No mittens for you

I have a tale to tell. I must warn you that there may be some dirty situations...Maybe even what I may call gross..

Getting on with things, Old Mother Hen and I went out shopping Sunday afternoon after church. We went to our normal stomping ground of Applebees. I got what I usually get..And every food I name off to you, is what I eat....I mean I lick my plate clean, kinda like an Eathopian would do with a bowl of cat food..

I get the three course combo.now for a limited time only..I get steak, garlic mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, garlic toast,shrimp, and artichoke and spinach dip with chips.....Then for dessert it is white raspberry cheesecake or something...And I eat it ALL....I always order my steak well done, as I do not want t get worms...But last time I got well done it was a bit charred for my taste. So this time I got medium well.

I cut into my steak and I see blood dripping out. I tell my mother:"great, I am gonna get worms now, I hope your happy"
Half way thru the meal I start to feel rumblings in my tum tum. But I proceed to feast on the animal flesh...

After we eat we got to Target..I love me some Target....The husband calls me while I am shopping and tells me that Meg Ryan spawn needs a new pair of mittens...Ok, no problem I say..

This is where it all goes down hill...I all of a sudden get the feeling, ya no the feeling that If you were to sit on a toilet nothing put pure liquid would come spouting from the nether regions..But I hold it, cuz I am in target for God's sake, and I can not use a public restroom.

So this feeling has me cranky. I go to find mittens.....I see no mittens, so I kindly ask for help..

" Excuse me, I cant seem to find the mittens, I need some child mittens if you will"

" Oh, sorry mam, all of our mittens went to salvage the other day."

"um, its Febuary, in MN, and I can not get mittens."

" sorry mam"

" Ok, your telling me in the throws of winter in the coldest state in the USA, I can not buy my daughter mittens, I can get her a bathing suit, I see plenty of them, but I cant get her a new pair of mittens?"

" we have no more mittens, sorry"

" so wait....Its febaury, my daughter needs a new pair of mittens, and you don't sell mittens in February?, but I can get her a swim suit?"

"mam, I am really sorry, but yes this would be the case"

" ok, so I guess I will have to buy a few swim suits and tape them to my daughters tiny, numb hands"


why oh why in the Midwest where summer doesn't start till July, do the stores stop selling mittens in Feb? Can anyone tell me what the hell I am going to need a swim suit in Febaury for in Minnesota?..Anyone, anyone?

didn't think so

Toodles

if you missed the sleep over pics they are on the last post....ummkay?

Cut, tied, burned..All in that order

Well this little slumber party we had was something ekse. I never knew 3 little girls could be so noisy. Being a once little girl myself, I do not remember ever acting this way, and I know if I would have my mother would of taken a pistol and shot me excution style..

We had Miss Bossy britches who wanted everyone to do what she wanted. She also told us a very lovely story about how she got sick at school one day and puked on the lunchroom floor, then proceeded to slip and fall in it...Cake anyone?

















The other little girl I shall call timid girl who tries to hard to be her friend girl.. This poor girl tries so hard to make sure Meg Ryan spawn likes her...Why I have no idea..She is a sweet little girl though,,and I would of rather had 20 of her than one of bossy britches..
















First here we have " timid girl" then Meg, then Bossy britches...3 little blondes all in a row..
















lets see here we have the back of the kids heads, there is toddler spawn enjoying the fruits of the birthday cake, and metldown spawn patielnly waiting for his cut...And of course there is The husband cutting it all up into equally squared pieces..


So there it is.....I barely survived it....But this has taught me a lesson....3 kids is just enough..3 is defiantly enough....

**********
Blogger has been very weird. I get your commnets in my email, and the last few days only some of them have been showing up on the blog itself..I know this is happening to a few other people too...Not sure why.....But I even posted this dang thing yesterday and it never posted..So something fishy is going on.

**********

I will be having my own slumber party. The husband leaves bright and early Monday morning for Ohio or somewhere..He will be gone till Wed night...So I figure this is a good time for a party..If you want to come, just show up at my place around 5 pm Monday..mmmkkay?

Toodles

I must hit gym, repeat..Must hit gym

Yesterday when I had nothing to do, I was messing around with my camera. I mean, I could of been cleaning the house, sewing buttons on britches, mending socks, praying..Or what have you.

But I wanted to mess around, and see what hideous things I could capture on film..

I have a photo here that will prove once and for all that I need to work out more. I am almost embarrassed to showcase this..Almost

I don't know any of you people so this is the only reason I am able to do this..
















I need to add about 20 more pounds to my free weights I can clearly see...

Here is another one of me..I think I may have used part of this in my new profile photo..Now mind you, it looks a little creepy, because I was giving a cheesy smile because that is what I do..





















you can clearly see I am PMSing as I have a ton of zits sprouting all over God's creation..

OK what have we learned here boys and girls?

I will tell you....Working out is a must if you don't want flabby arms like me, and Proactive may be a good idea if you have zits at PMS time..These are two things I should consider.

**********

I guess this is all I have for today......We have the infamous slumber party tonight..This should be full of lots of materiel for Monday..

Have a super great weekend....And only 6 more weeks of winter

what Bologna

Toodles

Afternoon delight

well, a nice afternoon post here. I just wanted to say that I have been working on one of the children's books, and I nearly have the story idea complete. It needs some serious brush up work, but the concept for the most part is all wrote down.

I also have learned I am not the artist I thought I was. I tried sketching some pictures, I nearly wet myself from the hideousness that was my drawings.

Maybe if I work on it more, I will be better. Then again maybe not.....That is a book all in itself. It truly looks like maybe I had a one too many drinks and grabbed some colored pencils.

*******
I have a bit of a rant here. We all know yesterday was Meg's birthday. My MIL called about 4 times, she even called last night and talked with meltdown spawn...She then called back not even 15 minutes later to thank us for letting him call her..

um excuse me MIL, you called us.....Please take your pills and call me in the morning

Then my sister called her, she got a call from my grandparents, got a package from my dad and future step mother.

