Friday, February 29, 2008

too much time on my hands

I was going to show u a karaoke video of pale girl and I's favortie karaoke cowboy...But alas, he did not show up last night...SO what u get is me..

In the video u will hear a medly of songs I sang last night, it runs a good nine minutes, and there are no full songs in it, I just kinda took bits a pieces from songs and added them...

I have a part 2 of this, but will show that later..

The camera was kept in my purse so u get a good view of the ceilings and such...

Durring a few songs u can hear Pale girl and her boytoy chatting it up..because the stupid asses were talking over my singing..damn..

So...hope u enjoy it...and there will be a part 2.



Oh and a very very very good freind of mine just told me recently she was gonna pop out a baby..

She has told me her baby factory was closed, as its been a good long while since she birthed a kid...But I guess the factory is up and running...

I keep trying to talk the Mr. into having another one so her baby has a buddy to beat up.

He claims he is too old, and says my eggs are probably no good.

Yeah, he prolly has a point...


It sucks getting old and feable...Trust me, I know.

My good birthing tots days are far behind me, along with my stripper body.

*double sigh*


Anyway, here is the video, most of u have been buggin and buggin to hear further ado..


here is the link bitches..

u will hear

Hotel California

Leather and LAce, a duet with the dj

Bad Medcine

I hate myself for loving you

Sad Songs

I cant rememeber what else..

In the next session we will hear

I love Rock and ROll


Lovin every Minute of it


Yee haw Bitches

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The life of a 4 year old

My Boo, seen here..

well she is star of the week at her baby school. This means, me, as her mother got to attend a session of her tot school.

Now I am a pretty smart woman, I have a vast education in many areas, I have traveled the globe, I have birthed three tots, so I know some shit.

But, the four year olds I spent time with today made me nearly pee pee my pants.

here are some things I over heard at the baby school..

camy, your underwear is showing

Boo, your momma is shiny and pretty....(referring to my piercings)

I can do more summer saults then u

No u cant, I Practice everyday

I practice every hour...u come over after to school and I will SHOW u..

I gots to pee pee teacher

someone let a stinker teacher

yeah, 4 year old rock.


I had to run to Walmart last night, as I needed some milk for my tots...

I go, am greeted at the door...(which is really damn annoying)

I get my crap and I am in the check out.

My check out I say person as for a long while we were unsure of the sex, because they have a beard...AND boobs as well as extensive hair on the arms, that like Robin Williams.

anyway, they are scanning my yogurt, my lettuce, my milk and my Lean Cusiene's..

I hand them my 20 dollar bill, she/he is getting my change and with the hand they are holding MY money in they decide it a perfect time to sneeze....ALL over my MONEY.

I told them to just drop my money in my bag, I got a small can of Lysol from the checkout line, bought it with some change in my purse, and sprayed my bag, my money, my everything..

Told them its a good idea to cover those sneezes because next time my shit gets sneezed on, I wont be so polite.

I leave Walmart, and again..I am greeted..

She thanks me for shopping here....

I tell her

it wont be happening again unless I am wearing surgical u sell those?

and I left.

GAWD I hate walmart.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

In her Easter Bonet

I cant get my 4 year old out of her Easter dress she wore last year.

Girls cant wear pants, because pants r ugly...and girls are suppose to be pretty .

My dog wont come out of the closet and I have not even shaved her yet.

I cant get a job in this dinky city because as I have been told by 3 different companies..

oh, hon, your much to qualified to do this, you can get something that pays much better..and u will.

Granted, I have some mad skills with things, that I can not go into, because, well, I would have to kill u, and I'm sure u don't wanna die I right?

Some of us have to keep our secrets....


I learned some things I need to take off my resume, and some of my wages from the past should not be discussed, because holy shit..

they get scared, they feel threatened, because they cant pay me THAT much...damn it, get outta here.

ya so...

Guess I should just reduce myself and go beg to be a Walmart worker, greeter would be nice......It would SOOOO impress Blondie cause she thinks being a greeter would be so cool.

hello asswipe, welcome to walmart...

thank u 4 shopping at this hole in the ground im sorry Target isnt closer..have a good day.

I can do that.

I want a job, I need out of my house...before I kidney punch someone.

Sometimes having madskills can back fire people....Keep that in mind.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hair raising

My poor, stupid, naive dog...She needs a haircut so bad, she is running into walls now. I was going to hold off and bring her to Nebraska with me in July so Cliff's bride could groom her into the Princess she totally thinks she afraid she is gonna kill herself if I don't intervene soon.


She will be living in my closet with me.....We will be in good company I suppose.


