In my professional opinion, kids are stupid. Granted some are more stupid then others, I realize this. But on some level they are all utter morons.
Now my Bees are no exception. Mine are mentally challenged. VERY challanged.
But today I witnessed something with my own moral eyes. Ya see, I was called into work last night because we had 8 juveniles to book and release. So I did all the booking and releasing my my co-workers did the other jobs that had to be going on. Now I ran into some stupid kids. Ranging in ages from 14-16.
When I was about to fingerprint 2 of them, I had asked them when was the last time they had washed their hands. our machine works better with clean hands...2 of the 8 kids had no idea when the last time they washed their hand was, but they knew it had not been in the last 24 hours. And this was at 7pm.
All these kids smelled of cow crap and body odor.
Secondly, not one of these kids knew their right from their left. Now my littlest Bee whom is 3, can sometimes tell what is her right hand, the other two know for sure. Because they are not that retarded.
So I had to keep telling them what was their left and right hands. If you don't know your right from your left, don't get in trouble with the law, cuz when your brought in for processing and you don't know the difference, it makes you look even more assnine.
~
I put cute lil Dora undies on Boo yesterday. I would ask her all the time if she had to piddle. She kept telling me no.
Even thru her nap she did not pee.
Well about 6pm CST it happened..according to Mr shaky...She let the flood gates open ON MY SOFA. The flow was so big it nearly drown them all.
~
Ok, I have done some thinking about my friends application. I figured why bother. I highly doubt any of you are serious about it. Your sitting at home laughing at me.
look at this damn loser, she is 31 and has no friends, I will tell her I will be her friend so she don't jump off a roof or stab herself in the eye...
Well I don't want your pity. No thank you. I will remain friendless. I will remain a hermit of my own hive.
I hope you all can sleep at night knowing what a tortured soul I am.
And I am this close to getting a kitten. Not sure how a kitten handles liquor, but I am about to find out.
I need a drinking buddy.
Someone, anyone, don't let me get a kitten....
~
By the way, I am ready to take Handy Mannys hammer and bash his face in. Now I hate to resort to violence of any kind...ok that is not true...
And that damn Blue wiggle was back again last night. I told him it was over, he wept. I told him he needs to cut the sideburns, get some "just for men" hair color, and drink some coffee so his teeth aren't so damn white..Then we can talk.
~
I have decided I am going to train for my first marathon. I am giving myself a year to prepare and train. I am about more then 150% sure I will die of a heart attack before, durring or after said event. But I am gonna do it. I will more then likey blow out a knee, sprain one or both ankels, or break something....Probably get bit by a dog or catch a stray bullet while running amuck in the city...
But dont feel sorry for me and be my friend....
Have a good weekend. As always here are my rules for you.
don't drink and drive
don't highjack any cars/trucks/vans
don't kick any puppies
don't let your spouse control the remote
Keep your clothes on unless your showering or mating
And as always, don't free base on the courthouse grounds.
Bee Real
Posts
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46 comments:
ok first about the rules
surely when you wrote them you knew I couldn't abide by the next 2 last 1.
No kittens, ever under any circumstances.
When you first said friend I didn't know if I could measure up but the drinkin budyy, now there ya go with something that I can not only simply participate in but will actually excel at.
I prolly get the drinkin buddy of the year award. I'm always there as a DB
I mean anytime, anywhere.
Merle Haggard ( he is a country music singer) sang Drink Up and Be somebody
I took him up on it.
Hmmmmmmmm
I don't think I ever got hammered witha preachers wife!
Damn
sounds like fun!
ole Always there for a drink J
ER sucks of late?
Is that the 'mergency room?
I couldn't work where you work. It would depress the hell outta me knowing there's actually people out there that are like that.
I said it before and I'll say it again, friends suck. Get a kitty.
cracker,
well I need a good DB...get ur arse over here STAT.
dont u watch ER?.....what r u watching there in your tidy whites while drinkin your crown and DC?
Denise,
amen...mr shaky tells me if i get anohter cat i have to clena the litter box..that is my hold up..
well most days it can be entertaining...trust me:)
You sooooooooooooo know better than them TW's
if you dont you oughta
nah I aint never watched ER
I watch mostly news or sports
but nooooooooo I don't watch sports center in the AM at your house.
