I will be the first to admit I'm a shitty mother. I mean have u seen my kids? I mean what mom lets the tots go to the beach when the sun is on vacation?
Today my 4 year old...pictured here..
She is the small one, and I'm pretty sure she will be a short bus rider, but thats beside the point..
She was getting a pencil from the pencil jar because her and her sister, pictured above in blue, were making blue prints for a tree house, that well, I'm not buildin..
Anyhoo...she grabbed said pencil and was running downstairs. Being a good mom I said, Hey Boo, don't run with that pencil.
she then informed me it was a pen..
I said..carry on then, carry on..
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Pale Girl and I went to have dinner with our rather "special friend" old man lover..she is the other one in the pics of us from yesterday's post.
Anyway, she has some issues..
We tell her where we are, she says she is on her way in. Ten minutes go by and she is nowhere to be seen.
A bit later she comes wandering in the backdoor because she couldn't find the front..
When we went to leave we saw she had parked nearly right in front of the door.
She brought her daughter who is 3 and her baby daddy other baby with her. Did I mention baby daddy is on the dark side?
So she has these two little girls in there, being all wild and such...The 6 year old girl, whom is not hers, was full of piss and vinegar.
She says to me..how old is you?
I'm like excuse me? No kid talks to me this way....
When my pal had to use the bathroom, this girl hid under the table to hide from her. She told me to tell her she was outside smoking?
WTF?
I was like, um I don't think so...
She said.."what, u don't think I can smoke, my daddy lets me all the time"
I wanted to die.
Then while making conversation I asked said girl how many siblings she had.
She looks puzzled, and shrugs her shoulders and says..." honey, I don't know, u acts my daddy"
I asked her what grade she was in, she informed me she was in Kindergarten..
for the second time..
cause she misses a lot of school I guess..
Pale girl and I decided that the wait we endured for her to get there, was well worth it..
ten fold..
But I did tell the friend that this girl needs to learn manners, cause well...when she started threatening people that she was going to..pop their hands..I knew we were dealing with a future me.
only more tan.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Parents just dont understand.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Open Arms


Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sticks and Stones
A couple days ago I was advised to read this so called article on MSN. The writer of said shit is a Sean Nelson.
Not sure how this dude got a job writing about music..and he seems like a total douche bag and must be a very insecure man and is overwhelmed with jealousy over music acts that have succeeded in time, where his crap band, Harvey Danger has virtually went no where...See I bet you have never even heard of it..
My point exactly.
His crap listed the ten bands/artist he feels should stop making music.
Let me tell you, he got some feathers ruffled..including mine.
These are some he listed..
Madonna..I cant disagree 100% on this one, she has not put anything decent out in 10 years at least.
The Rolling Stones...although I'm not a fan, I have heard they can still put on ONE hell of a show, and frankly, if u still got it, get paid 4 it.
Elton John...this one cuts me deep...If u know me, u know I think Elton is the single handedly the most talented bloak out there..His last couple CD's have been nothing short of excellent, I have seen Elton in concert a couple times, and he takes my breath away.
Bryan Adams..I love him. I will admit I have not heard new stuff, but I saw in him concert with Lepps a couple summers ago, and he still has it..who the hell doesn't love Summer of 69?...
The WHO..now those would be fightin words for my dad. He LOVES The Who..and I have heard their newer stuff and its pretty damn good.
Carly Simon...I have never been a fan, don't like her old stuff, don't like her new stuff..I don't care so much about this one.
Joni Mitchell...another one...this one I don't care much about, don't like old, never heard the new.
and one of the last one he mentions is...
Def Leppard...oh hell NO, is all I can say. When I read that, the first thought that came to my mind was..."this tool doesnt care if his nutsack gets bashed in." Their new CD is wonderful...and the live shows, well they are some of the best...
So you can see why my panties have been given me a wedgie ever since I read this piece of cow dung..
So I decided to compile my own list of people I think should maybe think about stop making tunes and or touring...
