Dream on

So, my weekend that was suppose to be spent in a nice Oceanside hotel, eating nice meals, and holding babies that don't belong to me...Was spent lingering on the sofa, making frequent trips to drain my colon and empty the contents of my stomach.

I spent countless hours laying on my back, complaining of the pain, whilst the kids yell and ask me for me shit, watching endless coverage of dead "celebrities" with talent I can not seem to figure out....And wishing that I had a toilet built into my sofa and my bed.

Then I spent Sunday making valentine boxes and supervising as the bees filled out their valentines cards for school. I had to make sure they hit everyone on the list, because when I was a kid, I was bad. I would intentionally leave valentines out for the kids I thought were ugly or scummy...I know, I am going right to hell.

But come on, I just couldn't bare giving Anna Jacobs or Bob Conners , or Rick Diamond ( he always had some wierd as herpes shit on his face, kinda creeped me out) valentine cards..So sue me...

and dont even tell me u have not done the same thing...there was at least one u "forgot' to give cards too..dont u lie to me..

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I have a question for the ages...Why when your tiny tot pees herself, u put them right on the toilet?

Boo pissed herelf over the weekend cuz she was to lazy to come upstairs to the john. And what does Mr Shaky do? Puts her ass right on the tiolet..she JUST peed..I mean just now but yet, he sits her there. I am not sure what he was waiting for her to do...I am still perplexed by this practice, I know many of you do it..Your kid pees themselves, and u put them on the tiolet.Sorta like when your training cat, if it shits on the floor, u take its shit to the litter box, put the cat in it so it can smell its own shit inside this box full of gravel...That makes sense to some degree..

But when your dealing with a fully functioning three year old, who knows where her pee pee goes, it baffles the mind a bit...

that's like taking me to the toilet after I just puked all over myself...Makes no sense.

Its kinda like what Boo said to me the other day, she is a very wise baby..

I told her it was too cold to go outside...And you know what she said to me?

"but momma, we can wear coats"

Just like her telling her daddy she already peed when he sits her ass on the john..

daddy, I already went pee pee..See, my pants day are wet daddy

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So not only did I just waste $350.00 bucks this weekend....But had to be witness to many retarded things..

Like right now I am witnessing my son with his head in a basket that my cat is laying in, and he is letting the cat lick the back of his head..

Who does that?

damn retards, that's who

bee real

Oh hell no

Well, it seems my trip to the eastern Sea Board is

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I have been doing this all day and half the night...





























take the beard and the wings off, and that's me....


Its a sad state of affairs when I cancel a trip....I just checked and even if I change my day to go, its gonna cost be 100 bucks more...

That seems to freaking unfair...

here I am, on my death bed, and they are trying to screw me up the ass.

I bid u farewell.....With these uncertain times, I am unsure of my time here on Earth.

Love thy neighbor asswipes....Bossy OUT...

to make a trip to the porcelain God...Which smells like urine by the way..

Bee Real

U got the look

I am leaving soon. I know, I know, you hate to see me leave, but hell, a girl has got to get out once in a while...

don't go thinking that just because I am going to the ocean, that I am going to warm weather. I think its only going to be in the 40's and 50's where I am going..Which in turn is about 60-70 degrees warmer then here, so I guess its all good huh?

Normally when I am leaving for any length of time, I start giving my shit away, but I am not doing that this time. My luck, this will be the time I do die...None of my crap is worth anything anyway..

I thought I would share with you my hair. I cut it and colored it myself. Yes, I am multi gifted that way..I can also paint nails, change diapers, and wash things...Or warsh things, depending on how intelligent you are.

I realize I am not very photogenic, its not my fault, its my parents fault...
















































My kids want to know why my hair is black. It was blondish brown when they left school the other day, and hanging down the middle of my back. Next time they see me, its cut to my shoulders and all Goth looking. They thought I woke up with this way...

And its not black, its dark ash brown....Not sure what ash is, but I got it, whatever it is.


I kinda look like a witch in this one.....I am not sure why..I don't even recongize myself here...I mean, I look like some sort of a witch, or some palm reader..I don't know..


sorry, had to remove the witch, it was starting to give me pre-nightmares....I am still trying to figure out how it got like that, I will bring it out at halloween..and i didnt wanna give u guys nightmares as well.



















I don't know, buts bad....And for some reason I look more pasty..I mean, I am not pasty, cuz I pay good money not to be pasty...Go figure...Must be the angels light shining down and making me look like a demon..I don't know..


Here is me and Boo, she had to get in on it all...






















I don't know what she is looking at, I am still trying to figure that out..


Well, don't miss me while I am gone...And I am half thinking I am gonna get swallowed up by the mean , fierce, frantic, Bossy loving ocean and its living mates the sharks.

Mind you, I am not going IN the ocean, just being on property on the ocean front is plenty close enough for this to transpire. Trust me, I am a witch.


















Bee Real

Holy crap

I think something is wrong..

My skin hurts, my muscles hurt, my head hurts, my stomach is making sounds that which resemble an F-16 fighter jet, and the smells leaking from the jet are very toxic.

My hair even hurts.

I am about 90% sure I will vomit in the next 2 hours...Its just a prediction.

I cant sleep, cuz I am so sickly feeling..I took a sleeping pill, if I puke it up, I will be madder then a wet hen.

