Dr Feelgood

I apologize in advance for the endless stream of picture vomit I am going to put you thru. Picture vomit is something a blogger does when they are too lazy for a real post, or have nothing to post about..Take what you will from that.


Yesterday Blondie had her class play..It was The Three Bears and she was Baby Bear. Would of made more sense to cast her as Goldilocks, but I was not the casting agent.

This is her...and that lad next to her is the dude whom calls her..

and yes, I do have a hit out on him..
























In our next scene Baby Bear is distraught over that bitch Goldilocks busting up her chair.






















Ya and you idiots know the rest of the story..






Anyhoo...This is Boo, telling me she was not in the mood to go see a Theatrical Production that her sister was in.






































This is me telling her to get her ass off the couch and put her shoes on.






































I know, I look like a hard ass, don't I?




This is me again, I think I may take my glasses back, I am not sure if I like them..Plus I cant see shit out of them..The doc told me my eyes were better, so I needed a weaker lens.




He is a big stupid butt, because I cant see didley shit squat.



































Anyhoo, since I want you to get those visuals out of your mind, I am going to talk about something.



Are you ever with a person, anyone really, and you ask a question and they say



"it doesn't matter to me"



Why does that bug the shit out of me?


When someone tells you that, it means they indeed do not want to participate in

whatever your asking about.


Now if they were to say..


Hell yes, I am game

or

Sure thats fine by me

that means they want to..

when they say

It doesn't matter to me, they are saying, do it yourself ,or hell no I don't want any part of that.

I will give u some examples

"Hey Barb, do you want to pass out the 8pm meds or shall I?

"it doesn't matter to me"

That means they are too fu*king lazy and indeed are not game on that.

If you say

" hey, do you want to sit on your ass and do nothing all night?"

and they say

" yes, that sounds wonderful"


that is indeed what their whole soul intention is..God Bless em I say.

~

My dad will be here sometime Saturday, remember he is staying at a hotel rather then my humble abode..

Still not sure if I should be extremely offended or extremely grateful

Then it makes me wonder when I come home to visit and I stay at his house, would he rather me stay at a hotel?

shit..

But maybe they just wanna get their freak on..I don't know..

I feel like a bad hostess, granted, I hate people, but I do like my dad. I get my rock and roll genes from him..

Although I can sing better then him, and I actually know the words to the songs I am singing..

God bless him and I cant wait until he gets here..

~

I had to work until Midnight Thursday...This is what I looked like at 11:30pm

I know, I know..put a bag over her head...I mean holy crap...

Although it looks like I might of just dropped some acid, but seriously, this is what I look like. NO make up artist, no air brushing.

Thank your lucky stars you don't wake up next to that every morning like poor Shaky does.

Ok in order to get that misleading image out of your heads..Here is a pretty sunset I saw on my walk the other night

Ok it is not that great of a shot..and I do apologize.

Oh and Boo told me today that my face smells like a zoo.

I am hoping for a nice leisurely weekend, I don't have to go back to the office until Tuesday. I am hoping to start sobering up by then.

Have a great Holiday Weekend..

Thongs Rule


HAve a happy period..

im a bad bad girl

Ok first things first..I forgot to take a pic of the empty lot that use to house my Golden Arches, which houses my cinnomelts...I suck ass, and I apologize.

Second up, My new blog template is almost done and holy shite, it looks awesome. THANK YOU EMMA..I cant link to or I would..I am a dumbass, a dumbass who is willing to admit she cant link..but she in on my sidebar under Bees Knees..

I LOVE EMMA..

Next up...at my job at the crazy house..we may be getting ready to go on strike..

To make a long story short, they took away benefits in NOV an promised everyone a raise, which we have not seen.

Things could get ugly, if nothing happens in the next few weeks with the demands we are making, we are putting a full page ad in ALL the local newspapers.

We bitches mean business.

Lets see, oh I wanted to ask something, maybe its just me and my sick neuroses I may or may not have..But do any of you drink from a soda can, or do you pour in it a glass?

I always crack it open and drink without a care in the bloody world. But then I gots to thinking..These cans sit in a warehouse before being shipped. Who is to say some of the sick pervs aren't peeing on the cans or even rats or mice taking dumps or licking the cans before we get them.