This is just public service announcement more then anything..
1. BLONDIE..
.the new stuff is very bad. Debra Harry's voice is plain scary now..lets just live in a world where Heart of Glass still kicks ass..
2.Poison/Bret Michaels
.....Do I even have to give a reason?..Poison has not put anything good out since Look What the Cat Dragged In back in 86..sorry, buts its true..and Bret, well him and his wig need to check out...
3.Bob Dylan..
.his voice was never good 30 years ago, and now, its just well...creepy.
4.Celine Dion....
.I mean, seriously..
5. New Kids on the Block.
..yup, the bad boys are back together and stronger then ever..no, wait...they are tools and should get good office jobs to support their tots, lets face it, they are not Hanging Tough anymore..
6.Shania Twain
...now that her husband left her, her music will suck, because lets face it, Mutt Lange can make anyone sound good..and when your hubs is your producer, and he is gone, your career is over..He wrote and produced ALL her hits..she is over. Period.
7.Motley Crue.
...I mean, holy toots....the new stuff is just plain, well...unstable
8.Mariah Carey.
....her stuff in the 90's was..."ok"...anything after is just plain un-listenable..
9.Neil Young...
.now if my dad were to catch wind I said this, he would take my allowance away for sure...He just saw him in concert not long ago, and said it was good..however, I saw him perform on a couple shows last few months, and well..its not happening..And I listened to his new CD whilst with my father and I hated it...when u have a song over ten minutes long, ur trying to over-compensate for something..
10.Kiss.
..I know I'm gonna get a back lash on this one...but frankly, after 1979, they have went in the shitter...Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the old stuff and even stuff up unto the 80's....but I have heard some concerts they have given in the last couple years and well....they lost it when they lost the make up...
Im gonna throw in a freebie here...and I say this one because I think they lost it long ago...and the lead singer is one arogant mother*ucker..and he rubs me in all sorts of wrong ways..
whitesnake...
I saw them in concert in 1987 with Great White...and they sucked so bad I swore I would not ever see them again..I know they were doing some touring over seas with Def Leppard, and I felt so bad for the fans who had to sit thur it last month..
so there ya go....this is my list of who I think should hang it up, and the reasons why.
Tell me if u agree or disagree, and also give someone you think should stop recording music..
Although I find it hard to say anyone should stop making music, because someone likes this shit they put out...just because it isn't me, doesn't me someone else isn't enjoying it..
So...What are your thoughts?
Rock on bitches...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Swinging good time
Some of you heathens have asked to see what the gardens look like, because well, your nosey..
So being the giver that I am, I will show you some things..
Its by no means the prettiest garden, but hell, like I said, no one is digging holes in my yard unless I'm burying a body.
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This is my pumpkins and such....
This would be The Boys lethal piece of footwear.....
This would be my Herb Garden....
and no, there is no wacky to -baccy...damn people..
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NOT Mary Jane.....its, well...hell if I know..
Monday, July 21, 2008
Gardening 105
This is what I will refer to as an advanced gardening class, because hell, I'm advanced that way in nearly everything...don't be a hater, its just true.
So we have three gardens...Garden one is just a pure herb garden....its got your Sage, your Dill, your Catnip..(dudes we have two cats, we aim to please), Oregano, and Basil among other plants I don't know what they are nor what they are used for and frankly, I don't give a poop..
Garden Two houses our Tomato's, beans, cucumbers and other various non carnivorous pieces of eatable shit...
Garden Three houses the big guns..
Watermelon and Pumpkins.
Now our gardens are raised gardens, because I will not allow the husband to dig up my yard...Only way we are digging shit in this yard is if I'm burying a body.
I have a huge yard, and I rather like it...So I try to keep the digging to a bare minimum.
Anyhoo, we have been having some issues with the neighborhood rabbits wanting to dine out at our garden. The bastards walk, I mean hop , right into the garden and just help themselves like they have a reservation or some shit.
I have been trying to come up with things short of killing them to keep them out.
