Sunday, July 27, 2008

Open Arms

I am just tired of stupid people. as God as my witness, I run into all sorts.


















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Its troubling to me because, I do not deal well with this sort of thing. Not everyone I know is a smart as I am, and trust me, its something I have been learning to deal with.


But every time I leave my house, BAM, I run into one, or a whole bus load..















I went out with some friends over the weekend and I ran into some very, very special people.





One lady out dancing on the dance floor with a nice white bandanna on and missing teeth had her boobs flopping in the wind...no bra and a very low cut tank top..








My pal who is a bar tender asked me if I could be mean. I'm like, "hello do u KNOW me?"








She dared me to go up and tell her she needed to do go home and get a bra on..








So. I. Did.








And its those moments in my life I treasure..








I walked right up to her and told her she needed to leave and get a bra on...








She about crapped her stained white Capri's...








But the downside is, she just kept dancing...Dancing like her boobs were free and bouncing to the beat of their own drummer..








I don't think she found me threatening..








Here us girls are on said night...








See, I don't look very bad ass do I?











































See....we are just a non threatening bunch of gals gettin our groove on...




The bra-less wonder kept on groovin while my eyes were blinding themselves.




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Remember a couple years ago when I was telling you about a little boy who was wandering the hood alone? I called the PO-LICE and told em a tot of about 2 was wanderin about alone and was nearly to main street..




Well, the tot is back....




He,came into my yard over the weekend and asked my hubs if he saw a murder.




Hubs told him not that he knows of.




The kid told him to keep his eyes open and to let him know if he does.




Then this morning the kid is on my back porch, looking thru my window with a knife in his hand.




A big plastic knife. But a knife.




I told him to go home or I was going to send my dog out to nip at his legs.




He then continued to roll around on my grass and just act like a total retard.




I'm sure the parental units were still sleeping...




I was going to call the PO-LICE again to let them know there was a tot wandering around aimlessly looking in windows with a big knife..But hubs wouldn't let me.




As you can see, I'm tired of stupid people, and stupid people who breed make me even angrier..













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Only a couple more weeks till my Def Leppard show...I am looking forward to the pre-show party, cause I'm all VIP and shit..I cant wait to put my cheap,laminated tag around my neck to show everyone there that I'm awesome and they suck.


My nice VIP tag that I'm going to wear everywhere..


And that I will show countless pictures on here of me wearing...cause thats how I roll..


25 comments:

Haphazardkat said...

Its an auspicious beginning to my week when upon seeing a pic of my goddess Pale Girl I squealed with delight then shook with disturbed fear when I was struck with how scary she looked with her freakishly large head...

and...wtf is up with the wondering tot? That child won't stay small for long...I'd have called the cops as it appears the beast is not quite right in his little head and has somehow targeted your house as his pre-murdering pit stop.

...put the boys shoe on the doorstep...perhaps it will shoe the murderous tot away?

Haphazardkat said...

p.s. LMFAO at you tellin' the bouncin boob chick to go home and put a bra on!!

Groovy Mom said...

Oooh, can't wait to see pics of a real live Def Leppard VIP!

The Woman said...

lmao you are hilarious

Flip Flop Momma said...

Kat,
I knew if anyone would appreicate pale girl, it would be u;)

well, the hubs sat outside with the tot like he was babysitting him..

when the kid left on his own free will, hubs came back in..

but i swear if i see him again with no parental unit..

hes goin down.

Groovy,
I cant wait, trust me.

The Woman,
;)

doozie said...

I totally got a job as a Walmart cart bitch, so don't hate on me.

My sweet flipflopper....you can't ask people like boobflapper nicely. You simply have to put some threat behind your request. I advise strongly that you carry a shovel in your car ALWAYS, and please make sure it has a little bit of dried blood on it.

You need to have that in your hand when you approach those types. They don't understand English, they understand pictures and other such visual images. So you must get down on their level. If you don't have room for a full sized shovel, get a folding one. You will thank me and leave me something in your will.

Scarlet said...

A kid wandering aimlessly with a plastic knife? Sounds like the next Michael Myers.

I wish you the best time backstage w/ the boys!!

Humincat said...

My husband and I are magnets for wandering children. We too called the cops regarding a child of MAYBE three walking alone a few yards from the busiest main road in town. It took them 23 minutes to wake her. Sounds natural doesn't it? The even sadder part was the baby stuck in the swing for who knows how many hours. Thanks for reminding me how much I hate people.

