Tuesday, February 19, 2008

one thing, leads 2 another

Now, I dont normally like to brag about things, or like to rub certain things into others faces. But today, im going let all my morals fall by the wayside..Cause thats how I roll.



Let me start with this, God blessed me with golden hair and sparkling ocean blue eyes. BUT, I was also blessed with a shitty personality and a huge tolerance for procrastination. Ok, not really a tolerance, but rather, a knack.



I was also blessed with bodatious ta-ta's...ok, thats a lie, I can thank my son 4 those..





thank u son....momma loves u.



Now, normally women drop big bucks to get hair like I was born with, a nice gloden blonde with shimmering higlights, that of prestine angelic baby chic.



I have spent the better part of two years dying my angelic locks a shitty brown color.



My first big mistake was cutting my hair...I had long hair, it flowed like a satin sheet on a clothes line.



But last month, I cut it off...now it barley brushes my sun kissed shoulders.



Then a couple weeks ago I had a galloping case of the retards and decided to give myself bangs..I had not had bangs 4 years, but decided I was old enough to handle the tasks required to have and keep bangs.



Big mistake.



I look like a jackwipe with bangs...I never know what to do with them..



do your bangs hang low do the wobble to and frow

can u tie em in a knot can u tie em in a bow...



So now I am just waiting 4 the bitches to grow out...



Then 2 weeks ago I took the jump to lighten my hair back to the golden hue I was meant to have.



Big Mistake take 2...



*note 2 self, when your hair is dark to begin with, your not gonna get your disired color choice, your gonna get strawberry blonde hair of which resemebles a cross between that of strawberry shortcake and goldie locks*



So yesterday I took it upon myself to try and rectify the wrongs I had done with my hair.



I went and got some ultra blonde, that is suppose to lighten thru anything...even dread locks worn by the darkest african living in the Nigerian jungle..



Soooo.....



It didnt go so well...



Mind u, I am a semi-pro in the hair business....I did it 4 a while in the mid 90's..



Mind u again...



I have bodatcious ta-ta's...



ok, now what was I saying..



Oh yeah, I totally fu*%ed up my hair.



Im suppose to give my dog a hair cut, but I am waiting and bringing her to Nebraska in July so Cliff's wife can groom her...



I dont wanna make her the laughing stock of my fenced yard...and last time I gave her a haircut, she wouldnt come out of the closet 4 two months.



If u need me, u know where I will be.



Amen.

38 comments:

Fantastagirl said...

Rule #1 - never never cut your own hair. I learned this lesson in college, when after several drinks I thought I was a hair dresser.

Rule #2 - never let your drunk friends dye your hair, or dye your own hair - always have a professional do it. Seriously....

rule #3 - a good dye job is only a shade away and it will grow back... take some prenatal vitamins -or is that for fingernails...man, I can never remember.

Karin said...

I have a rather extensive hat collection you can borrow from until your hair looks semi decent. Sorry I have been away so long, hopefully my life is beginning to get some sense of normalcy now that the boy is almost 5 months old.

Flip Flop Momma said...

fantstagirl,
I never cut my own hair..NEVER..

so far I have never let anyone drunk do it either..haha..so far;)

when I did hair, my specailty was coloring, I ALWYS do my own..no way I am paying 100 bucks 4 someone to do it when I know the ins and outs;)

(i would NEVER buy store bought dye, that shit will kill ya..)


Good tips lady...Good tips...

But now I do want a drunk pal to color my hair...damn it woman.

Karin,
damn....I have missed u..

Yarn Tails said...

It cant be that bad. I am sure just the shock of it all made it worse. It will grow back. You will see in no time flat.

Scarlet said...

I've done things to my hair when I thought it looked bad or I was bored with it that looked twice as bad as when I started. I let the professionals take care of me from now on. Not that I'm always happy with them...but myself? Never again!

BTW, what a tease this post was...I scrolled FOREVER trying to find a picture of you with your new look and nothing. I bet it's not THAT bad.

Diva said...

Girrrrrllllll, this is experience speaking....(and an emergency card that is in my wallet from my hair dresser)
Stay out of the hair color aisle at Sally's.

She gave me a hotline number when I get the twitchies to color or do something drastic.

But, worry not. It grows back fairly rapido.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Yarntails,
no, its that bad..hehe

Scarlet,
Well, I let a prof buy the color 4 me...and look what it did?..yeah, I know, u cant see..hahahaha

Diva,
well, this whole going back to blonde is part of a much deeper plan, every spring and summer I go blonde PLUS I have pink and or red in the mix too..so i was just setting the pallet..hehe

I need the hotline number;)

CMB said...

