Take Me Home

I know most of you humans out here have a hard time believing my stories are true, and I understand that..Mainly because no one out there should have such a fuc*ed up time when leaving the confines of their home like do.

But alas, I am here to enlighten you with another tid bit of Flip Flop Mommas life gone arry.

Every damn stinking bit of this is true...May God strike me down....

For starters, everywhere my dog sits, she leaves a wet spot. The hubs told me to sniff this area on the couch to see what it was..

im like, u r kidding me, u smell it..

After bickering, no one smelled it and I just cleaned all the upostory

And she wont stop licking her ass...

Then my mom calls me from uptown letting me know there are posters plastered everywhere with me and pale girls photo's on them..

Seems when we went to see this DJ guy in January, he was snap happy and took pics of us and now has them on posters promoting his gig this Friday.

So this led to me and pale girl single handedly stealing all posters in city we could find.

I mean I don't drink..not since new years anyway....

And the last thing I need is my mug plastered on posters around with the headline..

these party people are wanted for a good time

sonofabitch..

granted, I am a good time, but still, lets not advertise it for Christ sake..

Then we get to karaoke and find them plastered all over there....the bathrooms, the doors...everywhere.

So we find a drunk guy to take the posters from the mens room , to his girlfriends dismay. She got angry....I set her straight, no more being angry.

So Pale Girl has about 4 posters shoved in her coat, I have 3 in my purse....

not cool, and not obvious at all.

Then while she is out with another gal whom is out smoking..she sees a car idling in the parking lot and gets in it and drives it to another parking spot.

In one night she single handedly stole from establishments, then stole a car.

All sober.

I cant take her anywhere...

When I return home my dog is laying in my bed....

just licking the crap outta her nether region.

I swear since I gave her a haircut she has been none stop leaking liquid and crotch eating...

I don't get it...

She needs to die..

She is always barking for no reason...just looks at u and whines, then licks her ass.

I now have about 5 posters laying on my table, not sure what I am gonna do with these...

All I need is one of my tots teachers seeing these....Lord have Mercy, or the Leaders of my church , oh the shame...

Just because we go out on a Friday night to dance or sing, does not mean we party.

I gave up partying 4 months ago....

He needs to re-print them posters..

And say something like..


come see these gals sing at the local church bizarre.

I knew the guy fancied me...because he told me..

But holy hell, take my pics down, I have enough issues with finding decent employment...

If u see one out, return to me please...

damn...

Maybe my dog is on to something, maybe a good crotch licking or anal scratching will do me good.

Cant get any worse...

sonofabitch