Thursday, June 05, 2008

Part two

If u have not read the post before this, you might wanna or this wont make much sense.

So the night I saw the bastard I texted the hubs and told him about the intruder. Of course the asshat was sleeping like a baby and didn't even get my cry 4 help until morning.

He emails me all day inquiring about this bastard.

He reassures me we will move the bed out, flip the mattress , clean the vents and just look everywhere and clean in every nook n cranny till we find it.

This is me..

holy fuck, u believe me...u THINK there is a bastard too???? NO NO...your suppose to tell me its all in my head...your not suppose to ENABLE me for Christ sake...NO..damnit.

He then went on to say he did think it was odd I was the only one who sees it and that it magically disappears when the lights come on.

I said he is a tricky sonofabitch.

He asked if I saw him jump or climb anywhere when the light comes on..

NO...he is just gone...

Kinda like God disappears quickly in the movie Evan Almighty..(i love that movie)

oh, so the bastard is like Morgan freeman?

yes yes he is..

He then goes on to say that if the bastard is as big as I say..and he is, and then some...that he must have to consume mass quantities of something. And that there is no way he could find enough to live off from in our bedroom.

To which I tell him maybe he doesn't live in there, maybe he comes from the Attic.

In our Attic, which is on the same level as our room, we have bats living in there...Yes bats...Some of u know this because I normally post pics of the shits when they fly in my house..as proof...cause some of u didn't believe me.

that'll teach u..

And I swear if I find this bastard I'm taking a pic to show u..that will show u all damnit.

Anyway, the hubs is teetering again tome being crazy. And I much like that better then him agreeing with me.

While he is gone I want to call an exterminator...But what do I say..

um hello Orkin man?..yes hello, I have this spider roughly the size of Canada that lives in my bedroom. He only comes out at night, and vanishes when I rub my eyes or turn the light on..the bastard has put me on the verge of a serious mio-cardio infarction. Please come quick with your bastard killin spray.

So when the hubs comes home tommorow night, we are going to look for this bastard and I'm gonna teach him a lesson.

I pray he has no family. What if he is just one of many. What if I'm seeing a different one nightly.

Sonofabitch.

To be continued......

28 comments:

Groovy Mom said...

Bastard killing spray. LOL!

Choppzs said...

Be carefull when you squish him too, baby spiders sometimes come out in swarms! lol

Sorry, that didn't help did it?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Groovy,
that was clever huh?..haha

Choppsz,
im sendin him to ur house now...shame on u.

just_tammy said...

Hey, if you can't sleep tonight, maybe you can set up a nanny cam to catch the beast on tape. You could do a whole Blair Witch type film. (I'm so tired right now I hope that's the name of the movie...) Hmmm, now to come up with a title...

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
well whose gonna hold the camera steady> cause I sure as hell aint goin anywhere nears that bastard,
and yes that was the name of the movie..good on u girl;)

Packof2 said...

Good thing Ang hasn't been over here, she is scared of spiders too. No need to give her things to worry about ya know?

I think you should buy a 2nd alarm clock so you have the option to sleep in another room if you need to.
Maybe keep the camera in your bed & you can get a quick picture of it before it runs off.

S

Flip Flop Momma said...

Shel,
I slept on the couch last nite and will tonight too..I cant risk that shit..

cathouse teri said...

A bastard the size of Morgan Freeman! (I also love Mr. Freeman. I think he's the sexiest man alive.)

I think if you have bats living in your attic, that they have eaten the bastard by now.

On the other hand, it's good to have spiders, because they eat flies and mosquitoes.

gina said...

Sorry I stopped by- I'm going to have NIGHTMARES tonight...

Flip Flop Momma said...

Teri,
Morgan Freeman is da bomb..

Gina,
try living here with it..

The Offended Blogger said...

Sonofabitch, boy do I feel for you!

I hate hate hate spiders. We have hobo spiders here in Idaho and they leave a big, gaping, festering wound like a brown recluse does.

Some nights I lie awake, petrified that an army of them are crawling into my room to kill me.

:*(

Flip Flop Momma said...