Over the weekend my mother forgot about our ban on Subway...Cause she showed up with that spinach and artichoke sub I have been having wet dreams about.

I reluctantly ate it...

And you know what?

It was the grossest piece of poo-poo I have eaten in years...

I am not normally a consumer of the fast food industry, but I have always fancied Subway, because I didn't have to get something with red meat or anything deep fried.

they went and wrecked that 4 me. I hope they are happy.


My mom and I went out 4 karaoke one night and we decided it would be a bloody good idea to play some pool.

Normally I am jump at this kinda shit, I like watching people play pool and darts.

Well 5 outta 7 times , not knowing how I did, I hit the white ball so hard and with such force it jumped off the pool table and landed on the floor. Even landed on someones table once.

they got a good chuckle, asked what I had been consuming to be such a bad shot..

oh, u know, just your regular run of the mill 80 proof diet coke.

how embarrassing.

I have hung up my pool stick, now we are going to try darts next...yee haw bitches.

I fear 4 anyone who may come in contact with me that night.


Ok, my hair is done....

Now mind u, this was a very delicate process that required much effort, strategic planning and time....

I have a pic with it up, one down and one with my sides these are the normal ways I wear this hair of mine..

here it is with the sides up...

I am not sure why, but my eyes look really really scary..hide the tots..

Next one, hair up....again, hide the tots..

ok, had to throw some in wearing my fav Def Leppard shirt, cause thats how I roll.

so there ya have it peeps..

My job here is done.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Round and Round

OK, so my hair is no longer the color of urine..

thank u Jesus my Lord and SaHaiRvor

So I chatted it up with my hair lady, she got me some shit that takes the color OUT of your hair..


You use this stuff and you can re-color your hair as soon as its dry.


I use it, and my color remains...ONLY its white...I crap on your leg not..

I was freaking out..

I decided I had nothing to lose but to re-color it...My hair lady gave me my desired shade and I came home and did it..

Since I am a former hair lady myself, I will only pay to have my hair cut...Never colored...NEVER.

So I get the color on...and its processing...I keep going to the mirror to scope it out, making sure its not falling out, nor turning any odd shades..

Turns out its a tad darker then I wanted, but its better then having hair resembling that of an Albino.

So Friday afternoon I am going to add the red...

Its all in Gods hands now.


The other night as I lay in my bed, I begin hearing something very odd..Its a clankity clank sound..

I look at the clock, its about 1am. I think one of the tots must be up using the crapper.

Then I hear it again, and again and again.

What the hell is that?

I wake up hubby..

do u hear that?

no, what?

that? see what it is.

Me, hell no, u go..


Aww shit, it aint that important.

So all night I hear this noise at various times...

I am sure its something the dog is doing, because I can hear her pitter patter of her tiny dog feet.

The only time I do NOT hear it, is when the lazy bitch is laying on my bed..

I'm not cursing, she is a bitch...

So I am confident the dog has gotten into something, but I don't give a rats behind, cause I am so sleep deprived, it doesn't matter.

I get up in the am and I go into Boo's room, where I see the dog has taken her valentine box and single handedly eaten every piece of candy that was in her box.

But I am still wondering where the clinkity clacky sound was coming from..

Then along comes my bitch beatin hell down the hallway, as she knows she is in big ass trouble..

The clicklty clack is growing closer...louder...

I look down, and my bitch has a sucker stuck to her damn paw.

My dog likes to lick suckers.

As well as her ass and my face.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

eat the rich

So, I am totally fixing my hair, its gonna be darker plus have the pink in it. I will show the completed prifzef when its done...

My laptop here has a bloody mind of its own, out of nowhere it will type hundred of F's for no reason..if i wait long enough, it will

just wait, its gonna happen, I swear...

Keep watching, an f is gonna just pop up outt fucking nowhere...just like BAM, there is an f, oh and hundreds of its little pissing buddies...


see...I told u...then out of nowhere, it will just plop them in, in the middle of a word im typing, so if u see an f where an f dont belong...its not me..

its my computer that is slightly dopping.

Anyway, remeber a few weeks ago i was telling you about how I was dying for sub from subway, and I waited in the drive thru for 10 minutes and no one came to wait on me and then I got bulgernt when they came?...ok..remeber how I said I was boycotting them?

well, I kept seeing the ad on tv for the sub with the spinach and artichoke dip on it.

So beings I am boycotting, I cant go..I cant step my car on the premises nor spend my own money inside dwelling.

I had the bright idea of calling my mom and roping her into getting us a some subs for lunch.

She agreed..


It was 20 below zero here all day, so a drive thru is a nice luxury on days like this, so she heads over there.