Why do I always get the bugs months after everyone else? My kids had this weeks ago, I thought I was super man, the virus repelled of my steel encrusted armor, that hold my DD's.

My armor does not work.

When moms get sick, we still have to drag our lazy asses outta bed, get the kids breakfast, make lunches, comb hair, do a teeth cleaning inspection, and tie scarves around tiny heads.

Holy shit, I am gonna be sick...

Who will come hold my hair back so I don't get chewed noodles in my hair from dinner? I cut and colored it today. Myself...

Mr Shaky says it looks " real good"...I am not sure whether to believe him, I think he was hoping to get lucky, but when I told him there is a high probability of me puking in his mouth, he said, "yea I am tired anyway"

And what the hell is up with that astronaut wearing a wig, a diaper and equipped with a BB gun and rubber tubing?

I don't know whether to laugh, or be very fearful..I mean if NASA let this nut job thru, think of the countess hundreds...And yes, there is one in my family..Who works for NASA...

I unfortunately don't reap the financial benefits from that...So who the hell cares?

But that's two confirmed causes of crazy they let slip thru...

These are the ones who actually believe we went to the moon...Crazy fuc*ers.

Ok, I need to make a bathroom run...

talk amongst yourselves, I will give u a topic..

"is it pronounced warsher or washer? discuss amongst yourselves.

Bee Real

bee real

Hot blooded

I have a few questions roaming thru my peanut size brain. I often have these bouts , I try to stop them, but I cant..

DO you ever wonder why when its your birthday, you have to supply the snack for work or school? Should not that be the one day you don't have to bring a damn thing? I mean, they should buy YOU the treat, that is some backwards shit.

Next on my pissing off list is...Why is it warmer in Alaska then it is here..I have set this up, so you can keep track of our arctic blast....So maybe u will feel sorry for me and maybe knit me a blanket.





I like greens, pinks, and tans...


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Next is I wonder why my Boo doesn't ever shut her mouth. This girl talks and talks. And she can talk about anything. Yesterday she talked for 10 minutes on how she thought a piece of cat food got into the living room.

I tell her to go sit down and keep quiet, or I may have to kill her. Then she says she just "wikes talking to me"

Shit, now what? She "wikes" talking to me.

I like to have quiet time. Just 30 minutes is all I ask for. If I bind and gag her for just 30 minutes, is that considered child abuse?

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By this time next week I will near the ocean front. I do not like the ocean, nor the thought of it being in my backyard for 3 nights. The ocean is big, there are sharks in it, along with other various creatures and bugs. I always have this re-occurring dream of driving along the ocean side and a big ass wave comes over the road and throws my car into the water..Yup, its a very pleasant thought. I have had this dream since I was a kid. I even hated driving along the lakeshore when I lived in Michigan. I would always take the long way around it...I bypassed it..Even if it took me an extra hour, I bypassed it..

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Well, I have lots of work to do. I need to go find my long underwear. I am thinking of starting a fire in the fireplace, only I don't have a fireplace...I am cool with just setting my carpet on fire.

My dog doesn't even wanna go out and take a leak..I think she is holding it in, I think I see her heading down to the litter box.

Yeah, so that's all I got.. Can someone please turn the gol dang heat up? Whom ever is hogging it, it is much needed here in MN. I don't for one second believe that Global Warming exist. Its bull pucky. Plain ole bull pucky.

Bee Real

1999

I have had a harsh few days. The weather has been bitter cold, with our high for Saturday of only negative 6..With the low being negative 16 and with wind chills near negative 30. I feel like kicking a damn Eskimo right now..Kicking all of them.

So Blondie had her birthday. I think it went ok, but then again, it wasn't my birthday. Her grandma, Mr Shaky's mother, sent her a card. She normally sends them money in the amount of their age in their cards..Just something fun for them she does. Only this year she got it all wrong. She put 8 dollars in Blondies card, when indeed she was birthed 7 years ago.

Blondie was confused for a few minutes, wondering if I had been lying to her all these years...I indeed have her convinced that her granmother is lacking in the knowledge of her age, not her damn mother.

Here are some pics from our birthday blow out.






















that was here before school today...



















This is her farm cake......She made mention that this was the bestes cake she ever did see.

No I did not make it...


















This is her posing with her presents. Notice the ghetto Christmas wrappings. I suck as a mother, wrapper, and birthday wrapping paper keeper/buyer.














This is the girls..Boo insisted on having her mug shot taken too...

























There are my three lil tards....The Boy was angry. I told him to shut his trap, sit down and look like he is happy gol-damnit


















She is trying to squeeze her head thru the railing..But she has a fat ass head, and I did not recommend her trying again, as I did not want to have to tear the railing apart to get her brains outta there.


















This is the girls playing with one of Blondies new toys. She loves those damn petshop things...She almost has the whole collection...Because I spoil my kids with material things instead of emotional, and physcial love.

So that's that I guess.

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So we all know Blondie is a world class wrestler. She normally has practice on Monday and Thursday. Only for the next 8 days, wresling of all kinds is banned in this whole state...

yes, the whole state.

why you ask?

well it seems that there is a ramip virus going around the wrestling circuit. What virus u ask.

Herpes.

you read that right. Herpes.

I swear, if my baby comes down with herpes.....

the boys will never touch her....

I am sending her anyway.

And they are blaming this horrific outbreak on a kid from Nebraska.

