Holy crap, stop the presses folks

The Earth must be on a slightly different tilt as of late. Reason being you ask? I did something that I never thought I would ever do. I mean never.

I am a little Leary about even telling you. But I feel I need to tell you, just so you do not think I am hiding anything from you:)

Ok, here is the sad truth. I have joined the church choir. Go ahead, poke fun at the church girl. Tell me how I wont get into heaven any quicker by singing at the church.

I know all this. I have no idea what I was thinking. Tuesday was the first practice I attended, and it was rough. They are doing practice for the Christmas program. I have not sung in a choir since highschool. I was even asked to sing at our graduation..But politely declined as I hate being the center of attention.

But man, my throat is killing me..ugg


Anyhoo, I am starting to rethink the idea I had back in the early summer or late spring. I am wanting to set up a fund of sorts. A fund to benefit me. For those of you who remember, I was wanting to take donations.

I am much too poor too afford this. So with the help from my fellow bloggers I just may be able to pull it off..Of course I am talking about good ole fashion plastic surgery. Just enough to cover a boob reduction and a tad bit of lipo. I will save up your hard earned money one dollar at a time.

Now here is the breakdown of what I need. Just so you can figure your budget accordingly. Because I am cool like that.

Boob reduction: apprx. $ 4,000

Lipo: roughly $ 5,000 ( this is tummy,thighs, and whatever else they see fit)

I know, I know. Your thinking, my gosh you are perfect the way you are. Yes, I know this. But I just need a little pick me up:)

Then after I recover I will need a vacation. So I will also be taking donations for this. I can not take a good vacation till I look just right in my bikini. That would just be wrong.

So make all donations payable to:

Fixing flab
c/o Christina
123 hot mamma street
Minneapolis, MN

I will not be accepting personal checks. Only because it is hard to cash out of state checks. Not because I think you will send me a bad check:-)

So go ahead, get me a money order, or even just cash. I will accept all forms of it..20,s and even 10,s. But I would really rather prefer bigger bills such as 50,s and 100,s..Much easier to delegate and count.

Thank you in advance for you kind and generous donations. God really looks up to those who donate to charities. Think about it....Its all just a thought:)


Toodles

:-)

.....Um, Martha. And a promise to you

I decided today as I was watching Martha , to count how many times she has "um" and "aahh".

yes I truly have nothing better to do with my time.

So in the first 10 minutes of her show , she said "um" 27 times and "aahhh" 15.
What is up with that? Don't get me wrong, Martha is da bomb when it comes to cooking and cleaning. But she is not quite up to par on having a talk show. A live one anyway.

But it must be nice to take credit for other people,s ideas and recipes. She has become a gazillionaire off of other peoples ideas. If you think all those recipes are hers...You are sadly mistaken. I will give credit where credit is due. And the woman looks like she knows her way around the kitchen. I have never actually tasted anything she has
made,so I really can not vouch for her cooking. Although she does seem to know how too slop together a cake.

But she really needs to be coached on the proper etiquette of talk show jargon. You do not say "um" and "aahh'..It is not filler. If you truly have nothing to say, or your thoughs kind of slip your mind, maybe rehearse or get better writers..I don't have the answers Martha, but do something my sweet.


Ok now on to other business...I hereby swear that I will no longer blog while the effects of my sleeping pill are affecting my mind. When I went to read my post from early morning, I was not sure what the hell I was even talking about. But it makes for some funny reading I guess..Well maybe not:-)

Toodles


























I forgot I was going to put this one here, sorry there are 2..But the one was too small and I am such a Moran I can not get it off...My apologies to you and yours..

Just trying to get you in the spirit if turkey day..Can I get a gobble gobble?

More useless crap from useless me

useless tip number

1. If you let baby spawn spend the better of 4 days sucking on blue colored juice, you better expect green poop to follow for 7 days.so don't be alarmed..It is my PSA for you guys

2. If you leave tuna on the counter for the kitty to eat, the dog will knock it down and lick it till she slits her tongue on the sharp edges.

3. You will have to carry baby spawn to the basement so her feet don't touch the once floating carpet

4 .My covert spy says " its ok, me and baby spawn can share the same straw, because we share the same saliva right momma?"