I must have to much time on my hands, who the hell thinks about this shit?

Anyway, I am no longer drinking from a can..

Oh and another thing I thought about..What if the sick pimpled faced boy working in the stock room isn't licking all the cans just to be a sick perv?

I aint risking it no more.

Oh I stole today too.

I found a nice, big, long , strong......

jump rope.

It was just laying on a picnic table at the lake, it was dark, like 930, and it looked like it was getting scared of the dark. So being the good Samaritan I am, I found it a new home.

Cuz I do Gods work..

Bee Jumpy

Rag Doll

Hello, is there anybody in there?







I saw this frog yesterday. It was no bigger then a nickel and it was turquoise and a weird shade of green. I am assuming it was a tree frog of some sort, being the amphibian expert I am.







I tried looking online to see what kind of frog this is..I looked up MN frogs..I saw 14 different species of frogs...NOT ONE matched the one I saw.







How is that possible?







Did God magical make this frog appear before my eyes? I mean, my mom was there as a witness..But she may not be all that credible in the frog world, I don't know.







But it was a tiny frog, and a kind I have never seen.







Any frog experts here?..yes....no....? Anyone...anyone..







Also I saw a weird colored salamander..But I DID see that on the Internet..







Thank God for the Internet, helping me identify aquatic life one item at a time..







~



Do bald people put sunscreen on top of their heads? I have always wondered that.







Anyway, Boo is sick...feverish, coughing up one or both lungs, and still not wearing underwear.











I am sleep deprived.











Ok here are some pics of what my frog kinda looked like








































OK just kidding....this is the closest I could find..

Anyway, I know you don't give a damn, but it is bugging the shit out of me..

And these are Pacific Tree Frogs...

Not the Midwest variety..



sonofabitch..



Tomorrow I am going to post a pic of where my McDonald's use to stand tall and proud. Even though no one spoke English, an they never got an order right..



I still miss the Golden Arches.



Dont be shocked if u show up here and its all re-arranged..



I have people, and they are working nights and weekends to get this blog looking nice and summery.




I have to pee.



Bee potty trained

Soak up the sun

I asked The Boy why he fancied this gal so much. I asked him if he thought she was cute. he said "um, not really"

I said, then whats the damn deal? He told me that she likes spider man, baseball and running.

I saw her, she is cute.

sonofabitch.

And the kicker, Mr Shaky met her and he said she is so cute so so very nice..

sonofabitch..

~
Speaking of that ole Mr Shaky, he told me yesterday he likes it when ladies have a nice brown glow. I said " u mean like i do?"

He said, "um no, your more of a nuclear accident, people shouldn't be that dark my dear."

He said I need to tone it down, he said it isn't good for me, getting that much sun..

I am thinking he is worried I will end up looking like this..




















I say, whatever happens, happens..

I get lots of sun, I walk daily, I spend time out with the kids, I mow the lawn..

all that requires me to be in the sunlight.

Whatever..

~

If any of you know anyone who designs blogs, let me know..I am wanting to give my spot here a lil face lift..She is getting a tad wrinkly. I will pay for such serves, as long as they are not asking for crazy shit prices..I am not into being screwed in that fashion.

I know what I want, so it wont take long for them to do it...So if u know anyone, or if u know how..email me or leave it in the comment section..thank u in advance for your tireless efforts.

~

Look, these are my fav flip flops...



























Oh no, my legs are not hairy, just a little dry..

~

I am still mourning my McDonald's. I mean the bitch was leveled..I mean its smashed to smithereens.

No cinnomelts for me..for three whole fu*king months.

I am not sure why they felt the need to destroy my only happiness in the early AM..

hello, ronald...i miss u..i miss your hot,sticky,sweet...buns.


Bee sticky free

Stay the night

Well a few things happened to me over the weekend. First up, my garage was cleaned out and I was able to park my hot mom wheels inside for the first time since we moved here. Hot Damn.

The next thing that transpired over the last 2 days was my son, spent the night at my mothers house. He comes home Saturday Morning all tired and crabby. My mom told me he slept on the floor and was up all night tossing and turning.

Which I thought odd since sometimes on weekends he likes to camp out on the living room floor.