Some poor disease ridden youngin from Nebraska has tainted the whole state of Minnesota's wreslting team..

I thank him greatly....Thank you kid with herpes..

Lets give three cheers to the herpes simplex virus..

Hip Hip hooray...Hip Hip hooray..Hip Hip hooray.


oh and if the damn groundhog does not tell me spring is coming, I am going to find his hole, grab him out with my bare hands, tie him to a tree, kick him, glue his eyelids shut, kidnap his wife and kids, skin him and them probably kill him..

Bee Real

They say its your birthday

*yes i know i am posting this early, I wont have time over the next few days to post anything, so stop your bitching for crying out loud*


ok, ya see a few years ago I birthed about the ugliest baby ever( if i had a scanner that worked i would show you the grotesk features i speak of). I mean this baby had
a black and blue face, a weird ass birthmark on its forehead and was freaking huge..I mean we are talking almost a nine pounder..And I pushed it out, all by myself.

This kid of mine has turned into a royal pain in my ass. You wanna know why? Cuz she has joined the wreslting team, and now boys can touch all over her, she has an attitude somedays, and she hates to clean her room.

This kid is some piece of work. Not only is she convinced that babies come from drinking salt water, but she encouraged me the other day to drink some..

This kid of mine had heart troubles last year, had to go to a cardiologist, whom told us she was going to be A-okay....And she better be...Or I will totally kill someone.

This kid chases boys on her, picks up worms, digs in the dirt, likes star wars, now has a new found love for farm life, and could watch animal planet for hours on end.

She does not give me a hard time about anything other then cleaning..She will walk up to me, and just say " momma I love you"

Or she will run to her room and tell me she is never going to talk to me again..

She loves to eat double cheeseburgers in her happy meals, she loves pizza from Pizza Hut, she hates spaghetti and now has a new hatred for my meatloaf...She refuses to eat the whole green bean, but only eats the tiny beans inside the green bean..

She loves white milk and chocolate milk, along with juice and water...She hates soda.

This is my kid...I was doing her up like a prostitute from the looks of this one.



















This is her looking like a total bitch...













My little girl is growing fast, and I don't much care for it..I am scared of the day she wakes up and has boobies..I think I will die that day.






















My little girl only stands by certain kids at the bus stop...She tends to only mingle with other girls whom look sorta like her...She is clichey that way...She will end up with less friends then me one day...






















My girl has boys calling my house....One boy she totally body slams at wrestling, so its all good...I just hope that little pecker head isn't enjoying it.



















In the last year my little girl has lost about 10 teeth...4 she had to have pulled due to the fact the dentist guy claims her mouth is too small..I say he is smoking crack..




















My little girl likes to sun herself with me in the summer....But she looks way better in a swim suit then I do..















My little girl has drawn up the farm she wants us to live on...She says she wants to milk all the cows herself...By hand...What a dumbass
























My little girl loves to bake..She loves being in the kitchen helping do anything. She likes to set the table and she likes to lick the batter ot of the bowl if we make a cake.

Yup. This is my girl.

Only I could have a kid who is that versatile in her likes and dislikes..

Only I could raise such a bad ass..

She is a little ripper some days. She always makes me smile. And I hate smiling.

On Thursday my baby will be 7 years old. She came out 2 weeks early weighing in at 8 pounds 13 ounces and 22 and half inches long..

she now proudly states to anyone that her weight is 46 pounds..She knows this cuz she is in wrestling dumb asses. Not because I make her weigh herself daily.

But if she offers me another glass of salt water, I am gonna kick her ass myself, and thoroughly enjoy it.

Happy Birthday my cutest little Blondie....No you are not getting a horse for your birthday, and No a boy cant go to your birthday party, cuz boys I would have to kill them.

Bee Real

Baby I love your way

I just thought I would let you know that last night Boo ended up eating most of her chicken and some corn. I gave her a second chance, why? Because she is cute and she said Pweese. What the hell more can u ask for? So therefore after her meal, which I let her eat in the living room..again, if u need parent advice, I am just a click away......She got a shitten poptart. Why?. Again, I am a fully functioning retard. But really, I did stick to the guns, because she did have to eat her meal, and technically she did...So shut the hell up.

Look at his here, and you tell me who looks the laziest.
























I vote for the one of the left....A cat is suppose to be lazy, that's why God put them here. They serve no real purpose other then to shit in a box, that we clean...They are virtually useless in every way possible. Only plus side to owning a cat, is the bastards don't bark.


I had this dream last night that I had a baby. Well it more or less a nightmare. For more then one reason. First being, I don't really think I want a baby. I mean they are cute, but they are sorta like cats..

Second, I am trying to lose 40 pounds by my birthday, and this would put a damn damper on that whole thing.

Thirdly, I had a dream my baby had red hair. It was a girl baby, with red hair. Now red hair runs in my family, my mom has red hair, so it was no surprise she had red hair...But this is more or less what she looked like, only she had red hair.


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I am getting my tubes tied tomorrow.


Bee Real

Big Shot

I have decided against having kids. I have been thinking about it for years, and now I have decided against it.

Its too damn bad I went against my better judgment and went and did it before I had enough time to think it thru. With any big descion you need to think it thru long enough before you do it. Such as, but not limited too

Getting married
picking out what flavor ice cream cone to get
buy or rent
to get a dog
to join a gym
to put out on the first date
what to make for dinner

the list goes on and on...