Trust me, the thought of standing out there with a huge rock to smash them on the head with is a very tempting thought, but I do think it would set a bad example for the tots.
And they get enough bad examples of behavior from mom as it is...
One night as I was attempting to pick up my house, I smelled this rotten smell. Like something had actually decomposed in my house.
And hell, I did not want to have to dig a fuckin hole to bury it either...
My sniffer tried like hell to find the source of this Oder.
Low and behold it came from a shoe. A shoe my 11 year old son wears.
I thought to myself, self, u need to burn this.
Then I got the idea to set the smelly piece of footwear into said garden and hope that the smell would keep the rabbits out, as it sure as hell cleared out the humans.
I set that shoe in there a few weeks ago, and no rabbits have been back.
Maybe its because they heard I have buried a rabbit in my yard before, or maybe they really don't like their nibblets smelling like rotten ass.
Either way, they are gone..
I wont charge you for this gardening tip...take it and run with it..
God Speed my little green thumbs, God Speed.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
pour some water on me
Being the loser that I am I spend a lot of time watching VH-1 Classic and Nickelodeon..one not by choice..
ON both channels I have seen this ad...Every time I see this I think to myself.
self, holy shit
To me its pure amazement that anyone would buy this, And I'm certainly hoping non of you have, or this may take a bad turn for the both of us..
anyway...what I am referring to is this.
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If you have ever watched this ad, and listen to at great lengths like I have...you will find it utterly amazing.
Right in the ad it is stated that basically this is used when you aren't sure how to water a fuckin plant. It prevents over watering and well, under watering.
Now I think to myself.
self, what tool cant water a plant?
If you have trouble knowing how to water a plant, please for the love of God, don't have any plants.
Maybe have a little cactus, they don't need much water, or hell, get some dried flowers, your set there...just don't water them..
or get a hamster...
or buy a stuffed rabbit.
These ads get stupider and stupider. For years the Clapper use to make me giggle. But now adays when I'm laying in bed and too mother truckin lazy to turn the light off I think to myself
self, you shoulda bought a clapper instead of making fun of the tools that did
But I will be damned if I'm ever going to need an Aqua Globe. I'm not that big of a loser.
If you have trouble remember how to water a plant, or how much water to give a plant, or anything of the sort.
Dont.Buy.A.Damn.Plant.
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and for God sakes don't breed.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I cant go 4 that
One thing I hate about this time of year are the little fucktards that manage to get inside my dwelling. I have not had them for a couple years, and then I get back from my "vacation" and BAM the douche bags moved in.
I hate ants. Ants are meaningless little suckers just asking to be squished. And I deliver. I'm a pleaser.
I have this thing with my house being clean. I mean, a dirty house means, well, your gross and lazy.
I cant stand having dishes laying in the sink, I cant stand dirt of any kind on the floor and I cant stand clutter or things that smell bad.
That being said, I have an army of little ants that like to rummage thru the garbage as well as the sink and counter tops.
Now I'm a little killing machine. I see them I kill them on the spot. But when I kill one, 600 more show up.
I do not like using the sprays and shit because holy shit, I have tots and pets I cant just kill off.
So I just kill them on site. I'm more of a assassin then a serial killer. Being a serial killer takes patience and planning. Being an assassin, u just kill on the spot when u feel like it.
Your bored?...go to the yard and just start killing anything crawling you see....thats an assassin
Your bored? Call the Orkin man, make an appointment, have him spray shit that enables you to leave your home for hours so u don't die with the fleas and spiders. And one to two weeks later your house is bug free...For at least one month, then the whole planning process takes over again..
I don't have that kinda time, and I have the patience of a retarded monkey.
It takes planning..
Thats a serial killer.
Anyway....
I'm not proud about being a killer, but frankly I have no choice. Before I know it they will be sitting a place at dinner and complaining about the menu and the sleeping quarters.
On the plus side, one month from today and I go to Des Moines , Iowa for my Lepp show. This is a bad year for me, as my first show was postponed...I have NEVER gone a year with only seeing them once...