OH NO! I am SO sorry to hear your hair tail...but I am sure you do not look 1/2 as bad as you THINK you do. You said it yourself...beautiful blue eyes, great ta ta's - hair grows back. As a matter of fact, Holly came over to cut my hair tonight and mentioned that she is taking a vitamin to make her hair grow. I'll find out what it is and let you know.
I read your comment on my post. I'd love to lose weight with you my blogger buddy :)
The Spark People website is free and great. I think you should join with me. You can keep track of me and I of you!

Anonymous said...

At the end of a long booring day you always cheer me up. One time I permed my hair and it all fell off in the rollers ! Oh yea, the day before I bleached it. LOL
Aunt Frankie

Katie said...

Bad haircuts and colors suck!

Hope it grows fast.

Flip Flop Momma said...

CMB,
well, its bad enough...I may have enough courage to post a photo tommorow, MAYBE..

I dont know anything about that site..u need to fill me in..

Aunt frankie,
oh, bleaching and perming are never a good thing..haha..

Katie,
4 sure!!!!

Groovy Mom said...

Hmm, I was just thinking about bangs this morning. Creepy. Unlike you, however, I shuddered and pushed the thought out of my head instead of going crazy with the scissors.

But the bodacious ta tas really go a long way toward fixing anything that is wrong with your hair. Just hang onto that thought.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Groovy,
im hanging on 2 it, trust me..

1 plus twins said...

where is the picture of you hair?? it can't be that bad!!

The Egel Nest said...

Good news is...if you have bodacious ta ta's...men won't care what your hair looks like :)

Jackwipe...that is funny...


Bradley
The Egel Nest

Haphazardkat said...

*flings myself into your blog box*
WWWWWWWWHYYYYY would you dye your hair brown when you had golden locks???
*kneels and raises uplifted arms to the sky*
Whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyy???

Flip Flop Momma said...

1pt,
maybe tommorow...maybe not..

Bradley,
true true;)

Kat,
well, u get sick of it after 20 years of blonde jokes, trust me.

Tom said...

Not being all that familiar with the Clairol color chart, I can't really say much about the color. Any style is cool, as long as it doesn't look like you have a dead cat on your head.

Shannon said...

I agree with 1plustwins, show us the picture. I had a friend get her hair dyed at Penney's. She came over to my house crying because her hair was ORANGE. When she complained at the salon the manager said, "I don't see any orange in there!" Oh trust me... it was orange on the top.

Flip Flop Momma said...

tom,
what about a live cat?

Shannon,
orange hair is never good, unless your carrot top.

just_tammy said...

Come out of the closet...and take a picture!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

tam,
I like the closet, its warm in here.

CMB said...

Sure, I can fill you in. What would you like to know? You can email me at:
boettger@comcast.net

Yippeeskip said...

I wanna see a picture of this hair failure

gina parker said...

What no pictures with this post????
I feel jipped.

I too cut bangs at my last visit to the hair salon and loved them until two days later when I was responsible for the styling. I just don't have time to "do" my hair- and it's hard to get bangs up into my signature "messy bun".

I say shave it all- and post a pic!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

CMB,
ok, I will mail ya later..

Yippee,
damn...

Gina,
I know, I like to pull mine back and now, I have shit laying on my forehead ..not cool..

Southern Sage said...

Whew!
I did a slideshow of the 100's of pics I have of your "bodatcious ta-ta's" and it fixed my blogger error problem!
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for FFM's bodatcious ta-ta's

themuttprincess said...

Where are the pictures? You have to prove it to us.

LOL

BTW, I have broken many a hair rule in my day. Now I just pay someone NOT to screw it up, and go regularly so I DONT in the meanwhile.

Sigh.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Ss,
well I hope your slideshow is keeping ya busy;)

tMp,
well, this has been my 1st dissapointment, normally my hair is rocking hard..haha..

I might post a pic 4 my next post, I dont know..MAYBE>>>>>

Southern Sage said...

Best 4.5 inutes of my day so far!
haaaaaaaaa
Go read my funny ifn your bored!!

Bradley's Mom said...

FF: You make me laugh so hard!!! I'm crying!!

Now come on, it can't be so bad! You would look lovely even with a bag on your head and a burlap sack on your body!!

I'm sure you are exaggerating!

Diva said...

Oh yah, hop on over. Gave you props for your MAD SKILLZ.

metalmom said...

Oooo! Bangs = NOT GOOD!

Foster Communications said...

Hey, at least you still have bodacious ta-tas right? Wear low cut shirts and people won't look up at your hair. :)

The Kept Woman said...

I wanna...no, I DEMAND to see pictures. You can't lead us on like that and not post what you did.

That's a rule of blogging.

Rachel said...

I'll bet it's not that bad! Besides, your face is pretty so the hair doesn't change that!

One thing about hair is that it will grow back...if you let it!!

Patti said...

Hey I had a "skunk phase" once. It was not pretty!

Anonymous said...

Oh my god girl I totally feel for you
like that just totally sucks