Right now my Boo is underneath a clothes basket. Not because I put her there, but because she is mad. She is mad because she wants a pop tart. She did not eat all her dinner, so therefore she gets no poptart. So now she is under my clothes basket, awaiting trial I guess..

And kids are just so damn confusing. One minute they want something, the next they don't..One day they like chicken, the next day its like your feeding them poison.

You ask a kid to clean their room. They whine, they complain and then they tell you that you should help them. When u explain to them that you indeed did not make the mess so you are indeed not going to help , then they are willing to just throw everything in their room out. If they throw it out, they don't need to clean it ever again.

In all honestly, I feel that way most days. I feel like ripping the carpet out of here so I don't ever have to vacuum. Then I would only end up having to sweep the floor. So then I think I should get rid of anything they would cause me to have to sweep..That being cats, a dog, some snack foods, a yard, and dust bunnies.

If I elimnate those things, I can cut my cleaning down by at least half.

Next will be to get rid of all living things, that cant clean up after themselves.. Now that includes..The dog, two cats, my rabbit, three kids and one husband.

So this in turn leaves me to live alone. Which to me sounds like paradise. I could take a pee with the door open, I could prance around naked if I wanted, I could go days without cooking which in turn would make me not have to do any dishes, I would go grocery shopping bi-yearly...I would save so much money..

But alas, I have had the kids, and now I am here dealing with my tot under my clothes basket crying that she wants a poptart cause she is so hungry, and that I have not fed her all day..When an hour ago I left her a plate of the most mouth watering chicken, nice buttered noodles, corn, and a home-ade low fat biscuit.

she only ate the biscuit.

Some of you would crack and indeed give her the pop tart. Not me. I get some sort of odd satisfaction sticking to my guns. She knows I mean business.

But Blondie is trying to sneak her pieces of her pop tart. I cant fully win this war if the opposing side has a covert poptart spy. Its not fair. I can not compete with that.

So I will sit here, listen to her beller cuz she is that damn hungry, I will put her to bed, she will wake up in the middle of the night saying she is hungry. I will tell her to damn bad, and I will go back to bed.

I am too old to deal with this. I am middle aged. I don't think I will live much past 60, so I only have a few good years left in me. And if my prediction is wrong, and I do die before then, well, that will be a damn shame.

By the way, Blondie thinks that you get pregnant by drinking salt water and eating fatty food.

I agreed.

Is that wrong?

My son and her were wrestling on the floor and he told her to stop humping him..I told him he did not even know what humping ment..

He said to me

" oh mom, I do know what it is, and lets not talk about that..Ok"

ok, fine by me.

He thinks he is getting a mustache and my daughter thinks u get knocked up from eating salt water, and one is hiding under a basket cuz I wont let her eat a poptart.

If anyone needs any parenting advice, just email me...

Bee Real

Animal

I don't know where I went wrong, or at what point I totally lost control of things. Next week is Blondies birthday, I am a planner, (ok that is totally untrue) so I had Mr Shaky order her cake today. I ask Blondie what she wants on her cake. Well what she told me dumb founded me. She wants a farm on her cake. mostly horses and other live stock. I am not sure why.

I ask her what is the deal with the horses, she told me one night she had a dream she was riding a horse, now she wants one. I told her if I got everything I dreamed about, I would be married to Oprah, and have wild sex with a guy I call the blue wiggle. And we all know none of those things would be a pretty sight.

So she has her cake ordered with a farm. I have a wreslter who yearns to be a farmer. Something just don't add up here.
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Do you ever dream that you cant run? Like you know how to run, but you cant get your legs to move? Like you just cant figure out why the hell you cant run? I mean you could run yesterday, but now all of a sudden your a damn retard and cant function enough to make your feet move fast. You are just kinda going in slow motion, and you know you know how to run, but you cant go more then like 1.5 miles per hour.

This dream is effecting my running nightly. Its almost like I cant figure out how to make my feet go. I literally have my speed set to running speed, but I cant keep up cuz I cant make my body run...It takes a few seconds in order to remember how to run.

I feel like a total boob. I am thinking I may have some sort brain tumor. A tumor that wants me to keep my ass fat. I hate them kinda tumors.

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Not only can I not run, but now I think I may be coming down with SARS. The same SARS my bees had over the last week, only mine is much worse. Why is mine worse? Because I said it is.

Then last night we were watching animal planet, and they had hippos on. My little cute as a button boo bee looks at the hippo in the lake and says

"look momma dats you"

what the hell is that about?

I told her it aint my fault cuz I forgot how to run.

Bee Real

U give me fever

I can some up my weekend in one word, and one word only...shitty. The one kid whom I was still talking too cuz they had not become sick, did indeed become sick. Mr Shaky was feverish and wanting me to baby him, then Blondie was needing various things such as but not limited too.

Water
Kleenex
The remote
Water
Juice
Dry cereal
Toast
Kleenex
Pillows
Blankets
Temp taken every 15 minutes
monitored her taking a shower
Combed hair

So by far I did way too much work. Plus I did something Saturday I not only hate doing,m but really have never done before.

I clipped coupons and went grocery shopping. Not only will I never go shopping again, but I could care less if we eat again.


Boo still isn't sleeping like she should, she wakes up a lot begging me to beat the crap out of her. She keeps trying to get the cat to eat her hair too.