5. Should not blog after I take an Ambien and a little cough syrup.


Life sometimes throws you balls. It can be good balls, footballs, bowling balls..I don't care..

Make sure you make the best calls with the balls you have. No need to delve into this anymore than I am..You get my point:-) you peeps are smart.

or if you don't prefer the term balls you can use dice,cards,lemons, whatever term you see fit. I am not going to make you say balls if you so choose not.I am cool like that.



That was WTMI.....I know....Its the Ambien, it makes me crazy....

Toodles

Don't ever let your baby see the carpet float

This has been a very insightful weekend. I have learned a few things, that I am going to share with you all . Because I am cool like that..

First, don't expect your baby to walk on the carpet she saw "floating" the week before. Because she will under no circumstances let her feet touch the ground..I mean under no circumstances will she do this..Holy crap...What was once her playground Mecca is now the source of terror...

last weekend when the carpet people were drying the carpets, they brought in huge fans that made the carpet float because they were trying to dry under it...

Not only will she not walk on the carpet in the basement, she will not even walk on carpet the resembles it..Even if it is on a different floor of the house, and a different color....even if it is a freaking throw rug!!

I thought her 2 year old brain would forget about the floating carpet by now. But holy crap this kid has a memorey like an elephant. I mean I expect her to remember things like her name, my name, where her body parts are, where who food goes, who Elmo is, the words to every Wiggle song. But I did not expect her to remember the floating carpet that was here 7 freaking days ago....Lesson to be learned..babies to do not forget a damn thing.

Another lesson I have learned the hard way....

No scary movies because holy crap, it effects them for weeks on end. Not only that, but they have memories that are far better than our own.

Lesson learned Dear Lord, and I thank you for showing me the error of my ways. I am a changed woman because of this whole fiasco.

Ahh, the joys of motherhood. But I wouldn't have it any other way:-)

Oh and baby spawns Dr called the house Sunday to check on her. He said her urine test was clean and wanted to see how she was....Man..That is one heck of a DR.

Toodles

Everybody and their brother

Today we went here





















But had to park here....Because everyone and their brother went here today















Which is across a busy highway. Which in the end was a lot easier than parking in the parking garage....

Kissing spawn did not want to go, so it was just covert spy spawn and us. She wanted to go to Camp snoopy....So here are a few pics from there....Some are from the top of the Ferris wheel her and I went on..









































































Nothing too exciting....But I swear everyone was there today....Not sure why, but it was busier than I have ever seen it...

Well have a good weekend......I bet I saw you there , but didn't know it was you:-)

Toodles

Draining few days, but oh well

There truly is nothing more draining than being sick with worry. I feel so completely drained mentally and physically. My house is looking like I have neglected it for months. But truth be told, I have been so tired. I mean when you are working on about 10 hours of sleep or less, for the whole freaking week, it wears on ya..

Anyhoo, I think she is fine. On to other things.

So much funny crap has been said here, but I will be darned if it hasn't escaped me.

although I must say when I do get the chance to sleep, I am having Wiggle dreams again. My gosh I find myself in the back of the big red car, and I like it. It has been a few months since my last dream. And the funny thing is, I have not even watched The Wiggles in a long time.

And I have been finding myself growing more attracted to the freaky looking blue Doodlebop. Why I don't know, for I am sure he is gay and would not give me the time of day, plus I have no freaking idea what he looks like. But I watch him dance, and that is what gets me. He can move, you can tell he is a trained dancer...God bless him..And someone needs to tell that weird looking girl Doodlebop to use to teeth whitener..Man she has the yellowiest teeth I have seen in ages. I am a teeth person, that is the first thing I look at. Call me crazy. Look, you will see what I mean..We should all pitch in and get her some crest whitening strips.

Why is it there is nothing good on TV on Friday night? Don't they think us (meaning me) moms with no life and go nowhere on weekends, like to watch something good on Friday nights? Or are we a forgotten breed?

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I may take the older spawns to see Chicken Little. I think it is out now.

Well c-ya Monday....

One more week before we head back to the homeland for a few days..

