Lovesexy

I know I complain about the snow. Its cold. Its slippery. Its a bitch to drive in. Its white, and I hate white.

But I really hate it when 3 feet of snow snow starts to melt. You see, when this happens, the streets flood, there is slush all over, and there are puddles formed that u don't realize how deep they are until you step in it. And the water comes to your ankles. Then your socks are wet, along with your shoes. Your pissed. You swear. Your kid will tell you.." I would prefer it if you would not use those words around me, thank you in a advance for next time, u potty mouth bad mom"..blah blah blah..

I don't know why, but some how I am raising kids that do not like to hear curse words. Well for the exception of Boo, but she is to retarded to know they are swear words, and she will say damnit if things don't go her way. But it does make me proud that she knows how to use it in the approaite settings. Its not like she is using it wrong. She may be retarded, but hell, she is a retard who can use the cuss words in proper form.

so its all good.

I am a bad mom, I know. I make them go to bed by 8 on school nights, make them bathe at least once a month, make them clean their rooms on a bi-annual basis, let them play spin the bottle, and let them listen to the Prince Lovesexy album complete with sexually explicit lyrics and all. I am trying to develop well rounded, well informed mentally challenged kids. How are they going to know what masturbate means if not for listening to a good Prince CD? How will my son know what boobies look like if he doesn't get to play spin the bottle with some college girls?

My son will be 10 next Saturday. I am having a hard time with this. You want to know why? Because, it means that not only am I ten years older, but it also means that pretty soon he is gonna need tos tart carrying condoms in his wallet..Shit I better buy him a wallet.

In 3 years he will be a teen, in 6 years he will be driving, in 8 years he will go off to college...

This means I could be a grandmother in like 10 years.

I am not ready for all that. I like dealing with my boy wanting to go sledding, playing video games, drawing cartoons, working in his "office" writing books, playing with army men, thinking girls are gross and way over rated, and trusting his mom and believing every thing she says.

He doesn't know yet that I am insane. He does not know yet, I don't understand his math. He still thinks I am the smartest woman on Earth next to God and his teacher.

But someday soon this will all change, and I will have to send him to boarding school. I am ok with that.

Wednesday is Shakys birthday. He will be 36. When the hell did I become the wife of an older man? When did I become married to a fuddy duddy?

Everything is going wrong...

I feel like baking a cake, and eating the whole thing. In celebration of me putting up with all this shit for all these years.

Crap, the three year old wants some crackers and applesauce. What the hell kind of combination is that?

damnit..

I need to go kick my dog because she is barking now...Son of a bitch.

Bee Real