About 20 minutes later she comes up to my door with what appear to be bags from 'the golden fucking arches"

how could she get this wrong...we talked about subway...I know we did..crap..what the hell?

Well, apparently she got in line for the drive thru and the woman tells her to wait just a moment.....a bit later she came back on and said..

we are too busy inside to take your order, if u wanna come in, I can get u your order ready, but I dont have time to run the drive thru.


Now my mom and I are alike in the respect we blow easily...I wont tell u what she said she told them, as this is a rated PG 13 blog, and this would near an NC-17 rating I believe.

But it makes u wonder, how can u be too busy to run a drive thru?....Who dares tell a customer in the drivethru that u dont have time to take their order that u need to come in...THIS is why we HAVE drive thru' lazy ass people dont have to go inside.


So, for lunch I had some soup and an Asian salad...

This week has not gone well for me people.

Please pray.

did anyone watch Nip/Tuck?....the season ending was Tuesday..did anyone see?..holy shit?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

one thing, leads 2 another

Now, I dont normally like to brag about things, or like to rub certain things into others faces. But today, im going let all my morals fall by the wayside..Cause thats how I roll.

Let me start with this, God blessed me with golden hair and sparkling ocean blue eyes. BUT, I was also blessed with a shitty personality and a huge tolerance for procrastination. Ok, not really a tolerance, but rather, a knack.

I was also blessed with bodatious ta-ta's...ok, thats a lie, I can thank my son 4 those..

thank u son....momma loves u.

Now, normally women drop big bucks to get hair like I was born with, a nice gloden blonde with shimmering higlights, that of prestine angelic baby chic.

I have spent the better part of two years dying my angelic locks a shitty brown color.

My first big mistake was cutting my hair...I had long hair, it flowed like a satin sheet on a clothes line.

But last month, I cut it it barley brushes my sun kissed shoulders.

Then a couple weeks ago I had a galloping case of the retards and decided to give myself bangs..I had not had bangs 4 years, but decided I was old enough to handle the tasks required to have and keep bangs.

Big mistake.

I look like a jackwipe with bangs...I never know what to do with them..

do your bangs hang low do the wobble to and frow

can u tie em in a knot can u tie em in a bow...

So now I am just waiting 4 the bitches to grow out...

Then 2 weeks ago I took the jump to lighten my hair back to the golden hue I was meant to have.

Big Mistake take 2...

*note 2 self, when your hair is dark to begin with, your not gonna get your disired color choice, your gonna get strawberry blonde hair of which resemebles a cross between that of strawberry shortcake and goldie locks*

So yesterday I took it upon myself to try and rectify the wrongs I had done with my hair.

I went and got some ultra blonde, that is suppose to lighten thru anything...even dread locks worn by the darkest african living in the Nigerian jungle..


It didnt go so well...

Mind u, I am a semi-pro in the hair business....I did it 4 a while in the mid 90's..

Mind u again...

I have bodatcious ta-ta's...

ok, now what was I saying..

Oh yeah, I totally fu*%ed up my hair.

Im suppose to give my dog a hair cut, but I am waiting and bringing her to Nebraska in July so Cliff's wife can groom her...

I dont wanna make her the laughing stock of my fenced yard...and last time I gave her a haircut, she wouldnt come out of the closet 4 two months.

If u need me, u know where I will be.


Monday, February 18, 2008

Gold Dust Woman

I have learned something over this weekend..

My mothering skills are that of a rabid coon...and I dont mind so much, really I dont.

I have been at this "mothering" thing 4 damn near 11 years now, and I know the ins and outs of a lot of it...And the other crap, I just dont give a rip about..but you'll have that.

they all said things over this weekend that made me wonder where I went wrong..

Blondie told me when she grows up she wants to be a greeter at Walmart because..

it looks easy enough..

Boo told me she wishes Oprah lived in our house because..

she is smart, has pretty hair, and knows dr oz.

(her and the boy think dr oz is the end all and be all of the tv medical commuinty)

And my boy ....we are at church and its commuinion...the pastor says something about bread and wine, and my boy says..

good, im glad we are having wine, I am sooo thirsty.

I think my work speaks for parenting resume is that of Brittiny...only I cant get anyone to take mine away.

I think my work here is done.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Whats love got to do with it

Well, I decided I did not want to go do Karaoke on Valentines Day, rather stay in my city and wallow in my self pitty and use all my anti ageing shit I have been forced to purchase...

I have this dog...she aint much to write home about, I have had her 3 years, got her from the puppy mill when she was a tot...

