Black cat nine lives

There is nothing more degrading then begging a nearly three year old to take a crap or whizzle in the crapper. My other bees were bribed by stickers. Not this kid, she wants M&M's. She drives a hard bargain. Before this terrible nightmare is concluded, I am afraid she will be obese and have high cholesterol. But damnit, she will be pooing in the confines of the porcelain God by golly.

It seems Boo Bee is not the only creature in my hive with bathroom woes. My nice puddy tat who I have had for nearly six years is taking to whizzing in the sitting room that leads to my bedroom. WHY?...I have no bloody clue. She craps in her box, and pees on my freaking floor. I steam clean it, tell her bad kitty and she goes about her business peeing all over my floor again. And I cant even keep her from going up there, because there is no door...Our stairs lead right up to it, and our bedroom door is after the sitting area. If this keeps up I will do one of 3 things.

1. Let the folks at the Chinese joint up town make a fair bid for her.

B. Make her wear a diaper

3. Kill her.

I am not sure which way I am leaning towards. She has NEVER had an issue ever. She is the best cat. She catches bats, comes to tell me when the kids are misbehaving,
and she likes to cuddle at night. She also beats the living tar out of the dog when she knows the dog is getting on my nerves. My cat is like me, she is a bad ass. I love her. But I wont keep her if she keeps up this bathroom habits. I don't know why she is doing it, or why she even started, but I wont let it go on anymore. I am tired of it.

Pretty soon if these two creatures don't both start using their litter boxes I am sending them out on the open yonder together. Just a baby and her cat, hitting the open trail looking for spots to take a leak or a poo..Under rocks, in your child's sandbox, or where ever the mood strikes them...

If you should see them pooing or lifting a leg in your yard, don't be to harsh, just go out and shoo them away like you would a raccoon or a farm mouse.

Might need to set traps for them, I don't know...Maybe leave a small bowl of milk and some cherrios for them to eat, I am sure the food supply I send them out the door with wont last them a block.

My baby likes spaghetti, that's her favorite thing to eat, so don't leave that out or she will never go away.

My cat fancys nine lives, again, maybe leave her some Whiskas, she will eat it, but wont stick around long cuz she doesn't care for the fake fish taste. My girls have very expensive taste. My cat likes a can of tuna sometimes, again don't leave this or they wont leave. Before you know it they will be living in your garage or shed, and there will a corner that they use for a rest room. Might need to take your shovel out daily and clear out the stench from their piles of dung.

My baby will be wearing comfortable walking shoes, so don't worry about that. They also light up when she steps, so night walking will be safe so don't worry. My cat , well I may make her some kitty booties. To keep her paws from getting sore from all the walking.

Anyhoo, if u see them, its best to just ignore them...Kind of like a stray puppy u may see, if u make eye contact with it the bastard follows u home and next thing u know you are paying 300 bucks to have him castrated and u have named him Harold and u let him drink from your toilet.

The weekend is upon us, don't drink and dive, don't free base on the court house lawn and expect NOT to be arrested..yes I have seen it happen...and keep your clothes on when out of doors...Unless your on fire.

Bee Real