Hysteria

So, Saturday night we had our nice cheap family fireworks extravaganza. I was not too far off on Mr Shaky blowing his arm off, he nearly went blind and caught his hair on fire though. With no drugs or alcohol. Can anyone top that..Didn't think so.. And being the kind wife I am, the first words I say are " are you injured enough to get disabilty?"

My mom needed to go shopping yesterday. She wanted to go to Target, but I told her that not enough time has passed in order for me to go into that Target. There is a certain grace period that has to pass...Because I did not show up for my last 2 days of work, so they might be pissed off. Not enough water has went under that bridge yet..

I need to dye my hair, lose or gain 50 pounds, and get very big sunglasses. I need to go incognito. I would rather drive 50 miles out of my way to go into a Target then to step foot in that one again this year..Is that odd?

In two weeks I am going to a concert. A concert of epic proportions. One that all my fellow man will be insanly jealous over that they may or may not try to kidnap one of my bees and hold them for ransom to get the tickets. And I would tell them they can keep the kids.

I am going to see the gods of all hair bands. And yes, I use to love hair bands. I am seeing Def Leppard and Journery at the Target Center on the 18th. Send all ransom notes to

234 west Idontgiveacrap street
Minneapolis, MN


Ok, I have a parenting issue, maybe you losers can throw me some good advice.

It seems my 9 year old son throws caution into the wind when urinating. I will find on my toilet seat splashes of yellow liquid. The boy does not even lift up the seat, and when he does, he still manages to get pee all over my floor.

Now I have yelled at him, grounded him, and I make him clean it up. This past weekend I was so damn mad I told him the next day I would follow him into the potty everytime he went to show him how it is suppose to be done.

So I followed him like a puppy dog into the latrine everytime I saw him going in. I sat there, watched and critiqued his every move. While I, his mother, was there watching him....He still pisses out of the confines of the toilet. It is almost like he daydreams as he has that loaded stream of liquid flowing forth his person. I need a big vat or something for him to pee in. I am thinking of adding on an outhouse. I think the next time I find piddles on the seat I am going to make him write 500 times in nice, neat rows..

I will not pee on my moms floor anymore because that is gross and it is very unsanitary for her to have to get on her hands and knees to clean my urine off the floor. And I love my mom and hate to see her work so hard to clean my piddles off the floor.

Is that too much?

Bee Real