Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Kiss on my list

I figured being in the spirit of the holiday giving season, I would do something I had not done before.

Being I have three tots, and all three tots have teachers, I thought it might be nice to make a tin full of my world famous sugar cookies, some peanut butter balls and some toffee..I am a kick ass mom/wife/asshat that way

Anyhoo, I have never really given a teacher a gift since the boy was in Kindergarten, and i only did it then because hell, it was the only teacher...and i painted her a Xmas ornament, because I am crafty and super talented that way..

Anyhoo again, it is hard for me to want to do anything nice for my sons teacher, as she has proclaimed with mighty force that he is her class project. But I am looking past her snaggle teeth, her 5 o'clock shadow and the part of her gut I saw gapping thru her moo-moo at conferences...

because I am a holy Christian gal, and am looking past all that....

and Jesus would want me to make her diabetes flare I am sure...

So I will be spending the better of the next two days in my kitchen baking...

Then the rest preparing my body for the alcohol shock it may or may not receive in the next two weeks, with parties and then new years...I don't want to leave any stone unturned .


Another reason I am a good mom, and yes, I do have more then one reason why..

My Blondie in the early morning hours of Monday said her tummy hurt..She ate her Cheerios and proceeded to get ready for school. I asked her if her tummy still hurt, she said not really.

So I told her to take the day off anyway...This hard core second grader has not missed a day yet...So, I single handledly broke her perfect attendance record..yeah me.


Then this morning I was making myself some egg whites for breakfast...I do fancy egg whites.

As I was cutting into them I noticed in the innards of my eggs were still juicy and runny. Totally growdy I know, like barf me out.

BUT, because I had not eaten since about 1pm the previous day, I was in no mood to be so discriminate against my food..so down the hatch it went.

And kid you not, I have had a galloping case of the GI trots all damn day...

Nothing like getting to read my new bottle of lotion....

Salmonella, getting me reacquainted with my bottles of lotion and shampoo.

and holy poop, I just looked and this is my 1,002 post...I need a life.

Amen and happy holidays...

crap, another edit....his teacher will NOT be getting shit now...

the boy lost his spelling words for the week and the ole hag refuses to make him another copy, said she only made 20 copies and thats ALL she is making..

I will be not only having words with her in the AM, but the Principal as well.


no cookies for you.


Nap Warden said...

No cookies indeed! What a Scroodge the teacher is, boo hiss.

Feel better, the eggs sound brutal.

Did you steal any fiberglass animals in your day?;)

Haphazardkat said...

feed the witch a batch of your runny egg whites...then steal all her shampoo bottles so she ain't got nuthin' to read!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Nap Warden,
I did some stealing in my day, just not fiber glass animals;)

now someone has thier thinking cap on...

just_tammy said...

Sorry you are back to reading bottles. On the plus side, you will be able to eat some of your cookies. Calories out = calories in!

Get the words from another student and tell the ole bat where to go!

The Kept Woman said...

Can I call you the Cookie Nazi?

Don't they post the spelling words on the school web-site? She's mean.

Katie said...

What a piss poor teacher.

I would make some special ones, and put another kids name on them. Special batch just for the best teacher ever.

Anonymous said...

Definitely an ole hag! Our teachers all have e-mail for stuff like that. We can contact them any time needed with questions. On the flip side we can't take hame-made goodies to school (must be store bought & in the package) and NOTHING even remotely in the peanut butter family.

Flip Flop Momma said...

well he got the words from his pre test...I hate that woman..

nope, our school system sucks donkey balls.

yup..a specail batch laced with runny eggs.

well u can not bring homeade cookies for treats for class, but this was just going to be a gift for her..

not no mo..ha

Scarlet said...

How 'bout putting some x lax in the cookie batter? She'll never know! ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

yes....and hopefully she eats it durring class;)

Doozie said...

oh no, go ahead and make her cookies them jam them up her ass. make sure they have a hard candy shell.

please don't eat raw eggs

thank you

Flip Flop Momma said...

I need an accomplis..u in?

