Friday, November 07, 2008

Its raining men



I never claim to be good at any one thing. I am however, say, mediocre at lots of things, but not good at any one thing. And I admit that. Just like I am admit I am lazy. It takes someone with a lot of balls to admit they are lazy.


Can I do things other people can not?


as Sarah Palen would say...


u bethca!



and add an elegant, yet redneck wink at the end...


Can I do things millions of other yahoo's can do...



affirmative.





This past week has been nothing short of a miracle. Not only did I build a boat so that the hubs and I can swim safely to the middle to do naughty things, I also had our tin can telephone line installed.



My oldest daughter, ya no Blondie?...Look here is her school picture, I forgot to show u.



























Well she is involved in many activities. She goes to this club called Pioneer Girls. Its thru a local church and they meet every Wednesday..Then on Thursday she has another group she goes to called Girl Power. She leaves for that at 5:30 and doesn't get home till close to 9.


They feed all the kids dinner, its at someones house..She will come home and tell me they had steaks, and like last night, they had roast with all the fixins.


This too is another churchy kinda group..She likes that kinda shit, God love her and bless her cotton socks.


I am thinking of going to Girl Power with her, because hell, they get better meals then I cook.



So the other night The Boy was getting on her about all her girl clubs she is in. She then tells him that there is a boy version of Girl Power called God's Soldiers.


he then made some smart ass remark like all pre-teens and middle school aged hoodlums do. And you know what my daughters come back was..


Instead of kidney punching him, she told him..


with that attitude, I would say you really need it mister..

and then she asked what was so funny about being one of God's Soldiers..because God isn't funny.


Oh, you just gotta love the crap that comes outta tots mouths..doncha?


~


We all know I know how to cut hair..And you have all seen the mess I have done when I have tried grooming my dog.


Last time I think I made her bleed and she hid in the closet for weeks.


Not only that, but she resembled some sort of third world country dog who was in line to be taken to the slaughter house to be the next nights kibble at the local eatery.


She looked like she had a case of the mange...


sad really.


But this time, this time I think I perfected my dog grooming techniques..I am really actually very impressed with how my masterpiece turned out.


But the finishing touch, thats is what makes the cut..

Here, let me show u.



















See her custom made sweater...my mom bought it at Walfart..so it was custom made in Pakistan I'm sure...

My dog right now wont even look at me, or come near me.


She is fearful of me when I have scissors in my hand.

As anyone with common sense should be.


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Just look at the fear in her eyes as I walk by her...if she could reach the steak knives, I'm sure my days would be numbered.
Any dog groomer could take a look at that and see its pure perfection. I even used my hair dryer to dry her off..
Just a personal touch dogs get outta me.
It snowed today...
So I'm in my heated bunker with a bottle of vodka and and O magazine.
See ya in the summer bitches...

21 comments:

Jennybean said...

Hiding from the flakes are ya?

Look out for the orange guys this weekend! We like to make a game out of it, see how many we can see, like twisted Where's Waldo!

So Not The Bradys said...

At first glance, I thought your dog had a bald ass end. I was all ready to congratulate you on a job well done. Then I clicked on the pic and realized she just has funky butt coloring.

Either way, the sweater is a nice touch. If someone put me in a purple sweater, certain death would follow.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jenny,
I plan on hiding till July...I dont do well in the winter, it makes me crabby:)

Not The Brady's,
As if i would scalp her ass!

haha

that was last time..

no really..i did.

KrazyMom said...

Blondie cracks me up!

My dogs hair is so bad he can barely see. They charge me extra at the groomer for his "tempermental ways", can you believe that shit? Hubby about died laughing. He's all of 8# soaking wet!

Tom said...

Blondie Bee best be careful! God'll throw down a lightning bolt miss Butch Bee and hit her!

Scarlet said...

A custom made sweater from Pakistan! lol

Ayayaya...you need to come to Miami for Christmas, so my family can meet you! :) (It's warm here, btw...you can keep up with your tan!!)

Shannon said...

Snow? Good lord! It was 77 degrees here yesterday. We darn near burned up, lol. People were lulling out the shorts and flip flops, I hate the white stuff with a passion.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Krazymom
hey, thats why I have to do my dogs grooming, cause she bit her groomer two years ago:-)

Tom,
hmm....I dont think he will by that.

Scarlet,
I would love to...your kin would love me:)

Shannon,
Im not talking to u now.

Krystal said...

You're daughter is getting so pretty. You know, instead of cute, pretty. No more baby. All girl.

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

That's a beautiful little girl you've got. Keep her in the Girls' clubs!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Krystal,
aww...thank u my dear!

Poo-poo,
not 2 worry...she will be:)

she loves that crap.

Cliff said...

You don't mind if I don't mention I know you?
The dog grooming is wonderful. I'll have my wife do a critique.

The Doozie said...

Did you trim her eye hairs? She has hairs in her eyes, leave them there and maybe she won't recognize you thus won't kill you in your sleep

Rachel said...

Snow? I'd be hibernating too!

Blondie is so cute. You know you will have a problem with the boys being after her.....I'm just sayin!

Your dog is cute, even with fear in his eyes!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Cliff,
your always trying to dis-own me..

im going to cry now..

Doozie,
damn, always a critic...

Rachel,
the boys have been after er since kindergarden...

she needs 2 be homeschooled..

its cold here...can i come move in with u

~Jobthingy~ said...

well the dog might want to spork your eyes out.. but she is pretty cute. even with her hair cut she hates

JoeinVegas said...

She is marvelous.

JoeinVegas said...

The daughter I mean. The dog is OK, but not with those daggers in her eyes.

Monogram Queen said...

I love Blondie's attitude. Seriously! The girl rocks!

The dogs look of abject terror is somehow funny (and i'm an animal freak mind you!)

No! No! Actually the dog looks like she's saying "back of bitch - or I'll cut YOU"!!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jobthingy,
her main goal in life it to spork my eyes out.

Joe,
im glad u clarrified that:)

Patti,
I think its more the last part..

but she does love me, she wont ever leave my side..

its like she knows i dont like her, she she tries to butter me up

Dame Wonder said...

blondie's beautiful like her momma! she's also definitely on the right track. good comeback to her brother. nice job mom.

;)