Now what about the FIL....Well no call, but he said last week sometime he was just going to send her a savings bond...A 50 buck savings bond..

I have no problem with the savings bond per say.....But when that is all you do for every birthday and holiday, you are a cheap bastard. I don't normally like using curse words, but it pisses me off..Put some damn thought into something for once.

And the hubbys brothers did not even acknowlge she had a birthday. No call, no card...I swear, when his brothers kids have birthdays I am the only one who remebers and I make sure we get a card out and I usually try and send an email to let them know that something is in the mail...

I told hubby last night that I done remebering his families birthdays. From now on he is in charge of calling, card sending, and whatnot...

So there.

***********
Here are two pics from yesterday..It is Toddler spawn enjoying the fruits of Meg's birthday and Meg showing off her cupcake. We get the cake Friday for her party. The damn thing better be cute too

you enjoying the picutres, yes me too..blogger sucks today.Im outta here

Toodles

Still no writing area set up:(

Well another birthday has come and gone here.

Meltdown spawn wants to be a bounty hunter and Meg Ryan spawn wants to marry Simon from American Idol.

I have went wrong somewhere.

And why does Meg want to marry Simon you ask? Because he is mean like me..

Maybe I am doing something right afterall.

The first girl I ever loved

It was a chilly day 6 years ago today that I met her. It was about 2:36 pm when she first caught my eye. The first thing I noticed was that she had a bruised up face, like maybe she had been in some sort of bar fight or something. It was not appealing. But I was assured that it would heal. So I let it slide. I don't think she liked me at first, because she wouldn't even open her eyes to acknowledge I was in the same room as her. And if she did happen to take a peek, she only wept.

I knew she would be the prettiest girl in the room, even before the bruises oh her face healed. But what she would become in the next 6 years has bypassed even my highest expectations.

I will share with you some photos of her early days. I had to take pictures of pictures because my scanner is broken..*poor me*

















I know these pictures are not good....Which is ok with me, because it showcases how fat I really was back then....


Here are some of her the first 2 weeks of her life.
















Please concentrate on the baby, for I am fat and pasty, mmkay?

This is one of my favorite pics of her, although you can not see the real cuteness in it..But trust me, its a good one.

















Here are some ones when she was bigger...At the beach and holding a kitten we had found outside...I brought it in a bathed it because it was smelly...I am a sucker for a cat..















This is at our old house back in Michigan...Her first day of preschool.

















Here is the one with the cat, and yes those are my fat legs holding toddler spawn when she was a mere baby spawn.

















Here are some recent ones of her....You all know what she looks like, but I don't care..

















last summer when we went to the museum, you can see the Mighty Mississippi River in the background..









































so there is the first girl I ever loved......She came in this world Feb 1st , 2000 a bouncing fat 8 lbs 13 ounces and 22.5 inches long....

She is now 43 pounds and 43 inches tall.....With a heart condition..haha

I love you Meg...

Toodles

****
These are some pictures I took yesterday, here is Meg Ryan spawn doing a karate kick



















here are the girls showing off their muscles

















and last but certainly not least......My meltdown spawn says to me today....

" I have been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up."

now mind you ever since he was 3 he has wanted to be a paleontologist

" what's that son?, what do you want to be?"

" a bounty hunter"

yup, that sounds about right.





















Toodles

because i feel left out

It seems these things are popping up everywhere now a days..

It seems every blogger is knocked up, or just got done being knocked up. Is it in the computer lines, or in the telephone or cable lines? If it is consider me gone. It is not worth the risk.

I have a wedding this fall to attned and I can not not let my waste line expand any more than it is, or I may be confused for the fat lady who sings.

So for you people out there sporting these tickers, stay away, stay far far away..mmkay?

*********

Although I may feel like I am about 6 months knocked up, I am not..PMS is hitting me hard today..I wont even go into all the crap I ate yesterday. I feel as though I could take a pin and poke my lower abdomanl regoin and float and spin in the air like a balloon that has just had the air sucked out...You see that in the sky, that big fleshy thing spinning toward you, yup thats my fat as&...aint pretty is it?

************

Metldown spawn has become full of matrial latley. He was chosen star of the week for next week and has the paper to fill out. One of the questions on it is " name something specail that has happen in your life"

He says " I cant think of anything, every single second has been horrable so far"

So I tell him I am sorry to hear that and how about I sweeten the deal by making it worse and grounding him for disrespecting me and talking back..

He then says " Oh why does puberty have to get me in trouble all the time?"

Ummm, sorry son, it only gets worse from here, until you start sprouting hairs on your chin or wanting alone time with my magizines, I think puberty is a lame excuse for your behaivor..

Toodles

spittin nails

I know I said I was going to be a gone a little bit. My thing is, my writing area is not set up properly. You can not expect one to just sit anywhere and write some kick as$ books. It does not happen folks.

I have all my ideas sribbled in my spiderman notebook. Now my problem there is I can not read my own writing, this is why I need my area set up..

Still trying to figure out the issues with my laptop, because it would be so easier for me to use that. But today I am going to write some stuff even though my area isn't up to par. I am afraid I will forget all this crap in my head.

***********
I have some things bothering me right now but I don't have the time to write it down right now..So I will try and do that later..

My Meltdown spawn told Old Mother Hen yesterday " why does mom say she is going to run away all the time?"

( ok, I have said it maybe 4 times in the last 6 months, kidding of course..*insert evil laugh here*)

My mom says to him" all mothers want to run away sometimes, but most don't.?

then my son replied " I swear if my mom has 3 or 4 more kids she will be in a nursing home"

3 meals a day, my bed made, help to the potty, bingo and various other sources of entertainment, laundry washed for me, nurses at my beck and call,doctor anytime I want one,cookies, and my own room.

Now you tell me what is wrong with all that?

nothing, nothing at all, he may be on to something here.

Toodles
i will put meg ryans birthday post up wed....i know no one really cares, but hey, at least its documented i remebered.

