Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Too much time on my hands

I think I have mentioned to you before about the mammoth sized spider I see on my wall or window in my bedroom at night.

The first time I saw it , it was in the middle of the night and I saw it on my curtain and I woke dear ole hubs up to take care of that shit...He turned the light on, and boom he was gone...vanished outta thin air.

Not a trace anywhere.

The second time I saw it on my wall and I sat up, rubbed my eyes and the sonofabitch was gone lickity split.

We both decided it was a figment of my craziness.

I mean the shear size of the thing is proof enough that I'm insane.

The first time I saw him he was the size of a baseball. By the second time I saw him he had grown mammoth proportions and compared to the size of say a human head.

I have been so convinced I see this thing, I have the hubs creeped out. I told him I hate to see the size of the web he has. And its probably under our bed.

So he moved the bed out one day and we looked for a web the size of Rhode Island.

We found nothing.

It has been a week or so since he has made an appearance...until last night.

Now mind you, I'm alone now....Hubs is south of the boarder and wont be back till Friday.

I was laying in bed watching the telly, and I kept looking over there hoping NOT to see it.

A while later I fell asleep and woke up suddenly like I normally do. By the light of the telly I saw the God forsaken bastard on my curtain. I grabbed my blanket and ran to my french doors that lead to my room.

I stood there sweating. I knew this was it, the damn thing was gonna get me now.

I turned the light on, and he was nowhere to be found.

I have a bathroom in my bedroom, so I turned that light on and left the door wide open as for some reason the light makes him go away.

I thought about going downstairs and sleeping on the couch, but my alarm was in there and I was not going to be reaching my hand behind the bed to unplug it, and plus I don't even know how to program it.

So I knew I HAD to stay put, in the room with the spider the size of a small infant.

I grabbed my blanket and slowly walked to my bed, looking at the carpet making sure he wasnt crawling around my feet.

I quickly lay my head and grab the other blanket. I then lay there with the tv on, the bathroom light on and three blankets wrapped around my body as if it were some sort of arachnid shield.

I could barley breath and I was sweating like mad.

At one point my foot popped out and I felt something on my foot. I quickly kicked and moved. Then my dog let out a cry...Because I just crappin kicked the shit outta her not knowing it was her tail rubbing my foot.

Now I am about 98% sure this spider is a figment of my imagination, because he disappears when I wake up fully or rub my eyes.

What I want to know though, is why am I hallucinating about a spider the size of Ohio?

Why cant it be unicorns, fuzzy bunnies or naked men with six pack abs and a good portion of meat and potatoes?

Why oh why is it this?

So far I am the only mortal to see him.

Tonight though, this bitch is camping out on the couch. Today is the last day of school, so I don't need that damn alarm clock.

Today while its light in there, I'm going to discreetly get my shit and haul ass down here.

I hope he doesn't catch wind that I'm moving.

If I see him down here tonight, I will be checking myself into the farthest psychiatric ward I can find.

Its been nice knowing u all..


sweets said...

LOL thank God i'm not the only one... my "problem" goes a bit further... i also fall asleep and then wake up and then "see" a hooded guy at my window... i wake up... and i still see him!!... but he's not real... i know the horror that you feel... it's so bloody real!!!

aatank said...

I used to see snakes on my ceiling and would wake up to men throwing grenades at our house. Thank God I have not had that since I was in high school.

Are you sure you did not get those drugs for your ankle and they're making you see things?

Flip Flop Momma said...

holy shit if I saw hooded guy at my window i would call 911..I just know thats just scary..

They seem so real at the time...

Well the probelem is I been seeing it before I hurt my ankle..hah

but man the grandes would freak me out too..

whats wrong with us?

why cant we imigne nice things?

Haphazardkat said...

holy crap! Hooded men, giant sized spiders, grenades....Yer all freaks! FREAKS I tells ya!
Now quit yer psycho bitch'n and post me a pic of my pale girl..STAT!
I got needs. nnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeds!

Flip Flop Momma said...

I dont have any recent ones...its gonna have to be an old school one..

She has taken some pics of us on her camera, but she hasnt uploaded any of them..

I had to let u down, but im workin on it..

metalmom said...

I finally stopped seeing my own in the bedroom!! You have just given me new nightmares galore!!!!

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Around here we have a phantom baby that wakes BOTH of us up. We go, check on the kids who are all sleeping of course and head back to bed. It's a joke around here now when one or the other comes back from checking on everyone..

"The ghost baby again?"


"Hopefully she doesn't keep it up tonight"

Because some nights it will be 2 or 3 times we hear her.

I wonder.. if maybe it's a tree branch outside with light on it that's leaving a shadow on your wall and curtain?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Metal mom,
how did u make urs go away?

that would bug me..hearing babies thats a nightmare.

Well there are no branches or trees near any of my windows, and I see it on the inside wall and on my curtain..

its freakin disturbing I tell ya.

cathouse teri said...

I think you would also find it disturbing if you waked to find a good portion of meat and potatoes on your wall.

I just read your "goat" post! Hilarious! I must say, I don't believe I or my children ever stayed at a place where they had goat bones and guts lying around.

I also read the swollen ankle post. It took me three pictures to figure out we weren't talking about the tattoo!

KrazyMom said...

I certainly hope he is a figment of your imagination, geesh!

