Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Sweet Child O' Mine

So today I went to the Public Library with my friend whom is with child..Seems she wanted to rent a baby name book, because holycrap 9 months isn't long enough to pick out a name, she has to do it NOW, and she has only been pregnant for about 36 hours anyway..

Anyhoo, we get there and of course she has no library card so she needs to get one.

Why is it that most librarians are bitches? This is how it went down.

knocked up girl: Um yes I need a library card

Bitchy book lady: Just how old are you?

knocked up girl: 25

Bitchy book lady: ok, then exactly where do u live?

knocked up girl: on your "a gray old bat" street.

BBL: so, will your licence verify that? or do u have a valid license?

KUG: your kidding right?

then she proceeds to throw her drivers licence at the bitchy book lady..

I then made a comment about how it is probably easier to apply for a firearm then a library card.

She may or may not have asked me leave.

So knocked up girl got her baby name books..

I hear she is still naming it Helga..


Have you seen the commercial for the new Charmin TP that says it is stronger then any other and it wont leave pieces of TP on your ass or hoo-haw when your done wiping.

Now maybe its just me, but never in my life have I wiped my bung-hole and thought to myself

golldarn it, there has to be an easier way

I never have had pieces of toilet paper stuck in or around my bum or my va-jay-jay.

Am I wiping wrong?

The cute bears in the commercial seem to think this bathroom tissue is just marvelous.

So, I guess I will be giving it a go. Maybe if I used it, I would have less skid marks to clean out of other peoples undergarments.

I'm just saying.


Cliff said...

The librarian may need a job that doesn't require that she deal with,,,oh, say Society!
I just can't take tp recomendations from a bear.

KrazyMom said...

You did tell your sweet knocked up friend that she will change her mind about the name at least a dozen times throughout the pregnancy, didn't you?

Well if you were eighty years old and still had to work as a librarian, you'd probably be a bit pissy too...haha! She must not have known who she was messing with!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

my thoughts exactly! on both issues;)

I told her whatever name she picks out today, will NOt be the name her kid will have.

she thinks I am lying.

Katie said...

I had quite the ordeal when I went to get a library card for my new county. I had to bring a copy of my lease to prove where I lived. What a gong show!

1 plus twins said...

ha ha what is up with you and cath today?? you both are blogging about poop!!! lol well hope the new tp works cuz i dont want to read about any more shit stains. lol

Fantastagirl said...

What is up with trying to get a library card. I KNOW the librarian in our town, our kids go to the same daycare... and she made me show her my Drivers License to prove that I was me. I just sorta looked at her like - What the...? 20 minutes later I have my new card .

To get gun permit - 15 minutes (only because the damn copier jammed)

Halfmexican Mama said...

I found the best names are on the web...tell her to google "top brithish baby names..." seriously...whose got a bun in the oven anyway?

Humincat said...

Our librarian is a man with a beard and a ladies skirt and purse. No joke. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love me some gays, but really, PICK A GENDER, ANY GENDER! You can't do both, it's just wrong. And if you want to wear a skirt and heels, please shave your legs. I'll take Bitchy Old Nosy librarian over Whack Job any day.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

thats just wrong..

1 plus twins,
u should know by now, that every so often I have to bring up skid marks;)

DAMN..see what I mean? Thats freaking nuts I tell you.

she dont use the web as she has no computer, so the poor dear cant google a dang thing.

ok, I would pay to see that.

aatank said...

At least she is the only one who has to decided on a name and dosen't have to have it approved by said daddy.

I had zero names for girls picked out because I knew it was a boy. HaHa

Did you know that when you open a bank account that they can't use your driver's license as ID, but they can use a library card. That's some crazy shit.

Yippeeskip said...

No dingleberries in this cooter either.

patti_cake said...

I hate bitchy librarian hags. Ugh.

They need to make a commercial marketing TP that leaves less of a skidmark I feel that would go over quite well!

The Egel Nest said...


Never have I seen books and skid marks as labels on the same blog...

You have a way with words my dear...TP is TP in my book... :)

The Egel Nest

Tom said...

Can't relate to the toilet paper...I only shit vanilla ice cream...

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Dont get me going on my dealings with getting my name on our checking account, Shaky moved here first so he got it all set up..they wouldnt even let me make deposits till my name was on..PLUS it took forever for them to put my name on it..I had to hand over paternity tests and dna..damn


I may delvope a skid mark free TP..I would be rolling in it..(money that is..haha)

yes, I do have a way of globbing shit together normal people wouldnt, thats why u love me..haha

now that I gotta see.

Haphazardkat said...

perhaps that librarian needs to use the new industrial strength bear TP.
Sounds like she's got a wad of bad TP stuck up her bung hole.

Neurotic1 said...

Let us know if the new TP works. Maybe it would cure the skid mark problem here too ;)

Aren't librarians like nuns? Maybe she just pissy cuz she's been celibate forever!

Jamie Dawn said...

Choosing baby names...
Maybe your friend would like some name suggestions from your blog buddies.
We could give her some great choices!
Girl names: Candace, Aubrey, Susanna, Jamie Dawn
Boy names: Luke, Westley, Blake, Donovan, Adam

Maybe you can get that librarian fired for bad customer service, then you can apply for her job.