I like watching poker too!
Thats good action.
Or any Clint eastwood flick.
anddddddddddd
Im on the way for the DB interview.
js
Cracker,
no need to fill out application for DB.
oh right now I am watching The Daily Show with John Stewart. I dont watch sports...so if we go out drinking, it cant be a sports bar..got it!
Lets see where to begin....
first off I am all for the kitty. I have two and I love both my boys.. They are declawed though and I make the kids clean out the liter box...hehehe.. Kids need chores to teach them how to not be a criminal...LOL
Second I could really be a good friend.. I am a sucker and I can get talked into just about anything. Plus I would always make the best treats.. It would just kill your diet to all hell!! But the online friends now those are the best. If you dont want to deal with any of them you turn off your computer.. Besides that I love you attitude.. Remind me of my sisters.. I have bunches of them too, but you remind me most of my sister that is a like a biker.. You are too cool!!
Ok this comment is probably too long but here goes.. It really remarkable what kind of people out there have kids and dont give to figs about them to let them end up not knowing nothing.. Its really a sad world we live!!
Ok thats it from me tonite... Have a great Friday!!
well if you want to drink down home style and you have bad intentions then there would be no bar at all!!!!!!
When we get down on the farm there is a fire, music, and such.
you would be skeptical prior but by the end of the night youd move down............
j
Brandy,
you have a sister who is a biker? damn...well I am not much for bikes, but I do have tattos and a nose ring;)
about the treats, i like any kind of baked goods, as long as they contain no nuts.
and your right about online friends..but they cant go for drinks with you, or babysit your kids if u get arrested.
and cleaning the litter box here is mr shakys job..i clean the rabbit cage and take care of the dog and three kids, i say that is plenty:)
Cracker,
so what would be bad intentions?..
you have a farm?
BB ~ Watch out for the friends you make... all the ladies there no doubt swear that the reason they are in there... is BECAUSE of their friends! ~ jb///
well as usual i'm late for the party, but i'd like an application anyway. i've recently been de-wormed as well. if that helps any
LZ Blogger,
oh gosh, I dont wanna make friends with the glas in the jail, good God, they all have a hit out on me to begin with;)
Suzie,
its never too late for you to join the party..i just need proof of your de-worming and we are all set.
well when I said bad intentions I was refrencing your drinking, drink with bad intentions.
Get your mind outta the gutter.
Define farm?
I am the quintessential farm boy. I have surely punched far more cows in the ass than most!
And I plow a straighter row than most to.
She thinks my tractor is sexy! (kenny chesney)
js
I am more than happy to be a drinking buddy but we may have to drink together via netcams. I love kiitens though and it is awfully funny to watch them wobble about after you have given them alcohol. Oh I know my left from my right and if I forget my wedding ring is on my left hand to help me remember. So what were these 8 fine youth of America being booked for?
uuum ok I really did want to be yoru friend because I do not have many myself, BUT that BIG number of pages I was having to fill out kinda scared me off, sorry. Could you maybe shorten it a bit. Have a great weekend and it is still Oct 5th here in the west.
I've had a lot of laughs reading your blog but let me just say that this one alarmed me. It shook me to the core. To think that I am reading someone who would consider getting a cat.
Say goodbye the carpets. You'll need new ones shortly.
btw I know my right from my left.
Cracker,
you should know by now I dont get country song and or farm refernces..haha
karn,
robbery,theft and larsony..
opps i hit publish before i was done..
Just a mom,
well I think that scared most of my potentail frineds away...friends are just pains in the ass anyway..
yes I post my crap the night eofre..cuz i am weird like that:)
Cliff,
heavens to betsy, I already have a cat an she is 5 years old...where the hell have u been?...I thought I tried pawning her off on you when I die along with my dog..
Did ya show the juvies the thumb and forefinger trick to make the L and that one is their left?
Granted, this is assuming they know the letters of the alphabet.
Might I suggest a half marathon first? Or is it your hope that you will die training for the full so that you won't actually have to run it? 'Cause then I would go for the full.
