baby got back

So I changed to Beta, for mainly one reason. I changed because I was tired of having to sign in every time I went to comment on a beta blogs. I figured if I just went and changed, that would all end. I was wrong







Not only do I have to sign in to comment, but every time I go to post a blog, I have to sign in..I click remember me...but the son of a bitch must have a bad cause of Alzheimer's, cuz it cant remember shit.







So this is infuriating me to no end. I hate when i get screwed...I only like being screwed when I am prepared for it...


Also, if I get one more damn phone call from someone telling me they want to lower my credit card interest, I am gonna run naked thru a field with shot guns and a map..a map to the office these ass wipes are calling from..

The gun part is to kill them, the naked part is to give them one big fright before I pull the trigger. The field is for me to protect the innocent from being scarred for life.

I guess these monkey ball sucking telemarketers don't realize I am on the DO NOT CALL list. I don't even like calls from people I like.

They must also not realize that I have talked with my credit card companies myself and got myself a lower interest rate. On.My.Own.

Man I hate buttlickers...I am surrounded my buttlickers.

Please stop calling me u sonsabitches..and Blogger, please hire some people who can make it so I don't have to sign in every damn time I want to leave a comment or post..Why do u have the "remember me' choice on dashboard if it does not work?..why why why?..

assholes

~
So Do u ever see when people bend down and their ass crack is in full view? It does not look good one anyone. Doesn't matter what your size is, I don't wanna see the crack that leads to your rectum.

including this one























****~~****















And here is some advice...Don't send your three year old to clean her room. Even if the seven year old volunteers to help, because this is what u will find..



























~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Looks like retards are working overtime..


damn it.



And also, my son, whom will be 10 on Saturday, thinks that just because he has swimming practice after school everyday, that he does not have to shower at night now. He thinks when he showers after swim practice in the locker room that he can call it good...I mean the fact he is standing in a shower filled with all sorts of bacteria that can lead to athletes foot or jock itch doesn't mean your getting clean. Let alone the fact you are not using soap or shampoo..


I don't know...I just don't know...

Then today I told Boo to stop stepping on her ball, as she would more then likely pop it. She then told me that balls dont pop, only bawoons and beach balls pop momma..

I stand corrected.



Oh this is the final round of the blog battle...please go cast a vote for me..I mean I don't ever win shit...I have not won anything since a spelling bee in the 7th grade..

don't make me run naked thru a field with my loaded shotgun after u...I mean no one wants that.

http://dsmoya31410.blogspot.com/2007/03/battle-of-blogs-final-round.html

Go vote...your freedom depends on it..

well your freedom for not having me chase u naked with a shot gun anyway.

Bee Real

what do u want from me

Well Friday night I was bored, so I decided to switch to Beta, because holy shit, I am a dumb ass. After I did it, I went to dashboard and ALL my blogs were gone, poof, like I never even existed..I wrote the assholes at blogger a strongly worded letter explaining my pissed off-ness.





Bastards never replied, Mr Shaky fixed it. Sometimes a man can come in handy for something.





This week is filled with birthdays here at my hive..you see these two dorks?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

They both turn one year older this week. First up is Shaky..His birthday is Wednesday. He will be 36. That means he is old...It means I am married to an older gentlemen. It means he isn't far from needing a good nurse to give his sponge baths and change his diaper.

There are some good points to him though..

*He likes to bake cookies, but then he doesn't clean up the mess, so never mind this is a negative.

*He will do laundry, but then he doesn't match up the socks and put them away, he leaves them in the basket for me to do. So that is a negative.

*He lets me spend money on first class front row tickets to my favorite concerts, but then he calls my music "devil music" and when he looks at the wallpaper on my laptop of my best band Def Leppard he says " dang those are ugly chicks"..so that's a negative

*He will shovel out the 3 feet of snow from the driveway, but wont do it while I am at work, so I can get into the driveway at midnight, then tells me I don't know how to drive in the snow...that there is a double negative.

*He has a 15 year plan...Which turns out to be a 5 year plan, which includes a significant drop in his income, which in turn will make me have to go to church weekly along with throwing some sort of church socials and being all fake..so that is a negative.

*He teaches Sunday school every week, which in turn means I cant sleep in on Sundays cuz I have to get up and help get the kids ready for church, so that is a negative.

*He still has all his hair, which in turn means I have to cut it every so often, so that is a negative.

Damn...things are not looking so gleaming after all..

I told you guys, I see the glass half empty....but he likes it that way. So I guess that is OK. He may not act like he likes my tattoos, my piercings, my attitude, my devil music, but really, deep down...He likes it all..Otherwise he knows I will kick him in the balls, and nobody wants that for themselves.

Then next up is my son....Good Lord, my son..





























***********************************


He is the one wearing the tie..

Let me see, what can I say about this little pisser?

* He knows more about Greek Mythology then he does about his 4th grade math.

*He knows more about dinosaurs and their ancient breeding rituals then his 4th grade math.

*He still thinks girls are gross, but the day he asked me for a wallet, there will be trouble. I know what guys like to keep in their wallets.

* He still calls me "momma" unless he is in front of a buddy or calling me from school.

*He knows more about the art of drawing dragons and creatures with one eye, then he does about 4th grade math.

*He is mean to his sisters, unless he has no Friends to play with.

*he unloads the dishwasher, for a small weekly fee, but still manages to never put the shit in the right spot and sometimes leaves dishes in it that are clean.