Blondie, well she did not say much the whole weekend, other then " momma, are u sure I cant go to my wreslting match Sunday?"

Then there is The Boy. We told him after hearing 100 times he was board, to go read a book. He told me he was going to go down to the basement and turn the mute on the TV , and read the closed captioning as part of his reading regimen.


This is what Blondie looked like all weekend.

















Notice the red cheeks, messed up hair, waded up Kleenex in hand, glassy eyes, and ruby lips. This is a girl who wants to still go to her wrestling match, even though her body core temp far exceeded normal ranges. Her lowest temp all weekend was around 101. To her she was in top notch kickin ass condtion.

This is Boo, whom was as of last night still sporting a 101 fever,she now has no shirt on, dried snot on her tummy, knotted up hair and dried syrup on her hands and face.






















This is me.
























I am much cuter then I thought I was. From the looks of this, I really do not need to lose 40 pounds. I am looking pretty damn sweet.

So that is the wrap up of what went on here...

My Bees have no school Monday. The teachers have a 'workshop" I think that is a fancy way of saying they just want a 3 day weekend.

I am planning my own workshop of sorts. Its going to take place at the local bar. Its going to run from Thursday till Wednesday. Who is in?

Bee Real

I melt with you

I figured I would give u something not produced under the barbiuat of Ambein..I mean I just took it, but the effects are naught yet.

So, our home in the homeland is for sale again as the monkey creatures whom rent it renigged on the "buying" it part in the lease. The people dont pay the FULL rent and they dont pay what they do pay on time. SO we told our lady to put it for sale and for cheap..We need to sell it..Before I burnitdown.

This is my pice of shit home should u want to burn it..
http://www.realestate-mls.com/detail.cgi?viewonlyno=017-07-0002

Sad thing is I would make more money off it that way..damn...oh curse the market, why cant I be a tycoon like the ole prick face Mr comb-over?..yea I dunno..

So I am stressing about the monkeys who cohibit this exhbit...they cant pay on time and if i threaten a late fee, my lady thinks they will move out.

Cheers to people who cant pay thier rent...cheers to ya all..

~
Moving along....

at least one of my bees has kept me up each night this week...Go bees for not thinking I may need to see the back of my eyelids for a spot of night night..So far only bee I am talking to now is Blondie as she has not got sick yet.

Oh, and wanna hear something even more funny...this is my son..my almost 10 year old son..

"so, mom, I think I am getting a mustache"

um son, your too young for that

" no mom, I feel it"

No kid, that is just peach fuzz, we all have that

" nope, i am getting whiskers mom, u watch."

I am still watching...and so far, I see noththing that resemables any kind of whisrerage...I told him when he gets a musatche, he will be expected to not only get a job, but also pay one third of the living expenses here at the hive..so he might want to slow down his growth...

Now all I can think about is whether he has..um..pubic hair..God please spare me in this area. I know he is almost 10...but damn...no mustahces, or pubes of any kind...or I will kill somebody. He is still a baby. He still needs me to make his lunch, do a teeth check to make sure they shine, I still need to give him milk money, and pick out warm clothes to wear in winter...I need to help him find his boots and hat...

Thus, he is a baby still..so no hair..in either region...damnitalltohell.

Well I am going to go to Applebees one of these days over the weekend and get the three course combo...yes, that is part of my 40 pound weight loss program for my birthday.

But I have been walking/running bout an hour a day...does that count?...I didnt think so yet again.

Well its 1:22 am and my Boo is having a time...I just went to cuz she wanted some juice...as she is coughing and whining i tell her if I give her juice she can not pee her bed..so then she says..peepee water momma, poop alive.

yes, we are back on that...and now she contiues to whine..she has been ferverish for 2 days now...I dont know who the bigger baby is, her or mr shaky..

If I have to go down there one more time..I am putting her over my knee.

I need sleep...I need a vaction..I need my house to sell or burn...I hate dealing with this...I dont know why these things always happen to us.

I hate making two house payments.

I would rather spend the dough on liposuction and a tummy tuck....or even a new pair of running shoes...or a skate board..anything...I will take up any hobby.just make it be gone.

Although this is the house I was raised in, as well as my mother, I would love to never see it again...I did a lot of stuff in that house, and to the house..

wasted lots of money in it, that I will likely never get back in the sell.

Real Estate sucks ass-tics.

I dont know why I thought it was a good idea to buy it. Well I know, my dad was selling it, and was going to sell it to us at a cheap and fair price...and we wanted to buy our first home...

Now we want it gone..now we own our second home, so we have no use for u anymore...please go away, your sucking the damn life out of me.

anyway, enough about how my life sucks..heres to hoping your having just as sucky of a time as me.

oh and a close family friend died in a car accident Tuesday..I was very good friends with her daughter...My mom is taking it kinda hard, as they were very close at one time. We sent a plant. Thats what u do, u send a plant..then the family is going to agrue over who keeps the plant...just another glitch when u die...they fight about flowers, and I know this first hand cuz my best friend 's sister owns the town funral chappel...I know all the ins and outs of what goes on when u die..

people fight, they bicker, they back stab..they hug...they cry..then they go to the bar.

thats how it is always solved.

Go Beer.

well I am done...

good weekend to all...