Haphazardkat said...

*wails and gnashes my teeth rocking before my pale girl altar*

metalmom said...

"how did u make urs go away"


Humincat said...

I think its your sleepy eyes looking at your eyelashes, and depending on how open or closed your eyes are is how big or bigger the spider gets. And/or shadows. Shadows hate lights. And "our" ghost baby is the damn hens. They start to squawk and it sounds just like my baby fussying. Gets me everynight. Damn birds....Have I mentioned I hate chickens?

Janell said...

Good luck on the couch, Girlfriend. I seem to have taken up sleepwalking as a hobby lately. That's almost as scary as arachnid halucinations.

Bee Repartee said...

ewww....reminds me of a cockroach I stepped on barefoot in my hallway when I lived in Colorado. Those suckers came in up from the drain and they were HUGE. I'm glad I don't live in the desert anymore.

Flip Flop Momma said...

yeah, a good portion of meat and potatoes can be kinda creepy too.

yeah, me 2..

dont make me put u in the cornor 4 whining.

Metal Mom,
Aww....u mean magic;)

well...if my eyelashes had 8 legs and the body the size of kansas, id say u were on 2 something;)

sleepwalking is not good...

u can get hurt...

eww...I have never seen a cockroach, and I hope I never do...cause I think it maky make me have a miocardio infarction.

So Not The Bradys said...

Just out of curiosity, does it happen at about the same time every time you see it?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Not the Bradys,
nope...once it happen around 315 once it was like 2...and last night it was 1230..

fuckin thing is tyring to kill me.

Dame Wonder said...

ffm, MAN OH MAN!! you fuckin crack me up! seriously. i threw my head back and laughed and i'm pretty sure my dogs rolled their eys at me. i hope these spider visions go away soon.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I have the poor hubs convinced of this too, cause he just emailed me asking the size of it..said this weekend we are going to move our bed around and see if we can find it.

now im freakin even more, because i liked it better when he thought i was crazy..

now he belives there might be something there..


now im sure there is.

Anonymous said...

i p'd a lil reading that!!!!!!

Hubs is gone???
you want big Papa sage to come keep you safe.....
you know I'm packin....

a gun of course sheeeeeeesh

Slick said...

Daaaang, you know how I am about spiders.Just reading this freaked me out...

I'm steering clear of this topic

Flip Flop Momma said...

well I need someone to keep that fucker at bay..

but im afraid if u pack heat at him, your gonna blow a hole in my wall...

Flip Flop Momma said...

yeah, u and me both...just be gladd u dont have on living under ur bed the soze of Texas.

Scarlet said...

LOL - As long as you don't feel like there's hundred of them crawling all over your body, you're okay.

You should sleep next to a can of heavy duty Raid. Spray the house before bedtime, too, just in case. Maybe you'll find a dead spider on your bed. It's better than finding it alive.

Flip Flop Momma said...

oh now the picutre of a dead spider the size of Cuba layin on my bed is giving me shivers..

Wethyb said...

LMAO...I'd be freaking out too if I saw a spider that size and hubs wouldn't be anywhere near to protect me. Damn chicken anyway.

Hope the bastard stays away (or is just a figment of your imagination :))

Anonymous said...

I was just reading up on Freud's interpretation of spiders in the night.

I blushed.........

you naughty girl you!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

I sure hope the bastard is all in my mind...or else im moving now..

u know im naughty;)

Monogram Queen said...

Girl that is ca-reepy! If I even thought for one second he was real i'd hunt him down unmercifully because I could NOT sleep with that thing possibly being within a mile of me. OMG

Flip Flop Momma said...

this is why im sleepin on the couch.


Gette said...

Ew. Spiders.

Groovy Mom said...

I hallucinate and see a man in my room every once in a while. It's scarier than a spider. Trust me.

Shannon said...

Hope you can get some uninterrupted sleep tonight. Our kids don't get out until next week, so we have a few more days of getting up at 6. :(

Flip Flop Momma said...

I know

if I woke up and thought I saw a man, I would know im just dreaming, our house is locked up tigheter then fort knox plus we have two security alarms.

I would rather see the man...cause I would know 4 sure its all in my head..

My alarm doesnt keep the bugs out..sonofabtich

well I slept on the couch, didnt see anything...things are lookin up.

just_tammy said...

You need to head to the nearest box store and purchase a vat of raid. Your post and the comments have given me chills. Now I'll be having visions of everything that goes bump in the night...

~Deb said...

OMG! I remember you writing about this awful disgusting spider. I totally know how you felt when you thought you felt it on your foot. There was this HUGE ass bumble bee - queen bee in my walk in closet about a month ago. It was furry and had a lot of legs. It was on my Ralph Lauren WHITE towels. I nearly passed out because bees gross me out more than spiders. I have like a deathly freaky fear of them - the type that Maury Povich brings on his show...??? That kinda' fear.

Anyway, every time I walk into that closet (even though it's been fully exterminated and I did see the guy kill the queen with my own eyes), my. skin. still. itches.

I feel your pain!

I'm back blogging again, which means I'll be pestering you much more often.

You've been forewarned missy! ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

raid wont even kill this bastard.

I know u hate bees, remeber when my blog page had bees and bee hives on it?...haha

Anonymous said...

I think it's a large floater and your having a detached retina.