Bossy suzie Saturday

So suzie is being all bossy again and demanding to see the microwave. Well mine isn't the cleanest, but I hope it isn't the worst either..She will tell me how bad I am..She is cool like that..



































sorry they turned out a little dark for some reason.......My bad..


*********
I am going to post about 2 or 3 days week...I will be concentrating on writing my books, the rest of the time. Right now my writing area is not set up. SO I can not do anything but scribble my ideas in a notebook. Hopefully this weekend my area will be set up.

and thank you for all your kind words and encouragement....You guys rock.

*******************



Well I am off to go by Meg her birthday presents. Her birthday is in a few days....Its off to Toys R Us I go;)

have a great weekend

toodles

This is what I forgot to tell you....

I am working on something. Something very special.

What you may ask, because you are all way too nosy for your own good?

Books. I am going to write and illustrate a series of books. Children's books. Although I can not tell you what the premise of said books are..because there are lurkers out there who may copy cat my idea, and homey don't play that.

I am also writing an adult book. Mostly geared toward mothers. I cant really tell you the premise of this one either.

So if you notice I am not around, like normally, this is why.

I will be by to see you all, just may not have enough time to comment, oh who am I kidding, I will do my dang best.

This also means my posts here might become a little spread out. I know this is a shock to some of you. Because this is what I do..I waste prescious hours of my life bloggiong about crap noone really gives a dang about.

during the day is going to be my writing time, and evening will be blogging time. But I have to squeeze blogging in between kid time, family time, dinner, cleaning, washing myself, and "special time with the hubby so he knows I know he still is alive"..

ok, now that you know, carry on about your day, your life, whatever...

Know I luv all ya'all......If you miss me, you can always make a little shrine dedicated to me...That would be fine..

Toodles

eatin good in the hood

So Old Mother Hen and I had our weekly Thursday outing last night. If you remember last week we hit the local VFW for a strapping game of Texas Hold Em. This week we opted against it. Instead we decided to go have a really dang good meal. So where did we go?..Well Applebees of course. They have there special of the 3 course meal for 12.99. I tried spinach and artichoke dip for the first time. It was so salty I downed 3 diet cokes in the span of 20 minutes. I think I consumed enough sodium in that one meal to cause hypertension and swelling of my ankles.

The place was packed so we ended up sitting by the door. And it was pretty cold out. Everytime the door opened a shot of ice cold air hit me straight on.

I then said, and I do quote " next person who opens that door I am going to punch in the face"

Not thinking anyone heard me, the next time the door opened, which was about 20 seconds after I said that , the hostess says " there's your man"

***********
Ok, I am saying this to let you know that I know Mr.Rodgers is dead. What I meant yesterday was the episode I watched he must have been about 50...Not that he is 50 now...Ok, we all good here..You guys must think I am one freaking idiot *insert eye rolling here*
**********
Meg's birthday is next Wednesday. She is having a party next Friday and having 2 of her little friends spend the night. I told her today if she did not clean her room, there would be no party.

She then says to me " well, I guess I will never turn 6 then."

To which I replied " so if you are 5 another year, that means I can be 30 one more year, ok this works for me"
********
I am adding to my blogroll over the weekend, I had some I wanted to add and I plum have forgot who they are now....Please leave me a note in the comments if I have been reading your blog and your not on my list. I hate it when I forget someone.

I guess this is all I have . I had a funny story to tell you but I will be darned if I can not remember what the heck it was...

As my aunt once told me must have not been important or it musta been a lie

Toodles

When your good to mamma, mamma's good to you

Ok just a heads up, the title has nothing to do with this post, I just have that song in my head..I love the movie Chicago. If you don't know the song, there is something wrong with that all the way around..Ok moving on now..

If I offended anyone yesterday with my blogger rules..Too bad..HAHA!! Really I did not want any of you to think I was talking about them , it was all just generalized..Mmkkay? Are we all good now?

*************
Last night as I was on my treadmill I had the Ipod jamming , and she was jammin loud..Yes SHEILA was jammin ( that is her name). I was jammin good to " busta move" by Young MC when something happened. I stepped on my shoelace and I nearly did a nose dive thru my window. I quickly get my self balanced. Ok all is good....20 minutes later as I am jammin to " My sharonna" by the Knack...It happens again. This time it was not so graceful...

Note to self..Make sure shoes are tied and tucked before you get on treadmill
**********
Oh I wanted to tell you something happy for a change. I have talked before about Classmates.com and how I thought it was a big waste of money. Well the other day I get a message. A message from a very old friend ( well not old in like old lady sense, just long time no see kinda thing)....

we only knew eachother one year, and we were in 2 plays together in highschool . I was a freshman she was a senior.

well I heard from her the other day, and I was very shocked. It was wonderful to hear from her. She is a interior decorator..She sent me a photo if a playroom she deigned for her daughter, and holy crap, it was amazing...It was Peanuts..( which is funny because those are the 2 plays we were in, musicals actually..Also my BIL was in them both too)

anyway, I just wanted to share that, it really made my day....That was well worth the money I pay for the service.
*******
Ok, last night I saw something no mortal should ever witness. Mr. Rodgers break dancing. He was busting a move. It left me with a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. This man can bust it open at 50...I cant do pillates at 30....Something there doesn't add up.
***************

We all know the Barney song right?..Even if you do not have kids, I think we have all heard it.

My son sings this to me tonight

" I love you, you love me lets all gain up on Barney
2 by 4 smack him to the floor
No more purple dinosaur"

Yes, this kid has my genes. I kind of had a smile of pride on my face as I am telling him how saying such a thing is not nice, not nice at all..

But thinking to myself :

I will collect the 2 by 4's and you hold him and Dora down.

It was a proud moment for a mother.

Toodles

I have more blogging etiquette...suckas

I have been doing some more thinking about the blogging rules I set a few months back. I have decided to add some more, as I have gave this some long hard thinking, when granted I should be thinking about other things, such as cleaning, working out, trying to get this world peace thing figured out; and the list goes on and on....

