Well it is over. They came, they went, and now the house is quiet.
Having the mother in law here was not so bad. Normally people in space get on my nerves in seconds flat...I am not a people person..As everyone knows. But it was not so bad having them here.
They got here Tuesday night, and left early Sunday morning..
I spent all day Wednesday preparing for the dinner, I made my pies ahead of time, because it takes a lot to scrape the flesh off the pumpkins and what not..
Thursday we got up early to get that damn bird in the oven..Everything smelled so good, it was making me crazy..Like i wanted to start stabbing things because i was so hungry. But I did not.
Then it was time to eat, I had 12 people at my table and things were going well.
Then I knocked over a candle and nearly set Pale Girl's lap on fire and spilled her soda on the floor.
Then I was hit with my medical condition and was unable to eat anything at all, which in turn made me wanna stab and kick things.
I will not go into detail, but I have something wrong that makes it hard to swallow at times, and well, it hit me at thanksgiving dinner, and it was a big downer.
I have been unable to eat much of anything last couple days, I am sure its nothing that a doctor can not fix, but why would I do that?
My mother in law kept the dishes clean. That was nice. I think I bore her so much she dirtied dishes on purpose just to have something to do.
And that was ok with me.
We sat around playing cards and drinkin some hard stuff...ya no, that is what keeps family together..
Oh I had to join my local gym here in town..
No No, my treadmill is still alive and well...its just my doctor told me that with the way my remaining sliver of thyroid was running..(which its not I guess) and since I refuse to take pills, I need to burn an EXTRA 800 calories per day...yes, I said per day, in order to maintain the weight I am at...and an extra 1200 in order to lose any.
This is on top of the hour I spend on the treadmill a day as well as working with my weights.
So, in the mornings I will be hitting the gym for two hours, then again after supper time. Since its open 24 hours a day, I can go up at 2am if I so please.
or I could just have the rest of my cancerous thyroid taken out and take my pills, and I would not have to resort to such measures.
But I do not like pills, or having my throat cut open. because trust me, that is no fun at all..
I have decided I am going to take a snow removal job somewhere in Siberia. I can not drive a stick, or drive well in slippery conditions, and do not know how to plow anything, but hell, they offered...its not like Siberia is that far away or anything.
I know that was just a random thing, I am sorry...
My mind has been wandering a lot lately too...
I think I may have done something really stupid....but I said that before and it turned out ok.
But really, you need to think things thru before you do such acts.
Ok I know...random again.
I told you, my mind has been wandering lately. I am like a two year old..shiny objects distract me.
My turkey looked good though..
Can you believe I did not take one photo over the long holiday weekend?
Told ya, my mind has been in other places, and it needs to come back home.
I started getting some Christmas things out, but I swear it feels like i just put them away..
I was going to get our tree, but decided we would do it next weekend because I can only handle one holiday per week.
And frankly, I hate messing up the house with trees and shit...I do not like messes or having things out of place, it kinda makes me crazy.
Just like I can not have a dirty dish in my sink...or all hell breaks loose.
If you put one fork in there, I will come right behind you and wash that bastard so fast you do not even remember what you used that fork for.
I'm just sayin..
And putting a tree inside my house just causes me to have heart palpitations and sweaty palms..
Not to mention the glass ornaments, the decorations placed about...
I just can not handle it...Not this early.
I think the day before Christmas is ok...as long as you take it right down after the shit is all opened.
So to sum up the last couple days...
the MIL came, i baked shit, my turkey looked handsome enough to eat, I could not swallow and was unable to partake in anything, I had to join the gym because my body hates and wants me to die, I hate putting trees in my house and I hate dirty dishes.
Yup, that covers it..
Oh and I have had some really bad gas cramps too...went thru a whole box of gas-x in the last 3 days.
Just thought you would like to know.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Well it is over. They came, they went, and now the house is quiet.
Posted by eyes_only4him at 6:07:00 PM
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I am hoping the Lepps plan a better tour next year, or there will be a strongly worded letter written.
I am also thankful I was able to hang out with some old friends over the summer back in the homeland, as I am not sure I am making it at all this year, I will have to just look back fondly on the time I had..
