Sunday, November 23, 2008

Crappy Holidays!

It seems another Thanksgiving is yet upon us. Are you prepared? No?...well, Martha Stewart and I will be the first to tell you that you suck donkey balls. There, I said it.

I myself am no Suzie homemaker or anything, but I do make all my crap from scratch, cause well, I'm just awesome. Thanksgiving is about the only holiday that I take the time to make myself look better then I really am. My house is extra clean, the kids are extra polite, I clean the litter box with a little extra love, and I look extra hot.

I'm just sayin..

Now for Christmas you would think that I would go all out and make the house glow with all the trimmings and whatnot's that totally commercialize the whole season.

And I do...

But every year around Christmas, it is just too stressful, and every year I always put it on my to-do list to become a Jew.

Jews have it easy this time of year. They do not have the bother of cutting down trees, wrapping presents, hanging the stockings, and sending out Christmas Cards.

Sure they have those 8 days during Hanuka, but heck, I can swing 8 days, Christmas starts around August, and goes till around Jan 1st. And that shit ain't right.

I love Jesus as much as the next guy, I really do. But there comes a time where people take the Holiday too far.

And by too far I mean setting shit out in September with the back to school supplies.

But lets get back to Thanksgiving...

I do like this day...I do not watch football, nor do I watch the parades. What I do like though, is to eat

I do like to eat..Eat, drink and be freakin merry.

Who doesn't like to be merry?

I thought I better do my normal thankful lets just get to it.

I am thankful that I still have my house, because some people well, are celebrating Thanksgiving in a box down by the river...cause they can not afford the van payments either..

I am thankful the hubs still has a job, and a good one...cause some people do not have jobs or can not find jobs, including me...

I am thankful my kids are so cute...because well, they could look like fugly trolls..

I am thankful for my haircut, I have been told countless times I look 10 years younger, and for that I say...

bottoms up..

I am also thankful for the fact that my dog has not had shit caked to her ass in months..and all thanks to me, because I am also thankful that I realized I am a very talented dog groomer.

I am also thankful I have not seen this bastard in quite some time...because holy toots, he scares the shite out of me!

Now that I have creeped you all out, lets get back to being thankful, because the good Lord wants to us to be thankful, so lets not let Him down.

I am also thankful that my 6th grader will more then likely be on the honor roll this year, last year he had a shitty year and I nearly killed him...I guess hitting Jr High turns a boy into a man..

Although he has no facial hair, and doesn't take my Shape magazine into the bathroom with him...yet...He is still shaping into a fine young man.

I am thankful my little girl is doing so well in school, she may be in advanced classes before the year is over...she clearly gets her smarts from...

the hot UPS guy..

I am also thankful my baby has outgrew the likes of the wiggles and has moved on to bigger and better things..

Like Zac Efron..

Although as most of you know, I was totally in love with that blue wiggle...

I am also thankful for eggnog. I just had some and I must say, that shit taste better every year.

Being thankful for stupid things is better than not being thankful at all...remember that boys and girls.

I am thankful we got thru this year with no major illness from anyone..that's always a plus..

No one died, other then bad grandma and that does not really count..after all, I did get to make a killer kick ass road trip and see weird things...

I like weird things.

I am thankful I finally passed my MN drivers test, otherwise I would not of been able to drive over 20 states in the span of 3 months..I would had to ride shot gun.

And I am a very bad backseat driver...this is why I wont let the hubs drive anywhere. He makes me nervous.

Even though I only got to one damn show this year, when normally I hit at least 4 or 5..That my Lepp was totally kick ass, and I even got pulled on stage..

and I also had the best company at the was steller.

It made the trek to Iowa not so crappy...and it was so flippin hot out..But it was awesome.

I am hoping the Lepps plan a better tour next year, or there will be a strongly worded letter written.

I am also thankful I was able to hang out with some old friends over the summer back in the homeland, as I am not sure I am making it at all this year, I will have to just look back fondly on the time I had..

I guess I am thankful for a lot of things....

but mostly, im thankful I have went another year without dying, cause you really never know when that might happen, and really, there is still another full month Left and I may have spoken to soon...

I never thought about that...shit...

Anyway, I hope all of you who come here and read, whether you have ever left a comment or not, whether this is your 1,000 time here or your first..

Have a Merry Thanksgiving and Happy over-eating.

so from my dysfunctional family to yours...

Happy eatin..


Anonymous said...

likewise! and jew-ness ain't all that either- my husband is a jew and god-dammit it bothers the shit out of me i have to welcome 'new year' with him in sept/oct. Now that shit ain't right.

Jamie Dawn said...

