I fought the law and the law won

So its early Friday morning and I am just coming home from a hard day at the office. No new bookings tonight, the night was pretty slow. But it has made me think of a new ode..This one is entitled

Ode to the hootchie momma and drug lords,

To you, the criminals that make your graces thru our correctional facility, I want to extend out a heartfelt thanks. Thanks for what you may be asking...Well, thank you for the good times. You don't know how much I get a kick out of watching you do push ups and walk wall to wall for 12 hours. I know you are getting pumped up so you can meet your soul mate after you get out, because yes I know there is someone out there waiting for you..Why, I am not sure..But she is.

And when you whistle everytime we females go down the hallway, makes our hearts go pitter patter...I mean not the good kind, more like a potenailly deadly arythmia.

And when we do your nighttime lock down and you tell the gentleman officer you want me, good ole Bossy to lock you down, well it makes me feel oh so special.

makes me want to vomit what contents I have in my stomach and to change my name and address so I can not be tracked should some loop hole in our judicial system let your freaky ass out.

Now on the the hootchie momma portion of the ode.

It makes my feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I hear you all say when I leave the room "stupid bitch"

ladies, I have been called worse things, on here...Come now..

That is pure baby talk.

And no, I will not pass love notes between you and the convict down the hall, I don't care if she is your wife...you do know that is not legal right?..Two chicks cant be married...Especially when the one is already married to a man....Just thought I would tell you...SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE....Ok lil Missy?

I love how you people just go commit crimes and then expect treatment you would receive at the Hilton Hotel. Or hell even motel 6...Your in jail piss ants. No you can not put in a request for a pizza to be delivered, No you don't get a fresh blankie everyday or fresh undies...Sorry..If you want fresh linens and under garments everyday, stay the hell out of jail..

No I will not find a priest or clergy member to marry you.....

No I wont join you and your honey in a threesome after "you gets outta here"

And last, but certainly not least...I will not give you a fresh roll of TP until you give me your old roll...You can not stock up on TP fellas....I don't care if your crap is running down your leg and your standing in your own urine..It wont happen...YOU KNOW THE RULES BOYS...After all, its your third time here sweetie..


So this is crap I deal with.

some of these people I am not sure why we even bother to let out. Because less then 48 hours later they are back...We barely get their stench out of the cells and they are back to re-stink it.

It hard out here for a pimp...Or so I have been told.

Like I said..Mind all traffic laws, don't take a knife to anyone's throat, don't have a meth lab in your basement, and don't free base in front of the court house..

These are free tips to you from me...I really need to make a handout and give it to everyone.

**
Well tonight I am taking my bees to the county fair. I will end up getting a head ache from going on rides I should not, I will get heart burn from eating stuff I should not, and we will bring home prizes from stupid games we should not of played....But hell, you cant pass up the chance to win a goldfish for a mear dollar, now can you?

Bee Real