So anyway, this is what I have come up with...Agree or disagree, don't really care.

first up, do not expect people to comment on your blog if you do not comment on theirs. I have been cruising different blogs and trying to find some fresh new ones to read because I am giving up some that I do read out of boredom. And I have noticed lots of these ones I have been looking at complain about comments, but I notice they don't leave comments on anyone else blogs...

Every single blog I take the time to read, I take the time to leave a comment. If you want the same treatment, then you should do the same...Im just sayin.

Next up, again I am on the word verification. we don't need this people!!! Today I went to one of my favotire blogs and I had to try 4 dang times to get the letters in...I am not doing it anymore. If you can not handle a few spammers please rethink this. And if you notice, not many spammers are out there like they were a few months ago...Plus you can delete it people..It is easy. A heck of a lot easier than wasting 4 tries to comment on your blog....I love leaving comments on my favorite blogs..I look forward to it, I truly do, but when I have to re-do this dang word thing because what I thought was a W was really to V's...I don't have the time folks..Sorry..

On ward now, if someone takes the time to come visit your blog that does not normally stop by your place, or is brand new to your spot, you should really take the 5 minutes and go tell them thank you for stopping by. This is how new bloggers get traffic. Go back maybe one or two more times, and if you do not like their blog, by all means you should not go back...But give them a chance and stop by and tell them "hi"

I will stop now, I am sure I will be getting some strongly worded e-mails on this, and frankly, I don't care anymore.

**********
Today Old Mother Hen took Meg Ryan spawn shopping with her. Meg said that grandma had bought her some cereal, among many other things. I ask my mother what cereal she bought her. My mother says
" Kix, the kind that is good for kids but bad for rabbits."

" huh, you lost me, you bought her rabbit food?"

" no the cereal with the rabbit"

" oh, trix..Silly rabbit trix are for kids."
" yes that one."

**
then my MIL calls last night and leaves a messgae on our machine and this is what she says..

" I just wanted to let you know that I accidently dropped my cell phone in a cup of tea, so dont call me on it ok?"

This is the gene pool my spawns were born into people:-)

*****

I have a question. Is it within the means of the law to want to kill a doodle. It seems my toddler spawn has a very unhealthy obsession with Dora the explorer. She is constantly dancing with her Dancing Dora doll, then combing her hair. She freaks out if I turn the channel if Dora is on. Today she ran up to me with the remote ( I was wanting to watch The View). She throws it at me and says " momma, Dora, boots...On..On...On"....

So I give in and turn it back on, she claps her chubby little hands with glee. She sings the songs, says her very funny " swiper no swiping"....This baby has me wrapped around her sticky little fingers.

I must read the same dang Dora book to her 20 times a day, and we must pretend to talk to Dora on the phone ALL DAY.

So is it ok if I put a hit out on a little , chubby Latino girl with a pot belly and a football shaped head?

Just wondering...I will share the reward.

Toodles

I quit

So yesterday I told you about my new found excersie of pillates. Well to sum it up for those of you who have not seen this, I will explain to you what it is all about,only aliens or people born without joints can do this. You need to be what they call graceful in doing your moves, which I am not. Secondly, I do not think the way they have an old lady like myself contorting my body in such ways is a good thing. Still not sure if some of these moves are legal in a all 50 states..Im just sayin!!

*****
Ok,I feel I need to tell you a story. I tell you how I don't want to go to the doctor, its not just me being weighed that freaks me out. Back when I still lived in Michigan I had this doctor that I had been seeing since 1994. I liked it there. He saw all of my kids from the time they were newborns.

Anyhoo, this doctor who is married, made out with my mom in his office, not once, but 3 times..He also would call her at home and want to meet up with her, which she never did. I always thought this was very odd.

Then one of the last times I went to see him, I had needed a refill on my sleeping pills. I had been working out ALOT and was all buff..It was summer so I had shorts on and tank top, cuz that is the way I dress in the summer duh!!..

So he says," wow you have been working out" I am all like " yea I guess"
He takes his hand and puts it on my calf and says " yes, I can feel how hard your muscles are"

Ok this creeped me out. He asked me if I was feeling ok, or if I had been having any pain anywhere. I told him that my stomach had been bothering me a little, but other than that I had no complaints. So he told me to lay down and he felt my stomach. There was just something way creepy about it, so I told him that it hadn't hurt for a long time and this was not necessary. He then felt my biceps and said " wow, your arms are looking really good there"

Ok, now would this creep you out?....I was so afraid he was going to try and kiss me that I told him, I needed to hurry up cause I needed to gt home before my son got off the bus.

I never went back, course we moved like 3 months later....Last time I was hit on by another man..Ahh such as life..

then we moved here and I needed a refill on my pills again. So I made an appoinmet here. Now mind you I was only there about my insomnia. I had my girls with me, so I didn't think there would be any weird talk. So this doctor is asking about my insomnia I told him the whole boring story. Then he asks me what birth control I am using....ok, where did I go wrong? How did the conversation go here? I tell him I am not interested in talking about that, plus that is not why I was there. He then goes on to ask me about my sex life and if I needed him to give me some birth control pills or if I wanted to get my tubes tied...So now I am thining he must think my kids are ugly and he wants to make sure I don't breed again.

He tells me then that normally he wont write out prescription unless you have had your pap test done, ( which I have not)..But he was going to write me out a script for the birth control patch anyway....OK WHY???...I don't take hormones I don't need, plus I worry about blood clots and stuff..SO no thank you...

So from now on I will only see a female doctor......ya see what I mean?

****************

Last night I was working my fat rear on my treadmill. I have my IPOD on and I am jamming. I am now jogging at a slow pace. I don't normally belt out a tune while I am on there because it is too hard..You try running and singing, it can not be done people.

But then " Superfreak" by Rick James came on...( yes I love this song people, so sue me)
And I can not help but sing a little bit. My Toddler spawn starts freaking out.