Wowzer you just thanked and thanked and thanked up a storm. You get the Grateful Lady Prize!!
Your kids are darlings, and you are a blessed mommy.
Your hubby seems to be a super nice guy, so you are a blessed wifey.
THEY are all very blessed to have you! You spoil them, but not too much, and you make stuff from scratch on Turkey Day.
Your totally rockin' hairdo is truly something to be thankful for. You look marvelous!
Eat well and eat often.
That's my motto!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!!!
Gobble, gobble!!
Don't forget to chew.

Anonymous said...

Well I gotta say Mr. Shakey looks like he is withering away to nuttin!
feed that cat!

I hope you eat a big ole bunch of turkey and such!

Scarlet said...

Sounds like you're in for some happy holidays! I love that you make everything from scratch. Yum!!

Your hair and make up look fantastic, your kids are cutie pies got pulled on stage at a Def Leppard concert?!! I love that picture! You have a lot to be thankful for. ;)

Have an awesome Thanksgiving eating, drinking and being freakin' merry!

Flip Flop Momma said...

thank u guys..

i would reply 2 all, but my laptop is about 2 take a shit, i might b awol 4 a bit...

eat up!

love 2 all.

Greeneyes said...

your new hairdo , in the bottoms up pic?if so ,FABULOUS , and you got to love those blue eyes ,WOW!
No I am not hittin on ya LOL
You still make me laugh , I am glad you are back to posting and I hope all what was wrong in your world has gotten better!
You have a beautiful family ,Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving and Mommy finds some Vicoden or prozac or oxy in her stocking to make it throught the holidays , OK maybe just a mini Smirnoffs!LOL
have a good one!


Dame Wonder said...

your house is ALWAYS extra clean, so what?! and you're always extra hot, big deal! your kids are cute and your haircut? great! yada yada! lets give thanks!

happy thanksgiving, girlie!!


Jennybean said...

makes me think of Adam Sandler songs...

Happy eat-too-much-turkey day!

catscratch said...

Awesome post.

The spider thought skeeved me out just a tad, but by the end of the post, I was cool again.

I suck and I'm only making some sorry side dishes as I'm not Martha-like enough to attempt a full-on turkey at my pad.

Cheers to you and yours!!

Bradley's Mom said...

This post is wonderful! SO FUNNY!!!

I am thankful to have YOU for a friend!! (And for lots of other things, too!)

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving. It's by far my favorite holiday!!!


Flip Flop Momma said...

thank u ladies....

im hoping my old computer gets up and runnin soon so i can spend more then 2 minutes here..

love u all, and have a grand turkey day!

Gette said...

You rawk! Have a great Thanksgiving. We WILL karaoke before the year is out. Line up grandma and I'll forbid iPastor to get sick...

Monogram Queen said...

Awww you warmed my heart you I was looking for your usual cynical bitchiness *snort*

LOVE that pic at the end of y'all and i'm so glad the boy is doing better!!!

JoeinVegas said...

Hmm, might come over to your place if the food is that good.

The Woman said...

Hope you have a great Turkey day. I Love the smell of turkey roastin in the oven mmmmmm

KrazyMom said...

Happy Thanksgiving! I am heading back "home" and then on to my MIL's house. Nothing like a free meal at every stop! LOL!

Do you still have loads of company coming to your place?

Flip Flop Momma said...

thanks again guys....i have to type quick b4 the computer shuts of..

thanks 4 your comments, and we have our good computer workin after turkey day, i will be back!

and yes, i am feeding 12 peeps!

Kendra Lynn said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rachel said...

I'm far behind in my reading but you have given me some good laughs reading your posts!!

I hope you don't get too knackered doing all that work from scratch! Get some blokes to help you!

I am doing no cooking but I'm going to eat, drink, and be my nephew's house! I, too, have much to be thankful for. Here's hoping you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving and that your family is very thankful for you, which I'm sure they are!! Cheers!!

aceswyf said...

I made spinach dip and contributed stouffer's mac and cheese to the days festivities...hey - atleast the spinach dip was somewhat homemade!

Hope you guys had a great Turdkey Day - sounds like it was shaping up to be one!

You have a beautiful family! Enjoy the long weekend!

Janell said...

Your thankful list made my day! It makes me want to make one, but you've pretty much got it covered. Great pics of the tots and you & hubs. Very cool post, Girl.

Shannon said...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

IamDerby said...

LOVED this! FFMama you rock! And you are so right about Christmas and the damn ornaments being stocked next to the school supplies!

Marianne said...

Holy shit. I think you and I were separated at birth.

I have found my long lost sister.