* He draws me pictures, of a dragons slaying a one eyes creature, but doesn't draw me flowers or butterflies.

On Saturday, March 17th, he will be 10 years old. A damn decade ago I pushed him from my loins..and my loins have never been the same since...

In this past decade, I have come to learn many things.

One is, its harder then hell to lose the baby weight from your first born...Thanks to him I carry at least 25 extra pounds around, and its basically centered in one area, the top portion, known as the boob area.

I learned that when u hold your first born for the very first time, it changes you..From that point on, your not a hot, skinny bitch anymore..Your a fat, frumpy mommy.

I learned that little boys are sweet, they love their mom's, until they reach about 8 years of age, then they will be the first to tell you how you are wrecking their lives.

I have learned that no matter how hard u try, your first born will always have more baby pictures.

So on this coming ST Patty's Day, think about my boy...He will be going to get a new bike, going bowling, then going swimming, then having a sleep over...

And I will be sitting in my room drinking heavily while some wild ten year old boys are wrecking my house and telling each other that their burps are louder then the other. Then it will move from a burping contest, to a farting one..in a blink of an eye.

So happy birthday to the men of the house....

It is all OK, because the boys are still out numbered by us girls.

Bee Real

Lovesexy

I know I complain about the snow. Its cold. Its slippery. Its a bitch to drive in. Its white, and I hate white.

But I really hate it when 3 feet of snow snow starts to melt. You see, when this happens, the streets flood, there is slush all over, and there are puddles formed that u don't realize how deep they are until you step in it. And the water comes to your ankles. Then your socks are wet, along with your shoes. Your pissed. You swear. Your kid will tell you.." I would prefer it if you would not use those words around me, thank you in a advance for next time, u potty mouth bad mom"..blah blah blah..

I don't know why, but some how I am raising kids that do not like to hear curse words. Well for the exception of Boo, but she is to retarded to know they are swear words, and she will say damnit if things don't go her way. But it does make me proud that she knows how to use it in the approaite settings. Its not like she is using it wrong. She may be retarded, but hell, she is a retard who can use the cuss words in proper form.

so its all good.

I am a bad mom, I know. I make them go to bed by 8 on school nights, make them bathe at least once a month, make them clean their rooms on a bi-annual basis, let them play spin the bottle, and let them listen to the Prince Lovesexy album complete with sexually explicit lyrics and all. I am trying to develop well rounded, well informed mentally challenged kids. How are they going to know what masturbate means if not for listening to a good Prince CD? How will my son know what boobies look like if he doesn't get to play spin the bottle with some college girls?

My son will be 10 next Saturday. I am having a hard time with this. You want to know why? Because, it means that not only am I ten years older, but it also means that pretty soon he is gonna need tos tart carrying condoms in his wallet..Shit I better buy him a wallet.

In 3 years he will be a teen, in 6 years he will be driving, in 8 years he will go off to college...

This means I could be a grandmother in like 10 years.

I am not ready for all that. I like dealing with my boy wanting to go sledding, playing video games, drawing cartoons, working in his "office" writing books, playing with army men, thinking girls are gross and way over rated, and trusting his mom and believing every thing she says.

He doesn't know yet that I am insane. He does not know yet, I don't understand his math. He still thinks I am the smartest woman on Earth next to God and his teacher.

But someday soon this will all change, and I will have to send him to boarding school. I am ok with that.

Wednesday is Shakys birthday. He will be 36. When the hell did I become the wife of an older man? When did I become married to a fuddy duddy?

Everything is going wrong...

I feel like baking a cake, and eating the whole thing. In celebration of me putting up with all this shit for all these years.

Crap, the three year old wants some crackers and applesauce. What the hell kind of combination is that?

damnit..

I need to go kick my dog because she is barking now...Son of a bitch.

Bee Real

we will, we will rock you

Yes so, I have a cool job and big boobs that allows me all sorts of stuff. I also have a spouse whom not only calls my choice of music "devil music" but also puts aside money weekly for me to do stupid ass things that have to do with my devil music...cuz that's true love asswipes.

I just got my VIP tix for here http://www.moondancejam.com/ . This is a four day event. I will be subjected to all sorts of flashing of boobs, beer, tent sleeping and bug bites.

God I love nature.

~
Ok, here is a tip...

lets say your steam cleaning your carpets, because lets say your cat pissed all over your shit, and lets say you see a gallon of Downy Simply Pleasures laundry soap sitting on the counter. Lets say you decided to give your cleaning efforts a little boost, you added a cap full to the already mixed soap and water to the machine.

Lets say that once u start the machine, u begin seeing so many bubbles you swear to God its snowing inside.

Lets say that u try like hell, but the carpets are still soapy and now drying to be a tad stiff.

but holy hell, they smell like lavender and jasmine.

Bee Real

crazy

I will be the first to admit that I have issues. I sorta have a heart like the grinch, only mine isn't two sizes to small, it just has a big hole in it. I know it, everybody who knows me knows it. I don't hide it nor deny it.

I am the biggest pessimistic u will see, and the most judgmental. I DO judge a book by its cover, I believe your first impression of a person is usually right on.

Now I am a normal woman. Women are creatures that need to be dissected, cuz we don't make any sense.

If I meet someone, and they have bad teeth, I think they are lazy and stupid because they don't take the time to visit a dentist chair once every six months.

If your teeth are blinding white, that make me have to squint in order to focus on your face, I think you have porcelain vinears and are trying to hide the fact u had no teeth or bad teeth previously.