Toodles

Not again

Baby spawn seemed fine all day yesterday, she even slept all night the night before. Then just before bedtime she starts acting weird. She appears to be scared over some things. She gets kinda clingy. Then when I put her to bed she cries for damn near an hour. She finally goes to sleep.

Then at 2 am guess who is up? She would not go back to sleep. I bring her up to our bed where she proceeds to tell me " no, momma, no night night"

Why wont you go night night!!!!!!!! I am going crazy here!!! Cant you see that?

Before bed and while she was in bed she would say " owe"....So I would ask her what was wrong. " juice momma" well I told her you do not get juice in bed...But she contuined with her "owe" for a long time....

Now is this kid really in pain, or is it a desperate attempt to get more attention?

Did she wake up in the night because she was scared or in pain or because she had crap in her diaper?.....

Being a parent is the most gut wretching job of all. Its like you totally lose yourself. You constantly worry about your spawns. Your heart aches and you feel an empty feeling in your chest if you think something is wrong with them. You no longer think for yourself. Your spawns consume your every waking thought.

The moment you think they are ill, all hell breaks loose. What was a good day, has all of a sudden become one of the worst. And at least if your spawns are older and can verbalize what they are feeling you no if its an emergency situation or not . When your dealing with a 2 year old whose favortie word are " Dora, oots (boots), juice, night night, no, and owe" you kind of are clueless as to what their potential aliment is. Maybe they are not feeling good, or maybe they are just pissed off about something. How the hell are we suppose to know?

Now my gut is telling me she is not having night terrors. But what is it? I don't know. Maybe she is going thro some phase of sorts. Maybe she is in pain somewhere.

Why don't toddlers and babies come with a freaking manual? I swear my ticker cant take it anymore.

I am taking her to the doctor again today, and I am going to demand something be done. They are either going to do some bloodwork, or a full damn body scan!!! Or give me a new modle that sleeps and does not complain about being in pain every 20 minutes. Got it doc?!!

If I knew having spawns was going to take a toll on my ticker, and make me feel like this, I may have got a dog first.

I will update you as it warrants...Have a good weekend

Toodles

I want that

It is getting that time of year again. You know what I mean, the flood of commercials for useless toys that leave your kids saying " I want that". Now baby spawn is getting in on the game. every time she sees a commercial with anything with Dora in it, this is what she says to me " momma, look Dora boots, for me". Ugh!! You are much to young to demand such gifts. She desperately wants that Dora that dances. She has a mini stroke when she sees this commercail she yells for me,jumps and dances. When the commercial is over she says " hey"

So far I have not seen a commercial where one or all of the spawns does not say " I want that".

I told them they need to talk this all over with Santa. I was not getting in the middle of it. What sucks is I don't think kissing spawn really believes in Santa anymore. When I told him he needed to talk to Santa, he looked at me like you have to be kidding me.

I would love for them to believe in Santa forever, that way they don't come running to me when they don't get what they want. I would rather it be his fault.

As soon as I see Santa, I am going to ask him for a new camera. I am going to tell him that he can not expect me to take decent photos with my crappy hand me down camera.

I better go, this post was really useless and pretty much a waste of my time and now yours if you actually read the whole thing. I apologize, you can not get that one minute 20 seconds back. My bad.

Toodles

One of them kids

well I am hoping baby spawn is getting over whatever episodes she was having. I am hoping for a whole night with no crying or waking up. Why does my twisted mind automatically go to the fact...geesh she must have a brain tumor or something?...Why cant I just say, must just be a phase, a bad dream, a little bit of a tummy bug, or even a, heck I don't feel like sleeping episode. every time one of my kids complains of something or just isn't acting themselves, I am convinced they have cancer, or a brain tumor. I so need therapy.

As I was watching old episodes of Reading Rainbow with the kids tonight, I had a sort of a flashback if you will. You know the kids who come on at the end of each episode to talk about a book they just read? I always wanted to be one of them kids. Although I was not what you would call an avid reader, I would of read something to get on the show. Maybe talk about the latest Judy Blume book I read. ( I always loved Judy Blume) But the books they always reviewed on there were the lamest books ever. So I guess it all worked out for the best.

