Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I cant go 4 that

One thing I hate about this time of year are the little fucktards that manage to get inside my dwelling. I have not had them for a couple years, and then I get back from my "vacation" and BAM the douche bags moved in.

I hate ants. Ants are meaningless little suckers just asking to be squished. And I deliver. I'm a pleaser.

I have this thing with my house being clean. I mean, a dirty house means, well, your gross and lazy.

I cant stand having dishes laying in the sink, I cant stand dirt of any kind on the floor and I cant stand clutter or things that smell bad.

That being said, I have an army of little ants that like to rummage thru the garbage as well as the sink and counter tops.

Now I'm a little killing machine. I see them I kill them on the spot. But when I kill one, 600 more show up.

I do not like using the sprays and shit because holy shit, I have tots and pets I cant just kill off.

So I just kill them on site. I'm more of a assassin then a serial killer. Being a serial killer takes patience and planning. Being an assassin, u just kill on the spot when u feel like it.

Your bored?...go to the yard and just start killing anything crawling you see....thats an assassin

Your bored? Call the Orkin man, make an appointment, have him spray shit that enables you to leave your home for hours so u don't die with the fleas and spiders. And one to two weeks later your house is bug free...For at least one month, then the whole planning process takes over again..

I don't have that kinda time, and I have the patience of a retarded monkey.

It takes planning..

Thats a serial killer.

Anyway....

I'm not proud about being a killer, but frankly I have no choice. Before I know it they will be sitting a place at dinner and complaining about the menu and the sleeping quarters.

On the plus side, one month from today and I go to Des Moines , Iowa for my Lepp show. This is a bad year for me, as my first show was postponed...I have NEVER gone a year with only seeing them once...

Well not in my adult years anyway.

But its not my fault they have a shitty tour manager. I would be all over that shit planning shows in decent places.

Who the hell wants to go to Iowa?

motherfucker not me.

But who the hell wants to go to Minnesota?

motherfucker not me.

Not 4 long though...not 4 long.


Anyway, before I go on a human assassin killing spree, I best be going.

24 comments:

namaste said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dame Wonder said...

i lived in florida for a few years. back then ants and palmetto bugs fuckin ruled. yuck!

you and i know how lovely bff's can be. they are just lovely! so let's have it... spill! hehe.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Dame,
I hate bugs....but the fuckers are everywhere.

I will write on pale girl later on tonight..

Its nothing juicy per-say, just shit that annoyns the begessus outta me;)

Monogram Queen said...

I hope I still have the addy to the private one.

I hate insects - blech.

Humincat said...

Ants suck and I take all means and measures to make sure they are OUTSIDE not in. Kids and pets be damned, no BUGS in my house! I go apeshit with the bugspray and am just careful to clean up any random sprays. Like in the dogs dish. Or on the baby bottle. Heh. J/k.
So, I hate to bug :) you for an invite, but cannnnnn IIIIII coooooommeeee? (whiny tot's voice)

So Not The Bradys said...

You should come here and help me. I've got bugs. Damn bastard Japanese beetles eating the hell out of my hedges. I discovered them last night and sprayed the hell out of them with some flying insect killer. I think all this did was invite about a gazillion more of them.

And for ants, a good, safe killer with kids and pets around is Terro. It's a liquid, and you put a little out in a piece of foil, the ants come, take it back to the nest, and I guarantee within two days, no more damn ant bastards. It's borax based, so it won't hurt anyone. Highly effective.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Patti,
if u dont, let me know..oh wait, its on the sidebar here..momma needs a drink.

Humincat,
Well i sure as shit didnt invite them in..haha

Im tired of killing though.

Not the Bradys,
My aunt bought that stuff while i was at my grandma's..and the shit worked..I was just amazed.

Jamie Dawn said...

Kill those ants!!!!!
I hate them too. I hate all insects.
We have a bug guy spray on a regular basis because too many bugs live in AR. It is a bug mecca.
I need to go over to your private blog now and see what's up.

:-)

Jamie Dawn said...