You should start doing all the 5K and 10K runs to build up your t-shirt collection and get in shape to try a half marathon. Once you do the half and have the t-shirt to prove you ran the sucker, knock yourself out and go for the marathon. You're only young once. As you get older, you'll be able to go around whining like I do about your bad knees thanks to the years of running. Every once in awhile I have to run just to get around the other walkers. Fun to feel the wind in my hair!
Send me a dang application since I need a friend I can count on. We can fight over who gets to be Woody and who will be Buzz!
No advice on the kitty. We are missing ours that died several years ago. Don't ask me why. She had some serious kitty cat issues. Anyway, we saw the sweetest one a few months ago and the debate started then.
TKW,
well I do belive that Loser sign would be much to difficult for them to understand..
I plan to die..that is the overall goal.
Tammy,
well I have acctually ran a 5 and 10 K...it has been years, and years...
I mean Oprah is way more overweight then me, and she ran one a few years ago...I figure what the hell.
oh yes..I want to be Woddy. thats all there is to it.
Fine - I'll be Buzz. See, I'm a good friend. Of course, you are the skinnier of the two of us. You at least have the height to weigh more. Short people have no place to hide any extra pounds. I am not over weight. I am under tall.
Still think you should add to your t-shirt collection. People are impressed when they see you're a serious runner. Wait til they see the marathon t-shirt!
Forgot to mention my breakfast almost reappeared while reading about the lack of hand washing. Have a mentioned I'm a bit of a clean freak?!
Have a great weekend! Your antique friend will be off looking at more antiques and then it's off to play in a pumpkin patch. Life is good!
PS - I won't be wearing orange so no one tries to take a picture with the great pumpkin!
ewww they didn't know when they washed their hands or left from right must be the scholar school they are going to huh
Just tammy,
well I wore gloves to fingerprint, as I alwyas do, I HATE touching people, especailly thier hands, I am so big on handwashing that I have made a sign for my bathroom to remind people to wash them..now that is sad.
and if u have ever watched What not to Wear, they dont like poeple wearing t-shirts..they would get rid of all of them should I ever get on there...*hint hint*
Blueyes,
I know...isnt that the sickiest thing...
I think thought its not so much the school these kids go to, its thier parents..I saw some of them and oh my goondess..
Hmm... And I thought I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed! Some children don't get eduMaCatEd very well-----very sad though, huh? I think it goes with their environment.
But... No one can tell me----and I mean no one............to keep my clothes on! (Oh GAWD that would be scary!!!)
Love both the British and American versions of 'What Not to Wear.' Last Saturday we decided to go out for breakfast. While we were there, people started pouring in for breakfast having just completed the 5k. Guess they figured they had burned enough calories. I was happy they weren't sitting beside us since they probably hadn't popped home for a shower first!
Guess you want your bestest stranger friend to nominate you. I'll get right on it as soon as I update my look so I'm not one of those who looks way worse than the on being made over!
Love both the British and American versions of 'What Not to Wear.' Last Saturday we decided to go out for breakfast. While we were there, people started pouring in for breakfast having just completed the 5k. Guess they figured they had burned enough calories. I was happy they weren't sitting beside us since they probably hadn't popped home for a shower first!
Guess you want your bestest stranger friend to nominate you. I'll get right on it as soon as I update my look so I'm not one of those who looks way worse than the on being made over!
If I bring the tequila will ya do me a favor, and put an IV drip in me? I'm just too danged tired to lift it to my mouth.
Or I can just lie there with my mouth open and ya'll can pour it in.
Deb,
so are u unclothed right now?
u dont just walk around nekkd all day do you?....usaually I can not be persuaded into taking my clothes off:)
Tam,
I have never seen the british version..
yes nominate me, but of course that would mean you would acctually have to see what the ehll i look like and what I wear..so get movin on that mmmkay?
deni,
u got a deal sweety:)
Your couch is gonna smell as bad as those punk kids you processed.
When Courtney was in kindergarten, she peed her pants at school and didn't tell anyone. She was wearing black leggings and suede boots. When I picked her up from school, she told me first thing what had happened. She was too embarrassed to ask to call home, poor baby.