And I was also watching a riveting episode of Mr. Rodgers. I still love that man. Anyway, Neighbor Aber was in the neighborhood of make believe and he had a cell phone. I mean the kind that was about the size of your foot along with a pull out antenna like the old rabbit ears. He had it attached nicely to his belt. And it even vibrated. And he answered it, and it was a freaking flip phone...Man, they were way ahead of their time on that show...And I learned your body is all one piece. Ahh, good I was very worried about that. Thank you Fred, I miss you. RIP.

that's all I have. I will keep you posted on if baby spawn made it thru the night. Please send a little prayer our way.

Toodles

:-)



**Editors note**

Baby spawn slept all night long..hip hip horray:)

u can go about your buisness now, thank you for the good thoughts and the prayers

Oh crap

well I ended up taking baby spawn to the doctor this morning. She has not slept for the last 3 nights. And she has episodes of being crabby and clingy. No fever and no other symptoms. Well the doctor said she can not find anything physically wrong with her.

Her diagnosis, she is having night terrors. Oh crap, and it started the night I let her watch American werewolf in London...Oh no, its my fault.

But I don't think that is the problem. I am not sure what it is, but I find this very unlikely. She gave me a paper on it, and the only thing on it that matches her sypmtoms is she awakes 1-2 hours after sleeping. The rest of them is not her.

She has no ear infection, not teething, no belly pain when she pressed on her tummy, no fever.

So what the heck is wrong with her? I will not believe that she is having night terrors. It makes no sense.

I give up, if it continues for another day, I will be taking her back.

Oh heck anyway

toodles

It was a tuna kinda night

When hubby is gone, I tend to be lazy when it comes to making dinner. Then I have to remember I have three spawns here who need to eat or they will die. Being I had a lazy spell I thought I would make something easy. AHHHH I KNOW TUNA CASSEROLE...Well big mistake. I used a variety of noodles. Small ones and bigger ones. Covert Spy spawn said it looked and smelled like gravy and was not going to partake in the eating of the dinner ritual. Baby spawn takes one look at her bowl and shoves it away, and says " No momma, not eat it"

So I tasted it, I must admit it was not the best crap I ever ate, and I have not made tuna casserole since I was like 18...I don't like tuna, but I can gut to eat it in this manner. So I dumped it all in the garbage can and made them all peanut butter sandwiches. Awe, yes..When all else fails we have the wonderfull legume we call the peanut.

so I had no dinner but I figure all the skittles and star burst and give or take 40 tootsie rolls, hell I was good for night..But I did end up working out...gotta feel the burn ya no?..

I don't know if any of you watch nip/tuck, but something gross was just said...And I wont say the whole thing I don't want to spoil it for D. But there is no way in heck I am gone wear seamen on my face ,isn't gona happen, I will grow old gracefully...nuf said.

If this post makes no sense I am sorry. I took my sleeping pill as I was writing and it has taken effect sooner that I had figured. I am what one might consider "good frame of mind"...I am sure I have made no sense...So maybe check back later fo a post that makes sence....Well, not sure if any of them really make much sense. Better leave now..I am looking for my kitty to bring me a towel...Why would o think my kitty would bring me a damn towel....See what I mean,.I must go..toodles

I need to win the lotto, serouisly

well so far from our " flooding fiasco" we had to fork out $250.00 for the carpet people to even come here. Then we had to fork out $ 135.00 yesterday for the plumber. We had tree roots growing int he pipe..lovely.

Then the carpet cleaner lady came again today to tell me we have mold growing in the wall and they will c0me tommorw to replace it...SO I kindly ask " how much is this going to cost me?"

" well, not that much, I would say under a grand"

NO..NO.. dont tell me you just said a grand...Holy crap no..we have a $1000 deductable...Oh hell no....So there goes Christmas..LOL

I dont know why it is, but shortly after we own a home it turns into the "money pit"..What starts off as seeminly nice home, are hidden little tressuare troves of problems and all around mayhem. And we paid 700 bucks for an inspection on this house before we bought it..and It passed with flying colors..So now approaching our one year anniversary of the day we closed on this " little piece of paradise" everything seems to be going wrong..