She walks her little self up to me and points her lil finger at me and says

" momma, no momma sing, no sing...You RUN momma, no sing , run run run momma"

I swear this girl must be tone deaf ,because I was rocking pretty good.

Meg Ryan spawn says last night " do you know you use all your muslces in your body when you jump?"

" no, I did not know that, who told you that?"

" saw it on a mac and cheese commercail"

Now who says kids dont learn anything from television? These kids are freaking geniuses.



Toddles

Cant bend like I use too

First up is a project from my good pal Suzie over at www.mygobhole.blogspot.com.
Now she is demanding to see the inside of our fridges. I think she thought I was going to clean it out first, but homey don't play that. I don't clean my fridge out for anyone. It is a little messy, a little out of order...I admit it. Eat your heart out Suzie...What do you think?
















I will try and ID things here for you..Lets see. 3 gallons of milk.( yes my kids would rather drink milk than anything). 2 cases of my diet nectar, some velveeta. I love that stuff, don't eat it much, but I like it. Eggs,salsa ( I use in meatloaf and other various items I make). A bunch of mustards that the husband thinks he needs. Some grapes. I see Bologna, frosting from Christmas. There now here is a looksy in the freezer.

















ok, here are some things in here: my Lean Cusinse I eat for lunch. The husband and Meg Ryan spawns ice cream collection. Some ground turkey ( we don't buy ground beef)...Ice..Ok, that sums that up. I know this freezer is bare, but I have a big freezer in my laundry room as well as another fridge..haha

*************************************

I bought a new Pillates workout DVD. Holy mother of all that is good and holy. It has you bending in positions that should be illegal and I think may be banned in some states. That woman twists you like a human pretzel. I Christina, do not like pretzels....

***************************************************
But I will now share with you the reason why I will do my jump roping, treadmill, weight lifting, and that dang ole pillates crap....And why I wont go to the doctor just yet..I know I showed these before, but I am just refreshing your memory, cause I am cool like that.
















My girls
















There you have it,do you see where I am coming from now?



Since the untimely demise of my laptop I have had to use this desktop. We moved it to the living room. Not that the basement is a bad place, but I just can not leave the spawns unattended to do my much needed blogging. So I know this is Sunday afternoon and I am posting my Monday post, but this is because I don't have time in the morning, and now that I can not write it up on my bed at night, I am doing it now. So there.

Toodles

Happy Saturday

I got this is an email yesterday and I thought it was funny, so I am sharing. Cause I am cool like that..

> I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court.
> I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The
> teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange,
> and blue.The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and
> find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he
> sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything
> wild in your life?"
> The old man did not bat an eye in his response.
> He replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just
> wondering if you were my son."

that's all I have for today...Have a good weekend peeps.....I will be browsing some blogs later..Been a slow few days...

I will be back to my regular scheduled blogging and commenting..I know you love it

Toodles

>

baringo

So my mom had this bright idea yesterday that her and I go play Texas Hold em at the local VFW hall. Mind you I have never played poker a day in my life, so this should be very amusing. She came over in the afternoon to teach me,I am a quick learner, or so I thought.

We play a few hands, and I am thinking this is pretty easy. So later that night we head off to the local VFW hall, neither one of us knew where it was , but thought it should be pretty easy to find. To make a long short short we drove all around the stinking city looking for this place..And come to find out it was about 5 blocks from my dwelling..

We walk in the place and everyone is staring at us. We are outcast...You want to know why? Because we have teeth and our hair is combed. I have never seen a more disheveled looking group of human beings in my life...And they are all staring at us..Like we were walking in on some sort of " hillbilly hangout we wasn't invited too"

The guy hands out these pieces of paper. They are playing their own form of Bingo, but they call it Baringo...You write down numbers and if they call your numbers you win a free drink...Well seeing I am not a drinker, I thought maybe a free diet coke wouldn't be too bad...

The first game starts and there is a winner after a few minutes...And they guy says " come on down and claim yur prize"....Well now I know for sure I will NOT be claiming any prizes if I win , as I do not want to take the walk of shame in front of these people who want to stone me ....Neither one of us win..Thank GOd..

We order some shrimp and cheese sticks. The waitress comes back and says its $ 10.50. My mom hands her $16.00 bucks and the woman says " do you want change"

My mom says " no"

I say
" that is one hellofa tip your leaving her.."
She is like "what its only 50 cents" I then tell her she handed her a 10 a 5 and a one dollar bill.

She then says..And I quote
" how the hell do I get that back?"...I tell her..."Um, you cant ask for a tip back you loser"

So we get a good laugh out of the whole bizarre money exchange.

Shortly there after the games begin. Mind you again I have NEVER played poker, nor am I a people person. The people at our table were nice....One was so old he looked like he could of been on life support if you took his smokes away...One was cross eyed..Two gentleman had no teeth..And the woman next to me..Well she was ok, I could not spot anything wrong with her..

I ended up winning 2 hands......How?....I don't have a stinking clue how, but I now think I was born to play poker..I will be going next week.
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My mom had a Dr. appointment yesterday with her oncologist..( she has had breast cancer twice and has had a masectomy)....This Dr told her that her type of cancer is genetically handed down and wants her to get genetic couneling ,to make sure she doenst have the genes for it, cause if she does, then I need to get the same blood work done...Ovairian cancer and breast cancer could strike at anytime if I am a carrier...Damn it...I was trying to hold of another 60 years before I had my boob willingly squished. Wanted to be so senile that I do not realize my bosoms are hanging out for another person to squish....Do they knock you out for that?....


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Well my laptop is on the Fritz. Which sadness me. I can not roam around my dwelling freely with an internet connection. Nope , Christina is reduced to actually walking down to the basement and having to sit on this hard chair. I am so much better than that. Hubby thinks we need a new battery. Damn it again. So if I do not respond to commnets or get to your blogs in a timely fashion this is why...This computer is so slow. Damn it again.

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If I play poker now, does this mean I will be toothless, take up smoking and become a drunk?..Life might be looking up after all people.