Come to find out he was online ALL night playing this game. Its an interactive game of some kind, and he is only allowed online on weekends for no more then 30 minutes at a time. Some of his buddies from school play the same game.

My mom said The Boy woke her up at 3am and told her his eyes hurt, she was shocked he was still on, so she told him to shut it off now.

When she woke up at 7 he was STILL online and still playing the same game...he had not slept the whole night.

When I confronted ole shaky on this situation that transpired, he shockingly did not seem upset...He told me and I quote "yeah well if I was allowed to play my game that long, I would"

To which I said..." your not ten dumb shit"

"oh and no way in hell would I allow that mister"

Then Saturday afternoon The Boy asks to go to his lady friends house to "play tag"

gag me

Then when Mr Shaky called him and told him it was time to come home, he had the nerve to ask if he could sleep over at her house.

Um excuse me....

I need a shotgun, I figure if I shoot him in the knee caps, just to disable him...It might hinder his wanting to spend the night at her house. Mostly because he wont be mobile.

I have no trouble giving him piggy back rides to the toilet and such. And I can have the little yellow bus for the handicapped kids pick him up for school.

I always figured one of my kids would need the short bus..

But I did not figure it would be from an accidental knee cap shooting.

Ok, it wont be accidental, so sue me.

Bee Real

Baracuda

I had an exciting story to tell. Something that would knock your socks off.

But I changed my mind.

Anyhoo, my son is still spending time at this girls house. And when he is not there, she is calling here.

I am getting a Personal Protection Order against her STAT..Nothing like putting a restraining order on a 10 year old,anything to stop the throws of 10 year old passion. And when I saw passion, I mean watching Disney Channel and playing tag in her yard.

That's how it starts. An innocent game of tag and it leads to a hot game of spin the bottle. Trust me, I know...

No Thank You.

Oh and Boo is refusing to wear under garments. And by under garments I am referring to underwear.

I finally got her to put some on today. You would of thought I was asking her to slit her own throat.

Blondie and I went to go see Shrek. Spiderman was better.

Ok, I have to tend to some things here.

Yes, I do tend to things. Good God.

Have a peaceful easy feeling weekend.

Bee Shirtless.

Blaze of Glory

I got a call while at work from my mother. I had to go pick The Boy up from school. I guess he got sand kicked in his eyes and they thought he was going to go blind or die or something of that sort.

To make a long story short, he can see...AND he is alive.

Praise Lord almighty.

He sure was seeing well enough to make the trek to his lady friends house..

sonofabitch.

My dad and his bride are coming next week. They will be here for Memorial Weekend. I don't have any big plans for them, as this state/city has nothing to offer but lakes full of chiggers, some grazing turtles,pelicans,bald eagles,swans, and last but not least...cooters.

And to top it off, they want to stay at a hotel, not here. I am not sure why...They told me we don't want to put you out....

I think they must of caught wind of my lactating dog, cat pissing on my clothes and my house smelling like pine sol.

damnitalltohell.

Ok, that's all I have.

Which is not much, sadly to say..

My apologies to you and yours.

Bee Something...anything

heading for a heartbreak....

My yeast infection seems to be under control. From all the itching and scratching I have been doing you would of thought I was a pro baseball player, only without the chewing and spitting,just lots of balls scratching and crotch grabbing.

Ok you can get that disgusting visual out of your minds now...thank you in advance.

But thankfully, that has all subsided.

A girl has been calling here. Asking for The Boy. I have not been here when such calls have come in , because holy shit, I need to work so we have a phone for the boy chaser to call, and she has invited him over each night. And he has accepted such invites.

I am getting a tad worried.

He sat with her on the bus on the way to their field trip today. He sits with her at lunch. He likes to go play at her house, and watch tv at her house.

Holyshit, I hope they aren't married yet.

~
My dog is finally out of the closet and has stopped lactating. I was sure I was going to have to find her a nursing bra, but she seems to be dried up now.

For a dog whom is a virgin, she sure made us think she was knocked up. What a bad doggie.

~

My cat is still pissing in my room. I am going to kill her.

~

Now that I have the fire out in my underwear, I should wash them.

Bee Real

have a nice day

Let me start off saying that my luck has indeed run its course. As I knew it would, it always does.





