a bit odd.

Maybe a move more towards warmth would help? I don't know.. good luck deciding what you want to do.

Thinking Sage said...

Sunshine, I have "known" you for what 2 years? Hmmm dunno what info is out there soooooo weren't y'all planning a move, pay cut and occupation change for him? Not teaching either. Hmmmmm
Everyone has those feelings I think. I always think I should do more, be free, go get em, etc etc. Prior choices and a sense of responsibility make me stay and act right though.

The cat lady?
thats easy
BB Gun.
Plus you live in one of the most liberal places in the country, not just politics but peoples thoughts, I have never known a happy liberal thinker and they always suck others in with them.

We are in full agreement on the Okra point though. She is way way out there and banned in mi casa for about 9 years now. I'd never allow my daughter watch such idiocy.

Flip Flop Momma said...

well, she dont do it in my yard anymore..I say if the others want her out, they need to tell her ass like I did..ha

Well...there has been some talks here that I have not talked about at all here...because, there are people from this town who stalked me to this blog, still not sure how...So I cant talk openly unless I wanna go private, and I aint doin that right now...

Na, this state aint so libral..we have the most tight asses repulican for a governor..I mean he really is a used tampon.

Doozie said...

Don't be scared but when I was your age, I had a total mental meltdown and decided I needed a divorce. I proceeded to get one and now have faced consequences no one should have to face. So be careful...thats my serious advice now for the rest.

the cat lady? why don't you make a potato gun and nail her with it, it's gonna make you feel better and those are not illegal. I find that beating the ever loving snot out of things or people who are bad and naughty makes me feel better. or maybe it's just me daydreaming about doing that? who knows..reality is convoluted.

and I prefer "epiphany" to revelation. and oprah is a big hemorrhoid. I think she is the anti christ

Neurotic1 said...

Oh how I hate Oprah. I refuse to watch her and anything she has anything to do with!

You can move here and be my friend. NC is really in desperate need of teachers right now. Seriously. I would even let you practice your beauty school shit on my one eyebrow and short hair :)

It seems as if we are in the same funk right now! Dang, girl!

Choppzs said...

Change is good. Most of the time. lol The kids might fight it, and it might be rough on you all for a bit, but being able to start over in a new place where you don't know anyone and nobody knows you can be great.

Maybe you'll find a vodka partner!

Choppzs said...

Oh and you should get yourself a pellet gun and shoot those damn cats. Or the owner, whichever you hit first.