Two steps Behind

I had to take Boo to the office of Doctors. She needed a physical for pre-school and because I really suck ass at this mom business, she needed four shots...because she was not up to date....she was very pissed off.

Whilst at the office, I was just sort of looking about the room. I notice on the table, the table I had to lay damn near jack ass naked on last time I was there....It said two things that struck me as ONE terrifying...and B...icky.

On one side of the bottom of the table it said..

Vag Spec..

now does that mean vagina's that are special...or does it mean there are specs of vagina's in there...OR Vag Spec a new type of diabetic needle they store at the bottom of the table..

On the opposite side it said this..

analscope


holyshitno.

my first thought was..

holy shit, I could come to the docs, without suspecting a thing and then BAM they want to do an anal scope.

I then thought of ways I could open the drawer and damage all the analscopes so no one had to receive one.

Then I thought of a few people I wouldn't mind knowing were getting anal scopes.

I will never go to the doctor complaining of ass pain, I know that for certain.

For any of you whom have had the misfortune of meeting my kids...you will have picked up on the fact that Boo cant talk right.

She well...s-s-s-s-s-s-s-tudders.

The doc told me she needs speech therapy PRONTO..

I said..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-k

She said she stammers and she studders.

what the hell is stammer?

Told u guys she would be riding the short bus.

~

I want to talk to you a minute about Berber carpeting.

It sucks.

My house has it in the basement, and in my main floor living room.

It was here when we bought the house, so I did not purchase it on my own free will.

Now it may look nice, but when they tell you its stain resistant, it is not.

I swear it collects anything that lands on your floor.

If you squish a spider, the guts of the inside of said spider will remain on your Berber carpeting until the day you die.

I swear, spilling water onto you carpeting stains it.

To the asslickers who make Berber carpeting...

your stupid.

I am going to be pulling out my carpeting and laying down something new.

I was thinking of football turf or sod.

I do love to mow...it would give me something to do in the winter...

If I were to get turf, well....that would be even better..no mowing needed..

when ever the white chalk lines wore off, I would simply re chalk it..that would give me something to do..


I like chalk..I like the color green, and I like bringing the outdoors in.

That's why Blondie has a pet frog..living in my house..


Don't ask.