Two steps Behind

I had to take Boo to the office of Doctors. She needed a physical for pre-school and because I really suck ass at this mom business, she needed four shots...because she was not up to date....she was very pissed off.

Whilst at the office, I was just sort of looking about the room. I notice on the table, the table I had to lay damn near jack ass naked on last time I was there....It said two things that struck me as ONE terrifying...and B...icky.

On one side of the bottom of the table it said..

Vag Spec..

now does that mean vagina's that are special...or does it mean there are specs of vagina's in there...OR Vag Spec a new type of diabetic needle they store at the bottom of the table..

On the opposite side it said this..

analscope


holyshitno.

my first thought was..

holy shit, I could come to the docs, without suspecting a thing and then BAM they want to do an anal scope.

I then thought of ways I could open the drawer and damage all the analscopes so no one had to receive one.

Then I thought of a few people I wouldn't mind knowing were getting anal scopes.

I will never go to the doctor complaining of ass pain, I know that for certain.

For any of you whom have had the misfortune of meeting my kids...you will have picked up on the fact that Boo cant talk right.

She well...s-s-s-s-s-s-s-tudders.

The doc told me she needs speech therapy PRONTO..

I said..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-k

She said she stammers and she studders.

what the hell is stammer?

Told u guys she would be riding the short bus.

~

I want to talk to you a minute about Berber carpeting.

It sucks.

My house has it in the basement, and in my main floor living room.

It was here when we bought the house, so I did not purchase it on my own free will.

Now it may look nice, but when they tell you its stain resistant, it is not.

I swear it collects anything that lands on your floor.

If you squish a spider, the guts of the inside of said spider will remain on your Berber carpeting until the day you die.

I swear, spilling water onto you carpeting stains it.

To the asslickers who make Berber carpeting...

your stupid.

I am going to be pulling out my carpeting and laying down something new.

I was thinking of football turf or sod.

I do love to mow...it would give me something to do in the winter...

If I were to get turf, well....that would be even better..no mowing needed..

when ever the white chalk lines wore off, I would simply re chalk it..that would give me something to do..


I like chalk..I like the color green, and I like bringing the outdoors in.

That's why Blondie has a pet frog..living in my house..


Don't ask.

Rag Doll

Hello, is there anybody in there?







I saw this frog yesterday. It was no bigger then a nickel and it was turquoise and a weird shade of green. I am assuming it was a tree frog of some sort, being the amphibian expert I am.







I tried looking online to see what kind of frog this is..I looked up MN frogs..I saw 14 different species of frogs...NOT ONE matched the one I saw.







How is that possible?







Did God magical make this frog appear before my eyes? I mean, my mom was there as a witness..But she may not be all that credible in the frog world, I don't know.







But it was a tiny frog, and a kind I have never seen.







Any frog experts here?..yes....no....? Anyone...anyone..







Also I saw a weird colored salamander..But I DID see that on the Internet..







Thank God for the Internet, helping me identify aquatic life one item at a time..







~



Do bald people put sunscreen on top of their heads? I have always wondered that.







Anyway, Boo is sick...feverish, coughing up one or both lungs, and still not wearing underwear.











I am sleep deprived.











Ok here are some pics of what my frog kinda looked like








































OK just kidding....this is the closest I could find..

Anyway, I know you don't give a damn, but it is bugging the shit out of me..

And these are Pacific Tree Frogs...

Not the Midwest variety..



sonofabitch..



Tomorrow I am going to post a pic of where my McDonald's use to stand tall and proud. Even though no one spoke English, an they never got an order right..



I still miss the Golden Arches.



Dont be shocked if u show up here and its all re-arranged..



I have people, and they are working nights and weekends to get this blog looking nice and summery.




I have to pee.



Bee potty trained