Monday, January 05, 2009

the living years

Last night I had the tv on, because I am not of Amish decent and I do require an electronic feed at all times, it keeps my heart in rhythm.

There was a movie on HBO that I have seen, and I hate it. I hate it because it makes me sad, depressed and hypertensive..(that means gives me high blood pressure for u non Internet medical degree holders), yet I watched it anyway, knowing full well what was going to happen to me.

Not only did I have the shittiest dreams, but now I have all sorts of things I think I need to do before the big day gets here.

What big day am I referring to you ask?..

My demise.

Yes folks, I need to stop watching the damn movie The Bucket List before I end up doing random acts of kindness to strangers or heck, adopt an orphan.

It does get me thinking of shit I would like to accomplish or do before that tragic day shall arise.

I was thinking maybe I should try and do some more traveling, something more scenic then a trip to Michigan or New Mexico...

I am thinking somewhere like Ethiopia, and maybe kill two birds with one stone and bring home a car full of tots that need some oatmeal and a kool aide juice box.

I would also like to attend a black tie affair..Never in my life have I even been invited to such an event. I want to go and show up with a red tie..

I would like to have enough money to purchase a helicopter..I don't know where i would store such a mode of transportation, but I just think it would be nice to say I had one.

I would like to set up arranged marriages for my tots, so they don't end up with losers I need to put a hit out on. I see nothing wrong with an arranged marriage, look how well it works out for all those cults in Utah. They all seem on the up and up.

I don't want to do anything boring like jump out of planes or see the great wall of china..I want to do bigger and better things.

Like own a copter, cause whats cooler then that?

Anyway. enough of that...

I forgot to give you the horrid facts last post, so i will give u a double dose today, cause I like to play fair and nice.

*Cockroaches can make themselves super-slim and can flatten their bodies to a size just a little thicker than a piece of paper to crawl into cracks.

*An American Delicacy called Headcheese is made by cooking a whole cow or pig head into a mush and letting it coll down into a jelly like state.

*A smelly fart contains the same gas as found in rotten eggs

*when you sneeze,all your body functions stop-even your heart stops beating. A very long sneezing fit and cause a heart attack.

There you go...

enjoy...happy sneezing.


IamDerby said...

MMMMMM headcheese!

Rocker_MoM said...

I know right!

deni said...

I am so grossed out by the head cheese thing. OMG!

ROTFLMAO, I'm gonna hafta share that with my friends!

Gette said...

The cockroaches gross me out worse than the headcheese.

Rocker_MoM said...

share away my freind:)

Oh no, headcheese is way worse!

namaste said...

LOL! at feeding tots oatmeal and kool aide. you're a nut! i think arranged marriages would be lovely. but the reality is, i don't want to parent that long! ;)

Rocker_MoM said...

I agree with u on all accounts:-)

Jeannie said...

I love sneezing.

Jeannie said...

Oh - and I was once invited to the Juno's (which are the Canadian version of the Grammy's) I turned the guy down. How f'n dumb was that? He was even going to buy me a dress. Geez.

Scarlet said...

Come to think of it, I've never attended a black tie affair and I would love to do that. I'd like to get a table at the Oscars or the MTV Movie Awards and listen to acceptance speeches while sipping champagne w/ Johnny Depp. Yum.

Sandy said...

I love your humor!

Rocker_MoM said...

me 2.
and why did u turn that down?..damn woman!

damn, now that sounds nice to me as well...good call.

thank u my dear.

Monogram Queen said...

Wow this lady next to me is a super-sneezer. Now i'm PARNOID! Thanks alot

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

that damn movie. it gets my brain working also. and i am nice to strangers to begin with.

so here is what we are going to do, you buy your chopper, come here and we will crash a black tie affair in red and pink ties.. good?

Rocker_MoM said...

I hope u know CPR!

OMG, I am sooo there!

Haphazardkat said...

Who the frack came up with head cheese??
...frackin' freaks.

Marianne said...

I'll pass on the headcheese.

And while it would be cool to see a black tie event, the snobby bitches would probably look down their surgically perfected noses at me and figure I came from the trailer park.

And then I'd probably end up getting drunk and yelling at them bitches that I don't come from no stinky trailer park. I live in the subdivision behind the trailer park.

Then I'll throw up in their champaign punch and peel out of the parking lot in my Mustang...probably with part of my formal dress caught in the door.

It would be swell time, indeed.

Kel said...

I knew that your heart stopped momentarily while sneezing. I didn't know, however, it could bring about a heart attack. Great. Thanks for sharing that tidbit.

Maybe I should work on a list of what I want to do before I kick the bucket. I haven't seen that movie, but I did see that it was playing on HBO. I suppose I'll have to watch it since I love being depressed as much as the next person.

Rocker_MoM said...

PLEASE take me with u when u do this...Holy shit that sounds like my kinda nite out!

watch it, then report back to me.

Humincat said...

When I was a young teen (remember I'm in SoCal) there was a party or event every weekend, what with everyone's family getting married or dying or most common, a Quinceanos party (Mexican sweet 15th b-day). Now, there aint squat to go to, and no reason to dress for it. I want to DRESS UP DAMMIT~! I don't think that is too much. Maybe I need to convince Hubby to take me on a cruise....

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

I remember when I was at my grandma's farm in Minnesota, and I was looking through her cookbook for something yummy we could make. I said, "How about we make headcheese?!" She laughed and told me to read the recipe. Ew. :::shudders:::: I had been picturing something like, well, you know, CHEESE. Not.

Rocker_MoM said...

maybe we need to plan our own party!

Poo Poo,
I know, I never really knew what headcheese was, but i knew it didnt sound good.

Shannon said...

Hahahaha. That rotten egg smell is what some peoples well water smells like around here. I knew you would like that one. :)

Shannon said...

FYI... it is from the sulfur.

JoeinVegas said...

Hmm, could you put on your list coming to Vegas and having a one night affair with some random guy? (yes, I am pretty random)

Rocker_MoM said...

Oh I use to have water that smelled like that back in Michigan...totally gross.

I will ask my hubs and I will get back 2 ya:)

Jamie Dawn said...

I haven't seen that movie yet, but maybe it will cause me to do some unusual things like eat weird foods and do Pilates and maybe learn Chinese.
I will NOT eat headcheese though because it sounds very very nasty.

Happy New Year!!!
Don't watch that movie any more!

catscratch said...

The Bucket List is mighty damn depressing. Of course, I have one of my own after seeing it..

Head cheese... nice.