For starters, I woke up Saturday with a raging yeast infection, yes yes TMI I know, but it feels better to get it off my chest. For those of you who have never had the joy of experiencing such things, this is sort of what your cooter/hoo-haw feels like..
















See, its the Pillsbury Dough Boy...on fire, get it...





Ok Moving on...



The swelling is starting to go down in my ankle and my leg...see..
































Still a tad swollen and bruised, well its more swollen then bruised I guess, but I did manage to mow the lawn Sunday...and walk 10 miles...

When it was a blazing 102 degrees...Look, see for yourself.


















It was nice...I like it hot, but whilst on my 10 mile walk, I over heated, I drank my ice cold water, even before I got to the lake. At one point I was so hot, I filled my bottle with lake water and poured it down my pants,shirt,bra and over my head..

desperate times, call for desperate measures. I was thisclose to drinking the damn lake water. I mean thisclose.

My head is still pounding from the whole sorted ordeal.

My turtle/cooter rescue is coming along well. I saved a few over the weekend. I am slowly making my mark in the turtle world.

Creatures who carry shells as their homes, love me.

God speed my fine shelled friends, God speed.

Oh, I got my new glasses Saturday. See...

Do I look smarter, or like a stripper?

***************************************

Well I need to go put the fire out in my underwear.

Bee Yeast Free.

with great power, comes......

Great responsibility.....



Being a responsible parent , you are encouraged to give your kids a pat on the back for getting 100% on a test or homework. Normally I give The Boy violent threats, to get him motivated to do good in school. Nothing out of the ordinary, just



if u don't pass this test, I will kill the dog



if u don't do your homework, I will cut your pinkie off



if u don't do pass this test I will drill a hole in your skull..



and yadda yadda yadda...



So he did a very tricky thing to me...He asked me if he got 100 on his spelling test Friday, if I would take him to see this..





















































Being the wretched mom I am, I have taken him to see every Spider Man movie since they have been coming out. So why should he think we would not be going?

He does not get the fact I can not walk, let alone hobble down a dark movie aisle with a mega popcorn and a ultra big dt coke...It wont happen...I will spill it. Hell no, I am not going to risk it.

So I told him we would go ONLY if he got 100 on his test.

All day, I kept hoping that just THIS ONE time he would get one wrong. I was actually wishing for my kid to flunk. Who the hell does that?

So while I was at work, I kept thinking about it, when it got to be 3 o'clock I called home, to see if he passed.

Of course, he did.

sonofabitch.

hello kid, did u see my damn foot and ankle? hello? am I invisible?

damnitalltohell

so, tonight I took him to see it. And we walked there. Now my ankle is hurting worse then ever..

Its ok, I have popped about 4 Vicoden since I been home...its all good now..Don't fret.

I must say though, it was a pretty great movie..I have seen all three Spiderman movies in the big cinema...And this one, is by far the best ever.

And according to the boy..and I quote..

this was the best movie I have ever seen, and not only, but its the best action movie ever, even better then Star Wars Episode 3...


so that's his review of it, and no, he is not a professional movie critic, hard to believe I know.

Anyway, my ankle is healing nicely, I have some feeling back in my toes, and the swelling has went down enough where I can get socks on..

things are looking up for ole Bossy.

My dog is not knocked up
My son is smart, even when i want him to flunk
My ankle is healing
Mr shaky is talking to me again, only cuz the dog isn't with children
I did not spill my popcorn at the show
Its hot outside

See, things are looking up...

Oh and there is a city wide garage sale Saturday. I have never really been garage saleing before..

I am looking for some treasures.

Hopefully I don't buy anything that has lice of flea eggs in it.

My luck can not be good forever.

Have a great weekend..

bee real

fu*k an A

Editors note at bottom

Ok....I have a brief post here..

First up, we are pretty sure my dog is with children so I am in the shitter with Mr Shaky.

Then at work I went on a little jaunt with my friend to her house so she could get her dinner, whilst stepping out of her van, I did a number on my ankle.

There was a snap, and I went down.

I have a cast and on crutches.

For those of u keeping tally..I did this two summers ago, and posted graphic pics.

This time it snapped...Not pretty.

So I am laid up, and my dog has been laid.

