still havent found what i am looking for

As I was taking a bath last night preparing for my Wednesday Karaoke night, I saw that beside my shitter, a little, ok medium sized, spider had made a home. I thought to myself, why do spiders pick the places they do to build a house?

Why would out of all the nooks and crannies of my abode, would u chose to lay your roots beside the john? What was the curb appeal? What did the realtor say to him to make him choose that location?

And as I am looking at him, he is just sitting there, looking like he is floating. I often think it would be very awesome to spin silk from my anus, make a web, and just lounge. It must be like laying in a hammock. I fancy laying in a hammock, and if I could spin one of of my buttocks, that would so rock.

I also was looking at this spider thinking, he has no bloody idea I could end his life in a matter of mear seconds. In a flash he would be gone, not even enough time to have his tiny little spider life flash before his eyes.

This morning I looked and he was still there. I messed with his web, hoping he would leave, but he just repaired it and continued to lay there.

Of course he is on the bottom of my shoe now...and there is a for sale sign on his water front property.

~

So last night at karaoke night I took The Boy. There is no school today and Friday for nearly the whole state as the teachers are remodeling the teachers lounge or some shit.

I took my first born to the bar. But mind you, it is smoke free now..and all kids have to be gone by 10pm, so it was not to traumatizing for him.

He played pool, kept eyeing the dart board..

I told him he can sit in a bar with some drunks, listen to his momma sing for him, but damnitall, you are not playing with darts, those are sharp and I do have my motherly standards for Christ sake.

After a while, the mic I was using to sing with smelled AWFUL. Have you ever smelled your tiny tots hands, and you knew they have had their hands in the crotch and or butt hole? And you tell them to go wash their hands STAT as there was likely ecoli and fecal matter all over their hands and now your mouth does cause you were playing and kissing all over them..

Well my mic smelled worse then that. I would hold the mic far away from my mouth and it was getting to the point where you couldn't even hear me anymore.

So me and my pal, well we left..I can not be singing on a mic that smells like rotten ass. Not cool.

I just hope I am not the one who made it smell that way.

No, I couldn't of.

I wont believe it.

Not a word of it.