Ok there is this commercail I see alot...and I ask why?...it is the one about a pregancy test that can tell you your pregant 5 days before your missed period..Now who the heck needs to know that fast, and why cant you wait the normal length of time? I mean It kind of spoils the fun of " oh, crap. I am late"
Just makes no sence to me. But that is just me I suppose.

Toodles

not what it use to be

well I had a very dissapointing Halloween. It just is not the same as when I was a kid. Not many homes had thier lights on, and there were not many kids out trick or treating. The streets were mostly bare. Not sure why. But it was kind of dissapointing. The kids had fun though.

We left around 5:10, and walked for what seemed like forever. We finally make it back home, I look at the clock, and its freaking 5:45.....We were gone all of 45 minutes. But they did make a haul...Baby spawn was so funny, she cant say trick or treat that well, but she would say " tank you" everytime a piece of the heavenly sugar concotion was placed in her little pumpkin. She knew...I only hope she does not think we are doing this again tommorw night...This was her first time acctaully trick or treating. I have dressed her up before, but never let her get candy because I thought she was too little.

Hubby leaves this morning for Pittsburg for a few days, so it will just be me and the spawns. Oh what fun we will have. I hope I live to tell about it..

Here are some picutres for ya, I know you have been waiting..























































I hope everyone had a nice Halloween.

Toodles

Why I hate this town number 1 gazziloin and 5

Since this is our first Halloween in this pit hole of the earth, I was not sure what time trick or treating started. In our previous pit hole there was a scheduled time. Usually 5-7. I think that is pretty respectable.

So I call the city hall, figuring they could shed some light on this matter. Come to find out, there is no set time. Kids can start as early as they want and go till they drop.

I need some structure when it comes to the art of trick or treating. Is this just my pit hole of a city, or are there other towns out there that do not conform to any "Halloween rules".

And what about Devils Night? Or is that just in Michigan too..The night before Halloween kids go out and egg and soap things. I don't think anyone around here knows such dreadful tactics. I have not heard any mention of Devils Night. Which I guess is a good thing.

Anyway, happy gouling:-)

Busted again

Happy Halloween my fellow little goblins.

Well I was busted again. I was caught watching an "inapproprite *sp* movie" with baby spawn. What was the movie this time you ask? Well another wonderful classic. " An American werewolf in London" another of my favorite scary pics. This time however I don't think baby spawn was enjoying it. It starts out slow, so we were good for a while, even hubby was watching. Then the first time the guy turns into the wolf baby spawn looks all panicky. She says " momma dog"

" she really should not be watching this"

" oh, she has no idea what she is watching"

" look, she is going to have nightmares"

" no she wont"

" I thought the guy from Family Ties was in this movie"

" um dear, that's Teen Wolf, totally different movie "

" oh, she really shouldn't be watching this then"



And now my laundry room is flooding again. I am hoping this is some sick Halloween trick and will be over soon. I am not forking over what could be 500 bucks to have my carpets cleaned out, then to have then get all flooded again. So I have convinced hubby that he is indeed not a plumber.


So lets wrap up the weekend I had....I had flooded carpets, then not, got busted watching scarey movie with baby spawn,then had flooded carpets again, got busted again watching a bad movie with baby spawn. So flooded laundry should be next..It is what you call a pattern:-)

movies I attempted to watch this weekend include: Nightmare on Elm Street, jaws,Fright Night,Land of the dead, zombies,american werwolf in london,the 6th sence,amityville horror,white noise( i did see that one really good),Halloween, Friday the 13th (pick a number), and night of the dead. and I mean attemped. Well we did rent White noise, I loved it, but I like them more scary then that, but it was very good..



have a spooktacular Halloween:)

Stay safe, and watch your backs..Remember

Toodles

editors note****

Some new devolpments since the early morning hours since I wrote this. Baby spawn was all up all night. Not crying, just awake and talking. I was up with her most of the night trying to get her to go to sleep. I am thinking watching the man turn into a dog might have damged her phyici.

Then on my many trips down stairs in the night, I stepped in dog pee...ON MY STEPS..what dog takes a whiz on the steps? She normally does not do this, so I am thining watchng the man turn into a dog has made her too scared to go outside when it is dark.

Lesson learend my Lord, lesson learned. I will no longer let my baby spawn learn the finer elements of a good horror movie until she is at least 4..I get the point now, thank you:-)

What, what, I still cant hear you

WHAT, DID U SAY SOMETHING?