Toodles

You know you suck when the baby laughs

I have something that has been bugging me as of late. I will tell you a bit of my dilemma. You see I have been having what you might call " female troubles." I am in pain sometimes if I sit down to hard or doing other " activities"....I have not had a pap test done in years..Well since I had Toddler spawn.

Anyhoo, I refuse to go to the Dr. Even though my hair is falling out, I cant sleep at night, I am very moody and emotional, and I have had precancer tumors on half of my thyroid and am not monitoring the other half like I am suppose to. But you want to know why I wont go. Because I do not want to get weighed. I am willing to die a slow painful death, just so my weight is not wrote down with a ball point pen. The last 2 times I have went to the Dr I have got out of being weighed, the first time is when I tore up my ankle and I could not even stand let alone step on a scale, and the second time I had Toddler spawn with me and she would not let me put her down to get on the scale...

I know I should go and get it all checked out, but I need to workout first. I know I am not that fat, but I still like my weight to be kept between me and The Big Man Upstairs, if ya no what I mean....Some things are just meant to be sacred..Am I right?

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Meltdown spawn informed me last night that he can not wait till he gets a deep voice. I am like
" why"
He is like
"cuz, I will sound better"
I am like
" rock on dude"
******************

As I was watching American Idol and putting Toddler spawns jammies on after her bath, she caught a glimpse of the show. She was in a trance. Her eyes were not moving or blinking. Then one of those idiots came on that think they can sing but cant...And this baby says

" momma, see see see see see see see"
" yes baby, momma sees"

" momma, sing...Momma sing"

and then she rolls into hysterical laughter.

I think she was trying to tell me that is what I sound like when I sing....

What the hell does a 2 year old know anyway....gawd..I swear...

Toodles

2 out of 3 aint bad

Well since I won Suzie's little messy couch award, I thought it might be a good idea to clean it. But then I got lazy, and thought to myself, who the heck is ever gonna look under there anyway?..So I decided against it.

Metldown spawn is still grounded, so I stuck my ground there. That's good right?

Oh, and we got the tree out of the house tonight.....A night for small miracles right?

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So, Meg Ryan spawn had her appointment yesterday. The doctor took a listen to her heart, then had her "assistant" take a lesson and she says " do you hear that?"

My heart dropped, may have stopped beating for a brief moment. I started to begin thinking the worst. When you have a spawn, they consume you. Your every waking moment and even sleeping moments are thoughts of them. Are they ok? Are they happy? Are they gonna ride the short bus when they start school? Are the going to be healthy their whole life? Are they gonna be bank robbers?

You think just about everything, the good and the bad. You think about what their wedding will be like, what your grandkids will look like. Then you also think the bad things..Like what if my spawn gets hit by a car, gets cancer, loses a limb, or God forbid dies....I mean it happens..It is the worst thing that a parent could ever have to go through.

When your spawn complains of something, be it a headache, stomach ache, ear ache, toe ache or even a heart ache; we parents tend to think what if this is something worse than what it seems? Most of the time, everything is ok. Sometimes its more than that, but most times it is a normal part of childhood;being sick, getting fevers, headaches and whatever else you can think of.

But for that one brief moment you let yourself think something is wrong, your whole outlook on life changes. You all of a sudden find a place within you that you didn't think was there. At that very time you would be willing to lay down and die for your spawn. Its what we do...Some forms of living creatures eat their young, but we human mommies want to hold on to our spawns forever. I mean at the approapite age we will gladly kick them out and wish them luck. But until that time occurs, we are consumed by them.

Sometimes I think just having dogs would have been easier on my ticker, but then I know what I would be missing. And it is wonderful. Sure we gain weight, get stretch marks, swear to never sleep with our spouses again for fear of this happening again, cuz the pain is so bad. But in the long run, we are blessed.

My beautiful Meg Ryan spawn is fine. The doctor was a bit concered at first because her heart mumur is a bit louder than she would like to here. But after the echocardiogram she said that her heart is perfectly fine and that the pains she is feeling is not her heart, well she said 99.99% sure. And she said her heart murmur is probably so loud because she is so tall and thin. But that she is way too healthy to ever need to come back and see her.

So all your prayers were well worth it and I thank you...Thank you...

***********************
On they way home The Husband went down a one way street..for a brief moment. I saw my life flash before my eyes. But alas, a crisis ws diverted. This state has so many one way streets, another reason I hate this state.

**********
My favorite show started last night...American Idol...All is right with the world..

Happy Hump Day

Toodles

Why I am big fat loser

So by request of suzie I took a picture of under my sofa cushion....Let me start by saying, this does in by no means reflect what my house looks like, at least I hope to God not..

I will identify some objects I noted in the midst of the mess...I see a pair of socks, a plastic bag a newspaper came in, a sippy cup in the back left corner, and a little tiny Dora doll in the back their in the middle, note her pink shirt and blue shorts....

Yes, this would make you think I am a slob, which may not be far from the truth....And the really sad thing is....After I took the cushions off to snap this Kodak moment, I did not clean it out, rather I just put the cousins back on..

I will now show you another photo of why I am a big fat loser.....I took the lights and ornaments off my tree on New years day, but we have negected to do the " actual removal of the dead tree from my dwelling"
















See, aint I a pathetic excuse for a mortal being? Yes I thought so.

*******************
In a few short hours we will be taking Meg Ryan spawn to the pediatric cardiologist..So please hold a good thought for her..I will update you Wednesday.....And please excuse my absence if I can not reply to your comments..I am NOT ignoring you..You know where I am:)
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Meltdown spawn got grounded Monday. He is grounded for 3 days to his room. This may seem like torture for a young lad, but he was getting a bit out of hand with his out in public behavior, so I put my foot down.

After a few hours I hear him fidgeting in the bathroom, I ask him what he was doing and he told me to come in there...

The boy cleaned the bathroom.

