Monday, July 21, 2008

Gardening 105

This is what I will refer to as an advanced gardening class, because hell, I'm advanced that way in nearly everything...don't be a hater, its just true.

So we have three gardens...Garden one is just a pure herb garden....its got your Sage, your Dill, your Catnip..(dudes we have two cats, we aim to please), Oregano, and Basil among other plants I don't know what they are nor what they are used for and frankly, I don't give a poop..

Garden Two houses our Tomato's, beans, cucumbers and other various non carnivorous pieces of eatable shit...

Garden Three houses the big guns..

Watermelon and Pumpkins.

Now our gardens are raised gardens, because I will not allow the husband to dig up my yard...Only way we are digging shit in this yard is if I'm burying a body.

I have a huge yard, and I rather like it...So I try to keep the digging to a bare minimum.


Anyhoo, we have been having some issues with the neighborhood rabbits wanting to dine out at our garden. The bastards walk, I mean hop , right into the garden and just help themselves like they have a reservation or some shit.

I have been trying to come up with things short of killing them to keep them out.

Trust me, the thought of standing out there with a huge rock to smash them on the head with is a very tempting thought, but I do think it would set a bad example for the tots.

And they get enough bad examples of behavior from mom as it is...

One night as I was attempting to pick up my house, I smelled this rotten smell. Like something had actually decomposed in my house.

And hell, I did not want to have to dig a fuckin hole to bury it either...

My sniffer tried like hell to find the source of this Oder.

Low and behold it came from a shoe. A shoe my 11 year old son wears.

I thought to myself, self, u need to burn this.

Then I got the idea to set the smelly piece of footwear into said garden and hope that the smell would keep the rabbits out, as it sure as hell cleared out the humans.

I set that shoe in there a few weeks ago, and no rabbits have been back.

Maybe its because they heard I have buried a rabbit in my yard before, or maybe they really don't like their nibblets smelling like rotten ass.

Either way, they are gone..

I wont charge you for this gardening tip...take it and run with it..

God Speed my little green thumbs, God Speed.

22 comments:

Monogram Queen said...

FIRST BITCHES!!!


OMG that is FREAKING HILARIOUS!
My ex-BIL had some stank ass feet. They would run bigfoot off!
I need to see a pic of a raised garden!

Groovy Mom said...

Smelly kids' shoes! I never would have thought of it, but it makes perfect sense! Thanks!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Patti,
I will post a pic of the gardnes in the next post..just 4 u;)

Groovy,
they have to be super smelly;)

Humincat said...

EWW! And yeah, make mine a double, K?

So Not The Bradys said...

Now that's some ingenuity. I admire that in a person.

Southern Sage said...

you have completely fouled up the whole purpose of the garden!
sheeeeeeeeeesh
you hd em right there
have you no clue how good rabbit stew is?
or any rabbit with fresh veggies????????????
sheeeeeeeeeeesh
well anyway
thats the suggestion from a human, carnivore!!!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Humincat,
as long as u dont mind me having a triple.

Not the Bradys,
Thanks;)

Sage,
oh man...

eating a rabbit is just so wrong..

i mean they are son cute..its like eating one of your kids 4 Gods sake.

Scarlet said...

God, I missed you. :)

Jamie Dawn said...

I've never heard of using a rotten smelling shoe that way. GREAT tip! You should have a gardening show on The Comedy Channel. It would be a riot!!
Homegrown tomatoes are the BEST!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Scarlet,
Aww..im right here now honey;)

JD,
well, since this is my only gardening tip...the show would be a a one nighter;)

just_tammy said...

Too funny about the shoe! We have always placed a few hotel soaps around since the scent is supposed to keep the critters away. That seemed to work for us. Now we have so many critters here we many need to borrow the other shoe which seems to contain some pretty powerful human scent!

sweets said...

i think you've gone beyond the green thumb stage... you sound like the incredible hulk :)

doozie said...

well that is one fine tip. I have a tip for you. In the future if you have rodent issues, don't be holding no big ass rocks over their heads. Try something a little more covert. Pretend you're out there shoveling dirt around and working in the garden and when the little heathens pop in/or up clonk them a good one. Just be sure to wipe the blood off the shovel. the tots will just think it's more of your gardening moves

The Woman said...

Raised gardens? Tell me more, my hubs won't allow diggin in the yard either so I want a garden, show me pictures if you can

Shannon said...

Too funny!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
hotel soap?..does that work?..I never heard of that b4...intresting.

Sweets,
u wont like me when im angry:)

Dooze,
u sorta sound like an expert here..

The Woman,
I will post pics in the next post...

Shannon,
sorta..haha

namaste said...

SOOO funny! i know about children with stinky sneakers. whew! oh and lol! on wanting to kill the bunnies! you're too much!

:)

~m

Choppzs said...

LMAO, was it poo on his shoe, or is it 11 yr. old stinky feet smell?? lol

Flip Flop Momma said...

Namaste,
well i cant be lettin the lil bastards eat my beans;)

Stinky shoes are gold;)

Choppzs,
just 11 year skank, thats all:)

just_tammy said...

The hotel soap seems to do the trick. Nothing like decorating tomato cages with a little soap on a rope! We have everything under the sun around here from cute little bunnies to a massive one (I think it used to be a pet), skunks, possum, deer, wild turkeys, and other assorted beasties. I still think I want the other shoe though...better than using hair which I've heard of people doing...

IamDerby said...

OMG this is so funny!!! But seriously.... can you still eat the veggies after they have been near "the shoe". I think I may use this tip...that is after I fill my garden with aqua globes.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
maybe I should do that to counter-act the smell I have in mine.

Derbs,
well, I wash the odor right off the cucs..haha