But I do have vicoden.


Bee Careful




Editors note.

My dog is NOT with children. Took her to the vet, they did blood work, she is having a false preganacy. She is even lactiating..I mean milk is coming from her dog boobs. Vet said it should go away in about a week.

Lord have mercy.

u can always get what u want

Starting today our McDonald's closes until August. Under normal circumstances this would not bother me. They don't have anyone working there that knows English, they get my order wrong EVERY time, and there is not an attractive person whom works there. In fact, today when Boo and I went for our last hoo-rah, the girl who took our order was not only missing some teeth, but had two huge ass hickeys on both sides of her neck. Now when I was in middle school, sporting hickeys was cool. when your over 30 and your career is working the take out window and McDonald's, it does not look so cute.





Anyway, its closing until August, they are tearing it down and re-building. I am a tad mordified because recently I have become and addict. Not to the fries, the burgers or anything of that nature. I am a Cinnomelt whore. I admit it. There its out. And now for 3 months I am going to be going thru withdrawls, so if I seem edgy or bitchy, this is why people..





Another thing pissing me off, we have a Wal-mart about to open. You all know I LOATH Wal-mart. sonofabitch.





~


My dog , she wont come out of the closet..I don't mean she is gay, I mean she literally wont come out of the closet..





see..

















































We have even had to move her food there, and she wont even go potty. I take her outside, she runs to the door and then right for the closet. I think she is sick. Saturday night she kept whining and barking all night, until Mr shaky opened the closet. She just sat and whined in front of the closet door. Then when he opened it, she went in and has not left since. Then I thought maybe her winter coat was bothering her, she had collected some mats in her fur over winter, and was in need of a shave. Every spring we get her a clean shave from our groomer..then she is nice and cool for spring and summer. Well my groomer has moved out of town, so I had to take matters in my own hands...



After her trips to the groomer she always hid in the laundry baskets in the laundry room, so this is not surprising me, but she was wanting to be in the closet BEFORE her hair cut. Mr Shaky is worried she is um, with child.. I on the other hand don't think so. She is not fixed because I have been tossing around in the back of my head to breed her, she is a pedigree, and I could get a lot for her pups..But not if she went and got knocked up by the neighborhood man slut. I don't know, I don't think she is..I hope not anyway.



If she is, I wouldn't even know how long she has been..She is a small dog, and I am not sure how I tell if she is...screw it..



These are my flip flops I bought at target for 4.99..





















































































So no cinnamelts for three months, and my dog wont come out of the closet.

Things cant gt any worse can they?

Bee Special.

nekkid

I do not intentionally do bad things to dogs. I mean, I may eat them at the Chinese joint, but its not that I mean to eat them, if they tell me its chicken, I am just naive enough to believe it.

But I did intentionally do this to my dog..


















She needed a hair cut, so i got the clippers out, this is her half done. This is the pile of hair with just doing half of her, it looks like a dog all in itself..

















See, does that not look like another dog? She was loaded with hair....now she is unloaded.

This is my and Boo with the dog, the dog now is hiding in the closet laying atop some old coats...she is pissed right off..































































Now she is only half done here, she does look better right now...But if your dog needs grooming call Bossy's dog grooming service.

1-888-halfnekkid-dogs.

Here is Mr Shaky and us....the other two were out at friends homes, so it was us and our now mangled up pup.

Boo has taken a liking to the dandelions in the yard. She says they are her flowers, but they are grumpy.

Now her mother is making her cakes, not pies..

I would love to meet her mother, now she is hell bent on having a wedding. She keeps asking if we can go to her wedding tommorow.

I told her three year olds don't have weddings.

I told her get a job before you settle down.

sorry I have not been by your blogs, my work hours are crazy, and then when I get home I am so drained and pissed off, I cant muster the energy to do anything.

Please forgive my bad blogger-ness.

Oh Friday I am going to get a hoop in my nose...

Hell yeah.