If your a nice looking woman who looks well groomed, I will assume you have had work done and have fake boobs.

If your unkept, meaning: greasy looking hair pulled back in a pony tail, or hell hangin in your face, dirt under your finger nails, or sporting stained sweatpants out in public, I will assume your welfare check just came and your coming to get your monthly supply of Frito lays.

if your at the store sporting same attire, but have a gaggle of kids whom have dirt on their face, uncombed hair and dirty clothes, I will assume that all the kids have different daddies and that I am somehow helping you support them..

by supplying your WIC or welfare.

See, I told you I am an awful bad person. But I admit it. I whole heartedly admit that I lack common sense and decentsy for other humans.

I am sorta like a wild animal. I just run on pure gut instincts. Sure fault me if u will.

I am human. I was born this way. Kinda like being born gay, I was born a cold heartless bitch.

I could give you many examples of my pessamistic nature, but I will save you the time. cuz I am cool like that.

~
I am having some troubles with a kitty of mine. I will likely kill her. I have had her for 6 years, and she has been a good wise cat. Since I brought home my new kitten in October, this cat thinks she doesn't have to obey my rules.

I found a spot in my bedroom where she has been pissing on my clothes..NOT Mr.Shakys clothes, just mine.

Its like she can spot what clothes I wear, then decides she needs to relieve herself on my shit....I think she may actually laugh and or chuckle to herself after she does it.

I swear, as God as my witness, if this keep it aint lookin good for her. I mean she is big enough to make a nice cat skin rug for my dining room.

And if my son misses the toilet again with his armed machine gun full of urine, he will be laid next to cat on the dining room floor.

How lazy do u have to be to NOT hold the penis down when firing into the john? I mean, it takes virtually no skill, because men aren't the skillful sort. I mean, if men had to actually sit down and wipe the urine from their bodies after each urination..They would literally smell like my cat ridden pissed garments.

Maybe that's me being judgmental again. But I think not.

As I sit here, laying in my bed...All I can think about is the clothes I have had to throw away because of my cat. Not only do I pay for this cats room and board, but I supply her with food and drink all day, as well as her own private shitting and pissing facilities. Yet, she takes it upon herself to pee pee over my some of my clothes , yet expect to remain living.

I don't know what gave her the idea I had transported her powder room right directly atop of my garments.

son of a bitch.

I have a lot weighing on my mind.

My cat pisses on my shit, my son pisses on my floor, I hate people, and cant find the good in anything.

I just hope to God that people out there don't think I paid for my boobs. I mean, they are big, and they are nicely shaped...Um..If I can say that..

I will make one bitchin preachers wife, dontcha think?

now you all just go into your prospected huddles and pray for me...

But don't forget to vote for me either...

Western Bracket

rock the vote people, I have issues, lets not piss the crazy lady off..

bee real

Two out of three aint bad

The one good thing about getting 4 feet of snow in a two day period is...

nothing..

The bees have been having fun playing in it, only problem is their sleds are under 4 feet of snow..They tried making snowmen, but its not the right kind of snow for that.

For you people whom do not know there are two different types of snow, Ole Bossy is gonna give u a crash course on them..

your first type of snow is what I call "heavy ass snow that sucks ass"

the heavy ass snow is wet, is easy to roll into to snow balls, and is harder then hell to shovel. This is the only kind of snow u can make a snowman with, or snow balls, or any sort of mundane object from snow...And trust me, u can make nearly anything outta snow..

Your second type of snow is what I call " fluffy, dry useless as shit snow but u can shovel without having chest pains"

Now this snow is so fluffy and dry. Now I know some of u morons wonder " but Bossy, how can snow be dry?"

Ok fools here is the scoop. Imagine you take a box of instant mashed potatoes or potato flakes and dump them on your floor and try to make a snow ball with them..

that's the type of snow that is..Its just like that...It blows, its easy to shovel, but it so light that it blows off your shovel and into your face..

I hate both types of snow, they each have their pluses, for the kids sake anyway, but the potato flake kind is easier to shovel...

Now, the 2 feet we got last week was the wet kind, the kind we got yesterday was the dry kind..

The dry snow has covered up the good making any mundane object snow , so the kids are pissed off, plus they cant sled down it, cuz holy shit, the sleds are buried under 8 feet of snow.

On my way to work last night, I saw the strangest thing. You see, I drive by the old , run down, ramshackle of a "trailer park" on my way..It is filled with "Mexican Folk"

Not saying that in a bad way, but hell, that's where all the Mexicans live, so um..Yeah..

Most of the trailers have no doors or windows...

I saw one lonely Mexican man outside his pride and joy of a home...It was midnight, and the little man was out shoveling..

with a rake.

A rake I normally use to rake up leaves. He seemed to be having a hellofa time moving snow with a leaf rake..And all I kept thinking was why doesn't he own a shovel?

Then the next morning, my kids are outside playing, I see Blondie Bee shoveling..

with my rake..

I asked her why not use the shovel?

Her answer

"momma, this is much easier"

Maybe them Mexicans know what they are doing...I mean they cant get your orders right at McDonald's and they speak no English, most have no teeth here..

but damn...They are on to something with this shoveling with a rake business..

Kudos to the dwellers at the city trailer park, kudos to you..