Now mind you, my dog has lived here long enough to know what goes on here. She knows when she sees the vacume to take cover...She normally jumps on the couch and hides under a pillow, because thats how she rolls.

SHe knows what the vacume sounds like, I mean in the years she has been alive, she musta heard it at least 3 or 4 times........

Anyway, I turn it on and the inbred pisses on my carpet RIGHT in front of me...

Never in my life has she piddled in front of me, I did what any good momma would do..I kicked her.

So after me and the hubs romatic dinner at the Mexican joint we go hand in hand to Walmart to rent a carpet cleaner, because holy shit, I cant walk on the carpet bloody way.

two of my tots had to make Valentine boxes 4 school..As a kid I LOVED this..I would spend hours upon hours making mine, taking all the time a serious engineer would take to skillfully craft a rocket ship...

My boo is incomptent , I mean little, to make her own, so I do it 4 her...WHich is ok, because as a tot I loved this shit...Well after gluing and places hundreds of paper hearts and heart shaped candies on the box, I was dreading my next box, which was the boys.

he was entering in the 5th grade contest..

we were going to do most colorful, because im a chick and I know colors..

While he was at school I prepared the box so when he got home he could add his personal touch to it...

I had every color of tissue paper u can think of, it was so colorful a blind man could see it with his sunglasses was hawt..

He comes home and looks at it and says..

mom, there is some stiff competion at school, and well, I know u meant well, but this isnt going to win me anything, i mean I dont want to hurt your feeling because I know you worked hard on it.....blah blah..

I told him it was much too late to come up with anything better....He then told me not to worry about it and he would take care of everything..

He grabs a big shoe box, tin foil, caps from water bottles, toilet paper rolls, contruction paper, markers and tape and heads to the dinner room where he spent hours creating his masterpiece...

Just before bed he calls me in to the room to it... was some sort of robot was was busy...

it was awesome..

I told him he would never win most colorful....sorry dude...

he said he was going 4 most creative or most effort....

he came home from school beaming.....his box was falling to pieces by days end, but damnit, he won top prize, the most coveted of all Valentine Box contests...

Most Incredible..

Hell yeah bitches...hes a winner...he's specail..

cant pass math, but damnit, he can build a Valentine Box unlike any other.

Well the mr has that twinkle in his eye...Guess I best go give him mouth to mouth.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

dude looks like a lady

Well it seems Hubby wants me to clear the air here...he wants me to tell everyone his exact words...

so here we go..

oh man, I never noticed b4, but u have crows wierd, I always picutred you as the hot young girl I first met...but now I realize, you are getting old..

not that it is a bad thing, its just in my mind you have always been a young hot thing..

see. it doesnt make it any better now does it?

Men are just stupid...Like that makes any matter...cause even though he thinks it was a compliment, I told him all I heard was..

he use to think i looked young, now im old and am getting wrinkels

yeah, that makes me all giddy inside..


i told him he needs to take a class on giving his woman compliments..starting now.

cause Valentines Day is nearing and he wont be getting a damn thing...and my sex shop will be closing soon if he cant say something nice..

damn men anyway..


My dog needs a bath and a haircut, my cats need the litter box cleaned, my kids want to eat off clean dishes, hubby wants lovin when he calls me old...

I just am overloaded people...

Blondie was talking about the kids in her class she is pals with. I ask her if she is buddies with all the girls in her class...( as I know all the boys drool over her)...she said all but two..

So i had her show me which two she was not pals with..

wouldnt ya know it...its the obese girl and the ugly red headed girl...

More of me is in that girl then I once thought...when i was her age, I was the same way...why are little girls that way?

I have said it once and I will say it again, little girls are vile creatures....

see, this is the new face of a vile it and weep all u moms with lil girl tots...this will be them one day...


Thursday is what we married people refer to as

guess I should do my hair cause i might get a free dinner and might be asked to put out DAY..

Normally on Thursday I am at Lamplighter in Hutch....its a town not far from here..Its the only place I will do Karaoke at now, ya no, after I was fucking robbed...on my own turf...damnitalltohell..

anyway, I am assuming I wont be going this week, cause well, the man I have been married to 4 nearly 13 years is going to expect me to stay here and do stuff with him..

I have not sang since my robbing, and I am wanting to go....I would take him along but he is like a damn pumpkin and wants to be home by like 10....and thats not how I roll...

So, do I stay home and spend time with the male whom called me old, or do I go out and sing my sorrows away?

This is a tough call..

Thursday, February 07, 2008

rock and roll never 4gets

Well, im still not feeling the best, I am almost nearly positive I must have a brain tumor in my sinus cavity...its the only explaination I can come up with thats based on pure shit.