So I told him that since he did such a good job with that, that maybe he should think about cleaning his room as he has 3 whole days to sit in there, and he might as well sit in a clean room afterall.

After an hour he calls me in there.

The room is clean, even under the bed.

I tell him he did a good job.

ME: " ok, this looks good, I am proud of you, but your still grounded"

HIM: " dang it, why cant we all get along? It is Martin Luther King day for petes sake"

yea, nice try son

Toodles

A tags and spawns

I was tagged by Hizzle for this one.

Name 5 weird habits you have, or something like that..

1. To unload my dishwasher I need to stand on the right side, to load it I need to stand on the left ? Why..dunno

2. I must brush my teeth before I head downstairs in the morning. One of the spawns could be bleeding or screaming in pain, but I must have my teeth clean before I do anything..

3. When I make meatloaf and mashed potatoes I must mix it all together before I can eat it..And it must be doused with ketchup or it is a no go all the way.

4.When I get dressed in the morning I must put my bra on first. Then my socks...Then my undies....And if I find myself doing it out of order, I will start all over..Then I must wear shoes..I can not stand not wearing shoes, even if I am going nowhere.

5. I must where my sunglasses at all times out of doors, even if the sun isn't out. Even when the sun starts setting....I sometimes think I am part vampire....

I wont tag anyone...If you want to do it DO IT...If you do...Tell me, so I can see it..

**************************************

I know last week was lurker week. I forgot about it..So I want to make it known today that if you read my site and never leave a comment..Just please for the love of GOD do it today..Show me the love for once...

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Meg Ryan spawn is sick. Toddler spawn is pretending to be sick. I am so tired of all the drama here. I made Meg Ryan spawn a bed on the couch, and got her all set up. Then I look over and see Toddler spawn crawling up on the other couch wanting me to fix her up too. She says

" momma, juice and I wanna seep. Seep here"

"Ohh, momma..( in the most pathetic voice there is) momma, seep"

Then I fed my girls apple crisp and ice cream for dinner.

yes I am a good mother. I know that.

Its called getting dairy and fruits...Back off..

Toodles

coolchic, i just tried linking you to tell you thank you for showing me how to link, now the dang thing isnt doing it..damn it...your not a bad teacher, I am a bad student..I swear

ok, hizzles link dont work either. screw it

Why I need a hobby

First I want to thank you all for kind words of prayer on my last post...It means a great deal to me...And I will keep you updated..

***********

When I grow old and my kids put me in a home and do not visit, but on birthdays and even holiday's..I know why....This is what I did to them today.......

my little future street walkers..






























































and the pimp daddy


















and the whole gaggle of them..



















so this is what I have done with my Saturday...... How bout you?

meltdown spawn says

" there just isn't something right about this mom"


Got me there son..

Toodles

I am going to go crawl in hole...See ya later

In the midst of my mid life crisis this was bound to happen. You recall me telling you about Meg Ryan spawn and her chest pains. Her EKG, her blood work and her chest x-ray all came back good. And she has not complained about it since, until today that is. I am one of those paranoid mom's. I hate it, but that is the way I am.

I took her to the Dr. Just to be on the safe side. The Doc told me that he was sure it was nothing, and not to worry about. He listened to her chest and says
" hmm, I don't remember hearing a murmur last time"

WTF!!.....Now I am in a state of panic. And he says that murmurs will not cause chest pain, and that most young kids have murmurs and he is sure it is nothing.

So Tuesday my baby is going to see a pediatric Cardiolgist and having an echocardiogram.

She will be 6 years old in a few weeks....And now I am worried sick. Why is it in the cards for me to go gray before I am 40? I think I need to do a list like the guy on the show " My name is Earl"

It must be my bad karma. I need a drink....Maybe 3 or 50.....

Here is my little Meg Ryan spawn, please say a little prayer for her...Or big prayer...Thank you..



















































































aint she cute..........Well to me she is anyway.....

Have a good a weekend....Not sure when I will be back..

Toodles

Boy, it musta been a party

I hate posting twice in one day, but this was too good to pass up

On my answering machine this morning after I got out of the shower

" Momma has a bad hang over, I am turning the phone off and I will call you when I get up"

yes my mother refers to herself as "momma"

Guess her and that man friend of hers had a hellofa smashing good time on her birthday..

I am totally missing something. I never go out. This is my problem.

anyone wanna go out with me tonight?

Yup, I am an old maid....

I think I have began to re-think the baby thing. Just because I have ovaries does not mean I have to take full advantage of them. I have 3 spawns who cause me grief and happiness all at the same time. Why mess with a good thing right? Plus, I am on my way to pre-kid weight, and I can not blow it now. Plus, I have some news....

Remember how I have mentioned that my dad is getting married in November? To a much younger gal...Who is younger than I.....I love her though, she is wonderful...But yesterday, she asked me to be the Matron of Honor in the wedding. I was shocked. I was pleasantly shocked. I mean she has an older sister (whom I graduated high school with, I mean same class, same year..All that jazz)..SO I assumed her sister would be her Matron of Honor..But nope..Its gonna be yours truly.

I wont tell her that the last time I was a matron of honor it ended in divorce....

So crap, do I need to prepare a speech?...Man I don't remember what the duties are. Being we aren't in the same state, I can not do all of the duties I should. But I am looking forward it. I only hope I do not make a horses ass out of myself, like tripping with my heels, passing out, or getting so sloshed I am not sure what way is home....

now I need to do double time, I can not have my girls flopping outta my dress...I may get all wild and crazy and then all of a sudden " whoppsie ,my girls are greeting everyone" I so wish I could get a boob job. Nothing I do seems to take the swelling that 3 kids gave me in that upper body area. another good reason not to have a 4th....They only get bigger with each kid...

Alas, as I am on my way to becoming a female body builder, I am hoping they will come into their own...Steroids shrink that stuff right, I mean they say they shrink a mans man hood right?...Yes, this gives me something to ponder....

My luck I will end up looking like I have just had my sex change operation....This will not look good in the wedding photos...My dad would not be pleased....