~
Ok, so starting Sunday u can vote for me in this blog awards thingy majig...If u click here




I think I am in the Western Confrences, as soon as she has the direct links up, I will post it..But all u do is scroll thru, look for a grayish box with my blog name in it, there will be two blogs per box..Just click the one u want..

Lets say u think I suck, well then pretend u are clicking for "worst blog"..

Lets say your mad because u have been calling the hotline for American Idol to vote for Sundance, but the line is busy but u just wanna vote for something..

well just head over and place your vote there...For me, not sundance, u wont find sundance over there..Sorry.

Thanks in advance, for either casting a vote for me, or against me..I don't care, just click for me..

if u value your life anyway. I mean I am not threatening anyone persay, but, well...

Ok, maybe I am.

If u wanna see our 12 feet of snow, scroll down the post below this shitty one..


Oh and I have decided I want a funeral like Anna Nicole Smith..

I wanna be laid up in a morgue rotting for 3 weeks, while my mother tries to steal my body, in hopes of stealing my baby, in hopes of stealing my 500 million dollars. Then I want my weasel of a friend, to keep the baby away from the babies real daddy, then trash eachother durring my eulogy..

Then I want Entertainment Tonight to pay said weasel..thru a thrid party of course, for tax purpsoes, thats all, to air my funral on tv while all parties involved are making a killin off it, at my expense and digitnity..

U dont get much more redneck then that people..

And dont forget to have my coffin with my rotted body in it, carried over a red carpet. Red looks so good on me..

Bee Real

sh*t

OK, its still not done snowing yet, we are under a blizzard warning right now because of the wind. Winter sucks ass. Big droopy,saggy wide asses.

Last week we got 19 inches of snow. Then with this storm that started Wednesday we picked up another 23 plus inches and its still snowing..And blowing...And snowing..Son of a bitch.

Here are some pictures to prove my dismay...
















See my van...Its buried under white powder..No not cocaine, although I could make a killin sellin all that if it was

















This is the deck off my porch in the back 40

















This is my garage door...



















this is my front yard.....What's left of it

















This is my front yard fence, notice the snow is nearly as high as the fence..Son of a bitch




















This is another view of my barely visible fence....Holy shit , where the hell is spring?


















Here is my backyard, that wall in the back is about 3-4 feet high, and notice the snow is just about covering it..


















This is what's left of my patio furniture..
















I feel pretty confident that if I were to do great bodily harm to someone, anyone, that the cops could not make it to my house to properly arrest me.

So far the asslicker of a weather man, Al Gore and all three bees lives are still up in the air....

But right now, I just want this mess to be gone...

I cant get my van out, I cant get down my street, my dog is scared to outside to pee-pee...So she is crabby from holding her piss and poo-poo in..She went out this morning, fell off the porch and landed in a piles of snow and could not get out. And being the good dog owner I am, I let her stay in the snow bank until she could find her own way to get out....It took her about 20 minutes, but damn it...She did it.

Now she just sits by the door and whines...I may need to get her a diaper or insert a catheter so she can relive herself..Course she is small enough to be able to use the litter box..

I have to work again today, and I am half hoping I cant get out....My luck I will get out, but not be able to leave at midnight...

School has been cancelled two days in a row now...No reason why they couldn't go help shovel the buses out of the bus garage....

This sucks....And not the good kind of suck either.

Happy trails....

Bee Real

Holy Mother of God

we have our very first snow day today...Last night we were told we could see 20 inches of snow by Friday morning, then this morning that ass licker of a weather man told me my area could see up to 6 feet of snow...That is FEET..Is that even possible?

So if u don't hear from me in the next few days here are a list of possible scenarios that could of happened..

*I have been killed on my way to or from work tonight

* my roof caved in from the heavy snow atop of my dwelling

* I did great bodily harm to one or all of the kids and am sitting in jail

* I killed the weather man and I am sitting in jail

* I killed Al Gore and am being held in a federal prison

*I mixed methadone, valum,happy pills and rubbing alcohol together to calm my nerves..(and it didn't sit well and I am sitting on a cold slab in the morgue next to Anna Nicole)

So that's it....

those are the only possibilities that come to mind.

Bee Real

well i was just informed they are sending the road crews home in my county home at 3pm, they feel it is too dangerous for the plows to be out..the bastards must not realize chirstina has to be to work at 4pm..

I am taking my jammies and toothbrush to work in case i cant get out.

son of a bitch

Girl u know its true

I know, I know, I should not complain about this, but hell, I am going to anyway. You no that 19 inches of snow that has riddled my grass with the shivers? Well, it appears it is going to be having some company. We are under another winter storm warning. It takes effect Wed and lasts till Friday night..Three glorious days of snow, sleet and wind. The nice bastard of a weather guy told me that I should expect a good 20 plus inches of snow in these next few days. That would leave me with about 40 inches of snow, on my lawn, as well as my street. I know, I could go and blame AL Gore for this, but u know what, I am blaming this one on the weather man. I never liked him anyway.

I would convert that to u for all you people whom only know the metric system, but hell, I went to a public high school here is the USA and they told us we dont need none of that garbage....

just know it s a shit of a lot of snow..a shit of a lot converts to butt load or piss load..if that helps any.

Mr Shaky got a promotion today. Now if he was a pastor right now it would mean he was in second command to God or a personal assistant to Jesus. But he is not, so it just means he is now and Engineer III...Now what is that may u ask? I have not a damn clue..

Lets give three cheers for a 6% pay increase...Hip hip hurray, hip hip hurray..Hip...Ok that's enough.