Well not in my adult years anyway.
But its not my fault they have a shitty tour manager. I would be all over that shit planning shows in decent places.
Who the hell wants to go to Iowa?
motherfucker not me.
But who the hell wants to go to Minnesota?
motherfucker not me.
Not 4 long though...not 4 long.
Anyway, before I go on a human assassin killing spree, I best be going.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gotta let it go....
While I was gone for this vacation the weather was shitty. it was never hot, and it rained more then half the days I was there.
I sit here at home and as I type this its a balmy 99 degrees outside. And I'm thinking, damn...all those hot days wasted. I mean when u go thru a winter that hits 50 below zero for weeks on end, you tend to bask in the days of 100 degree heat, because you know it wont be long before you need to start plugging your car in.
After my world travels over the last week, my restless ass syndrome is starting to dwindle down to just a discomfort in glutes....
Sitting and driving for hours and hours on end makes a girl extremely grumpy. And when you drive for hours and hours for nothing, it makes a girl homicidal.
In my travels I encountered many rest areas. Rest areas and I don't mix well, because I worry about sitting in other peoples cooties. And I have not had a case of the cooties since 5th grade, and I'm trying to keep it that way..
Sitting my restless ass where other restless asses sit, that I don't know, makes me nervous.
What if they have pimples on their bums and I am now sitting where the pimples rested. I think of these things...I swear I do.
I have learned over the years, to hover while I piss. Hovering takes some skill, some mad skills. But I have pretty much perfected it.
Then when you hit the shitters that smell like someone had a dead calf in their rectum...and then u cant go..I will get back in my van and travel 52 miles to the next rest stop.
Then when you walk in to a rest area, even at a restaurant or whatever, I can never use the first one I look at.
It can be the cleanest one in the place, but I will look in it, and pass the pot right by.
I normally go down to about the 4th or 5th stall. No reason, and there is no method to the madness...its just how I roll.
I think its something most of us chicks do, we always bypass the first pot we look at..
I'm not sure why...and I'm not sure if any of you know the answer. But its what we do.
Then after we are done hovering we always flush with our foot. I mean how can u touch that handle?
No bloody f-ing way.
So we teeter on one foot to flush the crapper, while we are trying to do our pants up.
We stumble out of the stall and head to the sink to wash up. Chances are the soap is out oh and the paper towels....so I tend to travel with my own supplies.
You can never be too prepared.
Try and take your tots to the rest area.
That never pans out well.
So from now on when we travel, all 5 of us are going to be wearing diapers.
If its good enough for the astronauts, its good enough for us.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Nine Lives
I am now just for shits and giggles of course going to give u a brief run down of the last month...
I get to Michigan and stay 90% of the time sitting in my grandpa's recliner and grandmas house. Want to know why? Because there wasn't shit to do.
I listen to my tots fight, I listen to granny tell me all sorts of things that now I have let slip from my solar powered thinking tank.
I seen some pals, now many and not for very long...
I go hang out with my brother in law and sister in law, we drink, I learn lots of interesting things....lots..I mean shit, they are nearly as cool as I am..so this was a plus.
I hang with my dad and step mother....we go golfing one night...we go to a golf dinner..we hang...my dads backs into my car...we go to the beach.
I spend time at my mother in laws, which makes me want to put numerous forks in my eyes...hot forks and even a butter knife or two.
I take my tots to the beach one day...and mind you, the whole time I'm there the weather is that of a cold October day...with rain and no fuckin sunshine.
After the tots frolic in the waves, I see this..
Appears we were swimming in a lil E-coli...so I'm sure we will all have bloody diarrhea till we die which could be any day now..
God Speed.
Here are the tots on the beach..
See how the hot sun is blazing down onto them?...see all the E-coli ravaging their tiny bodies?
damn sun was on vacation somewhere.
Lets see, what else...
I don't know,..oh here is one of me and Jill..(half Mexican momma)
I only saw her once, but it will have to do.
