Rise and gather round, rock this place to the ground

I have mentioned a many a time how I have managed to birth three of the most retarded kids..I mean that with great love and affection BTW..

But Saturday night I did something so stupid that it tops anything the kids could do..

Ya see, I have this stuff here..

I bought it about a week ago, it was on sale and I fancy the Oil of Olay shit, so sue me.

I have to do everything I can to help fight age, as I am 32 years old, and I am a sun worshiper...

So I throw it in my cart and go about my merry way.

Fast forward to Saturday, I am getting out of the bathtub, in preparation for my night on the town...

I get out and I dry off..I need lotion..where the hell is my lotion?

I find the trusty Oil of Olay shit I bought a few nights before..I squeeze it and rub it vigorously onto my freshly shaven legs..

The shit wont rub in?

I am thinking that this must be some pretty damn good lotion because it is taking a while to rub in all the way..

After about a minute or so of trying to rub this in, I look at the bottle and its fucking Body Wash.

I was trying to rub body wash into my nice dry skin..

I swear to God I thought I was purchasing lotion.

sonofabitch.

Since I am talking about products, I thought it has been a LONG while since I gave u updates on stuff I buy that sucks..

I have one for you now...ready..

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Now let me give you a little background on me and tooth care products in general.

I am fussy when it comes to tooth brushes, mouth wash and toothpaste.

You come here and ask anyone of my three retarded kids, they will tell you I make them brush their teeth at LEAST twice before they leave for school, then I go in and re-do it for them..

Its insane, I know..BUT, they have NEVER had a single cavity..at ages 10,7 and 4, I say that's pretty fucking good.

And I have not had a cavity since I was 11, and the only reason I have the ones I do, is because I had braces and it hurt like a bitch to brush hard in the back ..I have a sensitive mouth or a low tolerance of pain..whatever.

So getting back to my story, I buy this along with a new brush..I by myself new brushes about every 6 weeks..I hate using the same tooth brush any longer then that.

I see Crest Pro Health and think to myself,

self, this looks like good shit..LOOK, it helps prevents germs,cavities, whitens and it helps sensitive teeth..all in one...this is like the mother load.

SO I get the cinnamon flavored one, because I admit it, I do fancy the cinnamon toothpaste. So shoot me.

So that night I am so excited to use not only my new brush, but my new paste.

I gob it on, because I am a gobber..

I start brushing..

Then it hit me.

This shit taste like sand with a rancid cinnamon stick crumbled inside it.

If you can get past the taste, then you have to deal with the aroma.

I don't know, I have never ever ran across a toothpaste that tasted bad. ever.

So, if your browsing thru the toothpaste aisle of your local establishment don't buy it.

It taste like horse manure. With a touch of sand and rancid Cinnamon sticks, because I am sure the sticks must be in it, mearly because of the constancy of the whole paste.

Its thick, its crunchy..

It sorta looks like that Saint Ives Apricot Face scrub.

Only I bet that taste better.