Thursday, January 15, 2009

ice age

This week has been for shit. Am I allowed to say that or will they bleep it out?

Its been a bitter cold week. They delayed school Monday, they cancelled school today. Its 30 below zero right now and with the wind its about 50 below. I know, don't be hatin on me, you could have this too if you really wanted it.

Lets see, what can I complain about today? I am sure I can think of something.

Since my mom moved in, my mood seems to be a tad, well, shitty. I know we had no choice but to let her stay here, not like I could let her live in a van down by the river. Because she does not have a van. And we have no river, just a lake.

She is constantly whistling and eating. We could eat a 12 course meal, that I prepared of course, and ten minutes after we eat, she is digging thru my house looking for more food. She reminds me of some sort of wildebeest out in the savanna, not knowing when its next meal will come, so it eats any meal it finds, hoping it wont be its last, but just in case it is, they will die satisfied.

i have been going to the gym alot because being in my own house is making me want to beat things.

While I was at the gym the other day a fairly nice looking man got on an piece of equipment next to me. He looked to be in his late 40's early 50's..Looked reasonable enough, like a smart fella. Maybe played t-ball and was a boy scout.

There are tv's all over the gym, in front of all the machines, I never grab a remote and ear pieces because I bring my Ipod, and thats all a woman needs. But I do tend to read lips or read the closed captioning of the shows they are watching.

This man was channel surfing, which in itself was annoying. First we were watching something about a horse stud service or something, the stud was paid 150,000 to screw a lady horse..I'm thinking, holy toots.

Then he landed on a channel and left it there.

For brief moment I thought I was being hurled into some violent time warp that sucked me back home..where Idid not want to be.

He was watching the Disney Channel.

Now granted, Hannah Montana and The Suite life of Zach and Cody are good shows, if your between the ages of 5 and 12, but mother of God, I knew right then he must be one of those who rode the short bus..

I kept looking at him, looking at the tv, then looking at him again.

He says.."do u mind if I have this on?"

Me, is he talking me?..Why would I care what this man who is obviously still breastfeeding watches?

I told him watch what he wants, and that I found it funny he watches the same think I thought my 5 year old was watching at this very minute.

This was him..

" great, i love this episode"

what a douche bag.

I tried picturing my dad at a gym, channel surfing..Because the guy looked about my dads age.

I could picture my dad landing on the news, the golf channel, or hell, the playboy channel.

I could tell this was a very sick man. The kind that follows kids around asking them what happen on Drake and Josh last night because he missed it because he had some sort of board meeting that ran late.

I should of asked for his number.

What else?

its cold out...did I say that already?

crap I think I did.

Well, if my car starts I'm just gonna go to the gym right now.

My mom is whistling, my son is playing with army guys and making shooting sounds, my girls are watching a movie and giggling, the dog is barking, oh wait, now mom is in the cupboard I can here bags restling is hungry again...

I'm outta here.


Jennybean said...

If my mom moved in with me I would be willing to brave this cold to go about anywhere... love mom, don't want her in my bidness... lol!

Southern Sage said...

you go get em!!
lol@ the guy
thats f-ed up!!

Rocker_MoM said...

well trust me, this is not the ideal sitation for me! puts me ina bad mood.

Rocker_MoM said...

4 sure.

Scarlet said...

It's guys like the one at the gym that make me want to stay married to my husband. Slim pickens out there, I tell ya! ;)

I love your line about "the short bus!" :D

Btw, I applaud you for taking in your mom...but then, she's such a cool mom. If my mom could only whistle and stop giving advice...

just_tammy said...

So even when you escape from the craziness at home, you run smack into it when you are supposed to be in your happy place?! Guess you could have saved yourself a trip and jumped on the treadmill at home where the Disney channel was being watched by it's target audience. Hmmm, I thought you're mom looked a bit fluffier than before. Hope she's kicking in a few bucks for groceries, since like everything else, the cost of those puppies is through the roof. If it makes you feel any better, my mom is killing my niece and her hubby by burning through gas and electric like it's free. This is the woman who was beyond careful when she was paying. Didn't work? Sorry.

Krystal said...

My mother will not live with me. I going to happen. She doesn't blend well. She pisses everyone off. She's on her 3rd or 4th church in 4 1/2 years. Need I say more?

We've had single digits. The chickens have heat lamps, but the dogs are too stupid to sleep under the one I have outside for them. I hope they don't freeze to death.

JoeinVegas said...

So, what are the plans for eventually moving Mom out? Will she be getting a job, or just living with you forever?
As for Disney? Yes, he is weird. Everyone knows Sesame Street kicks ass, and maybe Baby Einstein, but Zack and Cody for a grown man? Come on.

Lola said...

I don't know how you are doing it-sounds like you don't feel at home in your own home.....and the fod thing..........need to set some ground rules as i am guessing she is not helping with the grocery bill.......

metalmom said...

I agree with Lola...get some rules PRONTO!

