Monday, November 10, 2008

dont need nothin' but a good time

Picture this. I am in a class filled with third graders. I have a third grader, so this is not odd, really its not..

This place where we are will come in effect here in a moment. Because what happen in this room not only will haunt me till I die, but is going to live down in history, kinda like Rudolph and what nots.

So here I am, in this room with about 15 third graders, as well as at least one parent per each child.

So this is a lot of people..

I normally set my phone on vibrate whilst in a group of people, because that's just how I roll...Even when I was in a room with Bill Clinton with 5,000 other people, I still had it set to vibrate..

plus i liked feeling the vibration whilst being within good groping distance from him..

I'm just saying.

So, I am in a room with third graders and their parents..and I am there with my third grader.

Them BAM, it happened.

My phone went off.


Now I have a different song for each person who calls me..

Now why could it of not been my mom calling, because her song is "faith" by George Micheal, because she hates him...I tend to do things like that.

that is a nice song, a soft song...

Or hell, even my default song woulda been better then what transpired.

"fat bottom girls" by Queen...a good wholesome song..

well, kinda...

But instead of those, this is what BLARED in a room with third graders and parents..

" I'm a bitch, i"m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter a fact, I can bitch, I can bitch cause I'm better then you, its the way that I move, and the things that I do..ohh-ohh-ohh"

Yes, Elton John The Bitch is Back..

Then, my phone is buried somewhere in my purse and I can not find it, so it plays over and over and over and over and over and over..

u get the idea...

So this played while I am in a room with third graders...

Want to know what third graders get..

there first Bible..

so this was at the class where the third graders learn about their new Bibles.

And I soiled the experience with The Bitch is Back..

The pastor says..

wow, i love Elton john too...

Thats me, just keepin it real in the House of the Lord.


Kimberly said...

Pee my pants laughing!

Mine is "I want to love you madly" by Cake!
Trust me, I get looks! *snort*

My husbands song is "Sugar Kisses" by Echo and the Bunnymen.

Gotta love a good ringtone! LOL

Flip Flop Momma said...

I know...a good ring tone can set the tone 4 a good life..haha

I have anything from Bon Jovi, to Joan Jett, to The Who...

but none is quite as good as The Bitch is Back:)

Flip Flop Momma said...

I know...a good ring tone can set the tone 4 a good life..haha

I have anything from Bon Jovi, to Joan Jett, to The Who...

but none is quite as good as The Bitch is Back:)

Humincat said...

OH. MY. LORD! I would have died, and then when I escaped Hell, my daughter would have killed me again with her evil death-ray eyes.

Soooo, who was calling? heeheehee

Flip Flop Momma said...

that is pale girls song:)

cause i always refer to her as my bitch...hahaha

Slick said...

LOL...damn girl, only you....only you.

Gotta love it though!

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

LOL! I love moments like that. It's what life is all about. Humiliation. :-)

Flip Flop Momma said...

I know..right...why does this shit happen 2 me.

Heard That!

So Not The Bradys said...

Until your son takes your underwear to school (however accidentally) and they drop out of his shirt on the Varsity football locker room floor, and a bunch of teenagers are oogling your undies, you really can't beat me on school-related embarrassment.

I'm just saying.

At least it wasn't "Highway to Hell" or "Don't Fear the Reaper."

Scarlet said...

This post rocks! Seriously. I'm home sick and you made my day. :)

It's almost as bad as my Halloween theme music going off in college a couple of years ago during the final. :)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Not the Bradys,
I cant say 4 sure if my son has stolen my unmentionables, but I sure hope not.thats not cool:)

glad i could put a smile on your face, knowing i cant step foot in church again.


Bradley's Mom said...

OMG that is so funny! You are such a riot!!!

I agree, this could only happen to YOU!!!


Brooke said...

I have a couple of different ring tones. My cell phone sits on my desk while i am at work. Very good at having it on vibrate. One day I was on the phone with a very good client and my phone went off. I about died it was my best friend and it was Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry and it was the bad part of the song talking about things you do on top. I was mortified and my client was just laughing at me. He knew the song very well. Needless to say my phone is on silent now when I am at work.

So Not The Bradys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
So Not The Bradys said...

He didn't take my drawers on purpose. It's a little thing explained by running out of dryer sheets and static cling. Just one more example of how I'm the devil and everything is always my fault.