1 plus twins said...

what? are you kidding me?? she wouldn't make him another copy?? that is the most absurd thing i have heard!! what in the hell is her problem?? i could see if he forgot to bring in his homework and her being tough on him but shit he told her right then and there he lost his and asked for another one to be responsible and do his work. he better not get a 0 on it being as she is the one that has prohibited him from completed it. i can't wait to hear what she and the princilpal have to say about this one.

why in gods name would you eat runny, goopy looking eggs?? i don't care how hungry you were you had to know they were gonna give you the shits!! oh man!!

as for all the baking i can give you my address so you can send me a care package. see i have no family here and would love to get a christmas package in the mail. ha ha

the holiday eating and drinking have started here already. actually i don't think it has slowed since thanksgiving. so you know what that means, there is no way i can be rude and not eat and drink with everyone. my waist line will have to wait till after the new year! i swear THIS year i am gonna loose that weight and get in shape before spring if it kills me cuz i am just hating how i look. but damn i am so lazy it is gonna be rough. ha ha

Flip Flop Momma said...

after further talk with the boy, I guess she says that to ALL the kids, which is stupid..I mean 10 year olds lose shit..

I hate this lady.

I am gonna get in shape for spring too..hahahahahahah.damn liar..

Jessica Foster said...

Who the hell pissed in her Cheerios. 20 copies my ass. Does Exlax still come in chocolate form? Chocolate chip cookies make great gifts. I'm just sayin'........

patti_cake said...

She IS a scrooge, how bout send me the cookies & peanut butter balls instead ok? I'll even reimburse you for postage.
You should have known better... shoulda shoulda shoulda! LOL

1 plus twins said...

well that is just crap that she says that to all the kids. how hard is it to make more copies!! that is just absurd!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

I believe it does;)

nah, u wouldnt want any, remeber a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips.hahahahahaha

she is the sorriest exucse for a teacher next too Mary Kay Laturno.

Hydes Like Us said...

Well that's no way to embrace the Christmas Spirit- the hag- not you.

No Cookies for You!

(or maybe a "special" batch? I'm thinking some stool softeners?)


Flip Flop Momma said...

yes....we are in agreement on the ingredints is said teachers shit..amen..

I just wanna kick her..

KrazyMom said...

That sounds like my daughter's school. They are trying to teach them responsibility (she's only 8)! We asked for an extra copy of an assignment too, they gave her one and told her to stay in from recess to do it. Their policy is no recess and then you get 50% of the grade taken off in addition for not having it done on time! She is an all A student...everyone misplaces things. To me, that is harsh for third grade!

I wouldn't give the teacher a damn thing either. Her comment about your son being "her project for the year" would have sent me over the edge! How incredibly rude!

Humincat said...

I think you should send them anyways. If she had half a brain, she'd be worried to eat them, but you will feel like a SAINT for not doing anything to them. I will pat myself on the back for you.

Kelly said...

Definitely not cookie worthy! Does she want him to fail? Ugh!

I love to bake too.

Kelly said...

Ohhh, just a thought... get the teacher a ream of copy paper! LMAO!

Flip Flop Momma said...

well after confrences when she told me that, the earfull we BOTH gave her, I am shocked she is being such an ass 2 him...

I would switch teachers, but its too late for that now...I really dislike that woman.

I just dont know if I can take my handmade goodies and give them to her without rat poison in it...

LMAO on the copy paper..now thats funny..hahahaa

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Don't beat her Flip... although it may feel good, catching a rap sheet is not something you wanna do.

I'll come abuse her for you, she doesn't know me ;)

And dammit.. now you got me feeling all bad cause the only cookies this house shall have is store bought and full of preservatives.

Bradley's Mom said...

Put me on the list too, for the cookies!! I promise to share some with Sammy!!

As for the teacher......not very nice whatsoever........but you are going to run into those kind every once in awhile. Hang in there, my dear!

Love ya,

Jamie Dawn said...

I think you should throw peanut butter balls at her.
That teacher is hitonious!
GOOD teachers have a little thing called "extra copies" on hand.

The GI trots are not pleasant.
I hope yours are over soon.

Flip Flop Momma said...

nothing wrong with a lil preseratives;)

Ma Linda,
well as long as u cut sammys into pieces, I dont want him choking on aunt floppys cookies;)

I know..sickening huh?..I dis like that woman.

lo said...

That 'teacher' has control issues among others and has no right thinking she has any power. The boy is entitled to his work .......gosh i would so jolly hang her upside with the principal's help AND i think you should still bake.....something with a bad egg should suffice.

Flip Flop Momma said...

haha...yes, my thoughts exactly:)