Dude!This is your chance to say "As long as you're living under MY roof, missy....!!!"

Rocker_MoM said...

I am too cold to address everone indviailly and too lazy.

She has a job but has been unable to work the last month because she has fallen ill again..she gets dissability so she does pay us rent, however she is eating me out of house and home. She does buy food sometimes..

I just like having my house to myself, and I dont anymore..

We never got along when I was a teen when we lived together so I moved with my dad..

She has had to live with us before, this is not the first time.

I sure hope its the last though.

namaste said...

"some sort of wilderbeest out in the savanna"


and the whistling would drive me a little nuts.

the guy with the remote? whoa! funny!

Humincat said...

I LOVE my mom, but after her last visit for a week, oh man, I about killed her. She constantly complained about her weight (which she has done my entire life) and ate every hour on the hour. And not just small potions, growing teenage boy portions. I don't get it. And I don't mind the help with the kids and stuff, but if I decide my kid doesn't need a bath today, don't call me lazy and act all heroic and do it yourself. You never gave a crap how many baths I took as a kid, why is it a national emergency if my kid skips a day? Do it or don't do it, but I don't want to hear about it for 3 days. Ok, I think I've vented enough, and why in the helllllllll would you live in a place that feels like -50 degrees?????? Why oh why oh why oh why oh why?

Jeannie said...

You couldn't pay me enough to have my mom move in. Seeing as it takes her approximately 2 hours to upset me

Mrs. K said...

i can't believe this shit with the guy for reals? is he a pedo or something? it's cold here in the 50s. ;)

KrazyMom said...

LMAO! You crack me up!

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

i love this episode? BWAHAHAHA what a douche.

i avoid all those shows when the punk isnt home.

i would have shot something at the fucking tv i i were you.. just sayin.

and its cold here. bleck.

Rocker_MoM said...

whislting outta be outlawed.

oh I feel your pain!

well, trust me its not my ideal sitation, but u cant just let your mom be homeless I suppose, think of shit u would be in with God..oh man..

u dont know cold..hehe

aww shucks

i try to avoid it even when they are home;)

Rocker_MoM said...

gosh and take a look at my tmep thingy ubove my blogroll and site meter...its 20 below out right now..


raino said...

i don't know why but i find this hysterically funny. i'm laughing with you not at you lol

Rocker_MoM said...

but im not laughing!!!!!!


deni said...

OMG I think I work with that guy's brother, short bus. LMAO

Sheri said...

Hook the guy at the gym up with your mom and you'll be home free.

Cliff said...

You mean I have to quit watching that show? Well now what.

Rocker_MoM said...

I think he has kin all over:)

OMG, u r 2 funny!

watch 60 minutes, thats what a grandpa is suppose to do!

Monogram Queen said...

Dude, you have GOTTA RELAX! Things are NOT that bad. Keep telling yourself this.

I am a savanna wildebeest too - I sympathize with your Mom LOL although to be fair because I can only eat the amount that a toddler can roughly eat I have reason to be hungry again so soon. (I am not lying!)

About the guy...... I watch Cartoons & stuff like that but I guess it seems more "creepy" for a guy to do it... in public no less. Right?

Haphazardkat said...

I was chomping on smoked salmon covered wheat thins when I read about Mom being referenced to a "wildabeast in the savanna" and horked out a laugh that sprayed my laptop screen with food bits!!
Yer killin' me here!!

I read your blog to Lord V cuz he was laughin at me cleaning off my laptop...

He busted out laughin! Least his laugh was salmon free...

Shannon said...

I don't think I could handle my mom living with me, but she is a mean cleaning machine. So at least the house would be clean, lol.

Jamie Dawn said...

Your mom is a major grazer. I guess she needs constant intake of calories. I'd be 500 pounds I I did that!
Maybe that guy used to work for Disney. Maybe he used to dress like Peter Pan and entertain kiddos. Maybe he's just a nut.

IamDerby said...

Man thats f'ing cold. I hope you have a good heater. Guy at the gym? OMG I would fall over dead if I saw some 50 year old man watching Hannah! Freak.

greeneyes said...

Good Lord woman ,you keep gettin slammed! I know what it is like to live with Mommy or Mommy live with me , no matter how much we love em it is a toxic mix,I bow to you!!!!you could have made another choice ,like sell her to the highest bidder !!LOL
The constant eating ,shes probably bored,or has a tape worm !!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Your a good daughter ,you take it outside and release it at the gym instead of on her head! your post made me laugh out loud many times Thanks as always for the chuckle ,NOW what about you ,you need some new friends ,ones that are interested in \you and it is not all about them ,Too bad we are not closer ,we could have a Vodka the size of your head ,and you could vent and sing your heart out at your fav place:-)
Hang in this too shall pass,just like gas !lmao
HUG you need it !
send link for your facebook :-)when u get chance and are back from the gym ;-0

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Since when did you start worrying about bleeping? Shit, that man is weird.