Last night I get a call from my moms landlord. She told me an ambulance was just there to pick her up...I am use to this. A few years ago she was sick and it was common place for her to take trips in the back of the white van with lights.

Come to find out, she woke up with a pain...I wont say where just to protect the innocent. To make a long story short, she woke up on the bathroom floor, not knowing how she got there...

She is fine now, she said she just feels funny. Not sure what happened.

~

As I am folding my white load, I pay close attention to things. Like why in the world are the bottoms of socks so stained? I mean we wear foot coverings when we go out of doors, and my floors aren't that dirty...So why?

And out of the 5 people in this house, whom I fold underwear for, why in the hell are the guys the only ones sporting skid marks in their underwear? I don't get it..

~

If u think about it, please go here and vote for me...I am automatically in round two, not because of votes, but because there wasn't enough blogs to pair them all up with someone...Figures...

not sure when I will be up against someone, I think round one ends Sunday, so after that please vote for me...I am begging..Pleading...I never win anything..Son of a bitch

Western Bracket


You dont have to vote for me, not if u dont value your life anyway.


Its ok if u don't want to vote for me....Just don't expect any x-mas or birthday presents from now on..

I am sure I wont win, because I never win anything... But lets just pretend for a minute that your life depends on it..mmaky?



OK, I need to help my three year old put her underwear on the right way..Son of bitch, does it ever end?

Bee Real

dirty deeds

Seems my slump of shittiness is only progressing in full force. Now I am not sure if it has to do with the fact that I let my kids celebrate Halloween and God is punishing me, or if I am truly a spawn of Satan. I have been told this before, but just brushed it off as nonsense. Or maybe its the fact that when I heard today some digging people think they found Jesus tomb, it sparked my interest.

And really, how would they know? I mean, what kind of DNA would they even compare it too? Its not like Jesus has any living kin. I don't know, maybe he does. Maybe the Jehovah Witness asslickers who come to my door are on to something.

Now if I were to tell Mr Shaky this, he would drop dead of a Miocardio Infarction.

Of course since I support most Democrats, I cant believe in God anyway..Get a fucking life.

Anyway, on to what I was saying.

Today I had a day off. I decided I would sit here and do nothing. Doing nothing is something I am pretty damn good at.

Then my phone rings, and it is my grandma. I figured she was calling to ask me what the temp is here, or to ask how much snow we got...Not that I am bragging, but we got a shit load of snow...Again, I know this may or may not be directly Al Gores fault, I mean holy shit, lets not blame the clouds, or hell even the weather man, we will place the blame that I got snow, on Al Gore.,,just to place the blame on someone..

actually its considered an act of God, so lets blame him..

And lets not blame the fact that during nearly the whole winter we experienced above normal temps, no snow and lots of sunshine , on Global Warming..Or that in the last few summers we have experienced the highest temps on record for heat...Its not because we drive around with our fancy diesel trucks, or oil loving Repulicans whom like to use their fancy hover crafts that they load up with diesel fuel , or lets not blame it on the folks that walk around with no teeth.I mean, I gotta blame something on people with no teeth, they are just creepy..Its all because of Al Gore.

I know I did not vote for him for a reason...Bastard he is.

So anyway, my grandma called to inform me that they think my grandpa has lung cancer. Now this man has not smoked for over 30 years...Yet, it is more then probable he has this.

two years ago he had colon cancer...He is going to be 87 years old in June. He still drives, he still mows the lawn, he still shovels and snow blows the snow, that was sent by Al Gore...Damn it, if Al Gore is the cause of all this too, I will sue that SOB.

Now I am just pissed off. If you smart asses cant tell. I have not seen my grandpa since November, that was the last time we were in the homeland.

This sucks, I hope nothing happens to him before I can get there to see him again.

But since I support most Democrats, therefore I don't believe in God, so hell, he may be dead now for all I know..

Curse them damn democrats for trying to clean up the earth and for killing my ole grandpa...Sons a bitches they are....

Anyway, here are some shots of our snow....I know some of you have never seen snow in person, and I hate all of you..

















































We ended up collecting about 19 inches of snow in two days...

but its winter, so it snows.....But this is the first real snow fall we had since we lived in this crappy state...

Anyway, I am ain a pissy ass mood, so I better just leave.

Go ahead and talk amongst yourselves...

Bee Real

Cocaine

I hate people who always complain. If its not one thing its another. If u have so many issues ,get a bottle of pills and a 5th of whisky, but leave me the hell alone.

Well, right now, THIS is my bottle of pills as well as my grain alcohol. So deal with it.

Friday while I was working at The Crazy House , one of our residents died suddenly. We are not sure why, or what...But she is now on a cold slab at the morgue. That day she had been telling one of the staff that she was going to die today and that her insides were burning. A few hours later, she was found dead on her bedroom floor.

her insides weren't melted, but she did die that day..

So dealing with that has been a nightmare.

Then The Boy tells me he has his parent teacher conference at 5pm. We go...The school is all locked up.

They had no school that day , because of....Conferences, yet, there was none..


By the time I left for work Saturday to the Crazy House, we had gotten a good 5 inches of white powder. No not cocaine.