The days all started to blend together...I was unsure what month it was or the day and hell even the time.
My cell phone hardly worked at all...Which in turn made me very cranky. Kinda like a baby with bad gas.
Honestly what the hell is the point of a cell phone tower? I tell u I was right in front of one and the bitch still didn't work..
It worked in grandmas driveway, a couple park benches (depending what direction I faced) my dads sporadically, and other various restrooms and such..
Can u hear me now?
assholes.
There is my dad, my Boo and my step ma...
one big happy family...
Here we are on 4th of July..
So the very next day we leave for home. Which was nice..
Between Sunday and Thursday I drive thru Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota...then Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, BACK to Illinois, BACK to Iowa, and BACK to Minnesota..
motherfucker...
I have a roaring case of restless ass syndrome.
While in Waterloo Iowa, I am pa-rusing this mall cause frankly my ass hurts and I need to urinate and consume mass qaunties of food..
I'm driving in the parking lot trying to decide where to park, when low and behold I end up going down the wrong way on a one way street while oncoming traffic is heading right toward me.
Thank you sister...I hope your decision was well worth it...Hope the wandering pecker gives you many good years of STD's and love-less nights..
I get back home and NEED to order a Def Leppard ticket.
I mean after all that this bitch needs a vacation.
I was not going to go to Iowa for this show, I mean when I traveled outta state for a show in April, we all know how that panned out. But I just need something to look forward too.
The though of driving back to Iowa makes me have bloody dieharea all in itself..
But I go and order a 5 star ticket...which was a steal because normally they run about 350. And this one is only 185. How could I NOT do it?
So I will be seated in the first 8 rows..(which I normally am)...will mingle at a pre show party , have crowd free shopping and oh did I mention..I'm going ALONE.
motherfucker..
its ok though...I am going to meet up with some people I know from the bands forum.
No, it does not make me a loser, so stop saying it out loud because I can hear you.
Oh and the opening act is Everclear. Who the hell are they? I don't know...
And I don't wanna know...
I'm use to good acts like Journey, Styx, Foreigner, Bryan Adams, Joan Jett, Billy Idol.
EVERCLEAR?..holy toots say it aint so.
I will leave u with some pics of my Blondie climbing a rock wall, cause I know thats what y'all came here for.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Im drained
Im drained. Im tired beyond words...
Im somewhere in cornstalk country Iowa.
I of course drove all day Sunday and Monday to get back home from Michigan.
And you all know about the saga with my sister and how she cried for someone to come get her.
I mean while I was driving Tuesday to get her she called at least 12 times asking where we were and crying that she just wanted us to get here...and blah blah blah...
She called and asked when we would be there, she had her stuff packed and just wanted to leave ..
When we tell her that her and her wandering pecker of a husband need to somehow come up with some funds to help the trip as at that point I had spent around 250 bucks on gas a such already and I was not even half way there...
I drive from Minesotta to Indiana in one day , a total of 13.5 hours..
We get a hotel because im spent. Im tired. Im drained...
After we are all tucked into our beds my sister calls and tells us she is staying because wandering pecker was not wanting to have to fork out any money to help move his woman...I guess he thought our family should do it..
He tells us he does not love her, wants her gone, but is not willing to come up with money to get her out of there.
So I drove all that way....more then half way....
for fucking nothing.
Im am beyond pissed off...
So im here in Iowa, and will be home sometime Thursday...
from sunday-thursday I will have driven roughly 2100 miles..
All she kept saying was how she was glad we would come to get her, because everyone else wanted her to stay with him and work it out...even though he clearly does not want her..
I mean his wandering pecker proves that...
Now she is saying that they are Christain and will work it out, thats what Christians do.
Hell im a Christain and if my hubs had a wandering pecker, his ass would be gone..