Bee Regular

May Day, May Day

There is a weird holiday here. I am not sure if holiday is even the right term, all I know is we did not celebrate it back in Michigan. This holiday is on May 1st. Its called May Day. You make baskets and leave them on porches of your friends or neighbors but you do not say whom it is from. Well someone left three May Day baskets on our front porch that day and I was wondering what the sam bloody hell this was. Then a Friend from work informed me about the tradition. I knew if I did not call Mr Shaky and tell him, he would toss them figuring someone was trying to poison our bees. Turns out it was a neighbor whom left him, rememberodd looking girl ? I talked about her last summer, Blondies friend...Well they were from the her...sonofabitch.



Guess I can not give ugly kids hard times anymore..They cant help it if God made them odd looking.




~




Ok, remember the turtle I saved last week and brought home to show the kids...here it is having better days..




























Here she is now....mind u, she was run down about a week ago..






























This is her cousin.































Here is a cousin who has managed to stay out of danger, its sitting on this log in the swamp here..see...I should really get a job working for National Geographic..no shit.










































This here, this here, this is a Goose...for real.

This is just a shot of part of our lake...not much to write home about, so I am just writing it here.








































so anyway, there was your bit of nature for today.

~

On to my birthday, the more important of everything..

Here is my cake...







































It was good. I ate a lot today...here is a run down of my diet on my birthday

eggs, hasbrowns,sausage,toast..(my mom took me out for breakfast)
afterward I wanted something sweet and consumed some cinnomelts from McDonald's.



For dinner I had half of a steak, shrimp, cheesesticks,macaroni salad, cole slaw,grilled potatoes....and cake..

I am afraid my four mile walk did not cut it tonight...

~

Oh I need to tell you about my bra....now sit down, it aint pornographic, so put your tongues back in.


I had a woman come to my house and measure and give me a costume bra...Ok, I figured I would be at least a 50 FF....but no...guess what. My one bra is a 40 C ( i measures 36 but she said u have to add at least 4 more inches to get proper fit)

when she said C I said " u mean a D"


then my other bra is a 42 B...WTF? Have u seen my knockers?..oh hell no.

But the fit and feel like butter.

And they set me back around 100 smackaroo's.



any price to keep my girls in the upright position.



Thanks for the birthday wishes...Oh and Mr Shaky even left a comment on the last post, I nearly wet myself..


Well take care...I will be gone for a few days..Bee good while mom is gone.



Bee Real

much a do about nothing

That turtle I posted last week. The one I brought for the kids to see. Guess what. I saw her smashed in the road on my walk yesterday morning. How do I know its her you ask? Because she had a piece of shell missing...Its how I identified the body. She has no teeth so we could not go by her dental records. I knew I should of kept her, but I am just against keeping wild animals for pets. But damnit....now she is vulture food, and I could of saved her. And what asshat runs over a turtle? I mean, they are easy to go around. Not like they are running across the street, they are walking slowly, you have plenty of time to stop and go around them. Or if its not a busy street, like this one is...Get your ass out of your car, pick the turtle up, and carry it across the road.



sonofabitch.



This is why I hate most people.



~

Boo keeps telling me she needs to go pick blueberries because "her mother" is making blueberry pie. Apparently I am not her mother, cuz I don't make blueberry pies. Or any pies for that matter.



~

Its my birthday Wednesday. I plan on eating lots of cake and drinking lots of diet soda.



All I want for my birthday is something good to eat, and clean clothes.



Here is a pic of me when I was a young one..












































I am the one in the middle. As if u did not know...I was about 10 or 11 there. Now I am freaking 32. How and when did I get so golldang old?

I don't know how it happened. I woke up one day with crows feet, early signs of wrinkles, and a slight case of dementia. Just BAM, out of nowhere.

So think of me on Wednesday. I am putting applications to all the local nursing homes and such. It wont be long and I will be peeing and poo-pooing on myself.

If the astronaut lady can use diapers, then so can I.

~
The Boy wants a $3,000 telescope so he can see "The sea of tranquility" and also craters on the moon and other various heavenly objects. If he discovers a new planet, the telescope will more then pay for itself..Its an "investment to my future" letting him he get a $3,000 telescope..I am banking on him finding something that will make us a shit wad of money.

My luck, he will star gaze a few nights, bark at the moon a few times, then retire his ten thousand dollar telescope because he is on to bigger and better things.

Like wanting a hoover craft or something.



Well Happy Birthday to me...



One year old and 20 pounds fatter.


Bee Real