Tuesday, October 09, 2007

dust in the wind

At 8:15 am CST I will get my dreaded call from the judge about my former place of employment. I have on my steel toed flip flops so I can readily head over there and jab them in the personal area should their lies get out of hand.

If there is a hell, and I am sure there is, I hope the man in the red suit has a nice thorn bush to stick them on when they get there.

Oh and bees, lots of bees stinging them on their boobies.

That would do me a world of good knowing that will happen.


My son has all of a sudden become fascinated with wanting to do the laundry. He runs to the laundry room a few times a day just to get rid of the lint in the lint trap.

He keeps hounding me and hounding to learn how to run the equipment. Now I am lazy, yes yes we know this, but I am just unsure of a ten year olds mental capacticty to work and maintain the machines and not to totally reek havoc on my undergarments and such.

He asked me if this was a job he would have to do daily, as he is lazy like me, and would like a job u did once per lifetime, I indeed told him if he wanted clean and skid mark free drawers to wear daily, I reckon it needs to be done all the days of his life.

I will teach him the fine art of sorting.

I sort my laundry kinda funny. I have a seperate load for pinks and reds. I wont wash a red and a pink together, I just wont do it.

Being this is a house with three females and one of them females has a quaint fascination with the color pink, I have lots of pink shit.

Plus I wash the greys and greens separately and also the blues are washed alone as well.

Towels are washed in HOT boiling water, as are the tidy whiteys.

I dry almost everything in the drying machine, although I do hang some stuff to dry as I have a clothes line right in my laundry room. Things I hang there would be, but not limited too


dainty undies with lace

certain sweatshirts

my teddy

my funeral/church clothes

my thongs

Then I have to teach him the fine art of filling the Downy Ball, as I do not fill it to state and government guidelines because well, they don't know anything about how I like the nice residue on my shit after its been washed.

See, I cant take the chance of him shrinking my stuff. I can not be seen in public with a stretched out brazier or a thong the size of a barbie ass...


While I was picking Boo up from her pre-school today, a mom was in there waiting too. I never seen her before, as I guess her kid normally rides the bus...she had in tow a lil guy, no older then 3 or 4.

I looked over at him and noticed his face badly bruised and there were tons of marks on his face and a big ole bandage over his nose and he had two black eyes.

he literally looked like maybe I had accidentally ran him down in the parking lot.

So me being a nosey little mother f-er I asked her what happened to him.

She said he fell out of a second story window Friday afternoon.


and all that happen was his nose was broken.

He looked as though he was run down by a bull or something.

Poor little guy, I never seen anything like it...


The other night we had some very torrential downpours whilst I was fast asleep in my wee widdle beddy bye.

Unbeknowgst to me, I had left my van windows rolled down, cause I am one of them chicks who digs the breeze blowin in my hair.

Well, I wake up in the early AM hours to see it still raining. I take a gander at my car and see the windows down.


I quickly go out and roll them up. The whole inside of my car is flooded and the electrical shit isn't wanting to work the best...go figure.

I get my windows rolled up, and later on after it stops raining I go out to survey the damage.

I take out some towels to soak up what water I can.

Then the smell...The smell is rancid.

Smells like musty rotted car.

For those of you who don't own cars or have never smelled car rot...it smells sorta like rotten milk with a splash of mildew.

I then left my windows down to let nature blow the smell into my neighbors yard. Because I am neighborly that way.

If God didn't strike me down twice, as it rained again.

He is laughing, a good one at that.

So now I am soaking up the rain with towels again, spraying the inside with Febreeze every 4.5 minutes...

Lesson learned.

get a haircut, then my hair cant blow in the in wind.


Halfmexican Mama said...

good luck on that smell..you can always tie some air fresheners to your nose while you drive it dosent go away...

Flip Flop Goddess said...

wont that block my line of vision while driving a motor vehcile?

Ba Doozer said...

why don't you just instruct the boy on how to handle his own clothing and leave out the rest? that way there will be no unfortunate schmelting accidents with your bra's

Tom said...

You don't have to sort. Just wash everything in cold water. I do it, my dainties to bath towels. The colors won't run and you just dump everything in one basket. Have you tried Ozium for the car? You can probably buy it at your local airport if they have a flight school. It's used to clear up vomit smell in small planes. Just spray on the carpet.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

now your thinking lil lady;)

I cant, I have to sort, I am a sorter, I am a stirrer, I am a *lipper, I am a mixer...gotta do it wheather it needs it or not.

Chels-Puddle Jumper said...

Let the boy do his own laundry for Christmas Sake...then you won't ever have to do it again! What's the matter with you?

Oh, my hubby had the same thing happen to him....it hasn't rained around here in 3 months, and the one night he leaves the windows down in his Jeep, it POURS down rain. I laughed. It's the only thing I could do. I'm a good wife like that.

Hope the judege rules in your favor! Fingers crossed!

Fantastagirl said...

Good luck with the phone call.

Katie said...

That sucks! I left my sunroof open a couple of years ago. Took forever to make the smell go away.

1 plus twins said...

omg i hate to admit this but i have done that so many times in ohio, leaving my windows only to get in the next morning to a wet smelly car!! that is one thing i don't have to worry about out here cuz it hardly ever rains. good for your son, you teach him so when he gets married he can wash for his wife and she won't have to!!! ha ha your ocd of sorting wash is like me!! glad i am not alone in the wash ocd problem. lol

Cliff said...

Lets hope the little guy fell out of a window.
I hope you get your way with youe former employers. Well maybe not. Then you'd probably end up in the slammer.

Sometimes Emma said...

Do you really wonder why he would want to do his own laundry...um, specifically bed linens? This happens about 10 doesn't it?

I'm working on template stuff this week...WOOHOO, it's about time. I think when I get done I'll start on a Christmas one to be done on time.

Scarlet said...

"a thong the size of a Barbie's ass..." Thanks for making me laugh!

Gette said...

The guy in the red suit? You mean Santa is in HELL???? AAAAaagh!

Tom is correct on the cold water and the ozium. Once when my water heater was dying I started washing in all cold and couldn't tell the difference, so now I do it all the time. The Evil*Empire has ozium. Got it once on a lark and liked it. It smells like concentrated ivory soap.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

hey guys,
sorry I cant comment back to each of u like i like to...but my phone call is in less then an hour and I am gettig kids ready for school..

thanks though...love u guys.

Yippeeskip said...

My girlfriend does my laundry because she is anal about it too. I never have to press my things as she covers it all.

Haphazardkat said...

ooo good luck on the phone call business!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

shit, I dont press stuff, I just throw it in the dryer;)

thanks, I had my call and I will write up a post for tommrow on it;)

The Egel Nest said...

I was totally washing my own laundry at that age...maybe you are just too picky with all your color sorting...just let him help...you might find more time for blogging then :)


The Egel Nest

The Egel Nest said...

Also...better he picks the lint out of the lint trap excessively than out of his belly button :)

The Egel Nest

Flip Flop Goddess said...

many valid points...picutring anyone picking anything out of thier belly buttons makes me cringe..yikes!

Humincat said...

The belly button thing made me cringe~! Oh,and I reread your profile, about working with mentally ill adults and how they love you. I think this may cover over into your blogging life, don't ya think. I mean, I for one, am NOT smarter then a fifth grader! Good luck on the call~!

Halfmexican Mama said...

No you just wear them like earrings...seen it in a movie once. I think it was that movie with Martin Lawrence where he was a cop.

JoeinVegas said...

Time for a new car. A convertible.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

true..the crazies follow me everywhere;)

that seems a potentail choking hazard..

Joe in Vegas,
now your thinking..

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