Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Hot for teacher

There comes a time in a parents life when they must endure a parent teacher conference. Now when your tots are small, you only have to deal with one teacher. One teacher dealings are nice. Want to know why? Because its one teacher. One is a whole nice round number.

When your tots hit middle school, you need to converse with a many a teacher. Which can be problematic when your me. I am not a people person . This means I don't like making small talk with the other "parents", that's not how I roll.

The thing about these conferences is they can linger longer then you want..And you may encounter a teacher with either body odor or mouth odor, or hell, both.

Do you offer breath mints, gum, or heck even a toothbrush?..No. You cant or they will flunk your kid.

I just know it.

I had one teacher with breath that smelled like rotting meat. One teacher who kept looking at my boobs, and one who wouldn't stop talking...

Although the good news is my son is getting one A, 5 B's and one C.

So the teacher can look at my nice perky rack if my son gets an A...thats ok..

Its not dirty.

its not like I let him touch them..


I was offered this freelance writing gig....I would get paid 20 cents per word with an average of making 200 bucks a week.

Not bad right?

Until I found out it was for a pornographic dating website.

They wanted me to write this kinda stuff

Lilly here is a spitfire...her bodacious boobs are just wanting you to take your member and slide it thru them till you blow your wade on her taught stomach..

yeah, I don't fucking think so...

But hey, that was pretty good just coming from the top of my head right?

No NO...I wont do this job, I just wont..

I don't think so..

NO NO, its wrong..

Sure the money would be nice, but I think Jesus frowns upon a good mom like me getting my keyboard dirty with the usage of words like boobs, members, back door entry, and tossing salad or rimming..

oh God, I need to go shower now...



Jennybean said...

You have great wirtting skills...

*giggle fit*

Flip Flop Momma said...

u think?..haha....why does this shit come to me?...good Lord..

Shannon said...

You crack me up!!!
I feel the same way about conferences, they always get awkward at the end, lol. Then there is the whole "making small talk with a complete stranger". Gosh, I hope I don't have to meet with ALL of my sons teachers, I really don't think they have time to meet with every students parent, there are way too many. (there are around 300 sixth graders at his school) Hopefully it will just be homeroom, which is also his ELA and Venture teacher. Keep your fingers crossed!

Flip Flop Momma said...

I think I would rather meet with all of them, i need to know shit, im nosey that way..

there are prolly 1-200 6th graders here..

i think u should be able to make private appointments..

instead of waiting in line in the fucking gym..

this shit pisses me off.

Scarlet said...

LOL - I know you have knack for writing, but PORN??

Where do you find this stuff??

Flip Flop Momma said...

trust me, i didnt find it, it came to me..

I use to do writing for things, and someone gave my name that they thought i would be great at this..

I had no idea what it was for...just was contacted to do some freelance work..my name is on a list with a writing company and i often get contacted and have done lots of small stuff for things..

but this just cracked me up and i needed to share..

but its damn funny huh?..

Haphazardkat said...

Girl! You can do this! Just think, if you get writers block you can ask that soccer mom that was listening to porn in her car for advice!
You and her would be like this *crosses fingers and holds them up*

btw? PALE girl has spawn???? I searched your pics closely but it doesn't appear that her spawn have inherited her alabaster Pale One trade mark. Proof that the world can only handle one.
All hail PALE ONE!

The Doozie said...

It would probably really make Jesus frown if you were writing about felching.

Please don't make Jesus frown, because then it rains and thunders and we all suffer. The storm cellars can only contain so many peeps.

As for your teacher theories? I think you nailed that like a split hog.

want to go to hawaii?

Monogram Queen said...

Um, what pray tell does tossing salad have to do with pornography? *hums* *looks around*

Flip Flop Momma said...

all hail pale one..


um, in case u get hungry;)

metalmom said...

You know that porn?
Umm...could you write me a letter?

catrina said...

You could have made yourself six bucks with just that one sentence! And that's not counting the ....
C'mon, think about it! Your blog's hilarious anyway, but just think of the additional content your new job would bring you!! :-)

Slick said...

Hey girl...

Let me know when you get your first check for the writing gig, ok? :)

Flip Flop Momma said...

sure...u got it!

yeah...it sounds tempting...

but i just dont think i could stomach doing that all day..

i dont know..

u dirty boy..u just wanna help me spend it..

just_tammy said...

Hate the conference in the gym thing. I had to go a couple weeks ago. It's impossible to hear above the constant noise. Usually a teacher or two will give brownie points if a parent shows. We were robbed this time!

At least you weren't offered a phone sex job - these are the jokes people!

Flip Flop Momma said...

i might be good at that though..

IamDerby said...

wow porn pays well!

sweets said...

you have real talent! hehe... a member?? mwhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahhhaa

Flip Flop Momma said...

it appears that way huh?

u like Memebers, doncha?

Gette said...

I get to do conferences from the other side this week. I'll make sure to bring deo and tictacs.

I, of course, didn't understand one word of what you wrote in the example. Nope. Not one.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I have a feeling your mouth and body are smelling quite nice;)

and i dont believe a word of your last sentence..

im just sayin:)

Southern Sage said...

damn I need that gig!!!

I figured such things would make you need a cold shower!


Flip Flop Momma said...

well..i wasnt dirty enough 4 a old shower..

catscratch said...

I think I'd do it. Only you and Jesus have to know. And he's a forgiving type.

~Jobthingy~ said...

damn i would do that job.

when i meet a teacher with nasty breath i pull out my gum.. i am a gum chewing fanatic. so i always have some in my pocket.

i haul that puppy out and ever so kindly offer a piece to the teacher.

9/10 it works

just a kat said...

hey refer me..i could use the extra money and I've got LOADS of dirty thoughts just rolling off my tongue!! (see....I just used one!)
For reals...


Krystal said...

"Lilly here is a spitfire...her bodacious boobs are just wanting you to take your member and slide it thru them till you blow your wade on her taught stomach..."

That takes talent...