You must have another private blog now, and I have the one where you are turning to alcohol to deal with your boy.
Well, I hope Pale Girl is not causing you problems.
You have enough to deal with - family, ants, stupid Def manager, etc.

Haphazardkat said...

Oh nooo's! Pale girl pissin you off?? What has my porceline goddess done?!!

Hey...we live on the River so we have lots of issues with tiny ants as they love sand...
Ortho home defense, Baby. Engrave those words on your a$$ or Pale girls (with a branding iron if you must)...but that shizzle works! I have the bug man come every other month but i didnt get a handle on the ants until the ortho home defense.
follow the trail of ants to where they are coming in...then spray the hell outta their escape hole.

Haphazardkat said...

Oh and *presses hands together in pleading motion*
am I allowed to read your private blog? hmm??
I have flip flop needs ya know.
NEEDS!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jamie,
Im trying to kill em, but they think my welcome mat means they can walzt right in..it grosses me out..

No..Im gonna write it on that one your speaking of,..i just have not done it yet thats all:)

Kat,
well, I always have issues with pale girl, like I do everyone else;)

I think your already a reader of the private one..the one iw as venting about my spawn son..

if not, email me and I will send ya an invite..

I have not wrote the post yet, so your not missing anything yet;)

Rachel said...

Ants are a pain in the arse! A big pain. I think they are bad this year. I have heard more complaints about them and I have used a few cans of spray outside my house trying to stop them before they enter. Keep on killing them because ants have so many friends and family!

Scarlet said...

Ants and frogs are in my house! Those little frogs make me jump!! You would die with those!!! I know you would.

E-mail me your private blog: ilyzu1216@yahoo.com. I feel left out.

- Jules - said...

Yea this tour has just sucked ass this year. Luckily I was able to squeeze in at least five shows. I know it blows having to come to fucktard Iowa, but at least you can leave the state the next day!

Jules who is moving in 4 years 8 months and 16 days.. lol

Flip Flop Momma said...

Rachel,
I think they are bad too...when i was in Michigan my grandma had some too...little bastards followed me here..

Scarlet,
oh, but I LOVE frogs..we have tiny tree frogs all over and turltes.

I thought u were already on the rpivate blog list...I will send u one though just in case.

Jules,
how the hell did u squeeze 5 in?...damn...they arent playing anywhere..

I can squeeze 3 in most years..BUT..this year im stressing out cause they are not playing anywhere near me..

fucking douche bags..

we are gonna kick up our heels though..hell yeah

- Jules - said...

5 shows was not as easy as it usually is. Normally the only issue with 5 shows or more is having enough vacation time to blow on these shows. This year was tricky.

I work as a dispatcher for trucklines, so logistics is my gig, so I can plan one hell of a road trip. But this year it was werid and used up alot of my brain cells. We hit Des Moines and Omaha. Come home and fly out Thursday morning for the OH, DETROIT and SYRACUSE shows. So bascially no sleep and living on the vapors of our booze and starbucks coffee!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jules,
damn....im jelous..

I went to the grand rapids show..(well, only they didnt show up)...was also hitting detroit, but again, they didnt show up..

i had to get a refund on my tix, as i can not go to michigan at those times, seeing i just got back from spending a month there..

do u do 5 star for all those shows?

I sure as shit wouldnt be able to afford that, but if i could, i sure as shit wuld.

just_tammy said...

Sorry to hear about your many woes and ants count as beyond many. Guess I need to find out what's up with pale girl...issues - that's all I've got...

just_tammy said...

Oh man, I had no idea you had really set up a Florida fund!!! That's sooo funny! Sweetie, if I had a spare buck or two, I'd send it along. Heaven knows I don't right now. I always have us on a budget, but now everything seems to heading into one gas tank or another or another...

doozie said...

apparently I don't have access to the VIP room?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
no, I really didnt...its just my paypal account for ebay and other such things where people pay me money..haha

Doozer,
send me your email....

Anonymous said...

hey i asked for the private on a long time ago but didn't make the cut i guess. if business is slow, send me the 'other' blog
at laurel@sympatico.ca
lo

1 plus twins said...

where the hell did my comment go i left yesterday??