Well, I tried EVERYthing to clean those boots and get rid of the smell. I finally gave up and tossed them.
Old pee can smell very rank!
I am your blog buddy, but not your drinking buddy.
You need to get a cat for that, or a dog, or a hamster. A drunk hamster would probably be very funny.
Have a good weekend. Get to training! A marathon is a LONG run.
Can you say, Leg cramp??!!??!!!
Jamie,
well I have spent all day scrubbing that dang couch..I am gonna have to break out my carpet cleaner, put the upolstory attachment on it, and suck it out..
it does smell pretty bad..
I dont have any drinkin buddies, as i can not remeber the last time i acctually drank...I am pretty lame that way, acctually I hate the thought of wasting calories on it:)
leg cramps?..dang it.
You've got such a motor mouth I don't even know where to start. ROFL.
Ok - the kids not knowing when they last washed their hands - GROSS. I wash my hands so often they're completely chapped. It's bordering on OCD. Germs are gross.
That SUCKS about the couch accident. I hate when that type of thing happens to the furniture. :p I'm so glad I'm past potty training - but I have 2 elderly dogs and with my luck they'll live to 20 and have frequent bladder problems... SIGH.
Don't feel bad about not having friends. I don't either. A lot of young Moms are isolated. It just comes with the territory.
Good luck on the marathon training! I thought about doing that once... and then I thought about Dunkin Donuts and changed my mind :D
Okay. you talked me into it. But my limit is 2-3 drinks unless we're talking Baileys. Then everything is smiles and laughter. So, I will be a good de-stresser. Shall I call the Limo Company for you and Mr. Shaky? We'll round up some other Blog buds too! :)
Bossy - I had to go to the Sheriff's office this week for a background check for my job...anywho, the correctional facility was right there. I saw all of corrections officers dealing with thugs, and I thought of you. Bless your heart. Glad to know you are even adding that special touch by trying to teach the juvies their lefts from their rights. Obviously their parents couldn't/wouldn't do it.
I'll be your friend. You don't have to pay me anything. Just supply my drinks. :) Please, no kittens. They can turn into evil little things.
Oh, who is taking Blue Wiggle's place in your sex dreams? I'm just curious...
Oh yeah, about the marathon...you're my hero. I've always said I should try that sometime, I'm just too damn lazy to even figure out where to start.
Tee,
u mean u just noticed I have a motormouth?
and wait, did u call me young? did u say I am a young mom?..good God I love you:)
Michael Manning,
I am waiting:)
Blazer,
I cant belive they have the correction facitly within viewing area of the sheriffs dept..to get into ours you have to be buzzed in, thru 2 locked doors...plus all the servalcne camreas..dang..did u feel safe in there?
oh and there are no winodws eitgher which I hate..
I hope u passed your background check..hehe
I am lazy too..so we will see how it goes..haha
Jd Rose,
so true...
where the hell is that baby?
sister...you are a trip:)
Shangie
d,
i have a specail freind spot just for you....
ur my d:)
shelly.
u still love me dont you though?
;)
I enjoyed reading your post, had a few giggles to myself as I am trying to potty train my little one.. fun isnt it... NOT..LOL
Dang the rules. I had a puppy that I wanted to kick on the courthouse lawn, while I was free basing. On to Plan B.
Oh my. You're gonna do a marathon? You go girl - I can barely motivate myself to swim thrice weekly, so you have my respect!
Cxx
Kids aren't stupid - they are just dirty slobs!
Okay, some turn into morones with time, but that cannot be avoided - listen to Darwing! ;)
mmmmm, a marathon? Good luck! It seems we are BOTH NUTS!!
BTW...we used to have a Beagle that would drink beer. Would a dog do instead of a cat?
Hey girl! Sorry I've been so scarce lately! Those Juvies will need their own name plate on a cell soon I am sure. If one good thing can come out of it, maybe they will learn their left from their right! LOL.
Need another cat?? I have one I can bring ya...and I'll only stay 10 minutes ;)
PS...I thought I WAS your friend!! Are you replacing me???
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