I guess I am thankful for a lot of things....
but mostly, im thankful I have went another year without dying, cause you really never know when that might happen, and really, there is still another full month Left and I may have spoken to soon...
I never thought about that...shit...
Anyway, I hope all of you who come here and read, whether you have ever left a comment or not, whether this is your 1,000 time here or your first..
Have a Merry Thanksgiving and Happy over-eating.
so from my dysfunctional family to yours...
Posted by eyes_only4him at 4:02:00 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Do you ever notice people's teeth? I am a self proclaimed tooth looker. I always think there is no reason why a kid has more silver in their mouth then I have in my pocket, and I also do not understand why so many adults have snagle teeth..
There is this one woman that works at a place i go to once in a while, and she has the most hideous teeth..some are missing and the ones she has are blackened like cat fish.
But the other day when I ran into to her, I noticed something different about her..low and behold, she had dentures..
It sorta looked like she had horse teeth...like her teeth were too big for her mouth..
I swore it was Mr Ed, only he is slightly better looking.
Then I have to wonder, does she realize she looks like she has horse teeth?
I bet she thinks she looks all swanky and cool kinda like this.
When in reality she looks more like this.
I sorta feel bad for her because she looks way worse now..
I kinda miss the snaggle teeth, because frankly the horse teeth scare the shit outta me.
Yesterday I was thinking about my driving trek out west this past summer, when I tried listening to my Jimmy Buffet CD and wondered why the damn thing wouldn't work, then I realized it was a DVD, not a CD...
and I just giggled..out loud.
Then I thought about me driving in Amarillo Texas and getting a tad lost and ended up going down a very busy one way street.
The wrong way.
And I giggled again.
Then I thought about the time my friend and I went to the Mexican restaurant last month and having the lady tell us her cooks were deported so she wasn't serving food that day..
that made me giggle too..
because seriously, who shuts down a restaurant because the cook was deported?
i mean holy crap.
Only in this town people, only in this town.
When u go to bed at night, you can thank your lucky stars you don't live here..
The folks in this town just keep getting better and better...
Gawd I cant wait to move...
The horse teeth, the deported cooks, the meth dealers..( we have a drug treatment center JUST for kids, ages 11-18)...I worked at it briefly, but it was way too damn depressing..
I guess I did too much thinking today..
and too much giggling, i think i wet myself.
Here is some more Aussie slang for you people wanting to learn more..
A Bastard is a term of endearment..
Chunder means to vomit...so when u are full as a boot and ready to chunder..
that means you drank to much and are puking.
Have a naughty, means making whoppie..
Old fella, well sorry boys but thats a penis.
Piss...as in.."im gonna hit the piss"
that means your going to go drink beer, piss is beer.
So there is your lesson for today..
Posted by eyes_only4him at 3:18:00 PM
Monday, November 17, 2008
When I was a younger gal I did some questionable things. Hell, even as an older gal I still find myself doing questionable things. And I admit it.
Back in the day for a good time and a hell of a laugh, some friends of mine and I would go out to say a club and have fun with people...
wanna know what kinda fun?
We would go in a talk with accents, pretending we were from across the pond..
My one pal was always British...She could nail a British accent bloody damn well..
My other pal, she could nail an Irish one like no body's business, like you would swear she was part leprechaun...
My accent, well...I mastered this at an early age, because my favorite movie as a older kid was Crocodile Dundee..So it only seemed natural for me to embrace my inner wallaby.
and I was killer...I mean dead on. I once ran into someone from down under whilst pretending to be down under myself.
If you know some of the terminology of the outback, your going to be ok..
This was the first line I said to the gentleman when I found out he was from Aussie..
between you and I, most of these Americans have a kangaroo lose in the top padlock.
yeah, he got a good chuckle out of that.
Then I would say things like..
you seem like a real ridgy didge.
He nodded and thanked , me.
See when you go out with your fake accents, you need to be brushed up on the land your pretending to reside from.
You need to know the lay of the land, the common talk, and slang..
To master these things takes some skill, and some real dedication. Its not for just anyone.