Mr Shaky shoveled both driveways and all the sidewalks before I left. Whilst at work, it snowed about a foot. When I left at midnight, none of the streets were plowed, the stop lights were not working, and my driveway was all drifted in. I tried like hell to get in, but my efforts proved frutile against the white powder. No not cocaine

I stormed into the house and asked Mr Shaky what the hell he had been doing, because holy shit, he was not making sure I could get in the drive way. He looks at me in shock, and says " I shoveled before u left"

No damn shit....I guess U have not been near a window in the last 8 hours, because there is a drift in the drive so high I couldn't see the fuc*ing porch.

So I sent his ass out at midnight to commence in the shoveling.

Then the dirty SOB had the nerve to say to me.."the reason u couldn't get in the driveway, was because of your driving"

Oh hell no. U just did not say that to me..I have been driving in the snow my whole Golldamn life, don't u dare tell me I don't know how to do it..

So we fought about how well I can drive for a half hour.

Then shortly after I get settled into bed, I hear a big THUD...My Boo Bee had fallen her chubby ass outta bed.

This has not been a good weekend.

So far there is about 12 inches of snow out my door...And its still snowing...We could easily see over a foot by 6pm Sunday.

Right about now some cocaine sounds pretty good..

I hate winter, I hate people dying, I hate white powder, I hate when tots aren't capable of sleeping far enough from the edge of the bed to keep their asses from falling out , I hate it when I cant pull in my driveway....

But I am loving the thought of some cocaine...

I have worked 46 hours this week, went to one non existent parent teacher conference, witnessed grief sticken co-workers dealing with the death at our house, gave out more hugs in one day then I have my whole life, got snowed in, was told I am a retard and cant drive in the snow, made the hubby go out at midnight and make a fuc*ing path for my car....

This is a tip...A free one...From me, to you.

If your spouse is out at work, and you know full well we are under some sort of blizzard warning, and you know your spouse gets home at midnight, please, by all means, make sure the driveways are not riddled with snow and ice, cuz it makes for an angry wife if she gets stuck in the driveway...Really damn angry.

Bee Real

sh*t

...WINTER STORM WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM FRIDAY EVENING THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON...


A WINTER STORM WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM FRIDAY EVENINGTHROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON. SIGNIFICANT SNOWFALL IS EXPECTED OVER CENTRAL MINNESOTA ANDWESTERN WISCONSIN DURING THIS WEEKEND.

THE SNOW IS ANTICIPATED TOBEGIN BY LATE AFTERNOON INTO EARLY EVENING ON FRIDAY..

.BECOMING HEAVY AT TIMES BY MID EVENING INTO OVERNIGHT. THE PRECIPITATIONMAY BRIEFLY TRANSITION TO SLEET...THOUGH PRIMARILY SNOW ISEXPECTED. ACCUMULATIONS BY SATURDAY MORNING ARE ANTICIPATED TO BEFOUR TO SEVEN INCHES. BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW MAY ALSO BECOME PROBLEMATIC AFTER MIDNIGHT ON FRIDAY EVENING. THERE SHOULD BE A BRIEF RESPITE IN THE SNOWFALL DURING A PORTION OF THE DAY ON SATURDAY...BEFORE MODERATE TO HEAVY SNOW RESUMES DURING SATURDAY NIGHT. SNOW WILL LAST INTO THE DAY SUNDAY WITH ANADDITIONAL FOUR TO EIGHT INCHES POSSIBLE. BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOWMAY ALSO OCCUR DURING THIS TIME FRAME. TOTAL WEEKEND ACCUMULATIONS OF EIGHT OR MORE INCHES ARE STILL LIKELY...MATERIALIZINGWITH POSSIBLY A FOOT OR MORE OVER WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN AND EAST CENTRAL MINNESOTA...INCLUDING THE TWIN CITIES.A WINTER STORM WATCH MEANS THERE IS A POTENTIAL FOR SIGNIFICANT SNOW...SLEET...OR ICE ACCUMULATIONS THAT MAY IMPACT TRAVEL. THISINCLUDES ALONG MAJOR ROUTES SUCH AS I-94 AND I-35...AS WELL AS INAND AROUND THE TWIN CITIES METRO AREA. CONTINUE TO MONITOR THE LATEST FORECASTS.






son of a bitch

Take my breath away

This will be my last post this week, as I am a slave to the tax man. The tax man has me by the balls..Or the ovaries at least.

You know what happens when you let your three old make their own decision? Bad things, that's what. I let Boo pick out her own clothes the last two days, and she comes out of her room ready for summer.

This was her Wednesday, notice though she did not take her jammie sweatshirt off, rather just throw the tye dye right on over top of it






















I am not sure why she is so hell bent on wearing shorts in the middle of February. In her defense though, this week has been 80 degrees warmer then it has been last few weeks...And today is only 43, so you retards do the math...It gets shittin cold here.




















It sad when you go from -40 to positive 40. You go around all giddy and coat less. Not having a single care in the world, you smell spring in the air, and there is also a spring in your step. You open windows and even drive around town with your Def Leppard CD blaring with your window slightly rolled a jar. Or maybe I am the only jackass doing that.

and yes, that is the sofa she relieved herself on...
~
This whole BO thing is getting to me, if you cant tell. I have decided on my next weekend off, I am going to not bathe or wear deodorant of any kind. Let him get a whiff of some really potent BO.

In his defense too, cooked onions get on your clothes and they smell putrid. But damnitalltohell, don't tell me I smell like I have BO. I tell him its the fu*king onions. He says " but I like the smell of onions"

bastard.

