Here I go again

Things happen. Hell some may say shit happens , I am cool with all that. I except that for what it is. I have been around long enough to know this. But do I like it? Not really. But it is a cold hard factiod. Consider this my tip for the day...shit happens

I was bored Saturday night I went for a walk in the dark. I got lost. Who the hell does that? It did not take me long to find my way back, but for a brief moment I was lost. For a brief moment I had no visitors at my house, hell I did not even know where my house was. I liked it. Too much.

Then when I did make my way home, no one had even noticed I was gone for a very long time. Bastards.

I went up to my room and started surfing the internet from the confines of my bed. I do that every night. Sad yes. I went and browsed thru Myspace.com. It has come to my understanding that the only ones on there are people looking for a weird sexual encounter with people/animals or stay at home moms looking for a place to meet people. I am neither, so what the hell am I doing there? I went thru everyone who has signed that went to my old high school. There are many, which is shocking to me. I don't remember most of them, but I cant see why anyone would lie and say they went to my school if they did not. So I wasted time doing that. I can waste time doing many things trust me.

So after this gut wretching experience of having company for more then a few minutes I have devised a list of rules. These rules will apply to anyone coming to my hive for more then say....5 minutes....Feel free to copy these. I am doing this as a free service. From me to you....Because I love each and everyone of you that damn much.

Rules

1. Bring your own food. Bossy hates cooking for the people who live here, and it makes her mad to cook for anyone else....Because she is a bitch that way.

2. Either bring your own paper plates or do your own dishes..Self explanatory I think.

3.Dont bring sweets, or anything fried into my house....Unless you want me to kick your ass.

4.dont sit and make small talk with me, Bossy hates talking.

5. Don't ask me how I am doing on my diet. For Gods sake I am not on a diet. And if your so worried about it, don't bring donuts in here.

6. When you see I am cleaning, and I have the TV off, and my radio blaring..Please for the love of all that is holy DO NOT plop down on my sofa, turn my TV on ESPN and eat a bag of Heath bars. It makes me mad. Very mad. I hate getting mad.

7. Don't make my kids cry. I am the only one with the ability or right to do so.

8. When I am busy doing up dishes, and cleaning up after everyone, its ok to leave me alone. But when I tell Mr Shaky to change the trash, dear God don't ask him if you can help him with anything.

9. And this is the most important rule of all. When you are out with my kids, under no cirumstances DO NOT call and ask if I want you to bring me back anything from Dairy Queen. Because hell yes I do, but if you bring it back I will break your damn fingers....


So these are some ground rules. This is just my rough copy. I am still working out the kinks.

I had to excerise great caution over the last few days, as these people brought the following items into my home.

Donuts
cupcakes filled with jelly
assorted bags of Halloween candy
peas
Red Meat
whole milk
real whipped cream
pudding

I did not eat any of said items, but everytime I walked by I wanted to shoot someone.

Everyone is lucky I do not own a gun or sling shot.


I need to send my Boo Bee to a reform school for babies.

Friday when my mom and I were out shopping, we got a muffin at a nice bakery. As I was biting into it in the car, I blurted out

" man, this is damn good."

Boo Bee.." Momma is dat damn good?"

Then Sunday when we were all out in the backyard..It was 85 degrees, lovely day..

My Boo was asking her grandpa to chase her. He told her not right now he would in a minute. She said

" chase me damnit."

That girl needs a good tongue lashing.

Or maybe I do....But I am pleading the damn 5th. I can do that, it is my right.

My poor dad is having some surgery today. Hope the doc dont kill him..

Bee Real