Bee Real

Holiday

I am tired, I am fed up I am pissed, I am sick...That sums up the last few days. My son (whom I will be referring to as the boy now) came home early Tuesday from school with a fever of 103. I thought to myself, with the medical training and knowlgde I have, he can go till at least 104...No need to rush and get him, as I knew he was laying comfortable in the nurses office. And hell it was negative 5 outside so I was in no hurry. He had a heart beat, he had a pulse and brain activity. No damn need to rush. My hair was still wet from just getting out of the shower..I wanted my hair to dry or it freezes..For those of you piss ants whom have never had to deal with frozen hair..It sucks ass..

SO I go pick him up bou 2 hours later..ok I am joking it was like 10 minutes..and he is all sprawled out on the bed in the office crying..Telling me that I should not of sent him to school.Blah Blah bale about how I suck donkey ass as a mother..Ya, I know it already..

This is Tuesday night, which now is American Idol night. If your going to die, better make it after 9pm, that's when the show ends...

So then he goes to bed and Boo gets sick...She decided against better judgment and stayed up all night..She came up to our room and layed in bed with me..And did this over and over

momma, momma, momma..

then I say what

u da best momma

over and over...Or she would tell me she was not sweepy but she was berry pwetty dough..

Finally at 4 am she fell asleep, then Mr shakys alarm goes off at 5...I have one hour I can sleep...But no...I have to be awake to talk to whomever feels they need to converse with me..

I been to the doctor, and for the last time mind you..When u go there, they tell you shit...And I don't like knowing some shit...Anyway, now my bees are sick..All but Blondie and that is cuz she is so damn tough she kicked this bugs ass even before it had a chance to hit her nasal caivity to hit her lungs...She is a brave girl that one...

I plan on spending my weekend doing nothing but workout and eat mass qaunties of grass seeds and bean sprouts.

My 40 pound weight loss by my birthday is fast approaching, as well as my 60 mile walk for the boobs..

I am sorry this post makes little or no sense, as I am writing at 1 am hopped up on Ambien cuz this bitch cant sleep to save her soul, plus I was late getting home from work cuz the train I was waiting for just fucking stopped. Stopped right on the middle of the tracks, that lead to the road that leads to Bossys house..I was livid. I woulda shot someone ifen I had a gun...But I didnt.good thing..''

Well that's all I got, maybe I will have a more put together story tomorrow, this is all I have now...I am not drunk but I am high on something...Man I love that Ambein...Yea...Its nice..

ok have a good weekend...Or don't, I could care less at this point..I have enough crap I am dealing with, so u go ahead and do as u wish..U always do anyway.
]BEe reAl

running with the night

I have been thinking. And when I think, bad things happen. First, I think I need to walk 60 miles. Mr Shaky tells me he does not want me doing it, as he is unsure of my ability. Not my ability to walk 60 miles, he knows that would be a breeze. But my ability to raise 2200 bucks is questionable in his eyes. . He does not think I am the "fundraising type"..What the hell? He is sure I will not be able to collect the donations. This angers me a bit, for a few reasons...First being no one should tell me I aint capable of anything...Second being, does he think I am so lazy that I wont go getting donations and then we have to fork over the 2200 bucks?..I don't know, I don't get it..

I am so signing up for sure now, and holy shit, if I don't get my donations, he will be so freaking pissed off, I may go for a walk a lot longer then 60 miles.

I walked for 2 hours yesterday, I am in training mode. But I could only cover a little less then 10 miles in that two hour period. This is not looking good. I need to hit it harder.

I have been thinking about what I want for my birthday...This is what I want,

I want the Bowflex Treadclimber. Its only about $2,300....After I take donation for my walk, I am doing a donation for this. I am tired of being an obese piglet.

What else was I going to say?...

I don't know....I am tired of working...Seems all I do is work anymore. If I aint working for this, I am working for that..I have been working so hard that I am sure pretty soon I will have enough money to roll in...Or sleep with, or use as band aides or tampons..So that is hopeful I guess.

I better work all I can just in case I cant get all my donations..Holy shit, I am so stressing about it now..Mr Shaky has me shaking in my New Balance Cross Trainers.

Anyway, that's all I have...I wont be posting again till at least Friday...And my next post will be my 800th post...Go me, I have no damn life, that's what that says about me..

I will leave u with a few words of Boo wisdom..This is what she told me last night.

pee pee is water, but poop is alive

take what u will from that people, I am sure there is some wisdom in that somewhere..Just look for it damn it, I aint gonna do your thinking for you.

Bee Real

im gonna mess u up

I have had a busy few days. Lets see, I shall recap for you.

I did the following in no particular order.

*napped
*did minor cleaning
*worked
*napped
*verbally abused Mr shaky
*kicked a few puppies
*drowned a few fish
*napped
*worked
* worked out..Always do that

There, that's what is new here, what's new with you?


~
My mom and I are thinking of doing a 3 day 60 miles walk for breast cancer . Ya no she is missing a boob cuz of that, not sure if I ever told ya or not..Anyhoo, we looked into it and we need 2100 bucks in donations..

I am not one to go from place to place and beg for money so I can walk 60 goll damn miles. I mean its nuts, I will donate a few hundred, why cant that be good enough?..Why do I have to do ALL the leg work?..Why do I have to not only run/walk 60 miles, but also collect that kinda donations?

So it sucks ass....I want to walk my big ass off, yet I am not willing to collect donations..

Oh well, I tried.

~

Saturday I had to take Blondie across the state for her first wrestling match...

here are some pics.

















