Bicycle Race

If I have told my kids once, I have told them a million times. Put your bike in the garage at night, cause holy shit, criminals steal that shit and sell it on EBay.

Well, the kids listen to me better then Ole Shaky cause last night someone stole his wheels.

This is a bike he bought at a yard sale about 2 years ago..Its ugly as shit, but he loved it.

He wakes me up at the crack of dawn...ok, it was like 6:45am to tell me his trike was missing.

"did u have it in the garage?"

"nope"

"dumb shit"

Funny thing about this whole fiasco, is this morning whilst driving my van to get new brakes, I saw the local homeless guy driving around on my mans wheels.

I nearly had urine leak out from my underwear and down my leg.

Why is that funny to me?

Because I am a fucking retard, that's why.

~

I went to the local shithole, i mean diner for breakfast. Its me, Boo and my mother. My mother and I both have diet cokes. After a while she comes and asks if we need more soda, to which I say "fill me little lady"

She takes both or glasses, and brings them back.

My issue with this is...how the sam bloody hell do I know if that's my cup or my moms cup?

I normally chew on my straw in case such occasions arise, but I had not done it yet that morning. I had no idea whose was whose.

My twisted up mind has some sort of deep seeded unrational , completely ignorant issue with drinking someone else's shit. I cant do it.

So I sit and eat, I am thirsty....I am starting to see mirages of tall glasses of diet coke, with chewed straws...Thank God, because I am dying of thirst here.

I know how people trapped in the dessert feel. Those mirages of water and soda's are just plain brutal.

~
Oh, and guess what today is.....

My dogs birthday..

On this day Sept 11, 2004..my shit face of a pup was born.

She is virtually useless.

Now that she is a senior citizen, I think its time to admit her to a nursing home.

She still likes to piddle on my Berber carpet, to which it is nearly impossible to get stains out that...because holy shit, that carpet was made by some sort of hate crime group who is only out to see people buy this shit, then spill water on it..and be totally hosed.

Just to be nice, I will let her shit and piddle on my floor, and today, I wont kick her.