Thursday, October 18, 2007

still havent found what i am looking for

As I was taking a bath last night preparing for my Wednesday Karaoke night, I saw that beside my shitter, a little, ok medium sized, spider had made a home. I thought to myself, why do spiders pick the places they do to build a house?

Why would out of all the nooks and crannies of my abode, would u chose to lay your roots beside the john? What was the curb appeal? What did the realtor say to him to make him choose that location?

And as I am looking at him, he is just sitting there, looking like he is floating. I often think it would be very awesome to spin silk from my anus, make a web, and just lounge. It must be like laying in a hammock. I fancy laying in a hammock, and if I could spin one of of my buttocks, that would so rock.

I also was looking at this spider thinking, he has no bloody idea I could end his life in a matter of mear seconds. In a flash he would be gone, not even enough time to have his tiny little spider life flash before his eyes.

This morning I looked and he was still there. I messed with his web, hoping he would leave, but he just repaired it and continued to lay there.

Of course he is on the bottom of my shoe now...and there is a for sale sign on his water front property.

~

So last night at karaoke night I took The Boy. There is no school today and Friday for nearly the whole state as the teachers are remodeling the teachers lounge or some shit.

I took my first born to the bar. But mind you, it is smoke free now..and all kids have to be gone by 10pm, so it was not to traumatizing for him.

He played pool, kept eyeing the dart board..

I told him he can sit in a bar with some drunks, listen to his momma sing for him, but damnitall, you are not playing with darts, those are sharp and I do have my motherly standards for Christ sake.

After a while, the mic I was using to sing with smelled AWFUL. Have you ever smelled your tiny tots hands, and you knew they have had their hands in the crotch and or butt hole? And you tell them to go wash their hands STAT as there was likely ecoli and fecal matter all over their hands and now your mouth does cause you were playing and kissing all over them..

Well my mic smelled worse then that. I would hold the mic far away from my mouth and it was getting to the point where you couldn't even hear me anymore.

So me and my pal, well we left..I can not be singing on a mic that smells like rotten ass. Not cool.

I just hope I am not the one who made it smell that way.

No, I couldn't of.

I wont believe it.

Not a word of it.

26 comments:

Wendy aka Cheeky said...

There is some prime spider real estate here at Chez Cheeky too....but it never seems to sell....maybe it could be the dead carcas I left as a warning.....

Assy mics - ewwwwwww

eyes_only4him said...

Cheeky,
well be glad there is a buying slump..u dont want one next to your john...I tell u what!

assy mics eww, indeed;)

Yarn Tails said...

Hey there chickie... I am still living and dont have a heart attack but I might even post again tonite.

As for the spiders... I had one that was hanging around in the shower with me one morning watching as I am showering. Sorry to say his peeping tom days are over with..lol

Assy mics are just disgusting!

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Yuck on the mic... really yuck.

My kids would have my head on a silver platter should I ever dare kill a spider they have seen.

eyes_only4him said...

Yarn Tails,
whoa, u cant post again, it would just be wrong..haha

Mama,
My kids are the same way...thats why I never pointed him out to them..because they would be checking to make sure his ass was still there...

as we speak my 7 year old is out saving worms outside..

Tom said...

I can never understand why women get upset at spiders. They're small, and are nice. All my female relatives, get this, freak out and jump on chairs when there's a mouse around!
Aww...let Butch Bee play darts! Probably safer than a pool cue, which are handy in street fights.
The mic? Maybe a drop of oil of clove in each nostril before you sing?

Halfmexican Mama said...

you are night right in the head my dear...

however I did laugh so hard I cried...

Keira had hands like that last night!!

I have smelled a smelly karaoke mic before too...I think it may have gotten sat on by my theory is that it got sat on by "Debbie who just got done doing Dallas" if you know what I mean, it fell out when she stood up..then you picked it up 5 minutes later....

Will you buy me an ipod for my birthday??

Halfmexican Mama said...

I meant to say

"you are NOT right in the head"

my bad again

Dang!

Rachel said...

I always wonder where those spiders come from that creep inside the house and build a web. I killed one by the hearth just recently.

That stinky mic sounds horrible. I don't blame you for leaving, especially if it has been where Halfmexican Mama said it had been!! EEEWWWWWW!!!!!!

eyes_only4him said...

Tom,
spiders bite, mice dont..I would take a mouse any day.

HMM,
after tha story about the debbie doing dallas and sitting on the mic, you say I aint right in the head?...haha

oh and NO.

Rachel,
well I think its that time of year, they come in from everywhere..little pissers.

Neurotic1 said...

Just tell Butch not to tell his Sunday school class that he has been slummin' with his mom and all will be okay ;)

My shoe bottoms are full of dead spiders!

Scarlet said...

Spiders and mics that smell like buttholes. I had a worse day than that.

eyes_only4him said...

N1,
I am sure he wont breath a word of this to anyone, I dont think he ws overly impressed with the whole thing..

Tiff,
well, did u get paid?

Anonymous said...

well damn, was that mic wedged in someones crack or what..I did wednesday karaoke myself...my friend and I sang Picture and now everyone else is hogging it up and copying us. So unless we get there at 5pm, we won't get to sing our song. So we had to sing something else and it just ruined the whole evening for me

eyes_only4him said...

Doozer,
that is a popular song here too...and everyone botchs it..I however do not sing duets, I am a solo act;)

Our kareoke doesnt start until 9pm..If it started at 5...that would be a dream..

The Egel Nest said...

HA...this post is SOOOOOOOO you flip flop...

you stinky handed karaoke girlie :)

lol

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Bella said...

Eeewwwwww on the assy mic.

Anonymous said...

he thinks my tractors sexy

Scarlet said...

Whether it's at my office or at karaoke, you are officially invited to kick ass in Miami! ;)

Monogram Queen said...

Two words - hand sanitizer on the mic! Ewwww!!!

Hey my parents always took us to the local bar in PA for spaghetti night. No big deal up north. down here the southern baptists would raise ho-lee hell! LOL

I terrorized a goodly sized house spider last night but i'm too chicken to hit them. Put em' up - Put em' up!

eyes_only4him said...

1PT,
under normal circumstances I would of yelled for back up..Guess the Christian in me wants bugs to live, for a little while anyway;)

Bradely,
glad I didnt let ya down;)

Katie,
double ewww!!

Doozer,
he aint inbred is he?

Scarelet,
I will accpect your invite;)

Patti,
that mic needed more then hand sanitizer..HAHA

Cliff said...

nothin worse than a rotten assed mic.

Anonymous said...

Ugh! Spiders don't make me smile but you do! The ass-smelling mic was hysterical!!!

Come getcher prize!

Foxy said...

lol, missed you bossy! glad to see you can still crack me up! like your new look btw.

Jamie Dawn said...

Makes you wonder WHERE that mic has been.
Or if someone's breath could have been THAT bad!!

I hope your boy clapped his hands vigorously and cheered for you when you sang. He should have learned by now the power of sucking up to Mom.

Your spider story cracked me up BIG time!!
FUNNY stuff!! Water front property - ha, ha,ha!!

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Aaaah, spiders ... aren't they what the sole of the shoes are for !?!?!
Hmmm, wonder where that mike had been ... eeewwwww !!
Hope your boy enjoyed listening to you, and gave you some awesome applause !!
Take care, Meow