She is doing her fancy move there to prevent that lil shit face from taking her down.


















That is her after getting out of said attach....She is pretty damn good.




















This is her not letting said shit face grab her legs and take her down.





















This is Blondie proud of herself for not letting shit face take her down...Lets give three cheers to that..


















This is her taking him down, see how she is taking him down by the legs, she is good at that....She is taking down little shit face right before your eyes..



















This is her and another lil girl....That girl had one hand that had a lobster claw...



















That is Blondie going for her legs..Look at her dive right in...She kicked some ass I tell you what..I know I wont mess with her anymore..


















Out of all the lil poopers at the match, she got a trophy....She held that bitch the whole way home..

That little shit in the blue did choke her...Which totally pissed me off..I told him, good job at winnning that match, I may have her kick u in the nuts next time..Choking little girls so they cant get up makes u a big tough boy, ur momma must be proud..

stupid shit face..

She wrestled a bunch of kids, she got a trophy, yes she is a bad ass..

~

Well I have been up long enough, I need to go lay down now..

This was enough for me for one day..Yup, I am lazy...Lazy, that's me..Got a problem with that?

Remember I have a bad ass lil tot, she will kick your ass if u start some shit..Remember that.

I am not sure how it has worked out, but as I was looking thru family photo albums, I noticed that my kids are the best looking ones in the whole family...Which is not saying a whole lot, but other kids are trolls compared to mine...

I don't get it....I am not saying they are good looking , like better looking then yours, I am just saying they are better looking then any kids in my family...Our whole family is full of troll kids..

If you could only see what I mean...really..I mean really.

I just lucked out....Not only are they better looking then the rest of them, but I have one pure bad ass, and that just makes me all the prouder..

Ok, enough bragging about my bad ass girl and my non troll kids...If u think they look like trolls, that's fine, but u have not seen my nieces and nephews..

Im just sayin.

Bee Real

The Crying Game

I thought I would let you know what I have been doing on my down time..ya no, while I am counting down the days till I die.

I am very good at this. But it is not as easy at it looks. It took me and Boo over a half hour to get all the damn fish out. After my 20 victories today against my 3 year old oppenet, she did not want to play with me anymore..



















Not sure why I was being singled out, cuz Blondie beats her too...
























I mean she acts like I am cheatin.....I mean I do have a bigger brain and can control my rod better then the average female.

But to flat out not want to play with me anymore...Well I never!

Not sure why Santa bought this stupid ass game anyway.

Then she wants me to play her Candy Land Dora game..I do...I win, only because she cant follow the rules, she is NOT a team player..If she draws red, she just goes to any ole damn red she sees...

When I am ahead of her she says " good job momma, your doing it"...Then when I win, she tells me to go home.

~

I told my son last night that if he does not get a 100 on his spelling test Friday he will be grounded all weekend..(I mean he usually does good, but I was in the mood to threaten someone)

he then says " gosh mom, thank you for that information"...Like maybe he was planning on skipping school that day, or to do his spelling test in Chinese or something.

He was thanking me for the heads up...I like being appreciated that way.

I am here to help, that's what I always say.

I am livid about some things. When I am livid, it is good for noone. Especially the people who live with me.

Pretty soon I am going to have High Blood Pressure, and then die.


BTW, that Donald Trump is a prick. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I am NO fan of Rosie, but when all he can come back with is " your fat, a loser and a degenerate"....That shows the class he has...Which is none. He is in the welfare department of the class world. Plus he is ugly.

Anyway, I probably wont post again this week, because holy shit, Bossy has a life and shit that needs to be done.

I think someone is stalking me from MYSPACE....Its kinda cool.

Well that's all I got. When u think of fish, think of me. If u think of smelly fish, think of someone else please.

Bee Real

Gypsy

So, lets see...What can I tell you?

Oh ok, I know...I hate lazy people, and me being a self proclaimed lazy person, I indeed don't like seeing other people do nothing..This all refers back to my work of course. How these people manage to keep day jobs is really beyond me..Damn, that's all I can say.

For some reason I still am not feeling quiet right. It seems lazy to say this, but all I want to do is sleep all day..I cant of course, but if I could, I would take full advantage of it. I do manage to clean, cook and work..only one job now people...See I am a damn slacker now..., bathe, beat my kids, pack lunches, workout, and kick puppies, so maybe it aint all that bad after all huh?

~
I ordered my plane ticket for my big trip to the ocean next month. Yea, that set me back a bit..

~
Mr Shaky has been telling me he would like to send me to Rock and roll Fantasy Camp. I am like " r u freaking serious?"...

If I were a kid, and was "dying" that would be what I would waste my make a wish on...But I am a grown up, and we don't get wishes....And that sucks ass.

He also told me he would get me liposuction, since that is something I am always throwing in the air, being I am fat and lazy...

I said to him..Rock and roll camp and liposuction?...So I cant be a rocker chick with my arse as big as it is huh?..I know lots of fat rocker chicks.

aww well....

~

Blondie was sick the other day..She vomited all over my bed the other morning. It was pure joy. And me being as lazy as I am, I threw a blanket over it, and continued to lay there for a bout 20 minutes..

oh I did get up and wash the bedding, but not right away...See lazy.

~

Butch brought home his class picture today..I noticed a few things, the kids were in three groups..