Toodles

Eat your heart out suzie

ok I was tagged by Suzie to show the contents of my purse. So here it is...

I don't have much, I know....Please hold all laughter...Thank you..















I will now ID the things you see scattered amongst my table..

My big wallet, and yes it fits in my purse, barely
about 100 bucks worth of coinage..Yes it was all laying in the bottom.
My Ipod, I put it there sometimes to hide from Toddler spawn
2 lipsticks, and one lipgloss
a cap to a lipgloss I have since lost
some chewing gum...And I don't even chew gum
some receipts and trash
My sun glasses
My keys
A wadded up dollar
and my hair clip

think that sums it all up.......

I am now going to tag, I normally don't tag, but I am nosy and want to see..

Melis
Shangie...( and yes both of you:)
Mandi ( put your new camera to use..haha)
and
Coolchic

cant wait to see......

Toodles

My 15 year plan, and a getting to know Christina tid bit

I saw this on another blog and I thought it was something I wanted to steal, but heaven forgive me , I don't remember who I stole it from....My apologies to you and yours..

25 years ago I was: well I was 5 and in kindergarten. What much else can I say, I don't remember what I did yesterday, so this is all I can say..

20 years ago: well I was 10, and I was probably in the 5th grade. That was a really bad year for me..I am not going to get into it...But it was a bad year..nuf said..

15 years ago: I was 15 years old and being a slutty teenager..And doing odd jobs around my house for gas money so I could use the car...at 15 you have to drive with a parent..But hell I didn't care..

10 years ago: I was coming up on my first wedding annivesary. Thinking about maybe getting knocked up...But afraid of getting fat...Now we all know where that lead..I got fat and I have 3 spawns..

5 years ago: Meg Ryan spawn was coming up on her first birthday. I was working and going to school. Thinking about getting my tubes tied...Again we know where that went...

3 years ago: I was just finding out I was knocked up with Toddler spawn and being sick as a freaking dog.....Wishing I had had my tubes tied 2 years prior..

1 year ago: Lets see...We were just getting settled into our new life here in the crappy state of Minn-ee-soda.....And I was experencing the coldest winter that my dear , fragile body had ever seen..Brutal.. Just plain brutal...Never before had my flesh had -50 degree air blowing on it..And it was a living nightmare.

this year: well it has only begun..I will be 31 in May, and life so far this year has been good...But it is only 12 days into it....

There that's it..Now what did we learn boys and girls?
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Ok I thought I would give you a taste of Christina's 15 year plan. I want to be a female body builder, and finish school. I have been thinking long and hard..In 3 years my baby will be in kindergarten and there will be no reason for me to lay stagnant here at home. I am confused about what I shall do, I have been thinking of a number of paths to travel on.

I would like to be able to get a good enough job where we wont need to worry about money when The Husband's 15 year plan starts falling into place. I have only 2 years to go till I would be done with school...But I am not sure what the job market is for a " microbiologist"..This is what I was going to school for...And don't call me a nerd please. I know things that would keep you up at night.

Ok I thought I would share one more product I am actually happy with...It is "Quench, by Oil Of Olay...I swear if you have winter dry skin...This is like a miracle cream. It wont firm your thighs..But it makes them soft and silky to touch. I just wanted to pass it along, cause I am cool like that.

Oh today is my moms birthday, she is 48....She will be dead soon. That is old.

i need acid in my eyes..someone please...i have been thinking about having another baby...i need to stop watching A Baby story..curse you TLC....

Toodles

Things that get my panties in a bind , and I don't mean a wedgie

Some things have just been irritating me as of late. So I feel maybe if I write it down, it will all go away..

First up, why does snow have to be so cold and wet? Why do we need winter anyway? OK next up..Where the heck are all my plastic dishes. I have a pluther of assorted dishes for the spawns, all matching plates, cups, silverware, bowls..I have Spiderman, shrek, Strawberry shortcake, scooby doo...The list goes on..But I can not find but one or two of my dishes. Is there a little plastic dish fairy out there stealing crap out of my dishwasher?..Just wondering.

Next up is why do I have weird dreams when I try and nap during the day? I will lay nicely on my sofa while Toddler spawn is sleeping. I turn on my soap and start watching it, and slowly drift off to sleep...I then find myself dreaming that I am in the soap itself..I need to start turning the volume down I guess..

I am tired of products not living up to what the say they offer....But I have found something really good...For those of you who like this kind of thing, Downy has the best smelling fabric softner, it is called Simple Pleasures, and it is indeed:)

Ok, next is word verification on blogs...I have grown to hate this...I have not had mine turned on for months....And have only had a few spammers.....It almost makes me hate commenting..It is way too much work anymore...Think about it, that's all I am saying:)

next on my crap list for the day is people who think if you don't believe their exact beliefs that you are not Christian. That's crap..Im just sayin..Those people are judgmental and get on my nerves..Im just sayin again...

Ok, moving on ,reruns....Why do we need them..If you have seen it once, that's plenty.

Next, are phones...Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a big phone talker. I would rather have acid poured in my eyes than talk on the phone..I get this from my dad I think..cuz my granny and sister were born with the receiver attached to their ears..Not to say that I don't enjoy talking with my friends and family, cuz I do....I just wish we could do it telepathically that's all..

I also want to bring up people who get in line at the store in the express lane with 40 items..When the sign clearly says 10 items or less..Maybe these people cant read and or count..dunno..

Why aren't there any good sitcoms on anymore..Although I will recommend 2 that I find are little Gems..." My name is Earl" and " The Office"....Truly very inventive and different shows...Very funny...Oh and I found a new drama you might wanna catch ..It is called " The book of Daniel" it is on NBC on Friday nights...ok sorry I don't know where I went off course...Moving on..

I will leave you with one last pisser off-er.....Why does deoderant not last sometimes..I swear I will put it on in the morning and some days by noon I have sweat dripping down my arm..Why is this?

Ok this is all I have for today...I will leave you now....

Toodles