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Wow on the kiddo. That's only a bit creepy. Just a bit.

And kudos to you for telling the braless wonder to put one on. I wish I had seen it.

Can't wait for the Lep pictures.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Dooze,
Im all 4 getting a folding a shovel, it would come in handy when I need to bury a body, no matter where I am.

Scarlet,
thats what I said too..

Im not goin backstage, this is just a pre show party and front row seats...but trust me, if i can, I will make it back there;)

Humincat,
sounds like maybe mom having a crack sleep....that just aint right..

I hate people too.

Mama,
I wouldnt want anyone to witness the horror of the 60 year old with no bra...not even my worst enemy;)

So Not The Bradys said...

Must be the summer of wandering weird kids. I think our home schooled neighbor girl has Tourette's or something. She's always showing up on my doorstep having bizarre outbursts.

I'm always the first one who wants to call the cops, and my husband is always telling me no. He ruins all my fun.

Next time you see the boy rolling in your yard, turn the hose on him. Though, somehow, I suspect that he'd like it.

Gette said...

When I was bartending there was woman of ample figure, about mid-50's in a too-short mini-skirt getting low on the dance floor, flashing the customers and scaring them away. If I'd have known you then, I would have called you to take care of the sitch. You are now the go-to expert.
We will so have to meet up in cloud some night at a receders gig. I'm sure there'd be plenty good ppl watching there.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Not the Bradys,
yes, this hoodlum would like it, and keep coming back 4 more.

Gette,
im game, Im game...lets meet up somewhere...and I wanna do karaoke too..damn it woman.

and I sooo woulda taken care of that shit, thats what I do..I take care of bidness..

Southern Sage said...

haaaaaaaaa@ walmart pic.

y'all are looking goooooooood!!

i have long advocated IQ testing before breeding!

sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh

I think the short bussers breed more!!

That might be my lot in life! I mght be meant to breed a lot of folks to bring the IQ pool back up......
I'll check with the bride and see what she thinks!
I mean it'd be for the overall good of humanity, yeah Ima martyr
giving selflessly to humanity
sigh

Flip Flop Momma said...

Sage,
the reason the short bus people breed more is because they cant read or count...so what else is there to do?

deni said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by. I changed my font color so you can read my post now.

CMB said...

I love reading your posts. They relly make my day. Good for you that you told the braless wodner to go get one. I mean - PLEASE PEOPLE. I sure hope that the murdering neighbor kid goes away for good!

Monogram Queen said...

Well at least you told her.. what more could you do really?

The parents need to tie him down at night apparently...

Yay for your Lep show! THAT will put your sparkle back!

Monogram Queen said...

Well at least you told her.. what more could you do really?

The parents need to tie him down at night apparently...

Yay for your Lep show! THAT will put your sparkle back!

Flip Flop Momma said...

deni,
i went back and read it..

CMB,
the murdering kid doesnt live here, I think he is visiting his grammy...and grammy is 500 pounds and does not watch him...

and it bugs the shit outta me.

Patti,
its the grammy that needs to tie him down, he doesnt live here, he is visin grammy..and grammy lets him just go willy nilly like he is a 50 year old man..

damn asshats.

IamDerby said...

omg all those little signs were hilarious!!

lisabella964 said...

Good Lord! I saw the same thing, but insert jogger instead of club dancer! I thought this woman was going to give herself two black eyes the way her bubbies were bouncing around. That can't be good for the goods either!
If it weren't for her ipod she would have heard me yell "jogging bra" out the window.
RegardIess, I gave the guy stopped at the light next to me a good chuckle!

catscratch said...

The parents of wandering boy need to put buzzers on the door or something and keep his ass contained.

And no, you don't look threatening at all. You girls smile too much to be threatening.

I told a chick she'd pissed her pants one night (she really had) and that it was showing... she pissed them again standing right there in front of me.

Lord.God.and.Time. Some folks should be at home watching Murder She Wrote instead of out.

Foster Communications said...

Too funny about the saggy boobs! It's like my friend Brenda says "Put that Jell-O in a bowl!!"

Have fun at the Lepp show! Here's hoping this show happens!

Janell said...

You're absolutely right - You're awesome and the rest of us suck. I guess we'll just have to live with that. I know you'll tolerate us cuz that's how you roll....