Big Shot

I have decided against having kids. I have been thinking about it for years, and now I have decided against it.

Its too damn bad I went against my better judgment and went and did it before I had enough time to think it thru. With any big descion you need to think it thru long enough before you do it. Such as, but not limited too

Getting married
picking out what flavor ice cream cone to get
buy or rent
to get a dog
to join a gym
to put out on the first date
what to make for dinner

the list goes on and on...

Right now my Boo is underneath a clothes basket. Not because I put her there, but because she is mad. She is mad because she wants a pop tart. She did not eat all her dinner, so therefore she gets no poptart. So now she is under my clothes basket, awaiting trial I guess..

And kids are just so damn confusing. One minute they want something, the next they don't..One day they like chicken, the next day its like your feeding them poison.

You ask a kid to clean their room. They whine, they complain and then they tell you that you should help them. When u explain to them that you indeed did not make the mess so you are indeed not going to help , then they are willing to just throw everything in their room out. If they throw it out, they don't need to clean it ever again.

In all honestly, I feel that way most days. I feel like ripping the carpet out of here so I don't ever have to vacuum. Then I would only end up having to sweep the floor. So then I think I should get rid of anything they would cause me to have to sweep..That being cats, a dog, some snack foods, a yard, and dust bunnies.

If I elimnate those things, I can cut my cleaning down by at least half.

Next will be to get rid of all living things, that cant clean up after themselves.. Now that includes..The dog, two cats, my rabbit, three kids and one husband.

So this in turn leaves me to live alone. Which to me sounds like paradise. I could take a pee with the door open, I could prance around naked if I wanted, I could go days without cooking which in turn would make me not have to do any dishes, I would go grocery shopping bi-yearly...I would save so much money..

But alas, I have had the kids, and now I am here dealing with my tot under my clothes basket crying that she wants a poptart cause she is so hungry, and that I have not fed her all day..When an hour ago I left her a plate of the most mouth watering chicken, nice buttered noodles, corn, and a home-ade low fat biscuit.

she only ate the biscuit.

Some of you would crack and indeed give her the pop tart. Not me. I get some sort of odd satisfaction sticking to my guns. She knows I mean business.

But Blondie is trying to sneak her pieces of her pop tart. I cant fully win this war if the opposing side has a covert poptart spy. Its not fair. I can not compete with that.

So I will sit here, listen to her beller cuz she is that damn hungry, I will put her to bed, she will wake up in the middle of the night saying she is hungry. I will tell her to damn bad, and I will go back to bed.

I am too old to deal with this. I am middle aged. I don't think I will live much past 60, so I only have a few good years left in me. And if my prediction is wrong, and I do die before then, well, that will be a damn shame.

By the way, Blondie thinks that you get pregnant by drinking salt water and eating fatty food.

I agreed.

Is that wrong?

My son and her were wrestling on the floor and he told her to stop humping him..I told him he did not even know what humping ment..

He said to me

" oh mom, I do know what it is, and lets not talk about that..Ok"

ok, fine by me.

He thinks he is getting a mustache and my daughter thinks u get knocked up from eating salt water, and one is hiding under a basket cuz I wont let her eat a poptart.

If anyone needs any parenting advice, just email me...

Bee Real