I smelled my shirt I wore to work yesterday, and it smells like a restaurant. So I can see how he thinks I smell, but it does not stink like BO..I just wanna beat the crap out of him..

~

I have taken it upon myself to declare that ME..

pictured here
























want to live like this..Pictured here...In my next life























Is that too much to ask.

Cats don't have humans pissing on their shit, nor do they have their spouses telling they smell.

that's all I got...I a damn loser..

Bee Real

Something fishy is going on

Remember when I told you my only kid that had not pissed on my shit in a long time was Blondie?

Remember this kid? The pre-schooler who likes to take a leak on my sofa?

yes, this is the one

It seems she is not the only lazy kid I have. Blondie was outside, in her snowpants, coat and other various winter weather equipment, and she pissed herself while in her cocoon. Wanna know why? Because she was so covered in stuff, she could not get it off fast enough..


So all my kids piss on stuff that indeed is not a designated peeing area

another bee to scratch off my not pissing on my shit, list

~
Again, I come home...And the husband accuses me of smelling again. I tell him, I don't smell damnit...Don't u see how I am only stinking when I come from there? I am the one who cooks, I get the aroma of the crap I am fixing. I do not smell any other time. It ends up turning into a fight, because I want him to sniff my armpits, to prove its not coming from there. He refuses, I get pissed, he tells me to go bathe.

I just want to grab him by his facial hair, pull him to my underarm area, and make him smell it.

make him sniff, long and hard..All he will smell is my Degree deodorant. That's all. No.BO.On.Me.

damnitalltohell.

~
I had conferences with Blondies teacher yesterday.

I have a high regard for teachers. Teachers deal with our kids on a daily basis. We as parents know if the teacher is dealing with a little asshole or a nice kid that is not an asshole.

The teacher knows all the fine details. Kids spill it out to the teachers.

I just sometimes worry about what the kids say to their teachers. Like for an example, I wonder if Blondie told her teacher that her dad could not give her a bath the other because mom forgot to wash a load of towels.

I mean, we had NO clean towels. I left for work, threw them in the washer, and noone put them in the dryer.

yes I know....You now see where the kids get their laziness from..I know, I know..

Anyhoo, the teacher told us Blondie is doing very well.

She told me we were good parents.

Even though I know Blondie did not have a bath two nights ago, cuz I am I retard. I don't like the teachers knowing I am a retard. The only people who know, are people on the internet.

I don't like people I know IRL, to know that I am indeed a retard.

But teachers are pretty cool. Unless your one of them bad teachers who like to look at girls under developed boobies.
~


For the record, my couch still stinks.

Bee Real

i have been nominated for a blog award, if u wanna vote for me or to keep nominating me, or anyone else go here

This is not spam. Well, this is not bad spam. Leesa is having a little contest called "Battle of the Bloggers." Please visit her blog to see the details. So if you want to nominate a blog for this competition, please do so.

I wanna be sedated

Well, the sofa still has lingering effects of pre-schooler piss. I may have to take the whole cushion out back and torch it. Pretty soon the cats are gonna smell the pre-schooler piss and then think "hell, the pre schooler uses this for a toilet, why cant we?"

Then the dog will join in, it will be one big pissing party.

I am tired of my job. I am tired of the crap I deal with. I don't care what anyone says, when u get a bunch of women working together in close proximity, trouble is gonna brew, because women are back stabbing bitches. I admit it, and I am guilty of it. I hate it. But its true..I am turning into one of them..One of them women who is a nasty mouth, no good piece of hormones wrapped up into one big fat turd.

I am not proud, but its the way the shit flies..

I do cooking at the crazy house, and everytime I cook something with onions in it, I come home and Mr Shaky tells me I smell like BO..I tell him it isn't me, its the onions. I don't smell like BO, I smell like cooked onions..

I chase him around, telling him to smell my armpits, so I can prove it isn't BO. He tells me that he is not smelling my armpits, because why would he want to put his face in my BO.

I cant get it thru to him, its the onions...Its the Go*damn onions...Jesus..

~
I have decided that even on days when there is no school, I will still send my kids...

anywhere.

This school system has decided to forgo the normal spring break, but rather give these bastards long weekends...


I already have to deal with this pissing on my sofa pre schooler..





















That is plenty for me to deal with..I am not focused as I once was. I can not multi task anymore..

I can only handle one bee at a time..And I would prefer to have the one that doesn't piss on my stuff..

well that leaves the boy out, cuz he misses the john and whizzes on my bathroom floor..

So I guess that leaves Blondie..She has not pissed on my shit in years.

Bee Real

Son of a bleepity bleep

Yea, so we took the kids roller skating Saturday. Before we leave I get the girls all bathed, cuz they were looking sorta like kids who may or may not live in a van down by the river.

Let me paint the picture for you...I got Boo dressed and set her on the sofa, she was putting her shoes on, and then starts screaming. This is what she is screaming to me..

"Momma, I gotta pee, oh momma I so sorry, don't be mad momma, I sorry"

The little shitface pissed all over my couch. Then she had the nerve to tell me it indeed was NOT her fault, rather it was the pees fault.

That is the second time in two weeks she pee-peed herself, I wonder if she has a bladder infection..

Its them damn bubble baths I let her take...Son of a bitch.

~
Want to know how you know you have no life and your weekends off have become a sad state of affairs? I will tell you how...

You know your a loser when at 9:49pm your laying on your bed, laptop in hand and watching Jungle Fever on HBO.

