Tell me...Why

I think my mind is boggled down. That is where my humor has gone. Its boggled down. Has your mind ever been filled with so much diarrhea it makes you wonder if your smell is lingering to the innocent bystander?

If you have not experienced this euphoria I would compare it to LSD, only I have not tried that, so I can not be sure. I am in way promoting drug use.

So while my mind is fuddled and boggled I think odd things in my mind.

Why in the middle of summer do people complain about the heat? I mean its summer. It is normal to be in the high 90's or low 100's, for a few days anyway. Stop wasting time on the news telling us it is going to be hot. Its summer, we are not complete and utter idiots. Are we? Maybe we are, and I did not get the damn memo. You don't need to remind us to drink plenty of water and to go to a shady spot if we are hot.

But in the winter when its 50 below zero you also tell us to keep warm. Ok, you do think we are idiots. I just confirmed my own question, so I am not such an idiot after all.

Why does my six year old daughter refuse to get her ears pierced? She says she will wear them if they are magnets. She will pick up worms, catch cattipillers and rescue spiders from the wrath of me. But she wont get her ears pierced.
Is there any logic to that? I have offered her many rewards if she will do it. She refuses them all. Even a college education. I will be damned if I am paying for college now.

Why does my 2 year old daughter think that dancing around and singing "the doodlebops, the doodlebops" is entertaining to me in the least bit? She should know by now I am a die hard wiggle fan. The Blue wiggle. I repeat, the blue wiggle. I do love him so.

Why does Mr Shaky Pants feel the need to stare at me when I am watching TV or typing on my computer. Take a damn picture it will last longer.

Why does my dog pant in the heat but refuse to drink her water?

Why when I am on my yahoo messenger do I get these weird sickos pop up outta nowhere and want me to view their nekkid buttox? Or ask me if I wanna chat. Where do the weirdos of the cyberspace psycho wards find me? I attrack the scariest people. And I have no idea how they find me. I never go to chat rooms. I mainly talk with old friends, family or blog buddies. Granted a lot of those people are weird.

Why do I want to live on a diet of bacon cheeseburgers, chili and cheese fries and frostys from Wendys? That would not be good for my bowels nor my arteries. Yet, I crave these deadly treats.

Why does Weight Watchers suck? Why cant a cheeseburger be 2 points?

Why do I have the desire to consume a cake? A big cake.

Why is the age limit for Amercian Idol 28? They are coming to Minnapolis on Sept 8th. I could so win that damn show but I am too old. Its called age discrimination butt cracks. I am so getting a pettion going on this one.

See, this is why I have no humor right now. I have all these things on my mind.

Oh another one, why cant cable, phone, internet, cars and homes all be free? I would be ever so wealthy if they would change that system. My pocketbook would be over flowing with green if I did not have to pay for anything but concert tickets, plane tickets, food, clothing, and toilet paper.

I am willing to pay a good price for toilet paper. I like nice paper. I know its gets flushed down into the sewer, but I treat it likes its a form of rare gold. It keeps my bung hole clean and dry. It has a damn good purpose.

Ok, any advice to my ponders is greatly unnecessary.

I plan on laying in the 100 degree heat all weekend getting a suntan that will more than likely kill me in 20 years and leave me with wrinkles and sun spots. But I am also willing to pay good money for a chemical peel and a face lift. But not on sunblock. That should be free.

Bee Real