Fade away

I am so blasted sick of this weather. I have said this countless times, I hate spring as much as I hate winter. For various reasons..





Like I hate melting snow. I also hate mud, slush and rain.





I am not saying its spring here, but it did snow here Monday and its now 40 so everything is a wet slushy mess. Gawd I hate that..





Another thing I hate is with the thaw on my nice manicured lawn, are remains of winter shit from my dog, that has been buried under snow for months.





In the winter its hard to go clean it up, because, well its cold and I don't go outside.





I hate spring, just let that be known here folks.





~


This is my sons first birthday where my dear old grandpa was unable to call and wish him a good day.





Now when we lived back in Michigan, my grandparents would come over for every tots birthday so since we moved here, they call..





I know I have wrote a lot about my grandpa in the past, and I do realize I am not the only living soul on the Earth to lose a grandpa..





BUT, I am in the only one to lose this one..





well besides my sister and all my cousins, but what the fuck ever..





And boy he would be mad knowing I used the F word in something I was writing about him..





Golldamnit..





Anyway, I made the weekly chore of calling my grandma today. Now I call it a chore because she likes to gab. She can keep me on the phone for longer then I am physically able to maintain stimulating conversation.





She can talk about the neighbor lady, the people from church, the lady who drives her around for appointments, the people who mow her grass and shovel for her, the mail man...U name it, she has a story to tell about them





DO I care?





holy shit no.





But I am a good granddaughter so I call her.





She was telling me about the busy week she has had already, she had a doctor appointment Monday and a dentist appointment Tuesday..





Thats hard core for her..trust me.





She then went on to say that the last time she was at the dentist grandpa had an appointment with the doctor across the street...so he wandered over there whilst she got a teeth cleaning..





She then said the doctor never took his temperature that day, and maybe if he would of they would of caught something....





Because he was dead a week later from an infection of some sort.





She went on to tell me how she cries daily because she misses him so much, and that each day gets worse not better.





And I must say I do agree, because I have a hard time dealing with it myself..and I was not married to him for 60 years...





He was just my grandpa for 32 years...





I can recall eating dinner over there alot, because I loved to do that..





My grandpa loved green onions and radishes and he always had a wonderful garden..





At dinner he would sprinkle salt on one of those little plates and dip his green onion or radish on his salt and eat it..





I tried it, and I hated it..





He would also eat butter and bread with every meal and sprinkle sugar on top of it.





To which I loved ...And it use to piss my mom off, because I would request it with dinner at home every night, because grandpa did it...





He would also break wind just about every time he got up from a damn seated position...





he was awesome that way.





My son made mention he missed the call from Grandpa Dave..





They were buddies....My grandpa worshiped the ground that kid tread on.





He cried when I birthed all of my tots, and was at my door the second I brought them all home from the hospital, just so he could hold them.





The day I came home from having the boy, which would be right around 11 years ago today, he came over and just looked at him and cried and cried while he held him.





I was wondering if the baby was ugly and it hurt him to look at him...





My son has a picture in a frame in his room of grandpa and him sleeping on the floor. When they would babysit and it was the boys nap time, grandpa would lay on the floor with him while he fell asleep.





Pretty amazing for an old man to get his ass to the floor like that..





Anyway, this will be the first year I don't get a call as well...





I need to stop calling my granny because its just a downer...



Not a day goes by that I do not re-live the day he passed.



For those of u who are new here, I will enlighten u with this...



I was not scheduled to go back to Michigan until July 20th, and the only reason I was going back was because I was going to a Def Leppard show in Detroit. SO I was going to stay a couple of weeks to make it look like I am a good daughter and granddaughter to make a trek to Michigan to visit.



On July 7th I went to the Prince concert here in Minneapolis and I just had a funny feeling all night..



I woke up the next morning and told the husband to pack his shit, because I needed to go to Michigan now..I was not sure why..but I knew I needed to go.



My grandma had told me gramps was in the hospital but would be home on Wednesday..He was just in there because his red blood count was low from his chemo...



So Sunday morning off we went to Michigan..



My family kept telling me he was fine, and that I did not need to hurry home, that I should just wait till the 20th.



No fucking way.



I got there Monday afternoon and went right to his room at the hospital. We chatted, he looked like shit, but he was alive.



By that evening he looked amazingly better and I thought for sure he would be going home Wednesday.



Tuesday morning my step mom woke me up early to let me know my dad had been at the hospital all night with him and he was not doing well.



I rushed there to be with my dad, my grandma and gramps.



He was having such a hard time breathing that he could not talk..he would just nod when I talked to him..



What a drastic turn it was from just 12 hours ago.



I sat there all day holding his hand until he took his last breath just before noon on Tuesday.



He never made it till Wednesday.



And if I would of waited until the 20th to leave, I would of never got to hold his hand while he died.



Every time I talk to my grandma it is like re-hashing the whole thing...And I hate thinking about her being in pain too..



I know how hard it is for me, so I cant even imagine what its like for her.



All this brought on just by a weekly call to grandma.



This is why I hate talking on the phone people...do u see why?



And also brought on by my son not getting a call....



which in turn leads to me not getting a call.



fucking death sucks donkey balls.



that's the whole point to this..



in case u didn't know.



Amen.