I mean I grouped them, it did not state this on said photo

First group is kids whose hair was not brushed for said picture day

I mean , all parents know its picture day...Why not put a brush threw ur kids hair for this ONE freaking day..Damn people.

Second group the severely obese chitlins

damn people, u r the parents...Stop letting your kids eat shit, dumb asses.

Third Group of kids..faces only a mother could love..


since my sons hair is always combed nice and neat, AND he is not obese cause his momma don't let him eat garbage....

I will let u guess what category he falls into.

~
OK, this is all I have for today...

I will try and post again in a few days...If I make it that long.

I am thinking maybe I must be part bear and my body is trying to have me hibernate till spring, cuz God knows how much I hate winter...That God, he is always lookin out for me He is.

Bee Real

I can dream about you

I thought I might give another update..I am still alive. Still tired, still hanging at deaths door, still have one foot on a bannana peel and the other in the grave. Not lookin good.

These past few days I did a few things that should never be done. First being to take all the bees to Toys R Us. Because holy shit, my boo bee wants everything...Anything from the star wars toys to the bikes. I told her you don't even know how to ride a bike, and she says " I know momma, u teach me otay?"

No, momma don't have time, plus there is something called snow and ice, and those two elements don't work well together in the bike riding process. So will this silly string and a stuffed pig do?

Blondie got her much needed supplies for her baby alive. She has needed those diapers and baby food. Her WIC application must not of been processed yet, as I had to pay for it.


Then we all go to IHOP for lunch. We are done eating, and boo needs a box for her chicken. Rather then let me get the waitress to get her a box, she gets up, with her plate and finds anyone, gives them her plate and says " I need box for my chicken pwease"

~

I had a dream the other night that I was eating those tiny cassette tapes. The kind that use to be used in answering machines. Why?...What the hell is that about?

I have felt sick to my stomach ever since..

The weird thing is, in my dream, it was normal to eat the cassette tapes.

My life is not normal if being normal is eating tapes...

This is really all I have today...

Here is another tid bit of Bossy type advice..

don't pee on my leg and tell me your fish fell outta your pocket.

Take what u will..

I will be back in a few days.

Bee real

Walking on sunshine

So I thought it was time for an update. I am still not feeling well, so tired, I have decided against even getting up to potty, I just kinda have my own sesspool of urine and other bodily fluids...It smelled at first, but the smell does grow on you after a while.

Lets see, what else have I done....

Oh I watched the hanging of Saddam. I gathered the kids, grabbed some DOTS, popcorn and soda pop and had family movie night.

Blondie keeps asking me when we are going shopping, I ask her what the Sam hell could she possibly need..She says she needs diapers and baby food.

I told her to go apply for WIC..!

My son came home from school today, plopped his ass on the couch and I saw it appeared he had on two pair of trousers. I ask, he denies it. I tell him to lift up his pant leg, that's when I saw a pair of black pants on under his denim.

I ask him what the damn hell this shit is all about. He said now when he gets ready for bed tonight, his PJ's are already on...I told him oh hell no...

He said he had went the day with no underwear. I guess in a fit of lazy ass-ness he went against better judgment and decided NOT to take his pajama bottoms off today, rather slip his jeans on over top.

I am not sure if I am livid, or overly proud..

I have been having very nice dreams...I dream this guy is my secret boy toy...And I don't ever want to wake up..




























Damn, just look at him...I cant stop drooling..Holy crap he is WAY too good looking for MY own good.

Then I wake up, and I am still married to this.
























Cant win them all I guess.

So there is your recap of said life of me at the moment. My life hangs in the balance. Where is that Dr jack kevorkian when u need him?....

I am going to the ocean in a few weeks time. Now I am not saying if my ashes will be spread there, of if I am going on business/leisure/dying wish...Just no I am going to the ocean...And I don't like big bodies of water...

Well, that's all I can muster for today...

I will leave u with these words of wisdom...

hating me wont make u prettier..

take what u will from that..It is really useless information...But information non the less.

Bee Real

Some pig

This is not a post per-say..Rather just an update on some things.

If u have emailed me, I can not write u back. I am having issues with my main email, I can read them, but for some reason I cant write..So I have been writing some of u back with some other accounts..Sorry..Shit happens.

I am going to be giving myself a new email address as well as a new messagner..So if u are on my current one, u must let me know if u want to be added to the new one..
otherwise u wont be.

~
Moving right along, I am still not feeling well. And if one more person asks me if I am knocked up, I am gonna punch them in the face. I wish it were that easy. But I am NOT, and don't want to be...3 kids is plenty, I am not trying to OVER populate the world, we have enough assholes living in it as it is.

~
The other night I took Blondie to go see Charlotettts Web. There I witnessed something awful. Something no human should ever witness.

A mother daughter mullet sporting team.

It was a shame, it was such a crying shame.

~
I am cutting back on everything as of now. Things I use to do, I am no longer going to be doing..

like cooking, cleaning, bathing...I figure why bother.

I am just gonna carry out the remainder of my days watching VH-1 classic and Days of our Lives. It seems like a good combination to me.

~
Give me a few weeks, and I will be back in full swing..

maybe.

I just realized Blondie has not bathed since she has been home on vacation...I thought I had sour milk in the fridge, turns out it just her.

Im so proud...She is truly looking like the welfare kid I was looking and hoping for..

Things might be looking up afterall.

Happy New Year jerkoffs, Bossy loves you:)

Bee Real