Son of a bitch again,

~
I was thinking about something. Something that has been on my mind since 7th grade. Every now and then I think about this day, yet I am not sure why...It just pops into my head sometimes, and I get all creeped out..

Let me paint this picture for you...

Its 7th grade...I am in gym class and the school has a nurse there to inspect all our backs for scoliosis. The nurse..(female nurse) takes us into the locker room one at a time and has us take our shirts and.....bras off..Then has us bend over so she can check our spine curvature.

Our gym teacher was a female. She was the first woman I ever seen that I just knew was a lesbian. She had a butch hair cut, gray, she was older...Very unattractive...Never any make up, never has her hair done....

She always gave me the creeps.

As we 11-12 year old girls are having some "private nekkid" time with the nurse, she is in the room watching us girls take our "delicates" off...Now she is not a nurse and has no business watching us bend over with our shirts off...

What teacher has the right to see a student nekkid?

I don't know why....But it has bugged me ever since...

I think today it would be considered some sort of kiddie predator thing..

She did not go watch the boys....Just us girls..

Have I been over reacting all these years? I don't think so.

son of a bitch yet one more time..

My son keeps asking my mom about puberty. He has been asking her things, things I don't want him asking me...cuz I would rather die then tell my son answers to these things..

Like..

when will I get hair.."Down there"

when will my voice change

why are girls so moody..

I would totally beat his ass if he asked me that one

He will be ten in a few weeks. He is too young....He should not need THE TALK till he is like 20..

Son of a bitch three times a lady
~
Then my Ipod....Yes PAT is giving me trouble. I wont even go into it, but applestillsucksasses.

Big fat juicy apples..

~
My living room smells like pre schooler piss, I am watching Jungle Fever, and I think my gym teacher was a perv.

How has your weekend been?

Bee Real

One big damn head

So another heart day has come and gone..I got no bling..No candy...But at my request, as I am not a candy eater, but Mr Shaky has told me he noticed two pieces of HIS candy is missing. Who the hell counts their candy? How does he know two are missing...DAMN..Busted.

I did get an Itunes gift card so I can "pay" for music. I got lots of tunes to buy for ole Pat...I don't like putting my bank card number online, so he got me a gift card, no fuss, no muss..

Although I did manage to single handedly eat half of Boo's box of chocolate..So all and all, I will get fat.

Without actually getting a box of my own candy, I still managed to eat enough to make any homely child sick with a tummy ache.

~
I came to see that Mr Shaky has a big head. I notice it in my kids, but I figured they still had baby fat around their brains and whatnot...But no, it comes from the dad of the offspring...

And here is the proof....This is us, on Valentines....Can u see all the love oozing out of my double d bra?

course if u can see my bra, then u have x-ray vision and I think your totally kick ass.
















See the big head?....Maybe its just the angle...Maybe its just he has a big head.


















Look, he already has his shirt undone...What a naughty boy...

Hope everyone had a great Valentines, even if u don't "think: u celebrate it...

Bee Real

Hearts on fire

Well, tis the time of year to snuggle with your sweety, have candle lit dinners and have unprotected whoopee with strangers cuz u have no Valentine...

If your single, stay away from the bars, you will only end up waking up next to some dude, u thought looked like Johnny Depp in the smog filled bar, when he really looks like Johnny Carson...

To all you married or "spoken for" folks, don't expect too much from your mate. I mean most married people don't consider this a real holiday and say they aren't going to celebrate it, yet if they don't get anything, they are pissed off...(that is so totally me)...Its a no win situation.

I am sure I will be lavished with fine jewels and chocolates...Tomorrow I will be fat, but I will be a fatty with some bling...

or so I am hoping...

Have a wonderful hearts day...

Bee Real

love in an elevator

Well I think I have come to hate the tax man. I don't even remember what it is like to get a refund. I remember the days of getting about 4 grand back, spending it on shit I did not need and enjoying every minute of it. Now adays, I owe Uncle Sam that amount..

I need to stop making money. If you collect welfare do you have to pay taxes? I swear to God I need to look into this. I am tired of paying it to the man. I am tired of paying it to anyone.

Lets go over the taxes shall we? I mean, what are we actually paying for? I mean, its not like they don't get enough out of my checks. I pay out plenty. I am not sure what they need my money for. Did I hit some sort of sucker lottery? Did the IRS look at my drivers license and decide that I look like a good canidate for a good anal screwing? I don't know.

I mean, my 4 grand is not going to take the national debt down. To which I did not rack up in the first place. Its kind of like if I were to steal money from my co-workers to pay off credit card debt or to pay off my house..

Its just not something I like doing, paying for someone else's crap..

If the IRS were to take a good look at my bank account, they would see I need the four grand more then they do. I mean, holy shit, I have two houses I pay for, because holy shit again, they drove the real estate market into the ground and houses aren't selling. They would see we are paying about $20,000 in student loans, over $200,000 on houses, and about 40,000 weekly on my crack cocaine habit.

if Uncle Sam were to come here, I would kick him right straight in the balls. With golf shoes most likely.

~
Another thing that pisses me off, why is there a separate music award show for country music? I mean, they get awards at the grammys, at the American Music Awards, and any other music award show. But yet, they still have The Country Music Awards. I hate country music. Why don't they have a special music awards for music that don't suck?

Ok, I am done....I need a good tranquilizer dart right about now.

And to top it off, I am sure I wont be getting shit for Valentines Day...

ok carry on....

Bee Real