Gotta let it go....

While I was gone for this vacation the weather was shitty. it was never hot, and it rained more then half the days I was there.

I sit here at home and as I type this its a balmy 99 degrees outside. And I'm thinking, damn...all those hot days wasted. I mean when u go thru a winter that hits 50 below zero for weeks on end, you tend to bask in the days of 100 degree heat, because you know it wont be long before you need to start plugging your car in.




After my world travels over the last week, my restless ass syndrome is starting to dwindle down to just a discomfort in glutes....



Sitting and driving for hours and hours on end makes a girl extremely grumpy. And when you drive for hours and hours for nothing, it makes a girl homicidal.



In my travels I encountered many rest areas. Rest areas and I don't mix well, because I worry about sitting in other peoples cooties. And I have not had a case of the cooties since 5th grade, and I'm trying to keep it that way..



Sitting my restless ass where other restless asses sit, that I don't know, makes me nervous.



What if they have pimples on their bums and I am now sitting where the pimples rested. I think of these things...I swear I do.



I have learned over the years, to hover while I piss. Hovering takes some skill, some mad skills. But I have pretty much perfected it.



Then when you hit the shitters that smell like someone had a dead calf in their rectum...and then u cant go..I will get back in my van and travel 52 miles to the next rest stop.



Then when you walk in to a rest area, even at a restaurant or whatever, I can never use the first one I look at.



It can be the cleanest one in the place, but I will look in it, and pass the pot right by.



I normally go down to about the 4th or 5th stall. No reason, and there is no method to the madness...its just how I roll.



I think its something most of us chicks do, we always bypass the first pot we look at..



I'm not sure why...and I'm not sure if any of you know the answer. But its what we do.



Then after we are done hovering we always flush with our foot. I mean how can u touch that handle?



No bloody f-ing way.



So we teeter on one foot to flush the crapper, while we are trying to do our pants up.



We stumble out of the stall and head to the sink to wash up. Chances are the soap is out oh and the paper towels....so I tend to travel with my own supplies.



You can never be too prepared.



Try and take your tots to the rest area.



That never pans out well.



So from now on when we travel, all 5 of us are going to be wearing diapers.



If its good enough for the astronauts, its good enough for us.