Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Man down



Ho Ho Ho u ho bags....Hope everyone had the most delightful Xmas ever..




So, lets see...




I, I mean santa, got each of the kids a small fish tank for Christmas..I got the tanks all set up and had them hid in my bedroom for a day. I went and bought the kids each a couple fish and threw them in their betrothed tanks..




After the tots went to bed I scurried down to set the shit out under the tree..Its so stressful, pretending to be a big fat man who carries lots of cool shit..I panic and worry one of the tots is going to run upstairs to take a leak, or to be nosey or whatever kids do when they aren't sleeping..




When I get the whole setup done, I am relieved and feel so stressed I could drink a whole bottle of something...




I get all nestled in bed and realize I forgot to set the fish out..So I start taking the tanks down one at a time. I lift the tank and head for the door, then all of a sudden one of the fish jumps out of the tank and lands in a plastic walmart bag on my bathroom floor...I holler for hubby..




man down, man down..hurry , theres a man down...




We find said fish, and we try to revive him. He had been out of the water for at least a minute. he may be suffering brain damage as we speak...He gets back in the water and he is swimming like he had never landed in a plastic walmart bag.




Then after everything is in place again, I head for bed..




We get up the next morning, and low and behold, our little friend in the end did not e survive his walmart bag excursion....




If the little sonofabitch woulda stayed put, I mean what fish jumps out of a fish tank?




stupid dead ones...




For Christmas dinner I have a house full, its us 5, my mom and OCG and her two girls...I set the table and lay all the dishes I have prepared in the middle of my table. HUbby layed some decorative gold ribbon along the middle of the table and we had some very pretty lit white candles...




We were Merrily passing the bowls around so everyone could fill their plates..




Then in a calm voice Shaky says...




oh shoot there is a fire , does someone mind blowing that out?




so in the middle of Christmas dinner there is a full blown fire at my table...



See, thats the ribbon that not only met its maker, but nearly burned my humble abode to smithereens.



Here are the fish tank...


no fish were harmed in photo taking of said picture, the harm was done transporting them...


Anyhoo, so I sit around all day waiting for family to call me and wish me a happy holiday. I thought for sure since I called my dad Thanksgiving, he would surely call me on Christmas...
Boy was I sadly mistaken....
Now hubby is looking at patterns for his new sewing machine....I swear if he makes me a sundress I am gonna have to put a cap in his ass.
So to sum up the day...
fish jumps out, I save fish...to only have it die
My table catches on fire during our Holy dinner nearly killing everything in its path.
My dad forgot to call me...maybe he is Jewish I don't know, I forget shit sometimes.
And hubby is now fiddling with his sewing machine and still has the box 360 in the box...
His nutsack has more estrogen then ONE of my ovaries.
Ho Ho Ho...and Happy Holidays

21 comments:

Haphazardkat said...

I'm dyin here...DYIN!! LOL!!
Estrogen filled nutsacks, suicidal fish, rogue flames...
*wipes my eyes* Lord, girl!!! ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!
Merry Christmas!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Kat,
sure bet it looks all rosey and funny from your angle;)

Merry Christmas;)

Scarlet said...

He better be making you that sundress so you can come and dance salsa with us in Miami!

Sounds like you had more of a fire than we had last night at the pig roast! Damn!

At least it was happy! I hope your new year's happy, too!

Katie said...

Happy holidays!

Did you return the fish to Wal-Crap? If you have the receipt, they have a 72 or something hour don't die refund policy.

1 plus twins said...

ha ha that is too f-ing funny. when my oldest had a tank one morning i went in and a fish was missing he like 10. any how i assumed one of the bigger ones ate it. months go by and i was cleaning out his closet and what do i find. a hard ass fish stuck to the carpet!!! he jumped out and f-ing stuck to the carpet in the closet and i never saw it!!! ha ha i can't believe your hubby isn't playing with his x-box 360 i had to kick my hubby off ours so the boys could play. ha ha i so want to see what your hubby makes on his sewing machine!!! and he thought to put ribbon on the table, he so needs his own hgtv show. ha ha

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tiff,
think I would rather buy one off the rack;)

Katie,
well, he was sucidal...he jumped and plumted to his death...cant falt walcrap for that;)

1PT,
he wold rather have his own cooking and sewing show..hahaha

i cant believe the fish didnt just rot, he mummified..haha

Britmum said...

Merry Christmas Bossy Boots xxxx

Hugs babe xx

Tutu said...

I hope you are sending some of these stories in to Readers Digest and getting money for them.

patti_cake said...

Only at your house....

only at your house!

Flip Flop Momma said...

JoJO,
same 2 u my dear.

TuTu,
nah, I only share these things with u guys..haha

Patti,
why though?...why always me?..ha

Tom said...

I don't know.....Many tailors use sewing machines, and I guess some of them are manly men. I don't how you could turn down an open backed peach sundress, most women look fetching in them. If he does make you some curtains, he might be making manly ones like with skulls on them.

just_tammy said...

You've left me speechless...laughing my head off but speechless!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tom,
I only wear dresses to funrals and weddings, and even those occasions are questionable..and I would LOVE some curtians with skull and corssbones on them..hello..hahahaa

Tam,
well did u have a good Chirstmas anyway?

Bradley's Mom said...

FF: You TOTALLY crack me up!!

I'm sorry you had some mishaps, but what would a holiday be without at least one disaster?

Your brother sends his love, from the Sammy tour!!

Love,
Linda

MOMMY said...

LOL. stupid dead ones. best line hands down!!

Glad you had a good holiday. ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Ma Linda,
I miss my brother....he needs tpo come home now;)

Mommy,
thanks;)...its true though isnt it..haha

Lucy Stern said...

I made my granddaughter a set of pajamas for Christmas and I made her a soft fuzzy blantet. I boght her some pink and lavender slippers to go with the pj's too. Sewing can be very relaxing, some of the time. I haven't done much sewing in the last 10 years, so I had to resharpen my skills. I think it would be nice if your husband made you a sun dress...better than you doing it!

Glad the house didn't burn down....sorry about the fish.. It looks like you will have to make another trip to WalMart for another fish.

Humincat said...

ughh, sundresses! STOP THE MADNESS PEOPLE!! They are not as cute and flattering as you would imagine. No-bra straps =saggy boobage, thin, see-through material=lots of beaver peepage, no matter how WIDE your thong is, ugly flower print=ugly flower print. You should do a public service announcement to all your readers that if they own a sundress, please put some trim around it and light a candle, because some burning should be taking place. (unless of course everybody is a size 2T, because then, it is adorable.) Ok. Merry Christmas.

Jamie Dawn said...

Sew... a hubby who sews is sew cool!
I am a dork, I know.

Poor, dead fishie.

I bet you are dancing your arse off with that Dance Revolution game. I've seem some pretty funny You Tube videos of people dancing on those things.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Lucy,
aww, thats so grandma like...My granny use to make me stuff too...Now I have a warm fuzzy feeling;)

(u must know though, my hubby has never once in his life ever ran a sewing machine, so this should be funny)

Humincat,
amen....

Jamie,
Oh Gawd I cant imagine videoing yourself doing that...good Lord almighty.

Kendra Lynn said...

Sounds like a very merry Christmas. :)

Kendra