My panties got stuck inside his "lucky shirt." When he went to get dressed, they fell to the floor. One kid saw them and said "oooh, I know what kind of panties your mom wears...sexxxxxyyyy." To which my son replied with a threat to castrate him.

Gette said...

Snort! At least the Pastor likes Elton John.

Sarah said...

Oh. My. Gawd. That's hysterical. Things like that happen to me too - trust ne - you aren't alone.

I ... Don't even know what story to tell you about me that would do my life justice.

Great post - hysterical.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I know, what is it about me?

man I loath that just dang glad i dont cause that mighta been my ringtone, and i woud went to hell 4 sure:)

Not that Brady's
oh yes I have been there...once i went to work with a sports bra on the back of my pants.

well who doesnt?


Flip Flop Momma said...

glad im not the only one who has misfortunes as well.:)

Krystal said...


That's just waaaaaay to funny!

Flip Flop Momma said...


Anonymous said...

that is just too funny...i stay away from different ringers just for that reason- i was with a friend, her phone dialed me by mistake while i was having dinner with her and of course my phone rings to her 'special ring' - cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo...i wanted to stomp on my phone.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Mrs K,
I know..I know...they can cause trouble.

I have a wide array of them, and it just had to be THAT one that went off in the House of the Lord.




Flip Flop Momma said...

Greeneyes, not sure how to take that..


Tutu said...

That is a riot but I am wondering what you are going to do when Blondie starts learning stuff and preaching to you?

~Jobthingy~ said...


sunds like something that would happen to me.

thankfully tho, my ringer is.. ok well to 3rd graders is might be scary, 'welcome to the jungle'

Flip Flop Momma said...

she already does!

gosh, nearly everyone i know has that ringtone, even my mom...that is 4 when work calls her..haha

I have about 12 differnt ones, just had to be that one that went off in church;)

Marel Lecone said...

You are so crazy. That is way cool of the pastor . . . keeping it real! Talk to you later. ME

Haphazardkat said...

OMG. LMFAO!!!! I just read this out loud to my coworker. He laughed so hard he had to leave the room to go pee!

Girllllll you are sumthin' else!!!

Lynilu said...

That is hilarious!

I'm really old. I don't use fancy-schmancy ring tones. Now I'm glad I'm old!!

Jerry said...

My sister had a similar experience. She had a key fob where if you pushed a button it would say things like "Eat Shit and Die" or "You're an Asshole". She's going through the metal detector at the airport and she places her purse on the conveyer belt. The items in the purse shifted and this key fob went off saying "You're an Asshole" over and over. The lady examining the purse asked what the noise was. My sister told her it was the key fob. She was mortified. I had a big 'ol grin on my face.

Flip Flop Momma said...

nice 2 see u...u dont come around enough..

u will be happy to know that song is pale girls go touch your shrine and light a candle:)

and how dare u, bloggin whilst on company time..u naughty girl.

nonsence, your not old.

oh gosh, that is a good one too

KrazyMom said...

Never a dull moment around you, is there?

JoeinVegas said...

You finally admitted it, pale girl, I thought it would be her.

Monogram Queen said...

Honey I am wiping tears of mirth reading that.
Only you!

Keeping it real with the lord - I am quite sure he appreciates it. Seriously!

Flip Flop Momma said...

4 sure.

yup..iys her alright;)

tears of thats gold!

Sheri said...

So my BFF gets Ozzy Crazy Train "All Aboard...Haaaahaaaa....

Flip Flop Momma said...

well, mine could use that one 2;)

love that one

IamDerby said...

omg, that is hilarious! Nothing like being embarrassed in the house of the Lord.

cathouse teri said...

Good comeback from the pastor!

People like us gotta keep things lively, that's all. :)

Jamie Dawn said...

That's so funny and embarrASSing!!

At least the pastor had a good sense of humor and did not totally freak out.
I'm sure some of the parents did not appreciate it, but it could have been worse.
I guess if the song dropped the F-bomb it would have been even more embarrASSing.
You could have said that the song is referring to a female dog and then taught the kids that a female dog is called a bitch. The kids would have loved that they can use the word bitch when talking about a female dog and get away with it. "That sure is a fine looking bitch!" "Ya, that bitch has a mild personality... etc..." You get my drift here.
Kids love to get away with cussing just as much as we do.

My son set my phone ring to play the theme from The Jefferson's, "Well, we're movin' on up to the east side..." I LOVE when that ring comes on. I go into a strut when that song plays.