Then the man said to me..
your just a wonder, a true fair suck of the sav.
to which I said..
aww, good onya.
Truly if u want to learn about a land or culture. You need to live it, breathe it and no the currancy.
Get a book, read it, brush up on the accent, and your good to go.
But don't go mixing slang...cause that will not roll..
You can not for example tell someone your from say Britain, and then not speak the proper slang.
You should try and throw in things about tea and biscuits, call your friends your "mates" and call your house or apartment your flat. And make some comment about teeth.
Always remember too, when your taking about a vacation or having time off from work, its called goin on holiday.
If u slip and say your going on a vacation, you might just as well pack up and go to another bar, because your just freakin blew it dumb ass.
You need to be smart...you can not go blowing it for all us people who work hard at trying to be all cultured and shit
I recommend everyone doing this at least once, but I highly suggestion you don't do it in your hometown. Venture out of bounds a bit, where you don't know anyone.
See if you can be in character all night long..It takes a lot of know how, and dedication. And if your drinking, it poses a greater risk. But for some, including me, its easier, because I get more loose and free with my words and my accent just gets better with every sip.
I have not done this for several years, well frankly because I don't know anyone who is capable of pulling off such a stunt here. It takes a special kinda person to be able to not foil up the whole event.
This is the type of thing you can not just let anyone do with you. They need to be trained. They need to go thru a rigorous training system. It could take years before they are fully able to execute a proper faking.
Some of you might want to start out small, and just start with Canada before you try and do bigger things. Start out small and easy, then work your way up to a tougher accent..kinda like learning a new skill, you start out slow, u can not expect to perfect anything over night.
I do miss those days...
I think I am going to start referring to all my pals as blokes.
I rather like that term, and not enough people use it..
We all need to start using it. Right now, turn to the closest person to you and say this..
how was your weekend? My blokes and I went out this weekend and we got full as a boot and ended up tippin over a dunny.
You may get fired if the person next to you is like your boss, but live and learn.
I think we could all use a good geography lesson.
Try it..its good fun, I'm tellin ya.
Posted by eyes_only4him at 9:48:00 AM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Posted by eyes_only4him at 2:27:00 PM
Monday, November 10, 2008
Picture this. I am in a class filled with third graders. I have a third grader, so this is not odd, really its not..
This place where we are will come in effect here in a moment. Because what happen in this room not only will haunt me till I die, but is going to live down in history, kinda like Rudolph and what nots.
So here I am, in this room with about 15 third graders, as well as at least one parent per each child.
So this is a lot of people..
I normally set my phone on vibrate whilst in a group of people, because that's just how I roll...Even when I was in a room with Bill Clinton with 5,000 other people, I still had it set to vibrate..
plus i liked feeling the vibration whilst being within good groping distance from him..
I'm just saying.
So, I am in a room with third graders and their parents..and I am there with my third grader.
Them BAM, it happened.
My phone went off.
Now I have a different song for each person who calls me..
Now why could it of not been my mom calling, because her song is "faith" by George Micheal, because she hates him...I tend to do things like that.
that is a nice song, a soft song...
Or hell, even my default song woulda been better then what transpired.
"fat bottom girls" by Queen...a good wholesome song..
But instead of those, this is what BLARED in a room with third graders and parents..
" I'm a bitch, i"m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter a fact, I can bitch, I can bitch cause I'm better then you, its the way that I move, and the things that I do..ohh-ohh-ohh"
Yes, Elton John The Bitch is Back..
Then, my phone is buried somewhere in my purse and I can not find it, so it plays over and over and over and over and over and over..
u get the idea...
So this played while I am in a room with third graders...
Want to know what third graders get..
there first Bible..
so this was at the class where the third graders learn about their new Bibles.
And I soiled the experience with The Bitch is Back..
The pastor says..
wow, i love Elton john too...
Thats me, just keepin it real in the House of the Lord.
Posted by eyes_only4him at 10:52:00 AM
Friday, November 07, 2008
Posted by eyes_only4him at 12:46:00 PM
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Posted by eyes_only4him at 6:24:00 PM