PLUS....what Christain has a wandering pecker?...
besides Jimmy Baker?
oh and we found out today my moms sister is full of cancer...she is only in her mid 40's....so say a prayer 4 her please..
when i get back i will get back to my regular commenting and blogging..I will visit everyone by weeks end.
love u all..hugs and kisses..
and dont ask me to drive anywhere 4 about 20 years please.
oh scratch that, im coming back to Iowa next month for my VIP def leppard show..
but that doesnt count.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
headed to the east coast
ok, im leaving sunday morning for home...will be home monday...
tuesday morning im leaving for virgina beach to get my sister and her three kids because her husband has a wandering pecker...
I wont be back now till next sunday...
im sorry for this, trust me...im gonna forget all the stories i was going to share and charge addmission for and this sadenns me greatly...
I will need a vacation when i get back and a weekend of binge drinking..
oh and maybe some hot monkey sex too...
i mean its been a LONG time...
i mean damn...
ok im off again....
behave.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
things i dont know
i dont know how to make a meal. i dont know how to do laundry. i am unsure how to wash dishes....
now normally i thought i was quite a wiz as things of this sort, but staying at grandmas has made me realize i dont know fucking shit.
she has to watch over my laundry opening the dryer every 5 fucking minutes to tell me i have to many clothes in there.
god help me...i wanna put her in a home...at least while im there...
im leaving sunday....should be home monday...and holy shit does this woman have some stories for u...I should really charge admission for the kinda stuff I have.
here are some pics of me in case u forgot me already.
that is me and my good sister in law, we were binge drinking for a couple days, aint no biggie..
i know what yoour thinking, that aint the hubs...your right...its a guy I dated in school..ok this still sounds bad...he was my date for the beer tent I havent seen him since 11th grade...
this is just a gang of some pals....do u fancy the porta potties in the back ground?...cool beans huh?
dont be a hater...
and this is to prove I didnt kill the tots....thats my 30 yeear old step ma...
dont be hater...
see ya soon......
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Ohh poop
Im here...of course...
Im bored sick out of my ever loving mind...
I have been staying with my grandma mostly, and holy mother of God and all other things that are holy.....she keeps her tv volume at 50...and will creep the fucker up to 90 to hear shit..
I told her she needs to learn to read lips.
I can not take noise...I just cant..
Monday was my grandpas birthday...so I went searching high and low to find something to put on his grave...and I couldnt find shit...
so this has bothered be...
this town sucks ass.
Then I stay the night at my dads over last weekend and I have my nice mini van parked in his driveway...I am parked in a spot he normally backs into to turn around and pull out...
well...he got me a good one...right in the back end...
But what can ya do?
The Boy and Blondie are both with my brother in law and sister in law....I have tried calling them...but cant seem to get a hold of them to talk to them...
Oh...my phone wont work for shit here....
It works in my grandmas driveway...at the park...on a certain bench...
it works in one spot in walmart parking lot..um...
it works on bridehampton street...
fucking can u hear me now....damnitalltohell..
I am leaving wednesday to go stay with my other brother in law and sister in law...which is not far from where the kids are..down in the heart of Detroit ...
I will be back to homeland functions on Friday...
um what else....
oh Boo is on my tail 24/7....
Im about ready to leave her on a dirt road...
what else..........
I got nuttin I guess....
I am bored...someone come here to visit me.
Good day
happy mother truckin vacation
Monday, June 09, 2008
Vacation
Last night guess what?...Go ahead...
I seen the bastard on the ceiling. I have not yet to see him on the ceiling till now.
I kinda freaked...and then just kinda starred at it...then the bastard kinda just disappeared.
Faded into the air kinda like some cheap magic trick.
I am calling the orkin man and asking for 50 gallons of his toughest bastard killin spray...cause I have had it.
or I'm just crazy...
what do u think?
Hubs leaves next week for Mexico and wont be back till July...
SOOOOOO...
I'm leaving Sunday for the homeland. I will be staying at said state until around July 6th.
Any questions?
Good day...
and where sunscreen on all your special areas.
Oh and get on the donations...damn it people don't u care?
sonsabitches.
C-ya in July I guess...