TOB,
holy fuck no...

"T" said...

Both times (when) I was pregnant... I would wake up thinking I saw a big assed scary spider. Usually on the curtains...

The only sane and rational thing was...

It was always in the middle of the night. Pitch dark.

I had to rationalize that..
HOW could I possibly "see" this huge scary spider when it was dark in the room?

I have always been terrified of spiders. The bigger the more terrifying...


Are you sure you aren't knocked up? lol...

Flip Flop Momma said...

T,
curse u 4 even suggestiong such a thing..

Im sure its just a big bad nasty ole bastard of a spider.

I can see him because my tv is on, and the light from that allows me to see him..

thats all..

no babies..

NO babies..

damnit woman...


damnit..

I sure hope its just a spider.

damnit woman.

Anonymous said...

Bats , Spiders , your all ready for Halloween!!!
You would think the bats would eat the spider that wiggled and tickled inside her!!!!LOL

Seriously, Bat Guano is really toxic and for children BAD!!!
you breathe it in since it turns to dust etc and health goes ↓.And if there is one they have friends :( (sorry)

And if all else fails , cant find mr. eight legs , could be your eyes , a thing called "floaters" in your (EYES) , look it up if you dont believe me ,you did say he goes away when you rub your eyes !?!?!

by the way you still crack me up , great sense of humor!

I have said to much !,Good luck with your furry legs !

Just another Mom !;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Just a Mom,
acctually I do have a floater in my right eye...have ever since I had last spawn...

but I tell u what...that son of a bitch is huge...and I can see him moving his mamoth legs...

bastard I tell u...

As far as the bat thing...yeah I know...we had a guy come last year to rid us of the bat in the attic..he found the hole they were coming in and plugged it..

so we will see..

I like them outside cause they do eat the skeeters...and MN skeeters are big and bad..

thanks 4 ur comment;)

please come again..hehe

sweets said...

if you kill it, it's mate will come looking for you... be careful... mwhahahahahahaha you should wait to see him again... and keep watching him until he disappears... no eye rubbing... just prove to yourself that he actually lives in your head... eep!

have a good weekend :)

Monogram Queen said...

Okay choppzs comment is KILLING me. I did not need THAT particular visual. Ack.

I really hope he is a figment of your imagination. I really don't know WHAT to think!!!!

JoeinVegas said...

Yea, but consider, in order for him to get that big he has to be eating a LOT of bugs. Bugs that would otherwise be flying around your house.

So Not The Bradys said...

I'm anxiously awaiting an update on "Spider Watch 2008."

Seriously, though, I saw a huge spider going across my floor one night. It was about the size of a nickel with its legs drawn in and dead. I wopped that bitch a good one. My friend told me she found one that was about the size of a 50 cent piece, legs included, in her house.

Maybe the weather has been just so to produce giant spiders.

Southern Sage said...

well I toleja I'd come help you out! I surely ain't coming if helping a chick out includes moving furniture!!!!

Scarlet said...

This is getting serious, so call the pest control guy and have him sit next to you while you sleep.

Miss 1999 said...

Must see pictures of said bastard when you get him-- or her, whichever, get it good!

Wethyb said...

Stay away from MI :) I don't need them traveling with you.....

Best kill that bitchass soon!!

IamDerby said...

EWWWWWW I hate spiders, real and imagined.

Haphazardkat said...

Thats some freaky azz shizzle happenin, FlipFlop. I say just raze your house and start new!!
Bats and Ohio sized spiders? Frack no! I'd be outta there.
zoooooom.

Jamie Dawn said...

I read your hitonious previous post about this hugely hitonious spider that is invading your bedroom. And now your saga continues.
I think we are southern belle soul sisters because I have seen a massive spider crawling along the crown molding of our bedroom on several occasions. It is always when I have just been sleeping, then I awake and see this creature, and then I jump up and have a cow. My hubby chuckles when this happens, and I nearly knock his block off.
I feel your pain, dear sister.

1 plus twins said...

ha ha ha ha ha i can't stop laughing. that is funny shit!!