No matter what I take, it does not make the torture of my sinus headache leave the throws of my facial structure.

Now I have one side of my throat that feels like I swollowed a hornets

I also have one ear that feels like I might of shoved a pumpkin in my ear canal just 4 shits and giggles.

and its not even the same side as my throat. So its not like all my pain is just localized to one side, its not discrimatory, its taken over the whole body.

My Boo has a temp of 103.7.....she has wanted to watch High School Musical all day, so I can not complain...Even in the throws of death, we both still fancy us some Zac Efron.

Oh and I have become additcted to Pop Rocks....Its almost like I am reverting back to my childhood days..

I think its normal when your terminal.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Well this coming friday i will be particapting in a karaoke contest. They have begged and pleaded and broke me down. I do not have to sing country, I can sing whatever I I need to think about it...

I watched the contest this last weekend, and let me just say, they all sucked, so i think I should do pretty well....unless all the good singers come out the same damn day I do. So I will let u know how that pans out.

I am still ill, as well as my Blondie...she is all feverish and sickly.

Here are some pics from her birthday.

this is her cake, she wanted horses, so suck it.

thats her and one of her new toys, its a Webkinz, she now has 6 of them. Unless your the mother of girl tots between the ages of 4 and 10, your clueless as to the world of Webkinz, and this u should be greatful 4.

she is hugging her sister......

hours later she creamed her, so the love only last 4 so long.

Here she is showing off her new wheels....

Sadly though, my birthday girl went from this.....

to a blink of an eye....

I will be back later in the week maybe...

Monday, February 04, 2008

guess thats why they call it the blues

Bitch, crap, suck...

Im sick again.

Im a good mom because I made sure all my crappin tots got the flu shot instead of me, and twice in the last two weeks I have had a near deadly case of the snots and coughs.

I am feverish, I am peakid...

I want to die.

Blondie, poor Blondie, her party was a bust, her pals were sick and couldnt even come to her party...she had a grandparent totally 4get her birthday...(not MY family mind u, my peice of shit father in law, man I just wish he would drop dead..sorry, did I type that out loud.)

She gets a do-over sleep over next weekend. I will post pics of her cake and things later in the just too tired and too weak today.

ok, im just lazy, u got me.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Long Long way to go

I was going to go out and play a hard and heavy game of Bingo tonight, BUT in the last 24 hours our weather temperatures have dropped over 100 degrees...Yes 100..
How you ask is that even possible?..Let me fill you in.
Yesterday it beamed at around 50 degrees for a couple hours, it was wonderful. then something bad happened.
the big ass arctic wind made his way back, and has dropped a bomb. A bomb filled with a balmy negative 50....yup....its -50 now....
Well the air temp is negative 19, with our wind blowing at 40 miles per hour, it drops it to the -50 mark.
this lady does not go out of doors in that.....not ever.
So no Bingo...I bet I woulda won big too.
this is my last post for the week, cause I have shit to

Anyway, Friday is going to be my little girls birthday. My wee one will be 8 years of age and its very weird.

When I had her, the boy was just turning 3...I had spent three years with a tot whom was a male, and so I had no idea what to do with a girl.

Even though I myself am a girl, I still didn't know what the hell to do with her.

So I did what any good mom would do...I bought lots of pink shit.

turns out, my baby hates pink, but I did not know this at the time...

this is her the first summer we lived here. She was 4 here. the same age Boo is now.

My little girl loves her dog, her cats, her fish, and Zac Efron, which is making her real close to getting the tar beat out of her by the very woman her birthed her.

that is when she lost her first teeth.....

this was over the summer....we spent lots of time at the beach....she would tell me she wants to have a suntan like I do...

she got pretty close, but I told her I purchase my tan in the winter on a monthly basis so by summer it isn't so hard to get a glow...She wanted to save her money so she could buy a tan with me...bless her soul.

No baby, u cant go to the tanning salon with me...that would be like me buying u liquor when your 12....that would make me a bad mommy.

this is my baby now.


So my dear ole Blondie is turning one year older...she has a boyfriend who gives her jewelry and writes her notes that say things like..

do u love me? cause if not i have three other broads I'm gonna ask out...

little prick..

I saw this pic when I was going thru some shit, its my Boo, she musta been 2 or under..Look at her gapping diaper...what mother does this and then photographs it?


She is just doin some shopping...

Anyway, I hope my little 8 year old has a great birthday....But since I am the mom and in charge of all the fun to be had, chances are its gonna be not so pleasant. . and in 10 years from now she will be doing Celebrity re-hab with Doctor Drew...

Happy Birthday Blondie...

your getting a new bike...