Why I love my granny bird...

Today I called ole granny bird. I try to call her once a week if I don't hear from her. Today when we were conversing we got to talking about the Barbara Walters special with the most fascinating people of the year. Neither one of us watched the end so we did not know who the winner was.

She then proceeded to tell me that she purposely didn't watch it cause Tom Cruise was on it. And she can not stand him I guess..

Granny Bird: " I just don't get him, he isn't even that handsome"

Me: " I use to think he was cute until he turned into a creepy as$ mo-fo"

GB: " why on Earth he don't marry that girl that he got pregnant is beyond me, he just loves em and leaves them hanging"

Me: " leaves them hanging? He was married to that pasty girl for over 10 years"

GB: " He is nothing but A.....A...He is nothing but a shrimp, he is a little shrimp!"

GB: " And hopefully this marriage wont end up like that Kenny Chesney. I heard she says he was gay"

ME: " yes , I heard that too, she filed for an annulment, must mean they didn't do it"

GB: " well if he didn't feel like having sex with her, he should of tried some vitamin C pills or something"


I have no idea what the correlation between vitamin C and wanting to have sex is, but granny bird seems to think there is a link...And trust me..I did not go into why she thought this medical cocktail was going to help....If the guy is gay, I don't think a glass of OJ is gonna do the trick.

I have this friend named Tammy. She has been my "best friend" since about 1988. My granny bird would ask me all the time if Tammy had a boyfriend. And for years I would say.." Nope not yet"

Finally after about 10 years of diverting the question...I said " No, she is a Lesbian for Gods sake, she will never have a boyfriend"

" Oh, is that why she keeps her hair short?"


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Kissing spawn gets all pissed off today because I tell him to study for his vocabulary test and to put his dirty clothes down the laundry shoot. To which he replies

" So, can I sleep tonight?"

" um, I was kind of hoping you would, why do you ask?"

" well by the time I do all this stuff, it will definitely be too late to sleep, all your good at doing is wrecking my life"

" that's my job honey"

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ok, I know she is my honey, but Oprah kind of pissed me off...

I was watching her show yesterday and it was about Ethpoian women who get fustula during childbirth...( It is a hole that developes and causes bladder leaking and bad odor)

So instead of donating a few million dollars to fight the cause, she gives them all designer purses with 100 bucks in it, and new clothes....

hello Oprah, these poor women reek of urine, are kept locked in sheds and shunned by their husbands. Have no food to feed themselves or their families, and one in 14 dies during childbirth and have their first stillborn child by the age of 10.....I would definitely say they need a purse and a lipstick..Kudos Oprah..Job well done sweetie!!

our hello hotties today are

Harry Connick JR

and jenny McCarthy

have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend

Toodles