BECAUSE IF U DID , I DID NOT HEAR. AS I HAVE INDUSTRIAL SIZE/MILITARY FANS BLOWING IN MY BASEMENT COURTESY OF THE STEAMCLEANER THE INSURANCE COMPANY RECOMENDED.

OK, SO JUST STOP TALKING TILL AT LEAST MONDAY, THAT'S WHEN THE FANS WILL BE GONE.

WHAT WE CAN NOT SHUT THEM OFF EVEN FOR A SECOND??? OH BOTHER.

DON'T WASTE YOUR BREATH, EITHER LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE, OR BE A MUTE FOR A FEW DAYS. IT WILL DO US ALL A LOT OF GOOD IF WE HAVE SILENCE FOR THE NEXT DAY..

OK I STILL CAN NOT HEAR YOU.

TOODLES

mother daughter bonding, I am going straight to hell

I was channel surfing this afternoon. Not really much else to do, as I am lazy.

I came across some good movies, Old movies if u will. Since it is a " holiday weekend" there are tons of holiday movies on..if u catch my drift!! I love scary movies, they have to be my favorite.

I came across one of my all time favorite movies. " A nightmare on elm street"..The first one.I can not help but watch, and I find myself reciting every line. ahh, memories..

I look down and my baby spawn is sitting on the floor in from of the tv with her eyes fixated on the movie. I think for a brief moment, this is wrong, there is something really wrong here.

Then I say, oh heck, she has no idea what she is watching. Then hubby walks in room.

" what are you doing"

" watching a movie, duh."

" ok, she should not be watching this"

" um, she likes it..see"

" I am turning this off"


So there went my day. You just dont come upon good movies like this everyday. I was tyring to teach baby spawn the finer elements to a good horror movie.

I am not one for " romantic comedies". They bore me. They are so full of crap I can not find a diaper big enough to hold all the crapthey spew . If you think about it, your more likey to become someone,s chopped liver, then to meet your "dream guy" on top of the Empire State Building and live happliy ever after. I am not stupid folks..

Thats why you always need to "watch your backs"

My friendly reminder for this holiday weekend:-)

Toodles****

I thought I saw a puddy tat

I want to thank those of you who commented and gave me some much needed advice over at my "other" website. You guys are truly wonderful.


Here are some pics of my kitty that were taken this morning. She looked so cute I had to share












































isn't my little Sagwa so cute?

Well we have called the insurance company about our " situation" and they said someone would get back to us very soon...I guess they have no idea what the smell of wet, moldy carpet streaming thro your home smells like.....totally gag me with a spoon.....I am thinking we wont hear a thing till Monday which is only going to enrage me more:)

Have a good weekend

Toodles

yes, friday nights rock

took the two older spawns to my moms where they are spending the night.which is hard for me , because I always prefer them home...Kinda stupid huh?

Hubby me and baby spawn go to Target for some much needed items ( I am a target whore)..End up getting things I didnt realize I needed till I got there..

Then had to go to "hell on earth"..yup walmart. But only spent like 20 bucks there..so that is ok...right?

This has been my Friday night ever since mom moved here. The older spawns go there and me and the other 2 members of this family head to Target....Ok why?

Why do I need to head to Target every week...? Some weeks I dont even have any money. I feel so much better when I walk thru the doors. Like the angels are singing. Like the employees put everything out just for me. Its like everything I need is right where it should be.

baby spawn had to wave and say " hi" to everyone we came across, then chatted it up with the check out lady..every question she asked her, baby spawn would say " NO"..then giggle....I love this kid..

Toodles** ( need advice,please read it if u are among the ones who I allow there..LOL)

bout time

Finally got blogger to do its darn job.....
















Notice how baby spawn had too creep her way into the photo shoot.

















And here is miss thang in her laundry basket:-)






















well hubby should be here any minute now to deal with our unfornatue "plumbing situation"....Heaven help me. He has no clue about plumbing. That is kind of why there is schooling and training for such things.And why they are in the yellow pages for easy access. But what do I know?

Have a good weekend....C-ya on Halloween.

Toodles